


Spells and Handcuffs

by MmRjl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Sex Shop, Animagus, Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Book 7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Character Development, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Hogwarts, Jealousy, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, Love Triangles, Oral Sex, Past Relationship(s), Sexual Tension, Strong Female Characters, The Golden Trio Era (Harry Potter), Triwizard Tournament, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 44
Words: 112,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27634859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MmRjl/pseuds/MmRjl
Summary: It all starts when Ashling Black wakes up in bed next to a stranger. Her uncle Sirius Black is going to kill her if he finds out. Especially if he finds out that she wakes up in bed next to his best friend - Remus Lupin.And her biggest fear is a strange prophecy she has heard:One born without love,One save three - the ruthless, the reckless, and the mischievous.One will create two of love.One will die of love.This is a story - torn between love, sex, and prejudice. Immerse yourself in the magic of the Harry Potter world from a different perspective.„We are our favorite books, the songs stuck in our head, our thoughts, and desires. We are a thousand things but why everyone chooses to see a million things we are not. Life does not give us a choice of whom to love, it gives us a choice of how to love him/her. “
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 115
Kudos: 142





	1. Confusion

“That's not fair, uncle! You treat me like a child.“ I told him, walking angrily around the room, then I suddenly stopped and looked him in the eyes. “I'm an adult long before we even met. So, I think I can go wherever I want without your permission. I have a meeting with old friends from Drumstang who have come here for the Triwizard Tournament. We'll have a drink at Hogsmeade. _Nothing more, I promise._ I don't know when I will be able to see them again.”

“It is not very safe to wander alone in these times. You hear the rumors. You know what happened at the Quidditch World Cup. I worry about Harry all the time, do I have to worry about you too? “ My uncle said with the same tone as mine.

“Harry is fourteen and someone deliberately him in the Tournament. And I'm worried about him too. But about me… no one knows me here in London. I will go just for a glass of beer in the Three Broomsticks. You know I can take care of myself. “

My uncle sighed. We were sitting in the living room at his house at 12 Grimmauld Place in London. The fire was crackling in the fireplace, blazing cheerily, sent its warmth and light far out into the room, flashing red reflections on the dark walls. The flames reflected in my uncle's dark eyes. He stared at me with pursed lips. Finally, after some internal struggle that was written on his face, he surrendered and sighed.

“Ok, fine. I swear on Merlin's beard, I don't know why I'm punished not with one, but with two teenagers who are just looking for troubles. “

“I thought we were a blessing. “I winked at him, while I was pretending to think over something. “Far as I know you have not been exemplary in your youth too. Let’s say 3 words – Marauder, Blood traitor, Prisoner. “

He looked at me, already resigned to his fate. A playful flame in his eyes. A thin smile stretched his lips. “Be here before midnight. “

“If I’m late, I will send out a message with my Patronus. “

“No, no, Ashling Black. Be here before midnight.“ he scolded me. “Otherwise, I will take you out in front of your friends with my own hands, without caring that the whole country is looking for me. “

“Ashling Karkaroff“ I corrected him. The moment I said that I felt I had gone too far. I shrugged and made my most innocent expression. I was already playing with his patience and decided to end the argument before he really boiled over.

“Under that roof, you’re Black, even though your father didn't have the decency to give you his name. “

“Ok, ok. Before midnight. “

_“And no firewhisky. “_

Yes, my uncle is Sirius Black. My name is Ashling - illegitimate child of Regulus Black and Amanda Karkaroff. Both dead. I was raised by my grandmother, who rarely mentioned them. My mother had a fleeting affair with my father when they were both 17. Later, they were both killed in the ranks of the Death Eaters. My grandmother always accused herself of letting her daughter turn to the Dark Side.

I hardly knew my uncle until I turn 16. My grandmother and he corresponded when I was a kid and before he entered Azkaban. Over the years, she spoke only with warm feelings for him, and she kept telling me that she didn't believe he had committed the murder of the Muggles and his own friend.

I graduated from Drumstang in the same year when my grandmother died. Most of my teachers thought that I would have a great career in the Bulgarian Ministry of Magic. But unlike them, I did not have such ambitions then. I had lost my way after the death of my closest person in this life. When I found out that my uncle Sirius Black had escaped from the prison of Azkaban, I decided to try to look for him. This was not an easy task, given that the whole world was looking for him to no avail. Unlike the others, however, I had some advantages. He was looking for me too. We met. In a short time, we have managed to get to know each other and build a relationship that many relatives could not build for years.

I've been wandering tropical islands with my uncle ever since.

We've been in London for almost two weeks because of a disturbing letter from Harry that his scar hurts. And the events of the World Cup, as well as Dumbledore's appointment of Alastor Moody as a professor, worried Sirius.

That made two weeks without going out.

And yes, I drank _firewhisky_ this evening.

And that was the reason why my head was spinning. It was 10 minutes past midnight, I was expecting my uncle to wait for me in the hallway. But to my surprise, the house was quiet… _until I knocked something down in the dark_ _._

“ _Fuck._ “ and that was because I didn't want light. I didn't have to wake up the portrait of my 'lovely' grandmother Walburga Black, whom we had hidden behind a curtain. When given the chance, she shouted at me and Sirius all sorts of insults. I didn't want to wake my uncle right now. “ _Nevermore drinking._ “ The stairs I usually take two at a time were a mountain to be negotiated on all fours. My stomach began to heave in a sickly way and my head was spinning in a way that just made no sense. It was like the whole house just got put on a carousel, slow at first but gaining momentum. Gravity suddenly started to hate me, even the noise of the clock ticking in the hallway was aggravating my headache and made me feel so much worse. “ _Just to get to my room without Sirius knowing, just to get to my room_ _._ “ I kept telling myself. But the moment I started to climb the stairs, I realized that I did not remember which room I had stayed in. The second on the right? Or the first? They all looked the same to me. _Whatever_. I'll go into the first possible one.

I pressed the handle of the room as gently as I could, as my head kept spinning. I had settled into someone's old room. And it was in dark tones, like all the others here. At that moment, a light came only from the burning fireplace. A pleasant warmth swept over me. _How kind of Sirius_. _T_ _o keep the fire burning. I felt a little guilty._

 _But_ _was the double canopy bed on this side of the room?_ I had the strange feeling that something was wrong with it. It was as if the furniture had been moved, and some of my things seemed to be gone. But in the end, I shrugged resignedly. It didn't matter if the room was mine. My head would burst with pain and I would not have the strength to look for the right one. The bed attracted me so voluptuously that I had no chance to move from here.

With great effort I managed to kick my boots to one side, I threw my robe and clothes in the other direction. Remaining in a top and bikini, I slipped under the covers.

They were strangely warm. I had to ask my uncle about this spell.

And I fell asleep almost immediately after that thought, ignoring the soft snoring on the other side of the bed. It never occurred to me why my uncle would light a fire in a fireplace in a room that no one uses.

I woke up late in the morning. I still didn't fully realize where I was and who I was. My head was still spinning, but at least I could tell for sure that this ceiling up there was definitely not in my room. _Damn huge house._

I turned to one side when, to my shock and horror, I found myself facing two amber eyes that were looking at me with the same shock as mine. There was a man in my bed. And I didn't even remember coming with one. _Do I?_ _Fuck, how was that even possible?_

"No, no, no ..." I said aloud, "Sirius will kill me."

As I rose to my elbows, I continued in a louder voice, "And he will kill you too."

I suddenly remembered to look under the covers. _Relief_. I was not naked. Not that it guaranteed anything. Wrapping myself in a sheet,I tried to get out of bed with all the dignity I could have in a moment like that. _Merlin, how reckless I was. What if this man recognized Sirius and tell somebody about him?_

"I'm sorry about that," I said to the man in bed, trying not to look him in the eyes. "I don't remember anything, I'm sorry. You have to disappear before my uncle finds out otherwise we're both dead.”

Since there was no immediate answer, I raised my head to look at the man in front of me. To my surprise, the initial shock on his face was gone and replaced by a thin smile. I stared at him for a moment. I began to understand what impressed me in him, even though I didn't remember how he ended up in my bed. He had warm soulful amber eyes, soft shaggy brown hair, he was tall and slim. Even a few pale scars running through his face didn’t spoil his good features. _But anyway._ I was _not that kind of person - with a man for one night without remembering. How much whisky have I drunk!_

"There's nothing to worry about" he began. His voice was also nice, calm, and soft. "Nothing happened between us if that's what you mean. I'm a friend of Sirius. I came to visit him last night and since I was very tired, he offered me to stay overnight here. Honestly, I was a little surprised too to wake up next to someone. I didn't notice when you came in. _Firewhisky_?

“YeP.” A wave of relief began to sweep over me. I wasn't that stupid after all. Although this didn't diminish the shame of being half-naked in a stranger's bed. “So, I just got the wrong room. The second on the right?“ I asked to confirm my mistake, while I began the difficult task of gathering my clothes and boots from the floor without letting go of the wrapped sheet around me.

“This is the first on the right. I’m Remus, Remus Lupin, by the way. “He had gotten out of bed and was handing me my other shoe, which had fallen on the other side of the bed in unknown ways. He was wearing only pajama bottoms, his chest was bare, also with a lot of scars on it. Apparently catching my eye, he awkwardly ran one hand over his chest. I tried not to stare too hard at the veins and muscles of his arms.

“Oooh “I realized and I tried to dispel the tension a little. “You are Remus. Sirius's friend. He told me about you. But I didn't expect you to visit him these days. _Anyway_. It was nice to meet you despite the circumstances. “ I didn't even notice that I didn't tell him my name.

“It is a special pleasure for me to meet you, _especially_ in these circumstances. “He smiled at me. I blushed. _When was the last time when I blushed like that in front of a man? I didn’t even remember._

“Bye,” I muttered as I left the room, trying not to trip over the wrapped sheet around me. “and don't say a word to Sirius.”

“It will be our little secret.”


	2. Thousand things

The moment I closed the door to my own room, a wave of shame swept over me. I threw myself on my own bed and covered my face with my hands. _How humiliating_. To go out once in a century and end up in this kind of situation. I guessed it was normal to feel awkward, I'd rather feel that way and be real than any other. But hey, why always me? That was me, wearing "awkward" as if it were my own exclusive label.

 _How will I look this man in the eyes again_? _And if Sirius found out, he' was going to kill me_. The last time I allowed myself to flirt with a man didn't end well. Sirius noticed and let's say the man's face wasn't the same anymore. My uncle treated me as if I was his daughter and I was 15. " _Men only thought about one thing and so on, and so on..._ "The same lecture every time.

 _Anyway._ I decided to stay in the room until this man Remus Lupin leaves. I hoped I didn't have to see him again _. In fact, it was a pity_. Although he was older than my standard for men I like, I'd say he looked pretty good. When Sirius told me about him I didn't think he could be someone quite handsome. I slapped my head, trying to get such thoughts out of it. _Maybe I was still drunk._

The hangover felt like a balloon under my cranium, slowly being inflated, pressure mounting. I splashed cold water on my face just to feel something refreshing and instantly wished I could wash my brain free of the toxins too. The mirror showed my eyes, no longer the glamour girl of last night. As I tried to run my fingers through my disheveled hair, someone knocked on my door.

"Come on, Ash," Sirius's voice said, "get up and drag your butt down in the kitchen."

Despite my shame and reluctance, I had to go downstairs, or Sirius would suspect something.

I got up quickly, started dressing, and tried to hide the dark circles under my eyes. I combed my hair quickly and tied it in a careless ponytail. For a little longer I wondered what to wear than usual, not that I wanted to attach much importance to the **reason** why I wanted to look good when I go down for breakfast. In the end, I settled on tight jeans and a top, a little fitter than the usual baggy T-shirts I wear around the house.

With one last look in the mirror, which, by the way, was a talking one and said to me " _You have to do something with that bored expression_ _, darling_ ", I managed to gather enough strength and dignity to open the door and go out. I tried as casually as I could to walk past Remus's room and head to the kitchen. In it, to my relief, was only Sirius.

"You must have gone crazy last night. " I said to him with a slight smile, nodding at the pile of dirty dishes and glasses on the table. Empty bottles were rolling around. Several of the chairs were overturned. With a few strokes of my wand, I began to arrange things in their places. "Did you manage to make that mess with Kreacher and Buckbeak?" I tried to sound casual.

"Almost," he smiled playfully at me. I hadn't seen him in such a good mood recently. "I had a guest last night - an old friend".

"Part of the blame for the mess is mine," I heard a voice behind me, I swallowed in shock for a moment, and turned around to see Remus behind me. He was leaning casually against the doorframe. His hair was carelessly combed back, he was wearing a light shirt and a baggy vest over it. He was rolled up his sleeves to his elbows and looked at us with a thin smile on his lips. "Let me help you, Sirius was never good at Household magic. "

He swung carelessly with his own wand, and the dishes began to wash.

"The Dementors in Azkaban didn't make us practice in the household spells" Sirius winked at us, this was one of the few cases in which he did not flinch at the mention of the prison. "Anyway. While you're both doing these nice tasks, please let me introduce you to each other. Remus, this is my niece Ashling. Ashling, this is Remus, my school friend I've told you about many times."

Remus had held out his hand to me, still slightly smiling and with a playful flame in his eyes.

"Nice to meet you. " He told me.

"The pleasure is all mine" _WHAT?_ _Did I really say that?_ _The pleasure is all mine?_ _How overplayed!_ I smiled at him and shook his hand in response. It was warm, strong, and gentle at the same time with delicate long fingers. I don't think I should have noticed so many things in this man. I hope no one noticed that I blushed a little.

"Coffee anyone? "I asked, trying to distract myself from my own thoughts and embarrassment.

"Tea, I prefer," said Remus.

"Whiskey for me," said Sirius with a wink.

I rolled my eyes and started making the strange combination of breakfast drinks. Maybe I overdid the tea a little more than I wanted to admit. I managed to mix eggs with bacon on the stove and toast slices. When they were ready, I sat down at the table on one side of my uncle. Remus was sitting across from me. He was so much handsome than I had expected. He had that grown-up choir boy look except for the gray hair that crept in among the others. His eyes weren't exactly amber, possibly something between brown and green, but I didn't want to stare long enough to find out. 

"I'm so hungry." Sirius began, pouring plenty of eggs into his plate. "Ash, when did you get home last night? I haven't heard from you. I hope it was on time, as we agreed. "

"Yes, uncle. " I replied without looking at him, staring at my own attempts to stab a piece of bacon on my fork.

"There have been no accidents, have there?" he continued.

"Of course not. " My mouth was almost too dry to speak. I nodded like an idiot and then croaked out. "Everything was fine. We drank and talked in the Three Broomsticks. By the way, my friends told me that Karkaroff was furious that two Hogwarts students would take part in the Tournament. He shouted that this had been set up and now Durmstrang had less chance of winning. He was angry at Dumbledore. "

"I suppose." Sirius said, "Though it could be a play by him. I don't rule out the possibility that he put Harry's name in the Goblet of fire. Let's not forget who he was before. "

"I haven't for a moment," I groaned.

"And you're Karkaroff, aren't you?" Remus said to me. "Do you have any family ties with him?"

"Shhh, I'm Black under this roof "I smiled and nodded to Sirius who looked at me with an artificially angry expression. "Actually yes, Igor Karkaroff is my uncle on my mother's side. Although I've never been in contact with him, even when he was my Headmaster in school."

"Why not?" Remus asked with undisguised curiosity.

"He insisted on an environment ruled by fear and intimidation from his students, leading many to view him as egotistical and unprincipled. I have never been one of his favorite students. I know that Durmstrang has a bad reputation, that black magic is practicing there and only dark wizards come out of it. But this is not true. I had wonderful teachers who taught me to be a good wizard, despite the fact that I study in a school with a dark reputation."

"In the end, good and evil come down to what we want to be and what choices we make. Prejudice cannot see the things that are because it is always looking for things that aren't. " Remus said and smiled sadly.

"Yes, we are not our name or height or gender. We are not age and we are not where are we from. We are our favorite books, the songs stuck in our head, our thoughts, and desires. We are a thousand things but everyone chooses to see a million things we are not." My voice trailed off for a moment. Remus looked at me with a strange gleam in his eyes. I continued "Sorry. I have no right to tell you about my own encounters with prejudices. Sirius told me that you encounter this attitude almost constantly."

"Do not worry. I'm used to it," he said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"Although in my home country, in this respect, there are not as many prejudices against werewolves as here in England. " I said. " Maybe because they are more common. Even in potions classes, we learn how to make the Wolfsbane Potion. Although its ingredients are quite expensive and difficult to find."

"Really? " He said, really smiling this time." Apparently, I just have to leave this country. "

"My grandmother even told me about a lover of hers who was a werewolf. She spoke quite kindly of him." I smiled broadly at the memory of what she was telling me about their meetings. At that moment, I realized what I had just said in front of my own uncle and his werewolf friend. I opened my eyes and my smile melted into a grim face. "I'm sorry, maybe I got too much coffee this morning."

To my surprise, both Sirius and Remus laughed out loud.

"That's why I liked your grandmother so much," said my uncle. "She has never suffered from prejudices. She's always been different - like you, like me, and like you, Remus.

"Apostates in families of dark wizards. We are only shame and disgrace, uncle " I smiled and ran back to my chair.

"Let's raise a toast to shame and disgrace then." Remus raised his glass with a laugh.

"Cheers," we all said.


	3. Disclosures

The morning passed calmly, the shame of the night before evaporating slightly. Remus showed no sign of upset about our initial meeting. The three of us talked about a lot of topics, I hadn't seen my uncle in such a good mood recently. He did not like to be locked up somewhere, given that he had been in Azkaban for 12 years. Ever since we came to London, he has been usually sullen and grumpy. He was known in England and could only go out in his Animagus form.

But today was definitely different. His old friend brought a dose of calm and joy to the house. Admittedly, his visit also had a positive effect on me, excluding the shame of the morning incident.

"I'm going to see Buckbeak. And Kreacher is pretty quiet this morning, which is pretty questionable. " Sirius said, rising from the table. "Ash, will you show Remus the library? He was interested in several books on dark arts. I'm sure that my family has owned them. "

I nodded and waited for Sirius to leave the room when I turned to Remus. "Thank you for not telling him anything about this morning. I'm not usually so reckless, but I haven't been out in a long time. Not that this is an excuse. I'm sorry. "

"Don't worry," he replied with a smile. "I may look old to you, but I still remember what it's like to be your age. And Sirius was not a primer for decent behavior in his youth, he is obviously trying to show authority with you. "

"You don't look old to me," I said stupidly. _WHAT? Again? Why doesn't my mouth keep blabbering like that in front of this man?_

He smiled wider and scratched the back of his neck. Was that an embarrassment?

"I'll show you the library." I tried to escape the awkward situation ."Why are you interested in books about dark arts?

"In general, I am interested in the defense against the dark arts, but I can't be good at practicing if I don't know the subject I'm fighting against. "He explained as we climbed the stairs.

It was nice to keep up with him. The staircase was not very wide, and often my shoulder touched his arm, just above his elbow. _Merlin, how tall he is._

We entered the library, which was located on the top floor. The room was quite large with bookshelves from top to bottom. Dust collected everywhere as far as I could see, spider webs wove loosely around books, dirtied shelves, and stands, busted lamps hung fro weathers. The ground was littered with dirt, glass, books, and torn paper. There were several skylights through which a lot of sunlight entered. At the bottom opposite the door was a wide window with a large sofa at the front. There was a view of the roofs of buildings in this part of London. I tried to clean up a little bit with my wand.

"That's it. If you're looking for a specific title, I can help you find it. I warn you that most of the books here are about dark arts, purebloods, and ... some are with tortures in it, like this one..." - and I threw him one, which I have seen at the top of a pile of books. On the cover was an erased image of a woman with something like a ball in her mouth and she was wrapped in straps.

Remus stared at the book I handed him. For a moment a slight shock appeared on his face, leafed through, and coughed softly: "I don't think it's for tortures. Depends on the point of view, of course." Then he turned it to me to see the title better.

My eyes widened as I read it. _666 kinky spells to satisfy your witch with the help of straps._

 _Merlin, I will die in shame._ "Apparently Sirius' parents weren't so boring, after all." I smiled, trying to dispel the awkward situation.

"Obviously." he laughed, too, and in an instant, the tension evaporated. "Would you like it? " he continued, his eyes darkening. _Excuse me, what?_ I thought for a moment what he was really asking me, but he seemed startled and then he continued: "I mean, would you like to read something different from books for dark arts and genealogy books?" He had blushed.

"Definitely I would. "I answered his question, forgetting what I thought he was asking me. "Anyway, my grandmother had a huge library. Bigger than the one here, which I myself supplemented with dozens of new titles. Even Muggle ones. Some of them are quite funny - fantasy. In them are described creatures that do not exist in the muggle reality, such as dragons, fairies, leprechauns. Maybe they were written by wizards who want to show our world to the Muggles. But yes, I miss books. I don't have a large selection of enjoyable readings here. "

"I have a modest library at home, but I think you will like the titles there more. You can come sometime to choose some."

"With pleasure. " Our eyes lingered on each other longer than usual. I turned around first. _Was he flirting with me? No way. I must be just Sirius' little niece to him._

Most of the day passed rather quickly. Remus and I searched for the books that he was interested in. Being next to him made it much easier to watch him discreetly as he flipped through the pages and parchments strewn around. He was tall, north of six-foot I'd say. I would assume he must play some kind of sport or have a manual job. Although he was thin and wore loose clothing, I could guess something like that on his broad shoulders and strong, wiry hands. I toyed with the idea of asking more but stopped myself short. We often read excerpts from some books to each other with curiosity. Not everyone was so chilling. I had a warm feeling in my stomach while Remus was beside me. Sometimes I gave him a casual look and found that he often looked at me too. _Did I blush every time?_ I tried to ignore his cologne too. Why did he have to smell that way? I didn't need more confusion.

It was getting dark when Sirius entered the room. "Come on, bookworms. Aren't you hungry? We missed lunch and I'm wild of hunger. Lift your butts and go down. "

"Have you cooked?" I wondered.

"Yes, if you want to eat tough beef and raw eggs. But I know that my dear niece is a master of culinary spells and she will prepare something to feed our stomachs. "

I rolled my eyes. "Good, good. But I want compensation from you soon. "

"I can help you. I don't cook well, but I know a few spells for cutting vegetables. That would help." Remus told me, winking at me.

Indeed, cooking was one of my powers. Meat, vegetables, eggs, and flour- everything was transformed under the strokes of my wand. To cook was my own miracle. I saw a flash of brilliance in food, a potential to help and heal others, a way to show them how the sublime was simply a mixture of the ordinary. I had dreamed of being a chef since girlhood, always watching my grandmother and trying to make the dinner. I was soon experimenting with recipes and developing my own.

We made the Dinner quick and in a cheerful mood with the help of Remus's chopping skills and Sirius's singing. When we put everything on the table, I realized that I was really hungry. For the next twenty minutes or so, only the pounding of forks and spoons could be heard. Almost finished with his portion, Remus leaned back in his chair while holding one hand to his stomach. "I must admit, Sirius, I now understand why you regained your weight so quickly from the period before Azkaban. And a few on top. It was an exceptionally delicious dinner. Do you cook for him like that every day? " he turned to me.

"No, I need inspiration. Sometimes I just throw the eggs in the pan. " I laughed.

"Ash could put anything in the pan and make it taste fabulous, I swear she could," Sirius said, swallowing his bite. "There were the days she pulled a plain cheese from the oven just to make me laugh, but most days it was an edible form of her crazy wonderful imagination. It was the thing I looked forward to the most after my day. Nothing surprises me anymore, but I'm still amazed each time supper comes around."

"There must be some secret magic. I think I would put another serving." Remus said.

"My grandmother taught me that the secret ingredient of everything is a dose of love. As here, she didn't just talk to me about cooking. Food is just one of many ways we loved one another, another kind of hug, another way to bring out that inner sunshine. "

"Your grandmother was very right." Remus stared at me with a strange flame in his eye.

"Yes, that's right," Sirius growled, his mouth full, and he managed to scatter pieces of food in front of him around the table.

"Uncle," I laughed. "This is disgusting. " But I hit him with an olive, which pierced his face.

There was laughter in the kitchen for the rest of the evening, which hadn't happened since we'd been in London.

In the days and weeks that followed, Remus often came and went from the house. We often talked, sometimes we did some things together - he helped me cook, read books, or tried to make some of the rooms fit for living. My skin tingled if he touched me accidentally and my heart beat erratically in my chest so hard that I thought it might fly out. There were butterflies - no, lions - in my chest, but it felt good. I finally admitted to myself what I knew all along, but was too afraid to admit it: I liked him. I realized I have a crush on him, and that wasn't okay. He was my first thought of the day, my every daydream, and every fantasy of future years. But I must separate these fantasies from reality. He was older than me. He was a friend of my uncle, and he was very likely to see me simply as Sirius' niece. But I had the strange feeling that he was looking for my company on purpose. When he was in the house, whatever room I went into, he showed up a little later. Not that I minded, I was quite pleased. Our conversations, his pleasant voice, his beautiful face. And those amber eyes pierced me. Something in my stomach quivered every time I saw him. It was a strange feeling I hadn't felt in a long time. I know it's not quite right, and I shudder to think of Sirius notices any of the secret glances I have at Remus. Most likely, my look probably is quite stupid and dreamy. Still, that didn't stop me from staying a little longer in front of the mirror in the morning, choosing a little tighter clothes, and laughing a little harder at his jokes. 

One afternoon, however, I heard arguments and shouts from the living room. I went quickly to see what was happening. Remus and Sirius were arguing about something and didn't even notice I was in the room.

"I won't let you, Sirius. Years ago it was different. James was with you too. You will not be able to control me alone. "

"Why do you have to wander alone? At least I can watch you not hurt yourself. "

"Absurd. Forget it. We are not reckless young people anymore. I will not put you in danger. " I felt the tension and heard the intensity in his tone. There was a great deal of emotion behind these words he was speaking.

"Forever with your suffering face. Precisely because we are not reckless young people, I think I can help you when you transform. " Sirius said and stood, folding both arms over his chest. 

I decided to intervene and asked sharply "Why are you fighting?"

They both looked at me with slightly stern expressions.

"Tomorrow is a full moon. Remus will transform somewhere in the forest. I offered to keep him company, like when we were young. That helped him then, you know. It was as if part of Moony's mind was clearing when he was with us. " Sirius explained. Remus breathed heavily. A slight glance of anger in his eyes. I never have seen him like that before. But he didn't say a word. Suddenly Sirius continued, turning to me. "Actually, there's a way you can help too, Ash."

Remus looked at me confused. "What do you mean? "

"Of course, I didn't think of that before. Ash will help me, will help us, like when we were with James. "

"I don't understand," Remus continued, puzzled.

I realized what my uncle meant. How could I not think about that earlier?

"Remus, "I started," I'm Animagus too."


	4. Uncontrollable

I saw the shock register on his face before he could hide it. Then Remus turned silently to Sirius to confirm my words. My uncle nodded.

"In what ..." he started to ask me, but then stopped. "No, no, no. Forget it. I will not put any of you in danger. I've been doing it alone for the last 13 years, and I'll keep doing it" and with a sharp turn, he walked past me without looking and left the room. Seconds later, I heard a door open and close.

"Did he leave?" I asked my uncle as my voice trembled for a moment. I hoped my uncle hadn't sensed my anxiety, overwhelmed by his own emotions.

"No, he wouldn't do it, no matter how angry he is. He must be in his room."

"Should I try to talk to him?"

"Try it, but he's always been so stubborn. And with this self-pity of his has always made me angry "and with a sigh, Sirius stretched out on the couch.

I reached Remus' room, my heart pounding in my chest. I knocked.

"Padfoot, get out." I heard a muffled voice from the room.

"It's me, please let me in."

I heard movement inside, and seconds later Remus had opened the door wide. "Last time you didn't need permission to enter." A slight smile appeared on his lips. "Come in, but if Sirius sent you to dissuade me, you're wasting your time."

"He didn't send me, and I don't want to dissuade you. As much as I've known you for a while, I've known how stubborn you are. " I replied, entering the room and closing the door behind me. The moment the words fell from my mouth, I was left mortified. Did I really offend him just now? My black eyes nervously darted over to see his reactions as a pair of amber eyes stared back, filled with mirth. I swallowed for a moment, realizing we were alone in his bedroom. And we are just a short distance from each other. _Don't blush, don't blush_. Remus stood maybe around 8 inches away from me, his eyes, darker than usual, piercing me. For a moment he seemed to lean toward me with the idea of shortening the distance between us, but the next moment he had turned and stood near the window. _How stupid I was. What did I imagine?_

"If being stubborn means of keeping my friends safe. All right, so be it. " he began fiercely. " _Let's help Remus._ _Let's help the old stupid werewolf_. I do not want your help or pity. You both want this to be your next reckless adventure tomorrow, but guess what? My final answer is No. _The_ _apple obviously doesn't fall far from the tree._ You're wasting your time." His eyes flashed angrily. The playfulness in them was gone.

I don't like his tone. Anger began to rise in my chest. He doesn't seem to understand why it's not a coincidence that my name is Ashling. I can turn into a fire for a second and turn everything behind me into ashes. I took a few wide steps toward him, slapped him on the chest.

"Listen! Stop thinking that people constantly feel sorry for you. Your friends are your friends, not out of pity for the werewolf man, but out of admiration and love for the man. I will not dissuade you from whether or not you want to put us in danger." White knuckles from clenching my fist too hard exuded an animosity that was like acid - burning, slicing, potent. " But I want you to look at Sirius's perspective. He has been sitting locked in this house since we arrived in London. It's like he's in Azkaban again. And right now you're refusing him one of his little opportunities to go out and feel useful again. " I continued with a lot of anger in my voice. "You think everything is about you, but guess what? The answer is No. You're swimming in your own self-pity and you obviously don't see that your friends need you as much as you need them. Stop being selfish and let your friends BE actually your friends" I shouted at him breathlessly.

I began to breathe shallowly and rapidly in order to regain my composure. All too quickly, it was over as I caught his eyes flick suddenly towards me detecting the anger there. The air in the room was thick and heavy as I had not been this close to Remus in such way. Then I held my breath and waited to see what he would do. 

“I'm stubborn, right?” Remus breathed as his lips were so dangerously close. He stared at me, his eyes flickering between my own and my lips. He was inches away. Time seemed to have stopped. The moment I thought he was going to turn around again, he grabbed me by the waist and put his lips on mine roughly. I couldn’t remember the last time I was kissed and forgotten how nice it could be when the man knew how. I was lost in him and yielded to him for a heartbeat. I replied with the same persistence as if my body was just waiting for this. I hugged him tighter, returning his kiss passionately. He groaned into my mouth. I could feel his hands moving on my back and waist. I could feel his lips on mine, I could feel his tongue intertwined with mine. He tasted like dark chocolate, tea, and forest. I felt my legs sag, but his hands held me close to him.

He pulled away a moment later. Our breaths were load, his face was shocked. I couldn't tell it is from regret or something else. "Don't stop," I said to him and lean closer. He didn't wait for a second invitation. He pulled me back to him, turning me to sit on the desk. My legs wrapped around his torso, my toes running from his hair to his chest, wanting to pull him even closer to me. His kisses became more passionate and insistent. His lips parted from mine and headed to my neck. A sigh of pleasure slipped from my mouth and I felt him smile against my neck.

Just as his lips moved further down and I thought my heart was going to explode, there was a knock on the door. For a split second, we both pulled away from each other, with a shock written on both our faces. Remus pulled me off the desk, and I managed to quickly clean my own lipstick from his lips. We both quickly straightened our clothes and hair.

"Come in," Remus said, taking one last look to see if I looked innocent enough and at a decent distance from him. I sat in a chair near the fireplace, trying to look completely casual.

Sirius came, looked at us, and to my relief, he didn't suspect anything unordinary when he said: "Moony, I don't want to fight with you. We will do, whatever you want." and my uncle opened both of his hands wide in an attempt to reconcile.

"I apologize, too." Remus hugged him, keeping his eyes in me. When he stepped back a moment later he continued: "To both. During the full moon, I become uncontrollable. " He gave me a quick glance, which made me smile slightly. "Actually, Sirius, you can try to come with me as before. But even with the slightest danger, I want you to escape as quickly as possible. "

A wide smile spread across Sirius's face. He clapped his hands. "Has Ash convinced you? Did she use any of her spells? "

"Something like that, " Remus chided playfully, but a tone a seriousness underscored his meaning. 

Sirius invited us to the door to leave the room together. The three of us walked down the stairs. My uncle, almost jumping over a step of excitement, Remus and I walked side by side, and we were both happy about Sirius' enthusiasm.

"Ash can come, too." my uncle said. "Still, her Animagus form would help a lot. She could beat us both if she wanted to. "

"What is your Animagus form? "

"Guess what," I said playfully to Remus.

"Bear. "

"Bear? Do I look like a bear? "I slapped him on the shoulder.

"Sirius' description was something big and strong," Remus said in a laugh.

"You'll see," I smiled and jumped from behind on my uncle's neck. He swayed for a moment but managed to pick me up. He threw me on his shoulder and ran with me to the kitchen. 


	5. Sensation

I picked up my book from where I left it that afternoon and made myself cosy on the sofa. Sirius poured a brandy and relax into a leather chair nearer to the fireplace. Remus sat across from me in the armchair, picking up the newspaper. I caught his eye on me and wondered what was going through his head. My heart was going to burst in my chest, just a few minutes ago I was kissing his lips. My thoughts returned me again and again to the memory of his hands on me, of his hair between my fingers. I must admit that the fact that Sirius almost caught us made the thrill even more intriguing. Unfortunately, from the incident in the room, my uncle was constantly by our side and did not leave us alone. On several occasions, I caught Remus looking down my face all over my body and back. Then he looked me in the eye and bit his lower lip. It sent shivers down my spine. I looked at him reproachfully, that only irritated me. And I can play this game. Carelessly, my skirt had risen a little higher than the decent one, on the side, he was sitting on, without it being noticeable to Sirius. I ran my hand down my thigh very carefully, my fingertips reaching the edge of my skirt and playing with it lightly. Almost imperceptibly, I spread my legs a little more. Remus had shifted in his chair, glaring at me.

"What's going on, Moony. You look tense to me", Sirius asked at one point.

"It's from the full moon, I feel out of my skin."

I tried to hide my smile. I focused on my book, but his presence was overwhelming as he sat quietly reading by the fire. 

It must have been late, for I thought I had read the same paragraph several times over. My eyes were heavy and blinked tiredly. Too much wine at dinner, that’s what it was.

I wasn’t sure when I dozed off on the sofa with the book resting on my lap. I didn’t quite hear my name when someone lightly shook my shoulder before pulling me up. My head was light and fuzzy, and my feet refused to obey at all. All I wanted was my bed and to never leave it again.

“Uncle, may I please stay up a little longer?” I whimpered and rested my head on his shoulder.

He chuckled softly, lifting me into his arms. “No my darling, it’s bedtime for you.”

But something was different. I didn't smell Sirius's cologne. I had a vague feeling that this man wasn't really my uncle but that thought escaped my mind when my body was laid down on the feather bed. Hands gently peeled my arms away and pulled up the bedclothes. I could feel tender fingers caress my face when lips met my forehead. Warm breath that smelled of chocolate and books was not my uncle's and lingered near my face as I fell deeper into that sweet sleep.

I don't know how long I slept when I felt a feather-light touch on my arm. For a moment I thought I was dreaming, but the touch continued along the entire line of my hand to my palm. I opened my eyes. It was dark, but thanks to the light from the fire, I could see that Remus was sitting on the edge of my bed, stroking me with the tips of his long fingers.

"Remus? "I got up slightly from the bed. "What are you doing here? "

"You fell asleep. And I brought you to your bed. But I didn't have the strength to leave. I couldn't sleep before I talked to you. "

My heart was pounding in my chest. I hope he didn't regret what happened.

"Look," he went on, "just give me a sign or a word that this afternoon was a mistake and that you didn't want it, and I'll stop forever. We will forget it and I will never mention it again. But if you don't think it's ... " He held his breath for a moment and my heart froze. " I really like you. From the moment I woke up next to you. To be honest, I was awake long before you woke up and I was watching you. You looked like an angel. Then I sought your attention, I wanted to talk to you, to get to know you. I was torn by the fact that Sirius is actually your uncle, you are young, healthy, I am older, and ... But then I noticed that you are also looking for my company, I saw that you sometimes blush next to me. And a faint hope appeared in me. And this afternoon, when you came to my room. I don't know if it's because of the atmosphere, because you were so close to me, or because of the full moon, I'm more primal and open. I couldn't help myself. I have to kiss you ..."

He stopped talking, his eyes even darker piercing me, waiting for me to say something. And I had lost my words. My lips were so close to his, they ached with anticipation. My chest heaved as he moved in closer that I could smell the sweetness on his breath. Despite everything, I wanted him. I closed the distance and kissed him deeply.

Remus chuckled deeply into my mouth, “Is that a yes?”

"I don't want to forget the afternoon kiss. In fact, I want a lot more, " I said in one breath and smiled playfully at him. I purred a little and arched against him, making Remus groan. I had waited so long that I didn't want to ruin the moment with any more words.

“Mmmm, I think I need to be persuaded,” I teased lightly.

“Persuasion?” he kissed along my jawline. “My speciality.”

Remus seemed to be waiting for just that. He kissed me passionately. I lay back on the bed, tossing the blanket that covered me and pulling Remus over me without separating my lips from his. He found that pulse point near the underside of my ear and I felt myself melt. Remus was careful not to put all of his weight on me, bracing his upper body on his forearms. That, however, didn’t stop the feeling of his growing desire pressing between my legs. As he suckled my neck and one hand found my breast, I slowly snaked my hand down between them. When I touched him, Remus tore his mouth away with a gasp. His eyes were filled with astonishment and lust. I gripped him through the material of his pants and watched in fascination at the changes on his face. He was solid in my hand. Watching the strained pleasure in his expression as I slowly moved my hand, was mesmerizing. My hand slid under the hem of his belt and under his black boxers. His cock was hard, and the skin silky to the touch. I found a rhythm. The skin moved with my palm, sliding up and down his length. Remus returned to kissing me as his hands travelled down and I heard a sharp tear in the fabric, and there was nothing left of my top on me, exposing my breasts.

"I'll fix it later," he told me. Kissing him back furiously, Remus pulled away just long enough to tug his shirt over his head and toss it aside. For a man almost 15 years my senior, his body told a different story. His skin was soft and unblemished. There wasn’t an ounce of extra padding on his frame anywhere. I stared at his perfect chest, skinny but tough and tight, with a few scars running through it. I ran my fingertips lightly over them. He closed his eyes for a moment, relaxing slightly before kissing me again - even more passionately than before. I wanted to remember every feeling - on his lips, on his tongue, the weight of his body on mine. Lowering himself to cover me, the feeling was intoxicating - his skin on mine with no barriers. I felt his muscles move, the slight tickle of his chest hair and how our sexes pressed against each other. He was nestled between my legs. When his mouth descended upon a breast, I moaned loudly as my hips instinctively arched to meet his.

"We don't want to wake your uncle and both be killed," he said to me. He grabbed his wand to soundproof the room and said softly: _"Muffliato"_

I was almost completely open and naked to him, his eyes travelled down my body clad in only panties. Remus’s hand went between my thighs, finding the swollen most part of me. His mouth matched the movement of his hand, and it felt like they were one and the same. His tongue circled and sucked a nipple, and when his finger found its way inside, I couldn’t help thrusting against his hand. Another finger joined, and he was pumping slowly as if gauging everything my body told him. He unzipped his trousers and started pushing them down. _Was I really ready for this? To have sex with a man I kissed for the first time today. Definitely yes. There was something about him that made me feel safe and not hesitate for a moment._

Remus kissed me deeply, while his fingers worked harder against making my legs open wider to him. I could feel how rock hard beneath his black briefs. Between us were only two thin pieces of material. The friction was more than I could bear.

"You are already wet," he said with a groan. The sound of his voice as he spoke made me clench him. I was sopping wet and could hear the noises his fingers made as they picked up the tempo. That ache was building while my hips rose to meet his ministrations. Feeling a cool, dampness on my breast, I opened my eyes to see he had moved down. He dipped his tongue along my navel while his eyes never left mines. Remus’s pupils had darkened to where I couldn’t see the amber anymore. My body stiffened when he draped my leg over his shoulder and was a breath away from my most secret place. 

Seeing his face between my legs now had I aching to the point of pain. His breath was hot against my sex and it made me tremble.

Remus didn't break his gaze when his mouth descended and tasted the inside of my thigh. He was so close but hadn’t touched me there yet. Anchoring my knee to his shoulder and pushing the other wider, he lowered his mouth to where I was dying to be touched.

The first swipe of his tongue made me shudder. He was slow in discovering what made me purr, growl and even jolt my hips up. The sensation was maddening and erotic that his mouth was doing this to me. Before I knew it, my hips moved against his roaming tongue, begging for more.

Remus’s hand left my thigh returning his fingers inside me working feverishly. I could feel my body tense and knew I was close. He was going to take me over the edge and very quickly. My eyes squeezed shut as my fingers unconsciously gripped his hair.

Before I knew it, he pulled away and he inserted his cock in me. He didn't move for a second and let me adjust to him. _I wasn't sure if I'm tight or that he is big. But I like it._ Remus gave a few shallow thrusts making me wince each time. He started to thrust deep but his pace was tortuously slow. My body was on fire. I groaned in frustration, not getting the friction I needed.

"It's not enough, is it? You want more, don't you?"

Remus was torturing me, and I hated and loved it at the same time. He pushed my thighs open and gave a hard-thrust smacking against me. The jolt made me cry out but not in pain. Remus started fucking me roughly, and pleasure spiked rapidly. He smiled against my throat. He was still pounding me when I felt it. The pressure was building, and I couldn't stop it.

"Oh, Merlin ... Remus, holy shit..." I whispered clutching him. I wanted nothing more at this moment. Nothing else mattered except the intense pleasure he was giving me. He grunted in the effort and pressed his thumb against my clit and I broke. "Oh fuck..." I moaned and bucked wildly against him as I fell apart. His thrusts became erratic when finally, he grabbed my hips as he pulsed and came with a deep groan. Remus laid his head on my breasts ultimately spent and didn't pull out. Our chests heaved in unison from the exertion as I let him rest on top of me not knowing what came next.

A moment later, or a minute or a year, I don't know, our breathing calmed down. He placed his forehead against mine, a wide smile on his face, the flame of the fire playfully sparkling in his eyes.

"I'm glad you did the Mufliato charm of the room. " I told him, smiling.

"I couldn't get miss your sweet moans." and he kissed me lightly on the lips. He got up from me and moved to one side of the bed. He pulled me to him with one hand. I snuggled into him, enjoying his warmth and the feeling of our naked bodies. He placed his chin on my head."

"I think we should tell Sirius soon. I can't hide it from him. And I can't imagine being at a decent distance from you after tonight. "

"I don't want to die today." I smiled. " Let's wait after the full moon and at least mentally prepare what and how to tell him. ""

You might be right. Let's leave the death for another day. " saying this, he kissed me on the head and pressed me closer to him.


	6. The werewolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came out a little longer than I expected. But I hope you like it. I put a lot into trying to describe werewolves and Animagus. I learned a lot of the details from the Harry Potter Wiki. And thanks for that.

Remus stayed in my room until almost sunrise. Then I kicked him out before Sirius woke up. And we both needed sleep. But sleep was practically impossible for my senses twisted and turned around the man that obsessed my thoughts. My body tingled from the memory of his mouth and the way our naked bodies touched. Remus left an ache long after his tantalizing caresses stopped. I could feel the way I gripped him tightly as he brought me to that peak of pleasure. The last time I had sex with a man was so long ago that I could hardly remember my feelings since then, but I knew for sure that my previous times had nothing to do with the one with Remus.

I spun around in bed for another hour, too excited about what had happened that night. I decided to get up and make breakfast. I slipped quietly out of my room, resisting the temptation to sneak into Remus's room.

To my surprise, Kreacher was in the kitchen. I hadn't seen him in days. In general, he spoke to me with more respect and carried out my orders more willingly than with his real master Sirius. Maybe part of the reason was that I was much nicer to him. Or maybe because I was the daughter of his beloved master - Regulus.

"Good morning, Kreacher," I tried to be nice, though his presence in the room always bothered me. I wasn't used to having a house-elf in the house.

"Oooh, Master Regulus will turn in his grave if he knows his daughter has something with a halfbreed. Yes, Kreacher knows. Kreacher sees and hears everything in the house. "

"Quiet, Kreacher. I don't let you talk about anyone like that. Don't dare to tell Sirius. "

"The mistress knows that if my master orders me to speak, I cannot lie."

"Shhh, get out of the kitchen," I told him angrily.

And with a slight crack, he disappeared. _Oh, Merlin_. If the house-elf spy on me and tell Sirius, I’m dead. I hope his dislike for his true master actually keeps his mouth shut.

I spent the next half hour making pancakes. I was so engrossed in making them that I didn't feel that someone was behind me. I was startled when a gentle kiss touched my bare shoulder.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" Remus asked, turning me to face him.

"I can ask you the same thing." I looked at him worriedly ."You really need sleep. You look tired. "

"There are several reasons for that," he smiled at me. "A young and sexy witch didn't let me sleep all night."

"Oh, she's not to blame for that. She didn't sneak into your room. "

"There are no memories of sleeping. I wouldn't trade tonight for anything in the world. " His hand was suddenly in my hair, pulling my head to meet his lips in a fierce kiss. His mouth was so addicting. Remus’s hands were everywhere. In my hair, as one massaged my breast, then cupped my backside. It was then I felt it. He was aroused. He groaned into my mouth when I reflexively pressed on him. That throbbing was building between my legs as I ached to find that release. His hand traced my bum down to my thigh, and I could feel him gathering my skirt. I needed to stop this before it went any further, but once his fingers found me, I melted into him. No, I couldn’t stop it, my body wouldn’t let me. Remus’s mouth travelled down and feasted on a sweet spot under my jaw while I ground down hard on him. His fingers curled and pumped and I knew it was going to hit me fast. My core was pulsing to almost the point of pain. I needed it to happen. I was panting as I felt the beginning of the end. He hit that spot, and I was lost for a moment. My body was convulsing from the pleasure and felt him grunt deeply into my chest. All of a sudden, I pushed myself off him realizing that we were in the middle of the kitchen and Sirius could come in at any moment.

"You're mad!"I said, pulling away from him. "Sirius could come down at any moment, and Kreacher must have found out about us because in the morning he threatened me to tell my uncle."

"I highly doubt that Sirius will believe him. " Remus told me, licking his fingers, which until a few seconds ago were inside me. His gaze burned me.

"You may be right, but sooner or later Sirius will know that we hid this from him. " I bit my lip, keeping my eyes on his enlarged cock stretching the front of his pants.

"Let's tell him then."

"Not today, please. I want you to be with all your physical strength when you face him. You will need it. " I winked at him

"Last night I think I showed you that I have enough physical strength. " He tried to hold me close, but I quickly pulled out a plate of pancakes as a barrier between the two of us.

“Behave.”

“Never.”

“Choose me or the pancakes.”

“Difficult choice. But considering I heard Sirius coming down the stairs, I think I'll stop at the pancakes. “

“You have a good ear. “

“The benefits of the full moon. Along with many others. “ Remus said, adjusting his pants in front to cover his overgrown cock. He did that just as Sirius stepped into the kitchen. He was smiling broadly, his hair in a ponytail, something out of the ordinary. He usually wore velvet jackets, shirts, vests, and straight trousers. And now he was wearing tight black pants and a T-shirt of his favourite wizarding band “Guests, Trucks, and Rock 'n' Roll”. Something like “the Weird Sisters“ but from the time when Sirius was a teenager. He had also put a few leather bracelets on his hands. Still, he looked good.

“Do I miss something? “I smiled at him, nodding at his atypical appearance.

“I found my old clothes, and today is the day to return to our youth. Right, Moony? “He slapped Remus lightly on the shoulder as he sat down next to him at the table.

“About this ... Are you sure you want to do it? I will not forgive myself if any of you are hurt. Padfoot, and to involve Ash in the whole story? The only thing that reassures me is that if you want her to participate, you are sure of her abilities. “Remus said with a worried look.

"Hey," I said slightly offended, "You haven't seen a tenth of my abilities."

"She's right, mate. As much as I don't want to admit it sometimes, she can put both of us in her pocket. "

I raised my eyebrows at Remus. _I told you_ _so_. Then folded my arms slightly offended and leaned back.

"This is not something common. I will not be me. " He looked at me desperately. I had never seen him so worried, and my heart fluttered. "I cannot choose whether or not to transform and I will no longer remember who I am and would kill even my best friend given the opportunity once transformed. Despite this, I am able to recall everything I have experienced throughout my transformation upon reverting to my human form. I will never forgive myself if anything happened to you. "

"There is no such chance. " Sirius began to contradict him. "You know that werewolves only pose a danger to humans, companionship with animals whilst transformed has been known to make the experience more bearable as the werewolf has no one to harm and will be less willing to harm themselves. And our experience shows it. Despite all this, if you feel calmer, Ash will promise to do what I tell her. If I signal her to run, she will run.”

"I can't promise such a thing. "I shook my head.

"Ashling, you will do it. " Remus and Sirius told me sternly at the same time.

"Gosh, relax both of you! I didn't know I had two daddies. " I sighed. They both smiled slightly. Each of them for a different reason.

***

Remus left a little later. He had to go home to his own house to prepare some things and rest. I watched him walk down the hall and out the door. Before closing it, he turned to me and smiled encouragingly at me. "I'll miss you," he told me silently and left.

The next time I saw him, he would be in his werewolf form. I hadn't thought seriously until now. I was not afraid. I was confident in my abilities and in my strength in my Animagus form. I knew that Sirius would do his best to keep me safe. I didn't care how I would perceive Remus in such a different form. I like him so much. I did not suffer from prejudice. I knew that the Man Remus was radically different when he is human. This one night of the month could not change my perception of him. Nor was he to blame for his own fate. My heart revolted only from the fact that he would not recognize me. Neither in my human form nor as an Animagus. Part of me wanted to believe that part of his mind would still remember who I was. But my rationality knew it was impossible. Tonight, Remus Lupin would not know for a moment who Ashling Black is.

The evening was approaching. Sirius and I made our way to the beginning of Wistman Forest, where Remus usually transformed. The forest is difficult to access, so he preferred it to spend the full moon. Nestled on the eastern slopes of the West Dart river stands this forest of dwarf oak trees. Once you walk into the tangled web of trees you are transported into a mystical world of moss carpeted boulders, lichens of all descript, finger-like oak branches, all engulfed in a wonderful smell of earth and age. For millennia this small, mystical, stunted woodland has been held in awe and for many fears. Tales of Druids, Acromantulas, Banshees, and a host of other creatures abound, some dating back to the long-lost ages before the man could write. Many wizards have described the wood as being “the most haunted place on Dartmoor”, others warn that every rocky crevice is filled with writhing adders who spawn their young amidst the moss and leaf-strewn tree roots. Locals will never venture near once the sun begins its slow descent over the nearby granite outcrops for it is when the dark mantle of night draws tight that the heinous denizens of the wood stalk the moor in search of their human victims. In fact, there is nothing special in the forest. The only thing, as Remus told us, is that it is used by many werewolves during their transformation so as not to hurt anyone.

"Come on," Sirius told me. "It's not safe to be in human form." Immediately after those words, he had changed. Next to me sat the familiar big black dog.

Being Animagus was something that came to me from within. Yes, it takes skill and patience. But I was sure I wanted to be like that from my third year of school when we were learning about it in Transfiguration. The process of becoming an Animagus was long and arduous and had the potential to backfire and cause the transformation to go horribly wrong. Part of the process by which I became an Animagus was holding the leaf of mandrake in my mouth for an entire month, using the leaf for the creation of a potion, reciting an incantation _(Amato Animo Animato Animagus_ ) on a daily basis, and drinking the Animagus potion during a lightning storm. Once the initial training was over, I could then change at will, with or without the use of a wand. I could not choose my animal form. Rather, I became the animal which suited me best. I would still think as a human does when I am in my animal form. However, my Animagus' feelings were not as complex. I am becoming more primary.

Unlike Sirius, I'm registered at the Animagus Registry. This registration included revealing my animal form and my distinguishing markings. The register was available to the public. The primary reason for registration was to ensure I did not abuse my abilities, as the Ministry would be able to keep track of me.

The moment I wanted to, I changed into my Animagus form. _I’m a wolf. Black Wolf_. It was funny because my form and Sirius’ one were not very different. However, I was bigger, darker and our eyes were different. He laughed that I looked like his older bigger sister in my Animagus form. I had thick black fur, strong stature, and razor-sharp claws. People who have seen me in this form said that the most distinctive thing about me was my eyes. My glowing red eyes mesmerized them. Indeed, they weren’t the eyes of a typical wolf.

I didn’t really know why exactly this was my Animagus form. When I was a child, I often have the same dream about a black wolf who just starring at me. My grandmother said that it was my spirit animal. She said that to have a wolf as my spirit guide mean that my instincts were strong and helped me gauge a particular situation before making any move. That I could be a trustworthy guardian and fulfilled any responsibility assigned to me. No matter how busy I was, if any close one felt in trouble, I would rush immediately to help.

My Patronus was also a Wolf.

Sirius and I could communicate easily when we were both in Animagus form. I didn’t know how exactly. There seemed to be a clear understanding of want and need between us. Like we read each other's thoughts on a basic level. So that’s how I understood the black dog in front of me: _Follow me_.

We were walking a little through the woods when I began to smell a familiar odour. _Remus_. He passed from here very soon in his human form. I looked up at the sky, which was barely visible, but enough to notice that the full moon had just risen.

I followed the odour. Though it was still silent like a night always was, in that darkness devoid of birdsong, there came a musky scent tinctured with a warm breath. I heard it before I saw it. Light footsteps, the rustling of grass rubbing a body. Breaking twigs.

From the shadows of the forest came a wolf, yet he was no ordinary predator. In the half-light, he could be a large dog, but the dog didn't move this way. That was him. Remus as a werewolf. He could be easily distinguished from regular wolves by his shorter snout, the tufted tail, and… more human-like eyes. Oh my gosh, the eyes of the werewolf were exactly like Remus's eyes.

“Wait here,” Sirius told me. I understood. He wanted to check the situation.

The werewolf whimpered and spun and didn't seem to notice our presence. He froze for a moment. The Moon had come out of the clouds completely when he started yelling and hitting himself. In his empty scream was the pain of the indifferent, of a monster who sold and found hell. 

NO.

With a few quick jumps, I managed to reach Remus and push him lightly, stopping him from trying to hurt himself. The werewolf was nothing like the monsters of fairy tales when he was among his own kind or other animals. Instead of being aggressive, it was as docile and shy. When I approached as a wolf his tail wagged. His body bore the same scars which bore his human body. His paws kissed the earth with lightness and there was a serenity in his gaze now. I stood still, for if I moved he will escape into the trees. I breathed slow and let time slow down. 

Sirius stood beside me. “ _We can go. He will follow us._ “

At this late hour, if anyone could watch what was happening in this part of the forest, he would see the strangest sight.

A werewolf, a dog, and a wolf walk like three friends.


	7. Dragons and Ex-boyfriends

When the night was over, Remus regained his human form. Sometimes the pain is invisible, sometimes - not. I could feel his pain and suffer from turning to normal to the marrow of my bones. My heart was bleeding. Sometimes I thought the reaction a person has to another's pain told more about that person than they'd like. After the transformation, his body was cold as ice and I almost couldn’t tell if he was breathing or not. 

Sirius apparated the three of us to Remus' house. He was so helpless that my uncle had taken almost all of his weight on his. We went inside, with a little help from me we managed to get him upstairs to his bedroom and put him on his bed. He fell asleep almost instantly from exhaustion. My soul was torn to look at him like that. I wanted to snuggle into him and take his pain away.

"Let him sleep," my uncle said softly. "And we are tired, we must sleep too. I think we will be able to fit on the couch. "

"He has several wounds from the time when he tried to injure himself. I will tie them carefully and go down to you. "

"Okay. Old age obviously affects me. I can't keep my eyes open. "and with these words, he left the room.

I sat on the edge of Remus's bed, watching him. His face was contorted with pain even in his sleep. We cannot help him with the transformation itself. I hoped we would at least make his night easier. I carefully pulled a few strands of hair from his eyes and lightly stroked his cheeks. His face seemed to soften slightly. If only I could take at least some of his pain. I took a small bottle of Dittany from my pocket, which I had prepared in advance. I put some on his wounds. He shivered but did not wake up. With a few swings of my wand, I managed to tie them very carefully. That was the least I could do. I couldn't leave him. I couldn't sleep because I knew he was in pain. I kissed his forehead very lightly. He was burning. I took a small washcloth and dipped it in water. I gently wiped away the dirt from his face. He had a few cuts on his cheek and I was tender not to cause him more pain. 

When my fingers lightly stroked his cheekbones, he opened his eyes slightly.

“Ash?” He said softly.

“Shhh, rest.” I put a finger on his lips for a moment.

“You were the wolf.“ a slight smile appeared on his face, his features softened. Then he fell asleep again.

I felt tired, I had hardly slept for two days, but the adrenaline was still keeping me awake. His room was warm and the scent of herbs filled the air. I glanced around me. To my surprise, even though it was small, it had everything you needed. It was modestly furnished but with taste, which surprised me a little bit. I was expecting a typical bachelor house – few practical furniture, without unnecessary decorations and objects. But it was different here. It was cosy. The room had a lived-in comfort, the colours were warm and vivid, there were few plush furniture, and a generous scattering of accessories that display the life of the person that lives here - many books, strange artefacts. I smiled when I imagined Remus sitting in thе armchair with a cup of tea and a book. I pulled the chair next to the bed. I dabbed his forehead with a cold cloth and took his hand in mine again. Regardless of how warm the room and bed was; his hands were still icy to the touch. I cupped his hand in mine and kissed his fingers.

I must be asleep, carried away by the rhythm of his breathing. I felt a light touch on my cheek. _Deja vu_. The room was brightly lit by the atypical November sun. Remus was standing next to me. He still looked tired, but the colour returned to his face and he didn’t look in pain.

“How are you?” He asked, still stroking softly my cheek. I leaned to his touch and closed my eyes for a moment.

“I think I should ask you this. “

“You were amazing tonight. Thank you. “ his warm amber eyes looked at me softly. “I haven't had an easier transformation in years. “

“But you wеre still in pain.”

“The pain of the transformation itself cannot be stopped. Even with the Wolfsbane potion.”

I sighed and got up. I went to the window and looked thoughtfully outside. Remus followed me and hugged me from behind, resting his chin on my head.

"I was afraid that if you saw me in this state, you would run away and not look at me again."

“That can not happen. This one night of the month can't change my opinion of you. “I turned and kissed him. A few seconds later I pulled away breathless and blushed a deep shade of red. “Sirius is downstairs. I almost forgot he could come in here at any moment. “

“Don’t worry. I can hear him snoring from here. Come on, let's go downstairs and wake the old man. “

***

The day passed relatively calmly. Remus was regaining his strength, and it was clear that he was becoming more talkative and smiling more. Sirius, however, looked worried.

"What's going on, Uncle? What's wrong?" 

"Tomorrow is Harry's first task in the Triwizard Tournament. And as I told you, the test will be dragons. I hope he found a way to deal with them. I want to go watch him make sure he's okay."

"I can actually go. "I remembered." Victor gave me an invitation. I don't think Dumbledore will let anything happen to Harry or anyone of the participants. But If you feel calmer, I'll go. Now that I think about it, it's going to be great. This is the event of the year after all. "I became excited. " I think Drumstang is tearing up your English asses. I still can't forgive you for taking our Quidditch cup. "

"No chance. " Remus and Sirius said, both starting to sing the Hogwarts anthem.

_Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,  
Teach us something please,  
Whether we be old and bald,  
Or young with scabby knees,  
Our heads could do with filling,  
With some interesting stuff,  
For now, they're bare and full of air,  
Dead flies and bits of fluff,  
So teach us things worth knowing,  
Bring back what we've forgotten,  
Just do your best, we'll do the rest,  
And learn until our brains all rot._

Seeing them singing such a song, made me laugh so much that it took me about 10 minutes to regain my composure. This seems to have lifted everyone's spirits. _T_ _he joy in the little things_ _._

\--------------------------------

It was a sunny frosty morning on November 24th. Sirius and I came back to Grimmauld place last night not before we make sure Remus is better.

"I want to see you as soon as possible after the first task," Remus told me shortly before we left his home. He managed to pull me into his room and steal a few moments with me (and a few more passionate kisses) without Sirius noticing.

"I'll think of something. "

I was now standing in my room at 12 Grimmauld place, looking in the mirror. However, my thoughts were far from my reflection on it. I was worried about Harry. In reality, we hadn't seen each other live, except for a few long conversations between me, him, and Sirius in the fire. But we wrote to each other a lot during the summer and that helped us to build a very good friendship for a short time. I was a little nervous as many of my friends and acquaintances from Drumstang would attend. I haven't seen some of them since we finished school. _A_ _specific person too_. I secretly hoped _he_ didn't come.

I wore black skinny jeans and a thick soft sweater. I threw on my crimson robe with a leather collar from the school. In support of Harry, I put on a hat, and with the help of magic, I embroidered a large Hogwarts’ crest on the front.

"So you will be beaten by both teams. " Sirius joked with me when he saw my attire.

"The Triwizard Tournament was established as a friendly competition between the wizarding schools, you know. The main goal is sportsmanship between them, getting to know our cultures, and accepting the differences. "

"Where's the part about tearing up our English asses? This is complete bullshit. And you know it." my uncle laughed. "Now, in addition to Harry, I'm going to have to worry about you, to be beaten up by someone there because you can't choose who to support. "

"I have chosen whom to support. I'll send greetings to Harry from you. Everything will be fine. "

I apparated into a special place that was marked on the invitation. The place was just outside the walls of Hogwarts. Several Ministry officials checked my documents and searched me in case I entered something illegal and directed me to the doors and the place where the task would take place. I hadn't seen Hogwarts before. Now I understood why everyone was talking about it like that. _It was majestic_. The castle was set upon huge rocks. It was built in a valley area — surrounding mountains were part of the landscape — with the fairly large to the south of the main building. The deep extended around to the west of the castle. Durmstrang, like Hogwarts, was a castle, though it was not quite as big as this one. For a moment I wished I had studied here.

The first task was amazing. I have always had awe of these majestic dragons, but now to see four of them at a very short distance was incredibly exciting. _Welsh Green_ _,_ _Chinese Fireball_ _,_ _Swedish Short-Snout_ _,_ _Hungarian Horntail_ _._ The crowd screamed . . . yelled . . . gasped like a single many-headed entity. There were hundreds and hundreds of faces staring down at the participants.

One by one, the participants passed the task. Cedric Diggory used a transfiguration spell to change a rock into a dog to distract the dragon. Fleur Delacour enchanted the dragon to sleep. Viktor Krum used the Conjunctivitis Curse to blind the dragon and retrieve his egg. It was also the spell that Sirius mentioned he would use. _Finally_ _was_ _Harry_. A lump was stuck in my throat when I saw him enter the arena. Much smaller and thinner than the though Victor, the tall Cedric, or the self-confident Fleur. But to my relief, he did his task brilliantly. He used a Summoning Charm to bring his Firebolt to him and manoeuvred past the dragon to retrieve his egg. The crowd pounding my eardrums. After the First Task, Harry and Viktor were tied for first place. I think I was happiest with the score.

After the task, I managed to sneak through the crowd and reach the participants. First, I rushed to Harry, who was surrounded by several teachers and friends.

“Harry!” I waved at him. "You were brilliant. I'll tell Padfoot everything. He’ll be so proud. " and I winked at him. There was no way we could talk about his godfather, as other people were listening to our conversation. "I'll tell him to write to you as soon as possible."

"Thank you, I'm glad you were here to watch me," he smiled broadly, stepping back as the crowd pushed him into their jubilation.

Then I went to Viktor Krum. We were not very close friends, as he was 2 years younger than me. But we had some common lessons at school. I helped him with Transfiguration and Charms, and he taught me Quidditch. Although he became a star at a very young age, the general notion that fame would blind him was not true. In fact, he was quite silent and modest to those who knew him.

"Congratulations, Viktor. " I smiled broadly at him." As I watched, my school lessons helped you. And thanks for the invitation. I got it. I'm glad you thought of me. "

" No worries. To be honest, another person insisted to send an invitation to you ... Not that I didn't want you to come, don't get me wrong" he was slightly embarrassed.

The moment I went to ask him what he meant, Igor Karkaroff stood next to him.

"Oh, Ashling," he said with a greasy smile and he looked slightly contemptuously at Hogwarts crest on my hat. "You were here."

"Headmaster," I nodded and waved goodbye. I didn't want to stand in the presence of this unctuous man, I didn't want to have anything to do with him and admit that he was actually my uncle. Apparently, he didn't like me either.

I left the castle and headed to Hogsmeade. Sirius kept telling me about some fiery elderberry mead he wanted to try. I decided to surprise him. And the weather was nice, despite the cold breeze of November. The sun was shining brightly. I entered the Three Broomsticks, which was full. A crowd of people and creatures who have watched the first task. Red, blue, and black robes intertwined in an intoxicating rhythm. Laughter and shouts spread in all directions. A mixture of languages reached my ears. I struggled to get to the bar and sat down. I tried to get the bartender's attention but to no avail. He was busy with some clients on the other side. I sighed and decided to wait while enjoying the atmosphere. Suddenly someone called out my name. I recognized the voice and shivered. I turned slowly in its direction.

"Hi, Stephan!” - I smiled a little too much at the man in front of me.

Stephan was my boyfriend in school. We met there and were together for almost 2 years. I was young and stupid, and I liked him for his sharp cheekbones and blue eyes. That he was a complete asshole is another story. At the end of our last year in Drumstang, I found out that he had cheated on me several times while we were together.

“Hello, Ash.” and he hugged me as if he had forgotten our last meeting, which was not very pleasant. “I am glad you`re here. I was hoping to get Victor's invitation and come.”

"If I knew you were the initiator, I might have thought about coming here."

"No bad feelings, darling. We were young and unreasonable. I think we should leave the past in the past and open a new page in our relationship. "and he sat at the bar next to me, closer than I could bear. If I didn't want to make Sirius damn happy with the mead, I'd leave right away. I tried to get the bartender's attention again so I could finish here faster.

"Do you want to order something? Leave it to me. " - and by waving his wand, Stephan managed to pull a little rough the bartender from behind. He turned in amazement at how someone had allowed himself to do such an inappropriate thing "The lady here has been waiting to order. "

"I'm sorry," I tried to correct Stefan's rude behaviour. "Can you pack me a bottle of elderberry mead for home? "

The bartender nodded angrily and headed for the room behind. I sincerely hoped he wouldn't pour poison into the mead.

"You shouldn't have been so rude." I turned angrily to Stephan.

"He's used to being treated like that. It is not my fault that he started working as a simple bartender." He said with contempt in his voice. _Merlin, how could I not notice what_ _an asshole actually_ _he is_ _._

To my relief, the bartender returned and handed me the package of mead angrily. I paid him by giving him a more generous tip and got up to leave.

"Are you leaving? ”Stefan asked me, also getting up from his chair. " I'll send you out. "

The cold air hit me in the face as we emerged from the heat of the Three Broomsticks. The sun had begun to set. And it had become colder.

"Where did you stay in England? " Stephan asked me, rubbing his hands in an attempt to keep them warm.

"In London", I said simply, wanting to get out as quickly as possible. "I'm leaving. Bye. "

And without waiting for his answer, I turned in an attempt to get out of here. To my surprise, he grabbed me and pulled me close.

"Miss you. "He said in my ear with a husky voice "Don't you want to see my room where I'm staying?"

I was sick of him. With a quick reflex, I pulled my wand out of my pocket and stuck its tip under his collarbone.

"If you touch me one more time, I'll curse you and turn you into the parasite you actually are." I hissed at him, pulled away quickly, ignoring his frightened gaze, and made my way to Grimmauld Place.

***

I apparated to the house with relief. _How I hat_ _e_ _this man_ _!_ Why I had to meet him and spoil my mood from the exciting day. I walked down the hall, shouting:

"Sirius? Are you here? "

I went to the kitchen, expecting to find my uncle there, but instead, to my surprise, Remus was sitting in a chair there

"Hello." I smiled at him, expecting the same enthusiasm from the other side. But the anger in his eyes was unmistakable. What was going on here? There was something in his eyes that I couldn’t place. Yes, there was anger there and some hidden emotion lingered just beneath the surface.

"Sirius is gone. He took Buckbeak out for a while. I do not believe they will return soon" he told me and I detected a hint of anger behind his eyes

"Why is this mood? Harry was brilliant today, along with Krum he’s in the first place. "

"I know, I was there. Dumbledore sent me a last-minute letter asking me to attend it if something went wrong. "

"Oooh, why didn't you find me? " I asked him, still not understanding why he was in such a mood.

"In fact, I found you in the Three Broomsticks. " He sighed and looked me in the eye intently. His features were tight. I began to understand where the conversation was headed.

"And?" I tried to pull something extra out of him. 

"Nothing, I saw you at the bar with that man and I left. In fact, I saw you as you stepped out of the Three Broomsticks. "

"I still don't understand why this is a bad mood on your part? Yes, I went to the Three Broomsticks to pick up the elderberry mead for Sirius " I showed him the package I was still holding. " There I met an old acquaintance ... " here my voice trembled slightly. " Actually an ex-boyfriend. But it doesn't matter, there is nothing between us. In fact, even I despise him."

"I didn't see you pull when he hugged you."

"Oh, you probably didn't see that I threatened to curse him if he touched me again!" said him angrily.

Remus was silent, his features slightly relaxed.

"So there's nothing between you two?"

"Obviously. But you _obviously_ see things quite selectively."

He leaned forward as his fingers found the belt of my robe, pulling me towards him. Remus had tugged me so close that I now stood between his legs. His fingers had not relinquished their hold on the belt as I debated on stepping away. I was angry with him for this scene of jealousy. All thoughts of that left my mind when his hands unbuckled my belt, letting my robe fall down. Before I could push him away, Remus had whipped me around and pressed me against the table. His lean frame touched mine from behind as his hands held my wrists behind my back. The position of our bodies made me shiver and arch my back in pleasure.

"Will you punish me? " I asked him, forgetting my anger in a beat. "Right here at the table?

"With the greatest pleasure.”


	8. The dance

I could feel him behind me. The contrast between the cold table and his hot body sends pleasurable chills down my spine. His hand caressed my hip slowly almost torturing me. I want him here fast and rough. Remus, however, had other desires. I felt his breath on the back of my neck. He whispered seductively in my ear.

"I will fuck you slowly right here until you start begging me for more and more, faster and louder.”

I arched to him; he still held my wrists behind my back. While kissing my shoulder, I felt him unbuckle his belt with his free hand and pull it out of his pants. He breathed seductively in my ear, “Think of it as a punishment for the jealous you caused me today, Ms Black.”

His tongue trailed along my neck, and I bit my lip containing a groan. “I will do it more often then. “

Remus whipped me around and pressed my back against the table. With a few quick movements, he helped me to take off my sweater and bra. He placed my wrists over my head, tightening them with his belt. My breathing quickened as his hand travelled up to my breast and squeezed while his other hand pulled my hip rough against him. He was already hard. With a tormenting slow motion, Remus took off the rest of my clothes. I was completely naked and lying on the table, my hands tied above my head.

He drank me with eyes darkened with desire while leaning over me and kissed me deeply. He travelled along my jaw and then down my neck to my collarbone. I couldn't help myself and a loud moan escaped my lips when Remus took a nipple into his mouth. He lavished attention on each breast before moving down and dipping his tongue into my navel. My breathing changed when he spread my thighs further. He glanced up to me to be sure I was watching his every move. With his tongue, he gave me a long, seductive lick along my slit while his dark amber eyes never looked away from mine. He wanted to make me come with his mouth and lowered his head. There was something about the way he pierced me and touched me that had me driving crazy.

 _Merlin_ _,_ _that was so good._

I bucked and my thighs quivered as he ate away at me. I squirmed and he had to hold my thighs apart which threatened to squeeze his head. I was moaning incoherently, feeling his desire to break me. But he did not succumb to temptation. He continued with his slow, maddening movements. Remus suckled on my nub and I wanted to fist my hands in his hair, thrusting his head into me. But the belt or a spell, I didn’t know what exactly anymore, held my wrists above my head. He didn’t even need to finger me, I was going to come all over his face. I felt his groan between my thighs and the vibration made me buck against his mouth. He sucked harder, dipping his tongue inside more and more. I didn't think I could take it anymore. My mind was focused on my only desire at that moment, and that was for him not to stop. I was calling out his name. That made him work hard. _Oh, Merlin, it was glorious._ He lapped me as he held my pussy hard against his mouth as I came.

I was still shaking when he nestled between my legs. He rocked against me letting me feel how hard I made him. I was so wet. Remus leaned down and kissed me again. His tongue opened my mouth letting me taste myself on his lips. I kissed him harder. He pushed the tip of his cock inside and slid in with ease. Then he stopped for a moment, which drove me crazy.

“Remus, don’t stop, “I asked him desperately. This temptation was too much.

Slowly, he thrust himself in and out. I was gasping with each gentle plunge and Remus kissed me letting his tongue match the movement of his cock. He opened my legs wider to him and starting meeting his hips. I wanted it faster, but he wasn’t going to let me set the tempo. _A punishment, indeed._ He went back to kissing my neck and continued fuck me slowly. I wanted to feel every inch of him inside me as he moved. I moaned his name. That made him shifting the tempo a little. He rotated his hips and pumped harder until I started thrusting back. I was begging him, crying out for him. He kissed me down to my neck. I was pulsing around him and I was so wet that I felt his need to drive into me faster. And he couldn't take it anymore. _Finally_. He felt so fucking good. I called his name over and over and that was it. For me and for him. He convulsed and shook and buried himself in me breathing into my neck.

My body was still wrapped around him, my wrists – above my head. My breathing hitched and he pulled his head up to look at me.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked me worried. With a few deft movements, he untied my hands, looked at them quickly, making sure he hadn't hurt me. He kissed each of my palms gently. Then he helped me to my feet and pulled me into his arms.

“I don't think this punishment was enough for me. “I smiled at him broadly.

"That's not the purpose of punishment, but if you want, I can borrow from Sirius that “torture” book you showed me a few days ago."

Despite the attempts, I managed to blush. 

"Will you be able to get out of here these days? I promised you to take a look at my library," he said to me with a smirk.

I laughed. "If I can come alone to your house, believe me, I won't want you to show me books."

As the daylight dwindled the tension in me grew. Sirius should have been back by now, I thought. I filled the kettle to make coffee I had no intention of drinking and my eyes kept darting to the door that refused to open. I turned the radio on and sat, only to turn it off just a minute later. When the kettle finally boiled, I heard a knock from upstairs, and a few minutes later he appeared in the kitchen. His cheeks were flushed from the cold, his hair was dishevelled, the smile never left his face.

"I know about Harry already." Sirius said to us, ignoring my scolding look." Whoever put his name in the goblet now knows for sure that my boy will not give up without a fight."

"Where have you been?"I got worried."

"It does not matter. Now we need to celebrate Harry's victory. How about going to a bar? "

I looked at Remus to confirm that my uncle was really crazy. He nodded at me. Maybe Sirius was going mad after all.

"What?" Sirius asked, looking innocently at both of us. "I'm not talking about a wizard bar, let's go to a Muggle one. No one will recognize me there. Let's merge with the crowd. Come on, Moony, to break those old bones a little. Ash, I'll even let you flirt with someone. As long as he's ugly and toothless, of course. And if possible about around 100 years. With a large inheritance and no relatives."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll let you flirt with this guy. But I wouldn't refuse to dance a little. I think I've forgotten what it's like to be with people. That would help."

"Great." And my uncle clapped his hands, excited that someone was supporting his idea. "Rem, what about you? Don't you want some shiny she-wolf to have this body of yours for at least one night? "

I narrowed my eyes at the thought of another woman next to Remus. _Over my dead body_.

"It doesn't sound so bad" he replied, smiling at me. _Over_ _your_ _dead body_ _, Remus Lupin._

I must be completely mad. To go to a Muggle bar? With my uncle, who was a wanted prisoner, and my secret werewolf lover. Where was my mind? But it seemed too late to change something. I had gone up to my room and was wondering what to wear. I didn't follow Muggle fashion. I hoped I didn't overdo something and that they looked at me strangely in the club. In the end, I decided to choose my emerald-green velvet dress. I wore it to the last ball at school and it still fit. t was quite narrow, with thin straps. I loved the softness of the material as it rushed asymmetrical up my side making my figure look like an hourglass. I let my hair wild in loose curls over my shoulders. A little red lipstick, my black stilettos, and I was ready. I grabbed a small black bag to put my wand in it. I didn't need a coat; a warming spell would work for a few hours.

Someone knocked on the door. "Can I come in?" I heard Remus's voice.

"Yes."

"Sirius can't wait anymore and ..." he said, entering my room but his words suddenly died on his tongue. I tried not to blush when I noticed Remus's stare. I saw him swallow hard while looking at me.

“Do I look alright?” I asked nervously.

“Hmm, I don’t know,” he circled me, then stopped, steading behind me. Our eyes caught each other in the mirror. “Something isn’t right.”

“Oh?” I pondered, wondering what was amiss. I checked my dress and hair trying to see what he found wrong.

Remus grinned and kissed me on the shoulder. “The problem is that you're so beautiful that I don't know how I'm going to stay at a decent distance from you all night. “

I smiled in relief. "You looked good, too," I said, turning to face him. Remus was in a dark green shirt and black slacks. The top few buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned. I wish I could kiss him right there, right now, right under his collarbone. His hair was carelessly smoothed back. "We match," I winked at Remus, nodding at the same colours of clothes we had chosen. 

"Sirius gave me one of his shirts. He said it wasn't right to go to a bar with a sweater. But you have to see him first.“ Remus held out his hand for me to follow.

"Come on, miss. The clubs will close while I'm waiting for you" I heard my uncle shouting from the corridor.

"I'm coming," I said, looking in the mirror for the last time.

I must admit that he had dressed well too. Sirius's jacket was long, olive green, and had a striped pattern to it. He wore his favourite dark purple velvet vest, black shirt, and pants. 

We all apparated together in a quiet back street in central London. With the help of Confundus spell, Sirius managed to get us into one of the most popular clubs in the city. I took a deep breath as we went inside, trying to enjoy the atmosphere as much as possible. Marble columns showcased a massive bar with leather circular private booths, plush lounges in vibrant tones. The place was hopping, and I could see the crowd was having a good time. The place was packed. Sirius led us through the club, while Remus walked beside me with a gentle hand on the small of my back. The scent of cigars and hookahs was overpowering in here while the music pounded in my head.

“I need a drink. What would you like?” Sirius walked us up to the side of the bar and signalled the bartender.

“I think that only sore whiskey will help me overcome the feeling that our place is not here. “ I told him.

“Same for me.“ said Remus and glanced at me. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, of course. The smoke is making me a little light-headed though.”

The bartender brought our drinks.

"Let's raise a toast to Harry and his successful first task," Sirius said, raising his glass.

"For Harry." And I drank. The taste of the drink was quite controversial. At first, I thought it would burn my tongue and throat, but then it was as if a pleasant warmth spread throughout my body. With an ice cube, it might be better.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I saw a beautiful lady at 3 o'clock, who would be happy for my company. " Sirius stood up, looked at Remus, and said, "I hope you keep an eye on Ash so she doesn't get in trouble."

I rolled my eyes as I watched him get lost in the crowd. Remus leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"Well, Ashling Black, are you going to search for trouble?"

His voice so close, his breath caressing my neck made my skin electrified. I tried to control my breathing, but all I could feel was his hand on my skin only inches away from the end of my dress. _I_ _shouldn’t be aroused right now,_ _I_ _chastised_ _my_ _self._ There were so many people here. And Sirius could see our closeness. But there was no sign of him nearby after all. The playful flame in Remus's eyes, the faint smile that stretched the corner of his lips, his shaggy hair, and those few unbuttoned buttons of his shirt were the only things that interested me right now.

"The only trouble I need and want is in front of me," I smirked at him.

Remus stood up and walked back slowly to the dance floor, holding out one hand for me to follow. My stomach dropped. Setting my drink aside, I slowly got up from the bar and adjusted my dress before taking the few steps to stand before him. He took my hand and pulled me closer to him. The song that was playing right now had a slow beat and was definitely oozing sex appeal. Remus pulled me to him and took my waist. I followed him, I wanted to feel the beat and his body so close to mine. I didn’t care if Sirius saw us. Apparently, he didn't care about my uncle either, because his dance moves were, to put it mildly, quite tempting. I didn't know he danced so well. _Another point for Mr Lupin._ To have a man dance like this seduced me. Why couldn’t all men know how to dance like that? I melted into him forgetting the people around us. The way Remus held me wasn’t innocent at all, it was dirty. I could feel every inch of him, the movement of his hips with mine as he spun me around with my back against his chest. He held me across my stomach and brought one of my arms up and around his neck as I felt his breath against mines. Remus turned me back to him, and his face was so close that I could see the flecks of black in his amber eyes.

"You look insanely good tonight. And although I really like this dress on you, I would like to take it off." His sweet breath was on my lips, but he didn’t kiss me. He tortured me again. _I can play this game too._

I pulled away from him. I spun slowly as I looked him intently in the eye and headed for the bar. I hope he liked the view from behind. He followed me. The moment I wanted to continue with this little game between us, Sirius appeared in front of me. About a 30-year-old red-haired woman was standing next to him. She had green eyes and a pleasant face. Maybe she was a little more drunk than necessary. I smiled playfully at them, understanding where things were going.

"And here you are. I was looking for you. " Sirius told us, ignoring my gaze. He leaned over to Remus to whisper something to him without me or anyone else hearing him. The faces of both remained focused even as they pulled away from each other. Remus nodded slowly, looked at me out of the corner of his eye, and smiled at me. Then he came to me as Sirius and the red-haired woman disappeared into the crowd.

"What was all this for?" I asked.

"Come on, Sirius gave us his blessing."

"What?" I couldn't believe what he was telling me. "No way. "

"I don't literally mean that. He apparently intends to take this lady to Grimmauld Place, and I have been so helpful in suggesting that you could sleep at home and not disturb them."

"What? And he caught on to that? "

"As you know, I can be quite convincing."


	9. The Job

Faint autumn sounds filtered into the room as I opened my eyes. It was still early and I rolled on to my back and stretched. There was still a pleasurable ache between my legs and I smiled thinking about what happened last night. A light was coming from the window, the room’s door was opened and I could hear Remus tinkering downstairs. The scent of fresh coffee filled my nosе and I wrapped the sheet around my body. Padding into the kitchen, Remus noticed me and smiled sweetly. He had made two plates with scrambled eggs and bacon. There were fresh fruits, a teapot, and a jug of coffee on the table. He was already showered and dressed and I couldn’t help but smell him as I wrapped my arms around him from behind. I took a deep breath of his scent - of chocolate, of books, of a forest after rain, of home. He touched my hand on his stomach before dragging me to the table.

“I’m quite underdressed for breakfast,” I laughed.

Remus’ eyes appraised me and I blushed. _Why did this man do this to me?_

“Underdressed would be you in nothing more … than me on top of you, “ he said before sipping his tea. “Did you sleep well?” he asked when I sat down and started eating.

“Mmhmm… very well. I was so exhausted. You’re better than a sleeping pill,” I teased him. He smiled; his eyes fixed on me. I was mesmerized. “What? It’s something wrong?”

“Absolutely nothing. You're beautiful. “the features of his face had softened.

I blushed. _Again._ _Can I behave normally? To blush like a schoolgirl? My brain doesn't work properly when Remus is around._

We had a quiet breakfast. It was so nice to be around him. I enjoyed the smallest ordinary things we did together. My heart would burst. I wanted to stay in this moment and not have to leave.

"I managed to sneak into your room and get you some clothes. As much as I like your dress from last night, you shouldn't wear it again today. I won't be able to let you go. " Remus hugged me.

"Was the house in its place?" I laughed, remembering Sirius.

"Yes, it was even surprisingly quiet. Given his reputation at school ... "

"Save me the details, please," I shuddered. "He's my uncle after all."

"I feel a little uncomfortable about that. Look, he's my best friend. I can't hide my relationship with you from him for a long time. "

 _Relationship._ That word sounded so good on his lips.

"I know. I still didn't get the right moment. That tortures me too, and he obviously trusts you a lot as he lets me sleep in your house. "

"Yes, you'll have to pretend how uncomfortable my sofa was."

"I'll play with his guilty conscience of abandoning me for the sake of the redhead."

We both laughed. I walked to the bedroom when Remus stopped me and turned me around to face him. He cupped my face and kissed me deeply. This kiss was different. It wasn’t demanding and so passionate, but it was soft and tender, I unconsciously returned it and wrapped my arms around him. Slowly our lips parted breathlessly and I stared at him. Remus smiled at me and gave me another quick peck.

“Off you go to the shower, you smell like sex,” he grinned.

“I’d ask you to join me ...” I teased him

“If I joined you, we’d never leave this house today,” he teased back.

The shower felt good and when I dried off, I could see the clothes Remus had laid out for me. I combed my hair and pulled it back before going downstairs.

“When I will see you again? “I asked him, while I was looking to collect my bag and shoes from last night.

“I'm leaving for Galway today. I was offered a job in the area. Old acquaintances of Dumbledore. It's not something much, but at least the people there aren't interested in this _anti-werewolf legislation_ “ - the last words were soaked with a lot of pain and anger that I hadn't seen in him. I stroked his cheek, his features relaxed slightly, but he didn't look me in the eye, he was focused on some point far behind me. He sighed wearily shortly afterward and turned to me, "Don't worry about me. The first week will be quite intense, but by the end, I will find a way to get out and see you. " He kissed me goodbye. Send greetings to Sirius from me.“

A whole week without him. That thought bothered me from within. I always considered myself an introvert, I preferred to be alone, immersed in books, coffee, and my own thoughts. But now I couldn't imagine all this without wanting Remus to be by my side. Even Sirius noticed my rotten mood.

"What's going on, sweetling?" Why is this mood?

"Not that I have the right to complain about something, but I'm dying of boredom. I want to do something, to occupy my thoughts, to intrigue me. Do you think that I can apply for a position in the Ministry? I have no plan for my future and that is quite depressing. And I can't count on your money forever. "

"A lot of people wouldn't complain about that," he smiled at me. "If you only care about money, don’t worry. I have enough. After I die, I'll leave everything to you and Harry. But if you want something to make you feel useful, I understand. Have you ever thought about what you want to do?

"I don't know - at school I was good at Transfiguration, Charms and .... Curses. I know languages too. "

"How many? "

"I do not know the exact number, somewhere around 140. "

"How manyyyyyy?" he looked at me in disbelieve."Bartemius Crouch Senior will kill for you to take you to his Department. "

"Is that the mustachioed man with short gray hair split in two? He was at the Triwizard Tournament. Honestly, it seems a little sinister to me. "

"He's a great wizard, Barty Crouch, powerfully magical — and power-hungry. Oh, never a Voldemort supporter. No, Barty Crouch was always very outspoken against the Dark Side. But... I would say he became as ruthless and cruel as many on the Dark Side. He was the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement during the First Wizarding War, and a candidate for Ministry of Magic, but when the war ended he was demoted to the Head of the Department of International Magical Cooperation. He had a reputation for "fighting fire with fire", exhibiting the sort of ruthlessness and brutality against criminals that could be compared to some Death Eaters to their victims. "

"Why was he demoted?"

"His own son was a Death Eater and had helped drive two Aurors — Alice and Frank Longbottom — insane through use of the Cruciatus Curse. During the trial against his son, Crouch did not make any difference for it despite his son being among the convicts. Ignoring his son and wife's pleas, as well as the apparently not completely certain evidence that his son was guilty in the first place, he sentenced him to Azkaban for life, while cruelly claiming that he had no son. In fact, his decision was met with the roaring approval of the court. In my opinion, and by all accounts, this court was nothing more than a sham trial for Crouch Snr. to express his hatred for his son and to publicly disown him in front of the entire Wizengamot. "

"Terrible story, this does not help me in my choice of where to apply for a job. "

"Forget it, Crouch is unscrupulous, but he's a good leader. And now I heard that they urgently need people in the Department of International Magical Cooperation, especially during the tournament. Someone who knows how to speaks with trolls would be useful to them. "-and he winked at me

"Troll language is easier than talking to you, " I joked back.

Despite Sirius' story about Barty Crouch, I decided to try and apply for a job in his Department. I sent my owl with my candidacy to the Ministry, trying to make my CV looks good. I also attached my exam grades for my last year. In Drumstrang we have similar ones to the Hogwarts N.E.W.T. with very slight differences such as some of the subjects and grading scale. I hoped that graduating from another school would not affect my application. To my surprise, the next day I received an official invitation to appear for an interview at the Department of International Magical Cooperation.

On the day I had to go to the Ministry, I got up very early. My stomach had clenched into a ball, and it was as if someone had shoved a large piece of pie down my throat. I couldn't breathe evenly. Not only my anxiety but also that I hadn't received any notice from Remus since we have been at his house. I hoped he was very busy, not that he forgot me.

I chose my clothes carefully. I stopped at a black plain robe with silver buttons. Underneath, I wore a black straight skirt and a gray shirt. I tied my hair in a careless bun. Nothing intrusive, but not very casual too. With one last look at Sirius, who had raised his thumbs, wishing me success, I left to the Ministry via the Floo network.

The Department of International Magical Cooperation was located on the fifth level of the Ministry of Magic. My way from Grimmauld place to the door with the “Head-office” sign had passed in a fog. I was so nervous. A man around my age appeared at the door. He was tall and thin with vivid red hair and freckles. He wore horn-rimmed glasses.

"Yes," he began in a slightly arrogant tone, "you must be Ashling Karkaroff. Come in. ”And he stepped back from the door to make a path for me. "I'm Percy Weasley, Mr. Crouch's assistant. " I held out my hand to shake hands, but he didn't seem to notice and continued. "In principle, I conduct the interviews, but he has explicitly ordered me to do it himself now. " It became clear from his tone that he was a little offended by this fact. " Come and sit down. Mr. Crouch will be here shortly. "- and with these words, he came out.

 _So arrogant_ _._ I hoped if I started working here, I wouldn't have much to do with this Percy Weasley. Great start - a terrifying boss and an arrogant colleague. _W_ _hy_ _do I want_ _to be_ _involved_ _in this?_ The moment I thought about leaving without waiting for the interview, Barthemius Crouch himself stormed into the room. I had only seen him from a distance, and now he seemed even more impressive. Although he had large shadows under his eyes and his hair was not as smooth as when I first saw him, I still had the same feeling that he was piercing me with his eyes. I stood up and held out my hand.

"Good day, I'm Ashling Karkaroff and I'm here for the job interview. It’s a pleasure. "Unlike Percy Weasley, he shook my hand tightly. Then he sat down at his desk and waved me to sit back in my chair in front of him.

"So, I checked your application. Your grades are quite impressive. Your Multilingualism abilities too." He looked at me inquiringly and then continued without stumbling in my mother language - _Bulgarian_. – Нямате против да продължим интервюто на различни езици, нали? (You will not mind conducting the interview, speaking in different languages, do you?)

"Pas du tout. En fait, je serai ravi." (Not at all. In fact, I will be pleased) - I answered in _French_ and smiled.

"Ghood. Uhff Oosoyyo Haarduuh " (Good. It is not hard. – _Mermish_ ) Wie gesagt, ich war beeindruckt von Ihrem Lebenslauf, bis ich sah, dass Sie Karkaroff heißen. Hast du irgendwelche Verbindungen zu Igor Karkaroff? (As I said, I was impressed by your CV until I saw that your name is Karkaroff. Do you have any ties with Igor Karkaroff? _– German_ ) – he narrowed his eyes at me, waiting for my answer.

"Y si y no. Igor Karkaroff es mi tío. Pero no tengo un contacto cercano con él. Mi abuela me crió. " (And yes, and no. Igor Karkaroff is my uncle. But I have no close contact with him. My grandmother raised me. - Spanish)

His features relaxed slightly. But his gaze remained focused. I had the feeling that he wanted to read my mind.

"「ここイギリスに親戚はいますか？」" (Do you have any relatives here in England? – Japanese)

" עם מי ליצור קשר, לא. " (With whom to have contact, no. - Hebrew) - I lied.

"Abbastanza coraggioso da parte tua venire da solo in Inghilterra. Se davvero vuoi questo lavoro, ti chiederò la massima riservatezza per i compiti che ti assegno. Non tollero disobbedienza, ritardi, arbitrarietà. Sei assunto. " (Quite brave of you to come alone to England. If you really want this job, I will ask you for complete confidentiality for the tasks I assign to you. I do not tolerate disobedience, delays, arbitrariness. You are hired. - Italian)

His last words startled me. _Did the interviews go_ _usually_ _that fast?_ _A little_ _more_ _detail_ _s_ _about what is expected of me?_ As if reading my mind, he added:

"Weatherby will give you additional information on when and where to start. This is from me for now. I will look forward to our work together. "

"Thank you, "I said still a little confused, getting up to leave.

"For what? " he asked me. His gaze suddenly seemed distracted.

"For hiring me", I told him with mixed feelings.

"Right? Okay .... Um, enjoyed it," he replied, sending me to the door. _This man didn't seem to be quite_ _sane_ _. Great, and I will work for him._

After receiving some instructions from Percy Weasley, I went straight back home to Sirius, still shocked by the way the interview was being conducted.

"And..? " My uncle asked me, looking forward to my answer.

"I'm hired," I told him simply. He clapped his hands happily. " But I do not know. It was very strange. In the beginning, it started interestingly, Crouch asked me in different languages, he was interested in my family ...

"He probably doesn't want to have anything to do with someone who is related to a Death Eater."

"An ex-Death Eater, I hope. But that was not strange, in fact. He hired me after only a few questions, and suddenly he seemed carried away. Suddenly he was a different person. It was as if he didn't know where he was.

"Odd indeed for Barty Crouch. But he can get very tense along with the Quidditch World Cup and the Tournament. Come on, let's celebrate. I’m going to have connections in the Ministry. You can say another good word for me. " Sirius laughed ." I received a letter from Remus this morning, by the way "

"Did he write to you?" I swallowed with a lump in my throat. " Only to you? "

"So who else? He's obviously pretty busy with his new job. Which is good for him. All he needs now is a woman to shake his life a little. I hope he’s going to meet someone there."

I suddenly felt sick. The world began to spin around me. The lump in my throat reappeared. _Why had Remus written to Sirius but not to me? Did I make a mistake in our last meetings? Or he_ _really_ _did meet someone there._

"I'm thinking of going up to my room, Sirius. I want to rest, I had a lot of emotions today. "and without waiting for his answer, I quickly went up to my room. My heart pounded in my chest as I slammed the door. Turning around, I opened my eyes and screamed at the figure leaning against the bed frame.

"Why so nervous?" He asked, startling me. With my hand on the wand, I was ready to curse the man in front of me. I was so angry with him. _Remus_. _I was angry with him_ although I relaxed slightly.

"What are you doing here? Weren’t you in Ireland? Sirius just told me you wrote him a letter from there.”

"A letter to him, A kiss to you." He smiled at me, his eyes were soft and shiny. All my anxiety from a while ago has evaporated. " I managed to sneak into your room a while ago. I do not have much time.”

He held out one hand to me and pulled me to sit on top of him on the bed. He kissed my shoulder, then my neck, slowly and gently. I bit back a moan when his lips found a pulse beneath my jaw. He suckled that pulse point and I felt myself giving in to his kisses. His hands slid down my back, under my shirt, unbuttoning my bra. Lifting my skirt, his hand slipped under my lacy knickers, discovering my wetness already.

The moment when Remus growled at my neck and began kissing me even more passionately, the door to my room opened. I turned around almost immediately.

Sirius was standing in the doorway of my room, a shock on his face. He was holding champagne and 2 glasses. Realizing what was happening, he threw them aside. They shattered into thousands of pieces. I couldn't move in horror, Remus was also frozen strained, his hand still under my skirt.

“You son of a…. I’m gonna kill you” Sirius said, his eyes burning as he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I apologize in advance for the mistakes, especially in the part where they speak different languages. I used Google Translate. If there are any errors, I will be happy if you write to me to correct them.


	10. Fight and vow

Maybe if that didn't happen to me, I would find it quite funny. And quite romantic too. Like in the books. But the situation at the moment was not funny at all. Two adult wizards roll up their sleeves, ready for a simple old-fashioned fistfight. They forgot about their wands. How pathetic and typical of both. In that frozen second between stand-off and fighting, I see Sirius’s eyes flick from me to Remus. His face was unreadable. I tried to stand between the two and end this ridiculous situation.

“Sirius, please, let's just talk,” I begged him.

“I'll talk to you later. Now I want to beat this person who was called my friend. “ I felt the tension and heard the intensity in his tone.

“Ash, back off. “Remus told me in a hard tone, pushing me aside, "We'll get along. The old-fashioned fight between the two of us has always fixed things. There is no way to reason with him before he has used up his anger. I will take no pleasure in taking him down. None. It's just necessary. "

“Let's see who will take whom down. “

I didn't know who threw the first punch, but suddenly Sirius's fist was slamming into Remus’s face while he sunk his own into my uncle’s stomach. They stumbled apart for a brief second to catch their breaths before diving back at each other, eyes narrowed in determination.  
Sirius dodged Remus’s fist and came up with his own; for a brief instant, I thought that he succeeds in his attempt when Remus managed to tilt his head back and slam it into his friend’s head. My uncle shook it off, blinding throwing a sloppy kick.  
Remus stepped back, evading the kick. "Is that all you got?" he crowed, smirking infuriatingly. Sirius growled and threw himself, changing direction at the last minute and pushed his friend surprisingly.  
My blood hummed in my veins and anger took over me. My initial shock was over. This situation was ridiculous. They could seriously injure themselves. Obviously, when it comes to a fight there were only primary instincts, no code. All that matters was the win. Men become boys with no sign of a brain in their heads. 

I hurried quickly and grabbed my wand: _“Everte Statum“._ A blue light came out of it, and the two of them, Sirius and Remus, were strongly thrown away from each other.

"Stop! Both of you! This is ridiculous. You are friends and you hurt each other. "

"This one here is no longer my friend." Sirius spat on the floor, nodding at Remus.

"Why?"I asked him "What did he do so wrong? He and I are both adults who are responsible for ourselves and our actions. Our only mistake is that we didn't tell you in the beginning. For which I am so sorry. In fact, it's all my fault. I was afraid of your reaction, so I postponed my conversation with you. Uncle, forgive me…

Sirius's features softened slightly, but his eyes still flicked angrily.

"I'm sorry, my friend," Remus said. "I didn't want to hide anything from you, especially my relationship with Ash. You know me, I would never do anything if my intentions were not serious. I didn't plan to fall in love with your niece, it just happened. "

_Fall in love? Did he actually say that?_

"How long has this been going on?" Sirius asked a little calmer.

"Two months" Remus and I answered together.

"Merlin," my uncle sighed, rolling his eyes and clenching his fists. "Where were your minds to hide it from me? Where did I go wrong? Why didn’t you tell me? Two months! Under my nose! I lost my instincts after 12 years in Azkaban.”

No one spoke after that for a while, Remus and I stood up, watching Sirius nervously walk around the room. It was as if he was having an internal struggle with himself. I decided it was best not to tease him for the moment. Finally, he looked up, apparently deciding what to do.

"Come to think of it, "he began. " The situation isn't really that bad. I can't imagine anyone else I would approve of as Ash's boyfriend but you, Moony. And you, on the other hand, need a woman like her to calm you down a bit. " I smiled in relief. " But ... for a while, avoid in front of me to the showing off this between you until I get used to the thought. And to forget the picture from a while ago.”

That was it. Remus was clearly right. The old-fashioned fistfight fixes things. _Boys._

After this incident, all my worries disappeared. It was as if a huge load had been removed from my shoulders. My conscience didn't bother me that I was hiding something from my uncle. Remus felt the same way. It is true that Sirius still rolls his eyes when he sees us holding hands or leaves the room if, by any chance, the distance between me and Remus is less than the decent one in Sirius' eyes. Not that we had many opportunities to meet. Remus was very busy in Ireland and stopped by for a little at weekends. I started my work, which at the moment turned out to be quite boring and did not bring me the satisfaction I expected. My boss was absent all the time, I received assignments from Percy, mostly to translate and send letters. The most interesting thing that happened to me was to direct a group of goblins to the toilet.

"You don't seem excited about your new job. Is Barty Crouch harassing you? " Sirius asked me one day shortly before I left for the Ministry.

"Actually, I haven't seen him since my interview."

"This is strange. I guess he is very busy during the Tournament. Give your job a chance, after all. I'm sure when Crouch shows up, he'll give you an interesting task.”

Christmas was approaching. All employees in the Ministry were very busy. Letters were constantly flying between the departments, everyone wanting to finish their tasks before the holidays. Arriving on the fifth floor where my Department was, I came across a group of dwarves at the door, who were eagerly explaining something to Percy, who obviously did not understand their language.

"Oh, Ashling, please get along with these creatures here. They are representatives of Santa's committee and they are trying to explain something to me. And I'm very busy right now, especially when Mr. Crouch is here ... "

"Is Mr. Crouch here?" I asked for confirmation, but Percy had disappeared, leaving me to get along with the dwarves. It turned out that they just want Santa not to be stopped this year for ID verification at the British border. This greatly delayed the distribution of gifts last year. The Muggle Ministry was more cooperative than the Wizard one. In the end, I promised to take the task into my own hands and nothing like this would happen this year. I think they were pleased with my answer.

I finally made it to my office. To my surprise, Barthemius Crouch called me before even I could leave my bag. Something had happened to him. The shadows under his eyes grew even bigger, his hair tousled. He hadn't shaved for a long time. As I entered his office, I saw how cluttered it was. During my interview, everything was arranged and polished.

"Miss Karkaroff," he began impatiently, closing the door behind him. "I have a special task for you. " He paced nervously around his desk. He took a sealed envelope from it and handed it to me. "I would like you to take this letter in complete confidence, read it, and pass it on orally and personally to Albus Dumbledore himself."

"All right," I agreed, taking the letter. I looked at it. It was addressed to Dumbledore in Sanskrit. "This language is not the most familiar to me, but I will try. But why can’t you do it? Don't you see him more often during the Tournament? He doesn't even know me. It will be difficult for me to arrange a meeting with him. " I asked Crouch, ignoring the fact that I had to take over the tasks from him without asking unnecessary questions.

Crouch's hands trembled for a moment. But he controlled himself, went to the window and without looking at me answered:

"No one should know what I wrote in the letter except you and Dumbledore. I don't trust anyone! " He shouted his last words loudly, came to me, and squeezed my shoulders tightly. "You have to promise me. Not a word to anyone about the letter and our conversation except Dumbledore. "

"All right," I agreed, startled by his desperate look. " OK, I promise. "

"Please," he said in a whisper. " _An_ _unbreakable vow_ _."_

"What? Is that really necessary? "

"Please," he looked at me pleadingly. "I promise this letter won't hurt anyone, especially you. It's just important to get to Dumbledore. "

I didn't know how to react. He looked so desperate. After all, what so much can be written in the letter...

"All right," I said. He visibly relaxed. And he held out his hand to me. I hesitated for a moment but I caught it back. I had never taken the Unbreakable Vow. But I knew the basics. The Unbreakable Vow was a type of binding magical contract cast between two parties, that if broken by either party, will result in the imminent death of whoever broke the contract. We standing opposite each other and clasping each other right hands.

"Will you, Ashling Black, will you read this letter without disclosing the information in it to anyone but Albus Dumbledore?" he began, touching his wand to my hand.

“I will.” - a thin stream of fire emitted from his wand, weaving around our hands.

"And will you, to the best of your ability, tell the information from it only orally to Albus Dumbledore?"

“I will.” – another steam.

"And will you promise not to talk to me about this letter anymore unless I explicitly initiate the conversation?"

“I will.” – The final steam of fire evaporated into thin air after my last words.

“Do not open it before Christmas.” He said to me apparently calmed down when he released my hand. He even smiled slightly at me.

 _Did I really do it? Did I really_ _give an Unbreakable vow_ _?_ _Where is my mind?_

Bartemius Crouch sat behind his desk, trying to arrange it. He didn't look at me anymore.

"Do you need me for anything else, Mr. Crouch?" I asked him, wanting to get something more out of him as a conversation. The whole situation was very odd.

"Excuse me? What do you mean? Did I call you about something? " He turned to me again with that distracted look as at the end of the interview.

"Mmhmm, if you have more assignments for me, I mean."

"More tasks? No, Weatherby gives you the tasks. "

"All right. Good day, Mr. Crouch.” I stared in confusion. I left his office, clutching the letter.

By the end of the day, I was trying to ignore the whole thing. I will think about it after Christmas. But something was bothering me about Crouch's behavior. There was something familiar about the way he talking to me. Something familiar in his blank stare in the end.

I couldn't wait for my working hours to end so I could go home and talk to Sirius. To my surprise, I found Remus in the living room. I had forgotten that he would come today. I felt a little guilty. The feeling intensified when he hugged me and kissed me, saying that he had been thinking about me all day. I tried to smile casually at him, but it was obvious that something was bothering me.

"What happened? He asked worried, stroking my cheek.

" I want to ask you something. What do you know about the Imperius Curse? "

Sirius and Remus looked at me intently.

"Why do you ask," my uncle began, "I mean, you must know the basics."

"Yes, I'd rather know if there's a way to know if anyone is under the influence of the curse. In school we learned about the Unforgivable Curses, even our teacher tested Imperius on some of us for a demonstration. What? " I shook my head, ignoring their shocked looks. "It wasn't much. Some managed to oppose him. Others do not. I remember the looks of those who couldn't. It was as if they had been blown away and distracted. "

"Actually, you can hardly tell that someone is under the influence of the Curse. " Remus answered me."This was the main problem after the collapse of Voldemort. Many of his followers claimed to have been under the influence of the Imperius Curse and therefore to carry out his orders. The victim of an Imperius Curse was placed in a calm, trance-like state in which all feelings of responsibility and anxiety were banished and it is difficult to see clearly. But you did not answer our question. Why are you interested? "

"I think Bartemius Crouch Sr. is under the influence of Imperius Curse. "

Both Remus and Sirius looked at me as if I had lost my mind.


	11. Christmas

"You must be kidding," Sirius snorted. "Barty Crouch under the influence of the Imperius curse? No way. "

"What makes you think such a thing?" Remus asked me.

"It's hard to explain," I sighed. "Feeling, I don’t know. I remember the looks of my classmates under its influence, Crouch behaves very strangely, as if he is a different person sometimes. "

"There's no way," my uncle challenged again. "Barty Crouch is a very powerful wizard, it will be very difficult for anyone to put him under the influence of the curse. And for what would someone need it? Barty has no such influence in the Ministry as before. If someone wanted to do something bad, they would use Fudge, a much easier and more influential target. "

Remus nodded at Sirius’s words, then he said trying to reassure me: "Look, if something really bothers you, you can ask some of your colleagues who know him well. As far as I understand, you think he's under constant control. But that is damn, damn hard. Crouch is a very capable Wizard; it will be difficult for someone to control him even for a short time. Not to mention for a long time. "He approached me and hugged me, putting his chin on my head " Is there anything else that has impressed you and bothered you around him? Did something specific happen?"

I hesitated for a moment. _The Vow._

"No. " I lied, shuddering at him. "Maybe you're right. "

Maybe they were really right. I had no concrete evidence of such a thing. Besides, I didn't know Crouch well. Maybe he was just an odd guy. I decided I didn't need to ruin my holidays because of some false feeling. Maybe the letter would help me understand what kind of person Barty Crouch was. _Maybe._ But that would happen after Christmas. I will try to forget what’s happening today for now.

And I've really succeeded in that so far. One of the reasons was that Sirius and Remus reassured me, and another of it was Percy's assurance that Crouch was just very busy. Still, he knew him better than I did.

Christmas was approaching, and in addition to my work and worries, I had completely forgotten that I had to buy presents for Remus and Sirius. Although my uncle was an odd fish, I already had an idea of what to give him. I'll just have to get him out of the house for a while. I don't want him to sniff around me while I prepare the surprise. What about Remus? It had been several years since I had bought a gift for a boyfriend. At that time I did not attach much importance to this. I just had to give something and to get something. Stephan’s interests were so ordinary and basic that it was not difficult for me at all. But now it was different. Remus was so different. I was different.

I decided to go to Diagon Alley hoping to find what I was looking for. In my home country, we had something like a square with many stalls and outpatients. From there we bought the things we needed for school. It was wide and usually not as busy as Diagon Alley. But that was exactly the charm of this British street. This street always amazed me with its variety and noise. Peering through the crowd, I came to the shop that interested me. Luckily for me, I got the gift for Remus inside.

The day before Christmas came imperceptibly fast. The Christmas mood was everywhere. Even in the Ministry. Instead of the usual letter planes that circled between the departments, small talking bells now flew, wishing merry holidays. I managed to get out of work early, although Percy tried to stop me with a pile of letters waiting to be translated.

"Come on, Perce," I told him, forgetting long ago that he was actually something like my boss. "It's Christmas. Leave the work for a moment and drink an egg punch. Where will you spend the holiday?

"At home, with my family. My older brother Charlie is here, he was dealing with the dragons during the first task of the Triwizard Tournament. This Christmas will be much calmer and I will have time to finish my reports on Mr. Crouch. My brothers and sister will be staying at Hogwarts for the holidays because of the Yule ball. By the way, Mr. Crouch wants me to go instead of him. But I haven't found a date yet. " as in his last words, he looked at me appraisingly from head to toe.

Shocked, realizing where the conversation was headed, I quickly managed to say goodbye and wish him happy holidays.

On Christmas morning, wearing a huge dwarf hat, I managed to break into the room of Sirius, who was still asleep.

"Come on, sleepyhead. I have a surprise for you. " and with these words, I pulled him out of his bed. Still sleepy and yawning, he stood in the doorway of the room I had dragged him to. He looked around confused for a moment before going inside.

“Is that… - he began - is that real? Oh, Ash, it's great. ”And he ran and hugged me tightly. When he pulled away we were both in tears.

I was able to repaint one of the vacant larger rooms in the house and paint the Black family tree. But not like that one which was displayed in the drawing-room. Sirius’s mother Walburga blasted names of "blood traitors" off the tapestry in the original one without hesitation. The Black family motto of Toujours Pur ("always pure") was followed assiduously by family members; any who disagreed with the notion of blood purity or married Muggles or people of different blood statuses were disowned and blasted off the family tree, as were any Squibs. But on the tree I had painted, only the members that were blasted in the other, were left. Eduardus Limette Black, Iola Black, for marrying Muggle Bob Hitchens, Phineas Black, for supporting Muggle rights, Marius Black, for being a Squib, Cedrella Black, for marrying blood traitor Septimus Weasley; Andromeda Black, for marrying Muggle-born Ted Tonks, Alphard Black, for giving gold to his runaway nephew and of course my uncle - Sirius Black, for running away from home.

"This is your new family tree," I told him with a smile, watching him run his fingers over the new drawings.

"It's amazing, but I think you forgot something." - and with a few quick strokes of his wand he added something to the wall near his own name. At first, I couldn't figure out who he was painting until I read the text below. _Ashling Black_. "You’re my family, you know.”

My eyes filled with tears. And I hugged him again. Ever since my grandmother died, I was searching for my place, my home, who I am. I _already knew. I had found it. Here_. And I put my hand on Sirius' chest where his heart was.

"It got too emotional," Sirius pulled away from me, though his eyes were full of tears, too. "You're still a pain in the ass, you know."

I laughed.

Remus came in the evening. He had barely gotten out of work. He looked a little tired but entered the kitchen with a wide smile. He wore a black knitted hat that was covered with snow. When he took it off, his hair was in all directions. He tried clumsily to smooth her back. _Merlin, I loved everything about this man. I love ..._ I couldn't wait to give him the gift I had prepared for him. I was also a little worried because I didn't know if he would like it. We sat by the fireplace in the living room, overeating, our cheeks flushed from the amount of wine we had drunk. I listened to stories of Remus and Lupin’s years at Hogwarts, amused by how rebellious they were then, and how now they are trying to impose their authority on me. I was huddled in Remus when my uncle told us he was going to see Buckbeak and left the room.

"I have a present for you," he said to me. I turned to look at him. He dug in his pocket and pulled out a beautiful silver necklace with a dark black stone. "It was in my family for decades, the stone is special. It must be given by a friend or loved one to protect the one they love. The color of the stone reminds me of your hair and eyes. " Without another word, he brought the silver around my neck and fastened the small clasp. He didn’t need to say anything for we both knew what it meant. For the longest time, he gazed at me entranced for something had shifted between us.

“Thank you. It’s beautiful.” – I kissed him. “I have a present for you, too.” He ran his fingers lightly through my hair. "I don't know if you'll like it. It's not very practical, but I hope it means something to you. " I took the small packed box out of my pocket.

He picked it up and slowly opened it. He pulled out a leather bracelet. There was a metal plate with an inscription on it. He turned it over and read it. His eyes widened.

"These are runes," I explained, thinking he might not have understood them. "They mean…"

"Hope and Ash”

"Yes," I confirmed, trying to guess whether he liked it or not. "Like your mother's name and mine. I know how much you loved her, and that she learns runes after she met your father. And Ash as my name …"

" I love you. " He told me, smiling. His amber eyes were warm and tender. He ran his fingers gently down my cheek, then through my hair. “I love you, Ashling Black. You’re amazing. Every day I thank fate for meeting me with you. You came into my life without permission, without asking, so sure of things, so steadfast that you would become part of my life. You were so different from the others, both painfully familiar and insanely mysterious. I can't even think about living without you. " He said all this in one breath, not taking his eyes off me. My heart was pounding in my chest. I could also feel his under my arms, which were placed on his chest. _In this uncertain world, I was sure of one thing._

"I love you too, Remus Lupin." And I kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is short, but I had to split it in two. And to prepare you for the next. :) Thank you all for the support.


	12. Shopping and more

I woke up before him. This allowed me to watch him while he is sleeping. His features were peaceful and calm. His thick lips were slightly open. He had removed the blanket from himself, wearing only dark red pajama bottoms. I ran my fingers lightly over his bare chest and slowly descended to his abdomen and down. He was hard and a naughty thought went through my mind. I tucked my fingers lightly under the elastic of his pajamas and boxers and slid them down. I started to suck the head of his cock. My fingers were wrapped around the base of his dick and pumped. A moan growled deep in his chest. My hair tickling his stomach when my moan vibrated around his aching cock making his eyes open. My head bobbed as his hand touched me and sifted his fingers in my hair. My body curled back towards him and my hip was next to his shoulder. I felt his right hand drifted over my hip for something to touch as I gave him pleasure. That hand caressed my hip and down my thigh working its way back up again. It slipped between my legs and found me wet. That was making his cock twitch. I was turned on while giving him a blowjob. I heard Remus groaned. I sucked him when he started dipping his fingers along my folds and it made me moan around his cock again. He lifted one of my legs and pulled my hips over his chest. I stopped for a moment to enjoy the new position on top of him. Remus pulled my hips back and his mouth devoured me burying his face in me. He wrapped his strong arms around my hips keeping me in place as he worked his lips and tongue on me. _That was so good_.

He continued sucking me while I pumped him again, again. But as good as it felt, it wasn’t enough. It was as if he had read my mind and Remus lifted my hips pulling my body up and back where I let go of his cock.

“Turn around,” he told me and I straddle him without a question.

His eyes were black with lust as he stared at me. I could feel his gaze sliding across my full breasts. Remus let his hand trail along my ribs to the tapered waist and finally to rest on my hips. His hard cock jutted along with my bum and he gave a little thrust telling me what he wanted. He lifted my hips up and let me take him in my hand guiding it.

The head of his cock sink in and I rolled my eyes. _That feeling was incredible_. I sank lower and lower onto him until he was fully embedded inside me. I started to slide up and down his hardness, I braced my hands on his chest and started to really fuck him. I felt how rigid is he inside me and I tried to torture him a little. I rocked my hips forward and back. Right when he thought I was going to pull away too far, I thrust down hard making him hiss in pleasure. I was focusing on where we were connected and how to get the friction I needed so much. I needed this. My breathing was labored and my tits bounced in front of him. He definitely enjoyed the view.

“Oh yes, Ash, fuck me. Fuck me,” he growled. Remus bent his knees and grasped my hips roughly as he started to thrust his hips up. There was nothing gentle about this as we fucked each other hard. I was exhausted and I hadn’t come yet. Maybe he felt it, so he took control back by flipping me on my back and spreading me wide to him. He yanked my hips up and shoved himself back inside me. I cry out. This is what I really needed, hard fuck.

He fucked me deep and hard while rubbing my nub. My back was arched to keep my hips where he was holding me on his knees and all I could do was grab the bedsheets. I was going to come. “Oh Merlin yes…” Remus yanked my body up as we came together.

My heart was pounding so hard I thought I might have a heart attack. Our bodies were covered in sweat as we held each other and tried to catch our breath. My legs shook as he lay me back down on my back and collapsed beside me again. I exhausted him completely. He turned his head and gazed at me in adoration. Remus leaned over and kissed me tenderly. I smiled back at him. He pulled the sheets up again and tucked the pillow under his head before lying on his side and bringing me against him. He kissed the back of my shoulder and wrapped an arm around my waist before settling down. A whisper escaped his lips.

“You’ll kill me someday.”

_***_

We got up a little later. We both had a break for the next few days. I didn't mind lying in bed all day with a cup of fragrant coffee and eating Christmas cookies. But Remus obviously had another idea, because after breakfast he was ready and dressed to go out.

"Do you have any plans?" I asked, trying to pull the egg punch out of Sirius's hands.

"Yes, I want to take you to buy something downtown. Then the three of us can go for a walk somewhere. I will play a muggle who walks the dog and his wolf on a leash in the mountains" he laughed. "Come on, get dressed."

It was still snowing outside. And the buildings were covered with snow. I had my hat tucked low over my eyes and wrapped my scarf tightly around my face.

"We're not going to the North Pole, you know," Remus joked, seeing how I had dressed.

"I don't know where you're going to take me, I have to be prepared."

"We’re going shopping”. He replied simply, taking my hand and apparated us to the Leaky Cauldron.

I didn't realize where he was leading me when we passed Diagon alley. We passed all the possible shops, where I assumed he might want to take me. To my surprise, at the end of the street, we turned onto Knockturn Alley.

"Is there anything you want to tell me?" I asked him, trying to get something out of him. "If you've decided to get rid of me, you don't need to take me here."

"Wait a minute, we're almost there."

I was about to turn around and leave when he stopped abruptly in front of a shop. The windows were tinted, narrow stairs leading to a bright red door. I looked up to read the sign above the store: _Wizard Sex Shop._

 _“Oh”_ \- that was the only thing I was able to say at the moment.

"Do you want to get in and take a look?" Remus asked me, scratching the back of his neck visibly worried.

"Of course," I said quickly."I just not expecting it. I did not know that there is such a store in the area. "I pulled Remus's arm to get inside.

Entering the store, I was surrounded by a pleasant smell of chocolate, books, and .... something else. The light was dim and came from many red candles hovering above us. A tall, red-haired sorceress approached us. I couldn’t tell how old she is - something between 40 and 400. Her lips were with the brightest red lipstick I had ever seen. She was wearing a short sequined dress, fishnet tights, and rather high heels. She looked repulsive rather than attractive. She spoke to us in a greasy, pleasing voice without even look at us.

“Welcome to the number one shop for erotic charms, potions, and assorted items. You can’t finish with our products but they can finish you. Can I help you? What are you interested in - straight, gay, animals, goblins, elves…” all these words were said quickly, without investing something in them. She finally looked at us. Apparently, he judged us from top to bottom, because he added – ”Straight. Boring, but whatever. The room on the right is especially for you.” And she took us into a huge room full of things. "If you need anything, I'll be available behind the counter."

"Let's take a look," I said cheerfully to Remus, "let's prove to her that we're not so boring."

He smiled broadly at me and we headed for the nearest shelves. We stumbled upon a bin full of what appeared to some kind of ointment. It read: “ _Magic ointments to make your partner horny instantly._ “

"I don’t need that. "Remus told me, leading me to the next shelf. "I can turn my girlfriend on in seconds."

“Don’t be so sure” I tried to tease him, but he quickly drew me to him and kissed me. I felt his hand go down my back and grab my ass. His kiss became more insistent, and he pressed me harder against his body. I felt his cock harden. “In fact, we obviously don't need it. “I pulled away from him smiling. He needed some time to come to me again.

The next stand was full of a variety of erotic lingerie. From the most common to one that changes color depending on the level of arousal. There were all kinds of colors, different fabrics - from expensive goblin lace to elven satin. A variety of negligees, corsets, and teddies, as well as a whole variety of thigh–high stockings.

"What's the point of these?" I asked, pointing to an empty hanger with the label "Invisible underwear"

"You can feel it, but you can't see it. A game of the senses, perhaps. Is it bad that I imagine you with each of these?

"Choose some and I will try them" I winked at him." Your Christmas bonus will disappear in the fulfillment of erotic fantasies." Remus looked like a child who had just been told he could buy as many sweets as he wanted from the store.

The next booth was much more interesting for me - Dorish Doleyn’s every Flavour Dildos. There were at least two dozen dildos to choose from. I tentatively grasped a tall plastic box with a ribbed pink phallus inside it. “eight-inch pleasure wand,” the box stated in bold type. It vibrated, apparently, and had ribs and rounded nubs for enhanced sensation.

“Too small for you” Remus joined me, pointing to the box I was holding. “If this is going to be your new lover, at least let him be bigger than me. “

“Ok, Mr.Big, What would you recommend to me?”

“The next section” and he dragged me to it. The next one is indeed far more interesting, although the items appeared to be distinctly kinkier. My gaze fell onto black feathers and masks, and then onto a vitrine that exhibited nipple clamps, different kinds of intimate jewelry, collars, as well as a variety of floggers, ticklers, and whips.

“Get a basket. “I told him. “I think we should get a lot of this section here. While you choose, I will go try on the lingerie. “ _Again, a boy in a pastry shop._ I smiled devilishly and went to the dressing room.

I tried one of the lingerie and I hadn’t even donned the stockings and the woman looking back at me in the mirror was something out of an art film. Everything fit me like a glove. Two broad stripes of lace were draped over either side of the bust just so that it would cover my breasts. Crisscrossed satin strands adorned the deep, plunging neckline. A beaded detail of black pearls swung dangerously to and fro between my breasts. The lacy, black knickers were modest but the cut was very sexy. I was so absorbed in the strange, beautiful woman that stared back at me from the mirror that I didn’t hear someone enter the room until he was right behind me in the reflection.

“We will get that” Remus’s lips brushed my ear and the warmth of his breath tickled my neck. He smelled of chocolate, books, and that wonderful cologne he wore. His hands trailed fire across my stomach as his fingers grazed the edge of my knickers below my navel. _Merlin, we would definitely have to buy them now because I could feel a wetness between my thighs_.

“You shouldn't be here” I whispered to him. One of Remus’s hands skirted the lower edge of my bra as a thumb lightly brushed across my lace-covered nipple. I had to keep myself from moaning and I felt him smile against my skin. _I wanted him_. His fingers hovered above where I was aching but he didn’t touch me.

"Come on, get dressed, and let's pay for these things here." I can't wait to show you what I filled the basket with. " Walking to the door, he flashed me a brilliant smile before leaving me to collect myself.

"We promised Sirius a walk, remember," I shouted, hoping he'd heard me.

He definitely did it because I heard a frustrated moan on the other side of the dressing room.

***

We spent the afternoon in the mountains. The snow had covered almost everything, the area was deserted and we didn't meet anyone all day. When we got home, Remus and Sirius wanted to make dinner. I let them blow up the kitchen, I wanted to go up to my room and take a hot shower. As I took off my robe, I felt a piece of paper in my pocket. _Barty Crouch's letter_. I had completely forgotten it. Maybe I had time to open it and read. Slowly, I unsealed the envelope. It was in Sanskrit, but I could understand most of the words.

_Dumbledore,_

_I know that the bearer of this content will seem to you a strange choice from my stratum, but I do not trust anyone. I know that when this letter reaches you, I may not be alive. I am the Betrayal itself. All is my fault. I must warn you. I did something unforgivable. The son I renounced many years ago is alive. Influenced by the pleas of my wife, who was seriously ill, I pulled him out of Azkaban and hid him for many years. During the World Cup, he enchanted the Black Sign, I managed to catch_ _him_ _and brought_ _him_ _home. But since then, white spots have begun. I forget. He is not here. He ran away. I don't remember who I am sometimes. He's out there._ _He_ _can be anywhere._ _He can be anyone_ _._ _He_ _will help You know who._ _T_ _he Dark Lord was rising._

_Keep Harry Potter safe._


	13. Meetings

"What did you tell me about Barty Crouch's son?"I asked Sirius quickly, rushing into the kitchen. "Is he still in Azkaban? "

"Is this your boss's topic again? I'm starting to think that you and Percy Weasley will set up a fan club. " My uncle answered me, smiling.

"It's important, Sirius. Please. "

"All right, all right," he agreed, a little startled, probably by my worried look. "I was already in Azkaban when Barty Crouch Jr. was brought. He was screaming inside his cell for his mother for the first few days but then quieted down. Everyone is like that, then the dementors drink everything from you. " and he shivered, which made me a little sorry that I bring him back to his memories of prison. "Barty already looked in poor health when he was brought in. A year later, his father and mother seemed to come to visit him because she was very ill. Farewell, I think. Few days after their visit, Barty Crouch Jr. died. I saw it when they took it out. "

"Are you sure?"

"Deadly sure."

I felt a lump in my throat, my heart pounding in my chest. I began to walk around the room nervously, thinking about what I had learned. _How was that possible? Why did my boss say the opposite in his letter? Is he mad? Or did he suddenly feel guilty about his son's death? Well, was it true that Voldemort was rising?_ All the weird things that happened - the World Cup, Harry's inclusion in the Tournament, the pain in his scar, the appointment of a former auror as a teacher at Hogwarts…

"What's going on, darling?" Remus asked anxiously. "Will you tell us what are those thoughts of Barty Crouch again?"

"You're close to Dumbledore, aren't you? Will you ask him to meet me? I need to talk to him. "

"With Dumbledore? Ash, what's going on? Tell me, something is bothering you. "

"Write to Dumbledore," I said more sharply than I wanted. "You can help me with that."

"And you won't tell me why? I can't just write to him that you want to meet him without good reason. He doesn't even know you. Also, you know he's a pretty busy man. Especially now and during the Tournament. " His tone hardened a little. "I'm going to need a good reason, not childish whims."

I took a deep breath, then hissed angrily "Childish whims? Is that why you think I'm begging you? Whims? "

"You won't tell me, will you?" His voice was cold.

"No ... Look, I can't. I just can not. "

"Ash, Remus is right. You should say to us and why it's all this shit. " Sirius intervened.

I felt helpless. I couldn't tell them. Something was eating me inside. _How stupid was I? How could I give_ _so_ _recklessly_ _an Unbreakable Vow?_ Anger curled hot and unstoppable in my gut, like a blazing inferno that wanted to burn me from the inside out. I clenched my fists so hard that my nails cut into my skin. I didn’t know what’s happening to me. All I felt was this furious feeling inside. Remus and Sirius didn’t want to help me.

"Fine. Obviously, I can't count on you. I will find another way. " My pulse sped up, breathless with anger, I walked out and slammed the kitchen’s door.

I went to my room, my fingernails still in my hands. Tears started to run through my face. _What was happening to me? Where does this anger come from? Why I was so emotional?_ I had to calm down. I had to gather my thoughts and figure out what I was going to do. I had taken the Unbreakable Vow. I couldn't tell anyone. I had to figure out a way to talk to Dumbledore myself.

Remus didn't come to me tonight. He must have been angry. _Understandable_. It is normal for them to ask for an answer, but how can I tell them anything without breaking my promise. I don't know why I reacted like that. They are my closest person in the world.

”Where is Remus? ” I asked my uncle after I got up in the morning and went to the living room. Sirius was lying on the couch, flipping carelessly through the pages of a book.

”He left after your theaters last night. ”Sirius smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

“Look, I’m sorry. I don't know what happened to me last night. This anger ... “

“Don't apologize to me. Moony is much more sensitive. You’re hiding something from him and that has affected him. He cares about you more than you think “

I sighed guiltily. What I had done I could not un-do. I'll at least try to make things right when I see him again. The clock in the kitchen reminded me that I had to go to work. I waved carelessly at Sirius and left. It was quieter than usual in the Ministry. Most employees had extended their weekends by a few days off. Percy was in the office, and although he looked visibly tired, he waved at me unusually cheerfully.

"What's going on, Perce?" I asked, tossing my bag on the chair next to him.

"I was promoted. Mr. Crouch is not feeling well and will take a month off. And I will take on his responsibilities. Unfortunately, I am overwhelmed. Work after working hours is not excluded. " He nodded to me. "I have to finish my report to the International Confederation of Wizards, I have a bunch of letters to review, the second task is approaching and I have to check all the documents again, and I have to give these instructions personally to Dumbledore ..."

My eyes lit up. _This was my chance_.

"Let me help you, Perce." I tried to smile at him, then pursed my lips slightly and leaned closer to him. I wasn't very good at seduction. In principle, I would not apply such measures if it were not absolutely necessary _. Good thing I put on a nice perfume_ _today_. Percy didn't answer at first, but she visibly stirred, realizing how close we were. I saw his gaze shoot at me for a moment. I bit my lower lip lightly. _God, I must look comical_!

"You can check these letters," he said to me, our faces an inch away. I tried not to show how uncomfortable I felt from the whole situation. "and if you want to give the instructions to Dumbledore… You have to go to Hogwarts at 5 o'clock in the afternoon. You will save me time and I will be able to complete my report to the Confederacy." He leaned toward me.

"Great! "I pulled away quickly, grabbing the letters and instructions from his desk. "I'm glad to help you! "

Percy looked at me confused. _Oh, how awkward_. I felt terrible for using him that way. But I had to meet Dumbledore, and that was my chance.

My day passed imperceptibly. There was a lump of anxiety in my throat, but at least I didn't care how I could make an appointment with Dumbledore. When the time was approaching, I apparated near the school building, my documents and the reason for my visit were checked at the entrance. A giant of a man welcomed me in the inner gate. His face was almost completely hidden by a long, shaggy mane of hair and a wild, tangled beard, but you could make out his eyes, glinting like black beetles under all the hair.

"Hello, you must be coming on behalf of Mr. Crouch. Professor Dumbledore sent me to meet you and take you to him. I'm Rubеus Hagrid, by the way, I'm a Gamekeeper here at Hogwarts and a professor of the Care of Magical Creatures. " at his last words he bulged slightly, then nodded to me to follow him.

He led me through many corridors, moving stairs, moving paintings before we reached a gargoyle statue and Hagrid stopped in front of it. I still looked confused. The castle was huge and amazing and far more hospitable than my school, which was usually gloomy and cold.

"Fizzing Whizbee," Hagrid said of the statue. The gargoyle will step aside in response to a password. Moving, spiral steps climbed up. "Come on up, he's waiting for you," Hagrid called to me and waved goodbye.

I followed his instructions and climbed the stairs and stood in front of a wide wooden door. I knocked cautiously. I heard an inviting voice inside. One thing was certain: I never had visited such an office before, Dumbledore's was the most interesting... It was a large and beautiful circular room, full of funny little noises. A number of curious silver instruments stood on spindle-legged tables, whirring and emitting little puffs of smoke. The walls were covered with portraits of old headmasters and headmistresses, all of whom were snoozing gently in their frames. There was also an enormous, claw-footed desk, and, sitting on a shelf behind it, a shabby, tainted wizard's hat. In front of the desk was Dumbledore himself, whom I had seen several times in the distance, during the first task and in the pages of the newspapers. But nothing could compare to my live meeting with him now. He was remarkable. He was tall, thin, and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were both long enough to tuck into his belt. He was wearing a long robe and purple cloak that swept the ground. His eyes turned to me as I entered through the door and they were light, bright, and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles.

"Welcome ... Miss Karkaroff, if I'm not mistaken, right? " He smiled at me. I nodded in response, still speechless. "I was expecting Barty because I wanted to talk to him. But I guess he instructed you what to tell me. "

"Yes," I said. "Unfortunately, Mr. Crouch is not feeling well, and I have taken on some of his responsibilities." I walked hesitantly to his desk to hand in the documents for him when I noticed that there was another person in the room _. How had I missed him before?_ This man could not even be said to be unremarkable. His face was roughly carved from wood. It was covered with scars, and a chunk of his nose was missing. He had dark grey, grizzled hair. He also had a wooden leg. But his eyes, however, were his most shocking feature: one was small and dark while the other was a vivid, electric blue magical eye that moved around independently from his normal eye. This one now was fixed on me and it seemed to pierce me.

"Let me introduce you to Alastor Moody," Dumbledore began, catching my gaze. "A former Auror and current Hogwarts Defense Against the Black Arts professor."

"Yes, yes," he interrupted with a growling voice. "No silly formalities. I hope the young lady leaves the documents sooner and leaves. Dumbledore, we need to continue our conversation. "

"Actually," I began a little uncertainly, "I'd like to talk to Professor Dumbledore in private about something."

"I don't think there's anything you can't say in front of me." His blue eye just burned me. Sirius spoke with awe and respect for this man, but there was something I didn't like about him at all.

"Alastor," Dumbledore scolded. "Miss Karkaroff wouldn't take my time if it wasn't important, would she?" and he turned to me for confirmation. His voice was calm and he smiled reassuringly at me.

"Yes," I said more confidently. "But I want to talk to you alone, if not a problem."

"Good," Moody growled, tapping his fist lightly on the desk and walking out. He kept his eyes on me the whole time, and I had the feeling that even when he had his back to me, he was following me again. He slammed the door behind him and heard his tumble down the stairs.

"Well, what worries you? " Dumbledore asked, approaching me and placing his hand on my shoulder.

I took a deep breath and told him absolutely everything. From Crouch's strange behavior in the office, his request, the Unbreakable Vow, his letter, and its contents. The director kept his eyes on my face the whole time, a thin wrinkle had appeared between his eyebrows, his face was worried. When I finished the story, I felt as if a thread had broken inside me. All the anxiety, anger, and emotion had evaporated. I done it. I fulfill my promise.

Dumbledore stepped away from me and began pacing the room, visibly thinking and worried. Suddenly he stopped and asked me:

"Crouch didn't explain the details of his son's escape to you, did he?"

"No, sir. That was all he had written in the letter. Could this be true? I mean, there are witnesses that Mr. Crouch's son died in Azkaban ..." I paused here, not knowing how far I should involve my uncle in the story.

"Did Sirius tell you?" then he waved his hand, not to answer him. "Yes, I know you're his niece. I correspond with him and Remus. Look, what you were telling me was really important. But there are many missing pieces of the puzzle. Some things don't connect. But anyway, your mind should not be bothered by such things. Go home. But remember that the Vow still remains in the part where you should not tell anyone but me. So be careful. "

"But, Professor," I began, "isn't it better to visit Mr. Crouch at his home. You will be able to ask him for details. Even now. "

"No. Maybe it's more dangerous than you think. Leave that to me. Don't worry unnecessarily "He told me, though his face looked worried. "Would you call Professor Moody out, he's probably down the hall waiting for us to finish."

"All right," I agreed.

"And ... Ashling ..." he began unfamiliarly. "If you find out something, contact me through Phineas Nigellus Black" and he points to one of the paintings on the wall. It shows a wizard with black hair and eyes, a goatee, and thin eyebrows. He seemed familiar to me. He was dozing in his chair at the moment. " This is a relative of Sirius and has a portrait in the house on Grimmauld Place. "

I nodded and left, taking one last look at Dumbledore, who was sending me away visibly concerned. But if he can't find a solution to this mystery, who else could? Worried in my thoughts, I did not notice how I went down the stairs and walked down to the long corridor of the castle. Just when I thought I should see Remus and try to explain my behavior to him, I heard a noise behind me. I didn't have time to turn around. The last I remembered was a voice that whispered:

"Imperio!"

Then came the whiteness.


	14. After blur

My eyesight blurred, but not because tears were welling up. Everything became fuzzy; then I saw nothing at all. My consciousness was floating through an empty space filled with a thick static. Throughout the inky space, my heartbeats pounded loudly, echoing in my ears, alongside fading orders.It was chaos in my head; I did not know where I was. _How did I get_ _here_? Sadly, I didn't understand. My memory was blurred. The last thing I remembered was the thought of Remus when I was in Hogwarts. Then the whiteness. Blank. I know I forgot something. It is a roadblock of sorts, or perhaps a screen that reaches from the ground to the sky because I have a sense of it. So, I am aware that I forgot something, that there is something close yet hidden, yet I cannot at that moment fathom what it could be.

I was in a forest. I was in the forest I go usually jogging; I usually go here for the serenity that flows as cool river waters. There is something about the sparkle upon the trees, a melody without a rhythm, music without sound. Now I couldn’t remember how I came here. Had I gone for a run? Was I asleep? I looked around. I was wearing my red robe for trip. My wand was in place. I had no scars, no bruises on myself. Nothing hurt, except for a slight headache. Was it morning or evening? Odd. I was still confused. I have to go home and rest.

I had not yet closed the front door of the house on Grimmauld Place behind me when I heard Sirius's anxious shout from the second floor.

“ASH!! Is that you?” He had rushed through the stairwell door. When he saw me, his face relaxed for a moment, but suddenly he took on a serious expression. "Where have you been, young lady?!!! Disappearing for two days! Do you have any idea how worried Remus and I were? And you suddenly appear here straight through the front door with the most normal expression on your face?” His eyes glistened with emotion, pulling his eyes brows down, wilting like flowers in the autumn. His lips trembling as if he were to let out a sight - but he didn’t.

“Two days? “ I managed to whisper. The truth fell on me like a falling rock. At first, I didn't fully understand what had just Sirius tell me. It's hard to focus on the surroundings, my head was splitting and the only thing I want to do was vomit. I leaned against the wall to keep from falling, but my hands couldn't stand it and I felt myself slide down. Just as I thought I was going to fall to the floor, strong hands grabbed me from behind and lift me up.

Everything blended together, I smelled the well-known favorite aroma of chocolate and books. Remus tilted my head back, telling me to open my eyes and heard him curse. I heard a door opened as he lifted me to his side with my arm around his neck. It felt like I was walking in deep sand the way my feet sunk down into the carpet. It was probably my room. Remus bent down to scoop me up into his arms. My head dropped into the crook of his neck and I felt myself go limp in his arms. A myriad of thoughts ran through my mind that I couldn't control. I could feel Remus’s arms holding me and remembered him kissing me, voice yelling and it sounded like my grandmother, someone crying… and a flashing green light.

I couldn’t tell what was real anymore as I felt being laid down on something soft and the buttons being unbuttoned on my robe. My arms were weak and heavy as I tried to push the hands away.

“No… I don’t want to,” I muttered.

“Shhh, it’s alright, Ash, I’m not going to hurt you,” a soothing voice said.

Instantaneously, it morphed into a harsh unknown laugh, “Do it… You can kill…”

A dark blurred figure was in front of me.

“I don’t want to do it…” I cried as strong arms held me to him.

“It’s Remus, love. Remus. Shhhh…. You’re here. It’s a nightmare.”

My shoulder and head screamed in pain. I struggled in someone’s hold crying, “I don’t want to die. Don’t let me die… please.”

_The green light. The harsh laugh._

I shot up and took a deep breath as I was about to drown. A strong arm pulled me back down.

“You’re alright. Breathe. You’re safe. Just breathe. Sirius and I are here. Nobody is going to hurt you”

The fog cleared and I saw that I was in my room. It was just a horrible nightmare. I was in bed and safe. I turned my head and saw Remus sitting next to me. His face was worried and his eyes were anxious. Sirius stood directly against my bed with no less anxious expression.

I took a deep breath. My head was aching horribly as I tried to remember the missing two days. Remus stroked slightly my cheek and tucked some of my hair behind my ear.

“How are you? “He asked me in a gentle voice

“Better physically… I don't remember anything, Remus. I don't remember where I've been the last two days ... I was at Dumbledore, then it’s a fog. When I try to remember something, my head hurts. What's happening to me? "

"Don't think about it now. The important thing is that you are alive and well. You are safe. I was terribly worried about you. I thought ... " He paused for a moment and swallowed, "... I accused myself of reacting too sharply in the last conversation and running away. I shouldn't have forced you to tell me anything. "

"No, don't blame yourself. You were right. I behaved terribly. You have to forgive me ... Both of you." - I felt tears welling up in my eyes, looking at the weary faces of my uncle and Remus.

"Shh, you're exhausted. You need to sleep. "

"I know it's silly ... But can you both stay with me? I don't trust myself anymore. "

"All right," Sirius said softly, then a small smile appeared on his face. "I've always wanted to sleep on this couch here," he nodded, pointing to the narrow one in front of my bed.

"I don't think there's a place for both of us on it " Remus joked as he lay on the bed next to me. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me on the head, leaving his chin on it.

It didn’t take long, and before I knew it, I was fast asleep. This time, I didn’t dream of anything. I felt myself waking only to find that in sleep, I had curled into Remus on my own. My head was resting on his shoulder, and my leg entwined with his. I felt his arm around my waist and hand that rested gently on my hip. I got up slightly and saw Sirius snoring softly on the couch. He slept on his back, his mouth slightly open and his hand dangling from one of the side. I felt guilty for making them stay with me. But at least I could rest. With their presence, they both gave me peace and security. I didn't know what was happening to me. The more I tried to remember, the more the pain in my head intensified. I shook it for a moment, hoping to banish the bad thoughts.

Carefully, trying not to wake them, I sat on the edge of the bed. My head was still spinning a little but it’s bearable. Looking to the bathroom, I slowly shuffled my way across the room, swaying a bit but grateful I didn’t faint or fall. I pressed my hand against the doorframe to steady myself. I wanted a shower only to let the hot water soothe my worries.

I saw my reflection in the mirror over the vanity and couldn’t stop staring. Visually, I looked the same, but it was as if everything had changed. And I don’t know what exactly.

I let my clothes fall to the floor and stepped into the marble and glass shower. I appraised the soap and shampoo. At the turn of the handle, the hot water and steam filled the bath. The water felt so good.

Tears mixed with the hot water streaming down my face and finally, I cried. What’s happening to me? I rested my head against the marble and sank to the floor as the water poured over me. I didn’t know how long I sobbed sitting there, but I knew I had to get up. I needed to pull myself together and figure out what to do now. _Do I pretend that nothing happened?_ _To_ _f_ _orget that I forgot what happened in the last 2 days?_ It sounded crazy. Maybe I should have taken it step by step. I didn't have to worry Remus and Sirius anymore. A tiny thought popped into my mind - I was beginning to look like my own boss. My heart started beating fast. _No_. I need to gather my thoughts. One step at a time.

I put on clean clothes and went back to my room. Remus had woken up, got up from the bed, looking out the window. When he heard me, he turned to me with a worried expression.

"Do you feel better? "

"Yes. I'm sorry for the troubles I caused you."

"Don't worry," Sirius said, his eyes still closed but apparently awake. Then he stood up. "I don't want to bring the topic again if you don't want to, but will you tell us what happened? "

"Really I do not know. I try to remember and I can't. " I sighed. "I was at Dumbledore's, then nothing. I woke up in the woods where I was going to run. I don't remember how I got there. "

"Maybe there's a way to understand at least something you did during that time," Remus began, approaching. His gaze had cleared. "Give me your wand. Have you used it since you woke up in the woods?"

"No," I told him, beginning to understand what he meant. I handed it to him. He grabbed her gently and aimed his own at her.

“Prior Incantato!” He said softly. I heard Sirius shouted, horrified, as a soft green light and a ghostly misty figure appeared and disappeared erupted from the point where the two wands met, but it was a mere shadow of the real spell done by my wand. It looked as though it were made of thick gray smoke: the ghost of a spell. “Deletrius” – said Remus again then looked at me in shock.

Maybe my face was a reflection of his. _It couldn't be._ _The Killing curse._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. I just want to thank you for the support. I really appreciate that you follow this story with me. It's a nice thing to do and escape the reallity.


	15. Broken

My brain stutters for a moment and my eyes take in more light than I expected, every part of me goes on pause while my thoughts catch up.

“That’s impossible” gasped Sirius. He was white as chalk. His eyes and his mouth were frozen wide open in an expression of stunned surprise, and although he was staring straight at me he appeared not to notice me at all.

"Does that mean I killed someone? " I said, shifting my gaze in panic from Remus to Sirius, hoping one of them would say that this is some kind of a joke.

"No," Remus said firmly. "We just found out what the last spell was done by your wand. Not that you did it. " His voice trembled slightly at his last words.

I could feel it, building like an unstoppable snowball in the pit of my stomach. _The Panic_. I couldn’t think of anything else. The next step was my heart starting to beat harder and faster, adrenaline levels rose, my brain started to fire out negative thoughts. I started pacing or moving around irrationally. The arguments in my head got so fast and so disturbing that my brain shut down my body. My heart felt like it's going to explode.

"Come, Ash. Relax." Remus approached me, his eyes focused on me and he looked paler than usual. "The spell itself means nothing. Let's go downstairs, have some tea, and discuss everything calmly. "

His strong arms wrapped around me and gave me a little peace. The three of us went down to the kitchen, and my uncle started making tea. Remus sat down next to me in a chair, still hugging me.

"Don't panic," he whispered soothingly, "We'll find out what happened to you in the last two days."

"Here's the tea." Sirius handed me the glass, dismantling the table, which was cluttered with plates, parchments, and a quill. At the top of the pile was the new Daily Prophet.

"Thank you," I said, watching him. Out of the corner of my eye, something caught my attention. "Stop... Give me the newspaper. "

And I saw what caught my eye. The headline on the front page of the newspaper - _Bertha Jorkins found dead_. A picture of a 30-year-old slightly plump woman waving carelessly at the camera changed to a picture of the same woman, but dead, lying on frozen ground, with a pale horror on her face. My heart was pounding in my chest. This woman looked so familiar. I flipped through the pages to find details of what had happened and read.

**_Bertha Jorkins, a 36-year-old employee of the Ministry of Magic, was found dead._ **

_She was discovered last night by the_ _wizard A.V. who walked his Puffskein. Bertha Jorkins was an employee of the Ministry of Magic in the Department of Magical Games and Sports and was declared missing in the summer._ _Her relatives knew that she had been in Albania._ _Details and causes of her death and murder are unknown. The crime department is expected to take over the case._ _The readers of_ _Daily Prophet who want to visit Broxbourne Woods for a walk should know that it may be fenced and inaccessible, as it is inspected by criminologists_.

"Broxbourne Woods…" I repeated aloud. Remus had read the news with me. "I was in Broxbourne Woods this morning. Could it be a coincidence? "

The thoughts were accelerating inside my head. I wanted them to slow so I could breathe but they wouldn’t. My breaths came in gasps and I felt like I will blackout. My heart was hammering inside my chest as it belongs to a rabbit running for its skin. The room spined and I tried to make everything slow to something my brain and body can cope with. I felt so sick. Like a flash, memories came in front of my eyes.

I was in a basement. Everything was dark. A light came only a little from the door at the end of the room. When my eyes got used to the darkness, I saw a man's body lying on face near me. I tried to feel his pulse. Barely perceptible. I tried to turn him over to see who he was. But I couldn't. Emptiness followed again.

I walked in the wood. Someone's voice told me to walk, and I did. He told me to stop. I stopped. Then someone brought the woman. She looked sick, her face was pale, and it was as if she had lost a lot of weight in a short time. She cried, then laughed. She was crazy. I had to stop her pitiful cries. I didn't need her anymore. "Kill her," the voice told me. I pulled out my wand. In fact, I didn't want to kill her. "Do it… You can kill…"It was as though some huge force were pressing down upon me—something that penetrated inside my skull, battering against my brain, frightening me out of my beliefs, persuading me, almost, to deny the evidence of my senses. I wanted to get that voice out of my head. "I don’t want to do it… “ I took off my wand. "Stupid girl, kill her” I heard the woman cried. She dragged herself toward me, digging her fingers desperately into the frozen ground. ”I don’t want to die. Don’t let me die… please. ” I remembered my inner struggle. My brain didn't want to do what he was told. But did my body listen? My ears were ringing. I no longer felt anything. There were a harsh laugh and a green light. Then the pain. And then nothing again.

“I was there,” I said aloud, "I killed Bertha Jorkins."

I really was there. I remember pointing my wand at her. I don't remember whether I said the spell, though. Did it matter? I did nothing to save her.

"I'm a murderer," I told Remus and Sirius, who were staring at me.

I did not expect to be answered. Then it all happened as if it wasn't happening to me. I ran to my room and started throwing things in my suitcase. I had to get out of here. I was mad. I was a danger to my loved ones. Someone had used me, he could do it again. Where could I go? To surrender to the Ministry and going to Azkaban or run away. I shuddered at the thought of the dementors. I didn't have the courage to do it. Maybe if I isolate myself somewhere far away from people, no one will be able to find me and I will not be able to harm anyone.

"What do you think you are doing? " I heard a voice behind me and turned. Remus stood in the doorway. His face showed no emotion.

"I'm leaving," I said simply. "I'm a murderer."

"No, you're not. " and he approached me, trying to stop my attempts to put more things in my suitcase. "Ash, I don’t know what you remembered. You are not a murderer. I know you. You cried a day before because of the bird with the broken wing. You took it home and cured it. You had helped that poor old woman a few days before, then gave your coat to the homeless man who was freezing in the street. You are a kind-hearted person, not a killer. "

"You don't know me, Remus." I felt my eyes fill with tears and tried unsuccessfully to stop them. They began to run down my face. "I don't even know me."

"We'll come up with something, Ash, please. You are not a murderer. Stay here for Sirius, for me. "

No. I have to leave because of them. Tomorrow someone might make me hurt them. And I'm weak, I can't resist him. Someone was using me. I have to find him, but he shouldn't reach my loved ones. I wouldn't forgive myself. I will run away somewhere far from them. But they will follow me. I know they will do everything possible to stop me or follow me. No. I have to stop them from doing that.

"No, I'm leaving. Don't ask me any more questions. In fact ... " I swallowed slowly, "maybe that's for the best. I've been wondering how to tell you ... I don't want to be with you anymore. " My heart was breaking when I said this lie.

He was startled for a moment. Then he shook his head: "I don't believe you. "

"It's true," I said, looking him in the eye, trying to look completely serious and not showing that my heart was falling apart. "I thought it was something serious, but over time the thrill passed. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't find the right moment. I am still young, it is normal for me to have such penchants."

"Penchant… You are lying to me." I could feel his voice tremble.

“You know that this relationship has no future. “That’s it. My heart was broken but I had to hurt him to make him never want to search for me. I couldn’t erase the look of betrayal on his face from my mind when he accepted my words as truth. Remus’s gaze suddenly became desperate, resigned. It was as if he expected this to happen one day. This broke my heart even more. I could harden myself and wouldn’t let this affect my decision. It was the only choice I had. I was a killer. Someone made me a killer. I had to find him, but without risking the lives of my loved ones.

I left Remus in the room; he didn’t move a bit when I passed him. I had been so close to turning around and hug him, to telling him all of this was a lie. He loved me despite my many, seemingly unforgivable faults. I left him out of fear. Fear of someone hurting him because of me. The words I spoke were daggers and my actions venom. Combined was a brutal massacre of a loving heart. I hate myself for this. But I had to do it.

Sirius was standing at the end of the corridor. His face was resigned as if he knew what I was going to do and why I was doing it. He was like me. He would do the same. He did nothing to stop me.

I left the house on Grimmauld Place12. I left my heart there.

Then I did everything by inertia, without thinking. I apparated near a forest, far to the north, where I had gone as a child with my grandmother on a trip. I did not specifically mean this place. It was just my first thought. I pitched a tent and defended the place with a few spells. That was it. I spent the remainder of the day in bed. I just wanted to sleep. Night had come and the cold began to enter the tent. The soft sounds coming from outside reminded me of those I heard from Remus's house. Everything reminded me of him.

A stray tear escaped and rolled down my cheek. I could still feel his kisses on my lips. I had to do it. I repeated this to myself trying to forget the pain on his face. Finally, my brain told my body to get up. I really needed to think about where I went from here. I couldn’t stay in this place forever. I had to find the man who had bewitched me in the last two days. And I had a clear idea of where to start.


	16. Suprise

The morning found me asleep at the table. A Muggle map of London and the surrounding area, especially Broxbourne Woods, was open in front of me. My memories began to return slowly. I remembered walking from the basement where I was locked to the woods for a very short time. So, the place where I was imprisoned had to be very close to the forest. There weren't many houses in the area, so it wouldn't take me long to find the right one. If I could go back to the Ministry, I would very easily check on the wizard families in the area and eliminate most of the houses. But I had written to Percy that I would take a long unpaid leave for health reasons and could not show up for work. It bothered me to leave him alone at such a busy time, but I couldn't imagine translating letters until I knew someone had used me and killed Bertha Jorkins.

I ran through the list of houses and checking off the ones which I would check today. I set aside the wizard robes that would be conspicuous and put on a gray jacket with a large collar, comfortable black jeans, and boots. I gathered my hair carelessly in a ponytail. I apparated behind some bushes, along a narrow path in the Cheshunt area near Broxbourne Wood. The place was nice, the properties expensive. Both the Muggle and Wizard families who lived here had to be rich. Most of the yards were large and well maintained, there were no people on the street. It was a weekday, and probably most of the owners had gone out to work.

The nearest building was a huge mansion. It was red brick and not nearly so old at first look. Most likely the owner had thought himself worthy being gentry, yet hadn't the title or the social status. The old money looked down on him as classless "new money" and he'd felt the need to show them his importance. The walls grew from the manicured lawn into an abode so large it had "wings" and more windows than a casual glance could count. Everything about it said expensively built, inside and out. I approached the fence. There was a security booth in front of the gate. A huge sign said it was a government building, seized in the raids and put to use for surveillance and military operations. I had to remove it from my list. I must have been looking for a wizard mansion, invisible to the Muggles. Who could live here? It had to be some old pureblood family to be able to maintain a property here. 

I continued down the street, but all the houses seemed too ordinary or obviously belonging to Muggles. I was missing something and I couldn't say what. None of these houses seemed familiar to me. And I was so sure I was in this area a few days ago.

A voice suddenly startled me and tore me from my thoughts. “Excuse me, miss, are you looking for something?” It was the guard of one of the mansions. He was young, with blond hair and friendly eyes.

"Thank you for asking," I smiled at him. An idea came to me. "I work as a restorer and architect of old houses. They gave me coordinates that there was such property here and I could help. But I went around and did not find such a house. They all look good to me and need no repairs. Can you think of a similar property in the area that would use my services? " I played casually with a lock of my hair, still smiling at the boy. _God, I wasn't_ _good at_ _this._

"I don’t know." He scratched the back of his head thoughtfully. "Actually, the only property like this is the mansion near the forest. It is located a little further down the street. There is no other house around it. But it may not be about it. It is dangerous to approach because it can collapse at any moment. And to be honest, I get chills from the house, especially in the evening. It was as if it were inhabited by ghosts …", and he shivered slightly.

That's it. Many wizarding families bewitched their houses to look abandoned to the Muggles. I thanked the guards, promising him not to get too close to the house, but just to look at it from a distance. I reached its crumbling stone fence. There were signs warning of danger and not to cross. At first look, the manor was decayed. The bricks were crumbled and the windows were given in to the winds long before. The roof lets in more rain than it kept out. The oak floors lay strewn with leaves and debris, the staircase swept up toward an upper landing that had fallen away.

“Revelio” I whispered softly and swung my wand. The ruined building disappeared before my eyes, and in its place stood a tall and beautiful house. The Manor grew out of the manicured lawn like an infant castle. Its nascent stone walls were a pale grey and were barren of the moss or ivy that clung to the walls of the older homes in the area. Its large oak door was double wide and was sheltered under a wide porch supported by stone pillars. The driveway was grandiose, sweeping into a wide circle in front of the dwelling with an ornate fountain in the center.

That's it. I was locked in the basement of this house a few days ago. I walked around the fence but saw no signs of life inside. She was probably protected by more spells, and it would be difficult for me to enter. I had to come up with a plan to find out who lived inside and be able to get in. I couldn’t apparate inside. All wizard houses didn’t allow this to happen. If I tried to jump the fence, some protective spell would probably alert those inside that I was trying to enter. And I didn't want that to happen before I learned more about the inhabitants.

I had to hide somewhere around and wait. But this was not an easy task either. I couldn't turn in my animagus form, as a big black wolf would definitely catch the eye. I snorted. Why wasn't I something more inconspicuous - a pigeon or a stray cat for example? I wasn't good at invisibility spells. No matter how hard I tried, they didn't last long or some leg or arm remained visible to the eye. Remus was a master at them and would hide us both if he was here. My heart pounded. My thoughts kept bringing me back to him. It was so painful. I shook my head in an attempt to banish my thoughts of him. I didn't need that now.

As I looked around the fence, I noticed in the distance a man approaching the house. I managed to hide behind a sharp-leaved gel bush nearby and was able to watch him from a small gap in the leaves. The man was still a long way off, but from the fluttering black robe, I could tell at once that he was definitely not a muggle. I narrowed my eyes in an attempt to see him well, but without success. He had to get closer.

The man's gait was uneven like his legs were different lengths. He teetered as he walked, wobbling from side to side, with every step looking as if he were about to stumble. I lost sight of him for a while, as a large tree blocked my view of the road and the place where the man was. When he stepped out of the blind spot, I could see what my subconscious was telling me already. This man was none other than my boss, Barty Crouch. He was limping, the gait that was smooth during our last meeting was faltering and uneven. His hair was ragged, loose hair falling over his features that contorted with effort.

As I tried to recover from the shock, the door opened and he disappeared behind the fence. I couldn't see him anymore, most likely because of the protective spells around the house. My heart was still pounding in my chest. This must have been Crouch's mansion. It was possible. They are an old pureblood wizarding family. My boss did not show up for work under the pretext that he was seriously ill. Did it have anything to do with the letter he had given me? It said that someone was controlling him, that he was losing his mind, that he was forgetting. Just like me. Who else was involved? His son was mentioned in his letter. But Sirius claimed he was dead. What about the Black Lord? Was it possible?

I stood for a long time, hidden in the bushes, hoping someone would show up. But that never happened. The sun had begun to set and a cold wind was swirling around me. I wrapped myself more tightly in my jacket, cursing that I had no idea what I was going to do from now on. I couldn't stand in those bushes forever, waiting for something to happen. Maybe I should go back to my tent and look in my books for a way to sneak in unnoticed. I could also ask the security guard if he knew the details around the house or if he had noticed anything strange. Not that I could trust the Muggles' senses, but still. Just as I decided to get out of the bushes, I noticed a barely noticeable movement near me. Something rustled in the bushes. _Rat_. _Disgusting_ , I shuddered.

To my surprise, the next moment I heard someone's spell and I didn't have time to react. How I didn't learn to play it safe…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. I'm glad you're following my story. I apologize that this chapter is a little shorter, but my plans are for the next one to be longer and I had to divide it.


	17. Prisoner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, this chapter will be a little darker.

I was a prisoner. I had no idea whether time passed, I could only guess whether it was day or night. In this basement, I only knew when it is daylight by the slim shaft of light that penetrated under the only door. It was thick oak, new and strong. It was out of place against the walls. They were crumbling. If I took the edge of my nail I could dig at the softening mortar between the distressed bricks. It was the damp that did it I thought. No matter the weather outside, the floor was always wet in here; probably an underground spring just outside the walls soaked the mud I slept on. I prayed constantly for this cube of brick to decay faster, a storm to knocked it down. But deep in my heart, I knew it was my body that will go first.

I was a prisoner of Voldemort and his servant Peter Pettigrew. At first they tried to control me, but I resisted. My whole being fought against their voices in my head. These were constant battles or struggles to break my will, they had already done it once. My whole existence had been gripped by the idea that I should not give up this time.

Then came the tortures. In the end, it wasn't dying that scared me but pain. My pain was an icy wind choking the breath from my lungs and making a noose around my neck. It cut right to my bones and gripped my brain in its freezing claws. My heart constricted in its wake as if not sure if it should go on beating. I screamed again and again, my screams echoing in the damn walls, ricocheting in them and coming back to me as if they could causing me more pain. Each time I prayed that it would all end faster, or that my heart would stop, or that they would get tired of torturing me. The only thought that remained in my mind, as the pain burned inside me, was my thought of Remus. I was clinging to wanting to see him again so strongly that everything seemed a little more bearable. In time, I even put up with the fact that the pain was not so strong anymore. I just had to hold out a little longer and I would see him. A thought bordering on insanity, but keeping me from losing my mind.

I didn't know why they kept me alive. They couldn't control me. It may have given them a pleasure to torture me, but I did not ask them to stop, I didn’t beg, I screamed but I didn’t cry. When they got tired of playing with me, they locked me back to the basement.

I was not alone there. My boss, Barthemius Crouch, was also their prisoner. He seldom regained consciousness, often hallucinating and delusional. In the few chances I could talk to him, he repeated that it was all his fault. That his son would help Voldemort regain his body and full strength.

It must have been a few days since Wormtail had gone down here in the basement. I could determine the time only from the pain of my empty stomach. I could feel the ropes digging into my wrists and ankles; my left cheek lay firmly in the muddy dust that coated the cold floor. I was on the border between sleep, consciousness, and madness. I strained my ears for sounds, for voices, or for screams. Nothing.

“Are you awake? “Crouch startled me.

“Yes, I think. I can no longer say for sure when I am dreaming and when I am awake. “I replied, trying to to sit down and leaning against the wall behind me.

“Me too. “he sighed. He approached me. My eyes were accustomed to the darkness, and I could look at him. His face looked even paler than before, his hair disheveled and dirty. But his eyes were not taken away as usual. They stared at me with burning clarity.

"Why aren't you tied up?" I asked him, trying to divert my thoughts from the pain in my stomach.

"They think I'm harmless now. Maybe I’m really is ... Come, let me try to untie you." and he began clumsily pulling the ropes with which I was tied. However, after a while he succeeded.

"Thanks," I replied, rubbing my free wrists and ankles.

"We need to come up with something to get out of here."

"Do you think I haven't tried? " I told him sharply, but I was rather angry to myself "While you were lying here hallucinating, I tried to run away several times."

"It's my fault. I released my son. He helps him. I don't know how or where he is. But I heard them talking about him. It's my fault. I got you involved in all this. " and he fell back to his knees and bowed his head. He began to shake.

I felt sorry for him. I know what he did, I don't approve of what he did in the past, but he didn't deserve such a fate. It seemed unfair that no matter how much he strived to be the man his conscience wanted him to be, it would keep taunting him with his failures.

“Ni estas produktoj de nia pasinteco, sed ni ne devas esti kaptitoj de ĝi.” I told him quietly.

"What?" He looked at me questioningly

"Doesn't Barthemius Crouch know Esperanto? " I winked at him. He shook his head, and I continued, "We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it."

He smiled slightly as the smile reached his eyes. Then he sat down next to me. "When the guilt comes it takes me down the old familiar path. I want to refuse to walk it, pretend that I am the person I demand that I be. I want to erase my mistakes from my head, but if I did I'd never learn from what happened. And it's true what they say, “Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” And I couldn't bear that. " Then he turned to me and looked me in the eyes. "I need to get at least you out of what's going on. I got you involved in this. "

We both stood in silence for a while. All that could be heard from somewhere was water running and dripping on the floor. Everyone was lost in thought. The sound of the stairs caught our attention. Someone was coming. The door opened and for a moment the light coming from there blinded me. It took me seconds to get used to her. Wormtail. He was an extremely short man with grubby skin, small watery eyes, and a pointed nose, all of which were lingering attributes of his animagus rat form. I was sick only by his presence in the room, I hated him from the bottom of my soul. And the main reason was not that he was torturing me and keeping me locked up here. I hated him for his betrayal of Lily and James Potter. I hated him for Sirius. My uncle was imprisoned in Azkaban for 12 years unfairly because of him.

"Some volunteer for today's playtime," he asked in a greasy voice and approached us, pointing his wand.

I shuddered. Crouch took a step forward.

"Take me," he said in a clear, firm voice.

"How heartfelt ... But the master wants to be the girl today. " Said Tail, waving his wand at me.

I had to gather all my strength to take the next steps. I called Remus's face before my eyes. That was the only thing that gave me courage in moments like that. The memory of his soft amber eyes warmed my frozen limbs. His smile helped me endure the excruciating pain a little longer.

We went upstairs. The room was gloomy, the light coming only from the fire and from a few candles hanging from the ceiling. An armchair was placed with its back to me by the fireplace. I shuddered at the thought of what was sitting in it. At least the snake was out of sight.

"Bring her to me, WormTail," Voldemort's hissing voice came from the chair. As Peter Pettigrew pushed me to stand in front of the fireplace, I noticed that my wand and Crouch's were in the inside pocket of his robe.

Then came the pain. My old friend. It wasn’t sharp like a needle or a knife, it burnt around my innards better than boiling water. Everything felt scolded and, move or not, I was in more pain than I could have ever imagined was possible. The death would be mercy right now.

I didn’t remember how much time had passed, I didn't know when I ended up in the basement again. When I regained consciousness, someone's hands felt my pulse carefully.

"Are you okay? " Crouch asked me.

"Yes now. "I answered. "Look, while I was upstairs, I saw that Tail holds our wands ins him. We can try to get them the next time he comes. I think I will have enough strength to transform into my Animagus form. I'll push him away, and you try to get them. Then apparated us from here. You are the owner of this home, you will have no problem with that. "

"All right," he said. In his eyes, I saw the shadow of the man of years ago, who instilled fear in the Death Eaters. "At least it's a plan."

"If you have a better one, I'm ready to listen."

"No no. We will try. "

We were both eager to try. We paced the room nervously and listened to every sound coming from behind the door. In fact, it wasn't long before we heard someone coming down the stairs. I nodded to Crouch to be ready. He clung to the wall by the door, ready to seize the moment. When Wormtail opened the door there was something that made me nervous. It could have been a tincture of the wrong aroma, or the temperature was too cold. But I didn't have time to think about it.

Еverything happened so fast, I transformed into the familiar black wolf. As soon as I saw Wormtail on the doorstep, I rushed to him and knocked him down. As I held him stunned to the ground, Crouch searched him but managed to find only his own wand. Mine was missing. For a moment the wonderful thought crossed my mind that we would succeed. With the last of my strength, I transformed into a human again and extended my hand to Crouch. He squeezed it, ready to apparate us at any moment. Suddenly I felt some sharp teeth sink into my ankle. _The snake. Na_ _gini_.

"Go! " I managed to scream at Crouch and let him go. "Run!"

"I'll find some help," he whispered before watching him disappeared.

Nagini was an extremely venomous snake, so a single bite could, therefore, result in a wound that was slow to heal. I understood that her venom was not always fatal, but it made it difficult for wounds to close. I had no chance to fight. I hadn't eaten in days. The constant torture, my last transformation, had exhausted all my strength. I could feel the venom in my body, I could feel the wound that did not heal. I was expecting death. He held me with cold caress. A face I was taught to fear brought me comfort. I didn't fear him. I feared not knowing, what he might do and where he might take me. I feared knowing that I will never see Remus again. With that last thought and his face in front of me, I closed my eyes.


	18. The Order

I dreamed of whiteness. I was no longer afraid, I was not hungry and I was not cold. The pain was gone. All I had left were the dreams that passed in front of me in an endless line. Some were clear - memories of my past, others were like a fog. I felt them rather than seeing them. Was that the death?

Then I started hearing voices. They were somehow distant - like a whisper, but I had the feeling that they were actually very close. Warm. Some strangers, others not so much. But there was one who stood out among the others. Soft and gentle. _Was it possible?_

Then came the sensations. Touch like a feather. Fingers on my hands. A kiss on my forehead. Truth or dream?

A light made its way into the corner of my eyelids. I opened my eyes and it took them a while to get used to the colors. I was in a room. Its walls are simply cream, not peeling or dirty, just cream. There is no decoration at all save the limp curtain that can separate my bed from the three others in here. It was perhaps once the kind of green that reminds people of spring-time and hope, but it's faded so much that the hue is insipid. The room was in a color of bleach and the floor is simply grey. At the far end are windows in brown metal frames, only openable at the top. The three other beds were empty. I had a vague idea of where I actually was, even though I had never been here. _But how was that possible?_

A man in a lime green robe came into the room and was shocked to see that I was awake. He ran to me and laid his hand on mine. He started swinging his wand around me slightly with no visible result. On the other hand, it was as if thousands of needles were touching me on different parts of my body.

"Ouch," I shouted, rubbing my shoulder where I felt a slightly stronger piercing.

"I'm sorry," the man said and smiled at me. "I had to make sure all your senses were OK. Everything looks good so far. "

"Where am I?" I asked, trying to stand up, but the wizard pushed me back

"Do not rush to get up, give yourself some time to adapt. Otherwise, my name is Hippocrates Smethwyck and I’m your healer here in St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. I’m Healer-in-Charge in Dai Llewellyn Ward for Serious Bites ward. "

"Serious bites?" And I looked at my leg where the snake had bitten me. My ankle was wrapped in bandages. I moved my fingers slightly. It didn't hurt.

"Serious wound," Smethwyck nodded, "It was hard to close. It opened again and again. And we didn't know what bit you. We just had to guess and try. Eventually, several non-traditional methods helped us deal with the injury and it is almost healed. The other problem was the poison. It took time to clear the blood. It was also the main reason you were unconscious for so long. "

"How long? "

"More than a month. "

"Month?! "

"Yes, when they brought you here, you were in very bad condition. "

"Who brought me here?"

"Some man, he must be a relative of yours perhaps. He did not introduce himself. In fact, he comes every day since you've been here. If it's not a secret, what happened to you? "

"I don't remember," I said, which was partly true. I remember Nagini biting me, but then it's foggy.

"Hmm, good. Now rest. In fact, we can discharge you tomorrow if you want. Do you have relatives to contact? "

"No. I'll take care of myself. Thanks. Do you know if my wand is here? "

"Yes, miss. It's in your locker here. "

Smethwyck nodded to me and left the room, leaving me alone.

A month ... what had happened this month? Had Crouch sent anyone to save me? What had happened to Voldemort and Peter Pettigrew? Where would I go tomorrow? I had no luggage, I had nothing. Return to Sirius? After everything I did at our last meeting ... I was locked up in Crouch's mansion for a few months, I didn't send Sirius any information for me during that time. He must have been worried. But I didn't seem to have another choice. My head began to ache from all these thoughts that went through my mind.

The next morning I was ready to leave. Several healers came and bandaged my legs for the last time. They gave me instructions and a potion to drink in the following days. They gave me some clothes and a robe to wear. They were a little wide for me, but mines were in such a miserable condition that there was no way to fix them and throw them away. One of the healers, a tall, young sorceress, pulled me aside and asked,

"I'm sorry, it may sound crazy and cheeky, but is the man who came to you your husband?"

"What?" I blinked incomprehensibly. "No, I do not know. I don't have a husband. "\

"Oh, great. "She smiled excitedly. Then she looked at me, realizing that her words could be taken ambiguously. "I'm sorry, I'm not glad you don't have a husband. Not this. It's just that the man who came to you was quite handsome. And I was wondering if you could give him my contacts in case he was available. "

I blinked silly. What was this woman talking about? I had no idea who came to me. To my relief from the awkward conversation, Smethwyck pulled me out, saying it was time to leave, as he was expecting a patient bitten by Acromantula at any moment.

"It's a miracle he's still alive, not eaten." He told me as he sent me through the door.

Outside, I was greeted by the summer of July sun. How much time I had spent closed and in the unconscious? It was like yesterday when Sirius, Remus, and I were celebrating Christmas. My heart sank for a moment. I closed my eyes. What was Remus doing now? Had he forgotten me? He had to do it, even though a part of me deeply hoped he wasn't. How could I be so selfish? So I left him and hurt him at our last meeting. How do I expect he will still be interested in me? I sighed.

I apparated at Grimmauld Place. To my surprise, there was nothing where the number 12 was supposed to be. Number 11 moved smoothly to number 13. What was going on here? I approached the two buildings. Nothing. _How was that possible? Where was the damn house?_

I walked around hoping it would show up somehow. Hours passed and in desperation, I sat down on a nearby bench in the square. I had nothing in me. I had some money in Gringotts, maybe tomorrow I could go get it and figure out what to do from there. Or just stand on that bench, hoping Sirius will come out someday. But that was almost impossible, given that he hid and rarely went out.

I must have fallen asleep. A noise startled me and caught my attention. People. People in robes crossed the square and headed for where number 12 was supposed to be. As they approached, I immediately recognized one of them.

"Professor Moody," I shouted, challenging both wizards to point their wands at me in a flash. "Professor Moody," I continued, raising my hands in a sign that I was not a danger. "I don't know if you remember me, we met at the beginning of the year in Professor Dumbledore's office. I'm Ashling Karkaroff. "

They looked at each other in surprise. The other was a tall, broad-shouldered black wizard. He was bareheaded and wore a single gold earring.

"Ashling Karkaroff. You have a lot to catch up. " Moody growled. "In Merlin's name, what are you doing here? Nobody told us you were awake and they have discharged you from the hospital. "

"What?" I looked at them in surprise. "You know I've been in the hospital?"

"Of course, the whole Order took turns standing in front of the hospital. Damn Mandungus was on shift today, he must have disappeared somewhere again. " And as he cursed, Moody began looking for something in his pockets.“Here,” Moody muttered, thrusting a piece of parchment toward my hand and holding his lit wand close to it, so as to illuminate the writing. “Read quickly and memorize.”

I looked down at the piece of paper. The narrow handwriting was vaguely familiar. It said:

_The headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix may be found at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, London_

"What’s the Order of the — ?” I began.

"Not here, girl!” snarled Moody. “Wait till we’re inside!” He pulled the piece of parchment out of my hand and set fire to it with his wand tip. As the message curled into flames and floated to the ground, I looked around at the houses again. We were standing outside number eleven; I looked to the left and saw number ten; to the right, however, was number thirteen.

“But where’s — ?”

“Think about what you’ve just memorized,” said the other wizard quietly.

I thought, and no sooner had I reached the part about number twelve, Grimmauld Place, than the familiar battered door emerged out of nowhere between numbers eleven and thirteen, followed swiftly by the dirty walls and the grimy windows.

“Come on, hurry,” growled Moody, prodding me in the back. Then he pulled out his wand and tapped the door once. I heard many loud, metallic clicks and what sounded like the clatter of a chain. I didn't remember the door to be unlocked like that. The door creaked open.

On the doorstep stood a short, slightly plump, and kindly-looking woman.

"Alastor, Kingsley, we weren't expecting you so early." then the woman noticed me. "Who is this girl with you?"

"This is Ashling, Sirius' niece," Moody replied instead of me.

"Oh," was all the sorceress said, and made our way in.

We entered the corridor I knew. I was used to keeping quiet because of Sirius' mother's portrait, but apparently, the others knew, too, because they walked quietly and whispered. Everything was happening so fast that I didn't even have time to think about what was really going on.

The woman ushered us into the dining room, which had changed a lot since the last time I was here. At least she was a lot busier. About 10 wizards were seated at the table. The moment we entered, everyone turned to us.

"ASH! " I heard a familiar voice and the next moment I was suffocated by the strong embrace of my uncle "I thought you were still in the hospital. Are you okay? "

"Yes, yes. I was discharged this morning. Obviously, you all know that I was in the hospital and what happened to me. " I started to breathe intermittently "BUT WILL SOMEONE BE SO GOOD TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS HERE? "

I think I overplayed a little but I didn't understand anything.

"Come sit down and we'll explain," Sirius began, offering me a chair to sit on. He sat down on one side of me, a young sorceress with pink hair sitting on the other. She smiled at me.

"Sirius," Moody cleared his throat, "you know the rules!"

"Yes, yes. Before we begin, Ash, we'll need to verify your identity, to make sure you are not an imposter. What Ashling Black gave me for Christmas last year? "

I looked confused. What was all this for? However, I replied: "I painted the room upstairs and painted a new family tree of the Black family. "

"That is," Sirius nodded at Moody and the others. "So where do I start ... "- he thought for a moment. "Voldemort returned. "

My eyes and my mouth were frozen wide open in an expression of stunned surprise. For a while, Sirius talked and recounted the events around the Tournament and the return of the Black Lord that I had missed. I could only listen to him, I was still stunned by the things he was telling me. To my relief, Harry had escaped.

"But who turned the cup into a Portkey? " I asked after a while.

"Barty Crouch."

“What?” I opened my eyes.

"Junior. " Sirius added. "Throughout the year he drank a Polyjuice potion and introduced himself as our friend Alastor Moody, who in meantime was locked up and imprisoned. "

I turned in amazement to the former Auror, who just nodded in defeat.

"So he bewitched me after my visit to Dumbledore. What about his father, didn't he warn you about him and Voldemort?"

"He is dead. He failed to reach Dumbledore, as far as we know, Crouch Jr. met his father and killed him."

"It was all in vain." I covered my face with my hands. "His escape was in vain."

Sirius put a hand on my shoulder. "Ash, don't. I don't know what happened at Crouch's mansion, but I got a letter from him saying you were locked up there. He may have tried to get to Dumbledore in person, but his son met him. It was not in vain, we managed to find you. We found you on the verge of death, Voldemort and Wormtail had left the house and they probably had left you to die in that basement. " His voice trailed off and he shivered. "I don't know what would have happened if we had been a little late."

"We? " I asked

"Me and Remus, of course. He took you to the hospital because I couldn't appear in public. "

My heart pounded in my chest. They had both saved me. Suddenly a thought came to me.

"Aren't you free now?" I turned to Sirius. "I mean, when Voldemort is back, they know WormTail's alive and you're innocent, you should be acquitted, right?"

"No." My uncle sighed desperately and leaned back in his chair. "In fact, the Ministry pretends that nothing happened. They did not spread the news that Voldemort had returned. Fudge thinks Dumbledore is making things up so he can take his place. "

"What? What is this nonsense? "

"That's why Dumbledore created the Order of the Phoenix. We're trying to get followers, but it's quite difficult, as the Ministry has started propaganda against Harry and the director. " The wizard with the earring I had entered with joined in.

It took me a while to assimilate all the information. The afternoon was spent while Sirius was explaining to me more details about what was happening. I met everyone else - the man with the earring - Kingsley Shacklebolt, the woman with the pink hair - Nymphadora Tonks, Molly, and Arthur Weasley and their children. I already knew Ron, the twins Fred and George, Bill, Ginny. To my surprise, Percy was not among them. It was not convenient for me to ask where is he.

Sirius's house had apparently become the Order's headquarters. Dumbledore had protected her with the spell Fidelius, so that’s why I couldn't find it at first. As the keeper of the secret, only he could reveal its location. The note that Moody gave me was from him.

"Ashling, darling, is it a problem addressing you like that?" Molly Weasley asked, " How young you are. You're the age of my eldest son Bill."

"Of course not, Mrs. Weasley."

"Just Molly, please. " She smiled back at me. "We left your room intact, we started cleaning the others so it could be habitable."

"Yes, there are a lot of things to do. Honestly, I did not enter most of the rooms. If you want, I can do something now. "

"No no. You were just discharged from the hospital. Go to your room to rest and I'll call you for dinner. "

"But ..." I began, trying to resist.

"I don't accept no for an answer." She pinched my cheek slightly and turned.

I guess this was a woman you can't argue with. I sighed. Honestly, I was really a little tired. And the wound in my leg was starting to hurt. I had to drink the potions that the healers from St. Mungo had given me. My room was the same as if I had left it yesterday. The dark green curtains, the soft carpet, the fireplace, and the two worn-out armchairs in front of her, the pile of books on my nightstand. The old talking mirror told me that I looked awful. And that I have to put some meat on my bones. ”Thanks, ” I told it and threw myself on the bed. I probably fell asleep the moment I felt the pillow under my head. When I woke up, the sun was almost setting. I rubbed my eyes and yawned. A shower would be a good idea, and I would have to change those miserable clothes they had given me from the hospital. I took a quick bath, put on my clean clothes. Apparently, I had lost weight in recent months because they were a little wide and I had to fasten my seat belt extra. When I looked in the mirror, I really looked awful. My features were tested and suffered. I had shadows under my eyes. I was pale even by British standards. My hair, though clean, hung in miserable locks. I tied it in a ponytail to be more bearable.

I decided to go down and help with dinner. At least that's what I could do now. Leaving my room, I came across someone most unexpectedly.

"I'm sorry ..." I began but stopped when I realized who I had run into. _Remus_. "Oh, hello. "

Merlin, it was so awkward. I didn't know what to say at all. He was standing in front of me. It was like yesterday again when I left him on the doorstep of my room. He hadn't changed visually, only his hair had gotten an idea longer, and he'd smoothed it back carelessly. My heart was beating so hard in my chest and I was afraid he might hear it.

"Hello," he said, smiling slightly at me. Then he scratched the back of his head. "I knew they had discharged you from the hospital. "

"Yes. Thank you for taking me to the hospital. "I began, trying to keep the conversation going. _Why was it so hard for me_ ... "Sirius told me. "

"No problem," he said, reaching into his pockets. "Well, I'll leave you. I want to go up to sleep. Yesterday was a full moon. "

"Oh, ok," I said, feeling more and more awkward.

And for the last time, smiling slightly at me, he turned and continued up the stairs.

The sadness flowed through my veins and deadened my mind at this moment. It was like a poison to my spirit, dulling me killing off my other emotions until it was the only one that remained. It was as if a black mist had settled upon me and refused to shift. I stared at the man I loved, who was now turning his back on me and leaving me alone in my awkwardness. It was my fault. I hurt him. There is no way I can take my words back. Whatever happened has happened. Obviously, I would face him in the next few days, I could at least try not to let my heart flutter every time I saw him. As if nothing had ever happened between us. _Nothing had ever happened_ _._


	19. Interactions

The next few days passed imperceptibly. I entered the life of the Order, gradually understanding the tasks of everyone. There was a constant bustle in the quarters. Everyone was so busy with something that I didn't even have time to talk to Sirius in peace. I hadn't spotted Remus either. I learned from Bill that he got up early and came home late. Maybe that was better. I couldn't imagine sitting in the same room with him as if we were just acquaintances.

I was angry because everyone treated me like I was sick and expected me to fall apart at any moment. They didn't give me tasks to get involved with. When I wanted to do something, whether in the house or on a mission, I was always told that the important thing at the moment was to rest.

My wound was almost healed, I only had a few small scars left. I had begun to regain another pound, and I no longer looked so horrified and tormented when I looked in the mirror. I had decided to get up early and run again, but this time I stopped at a nearby park. I never imagined running in Broxbourne Woods again.

I wore a sports outfit - tight short shorts, a tank top, and running shoes. The Muggles were good at sewing comfortable clothes. Running calmed me down. I ran, feet kissing the land. Perhaps some years ago I would have balked at the idea of running without direction, now I relish the prospect to just run far and fast. My feet were made to travel at speed and as light as the paws of a she-wolf.

When I felt that my legs couldn't take it anymore, my muscles were burning and I was all sweaty, I decided it was time to go home. It was still very early, so everyone would probably still be asleep. I decided to sneak into the kitchen and have a quick meal before going up to my room and taking a bath. To my quiet horror, I wasn't the only one so early. Remus was sitting at the table, facing the door. There was a cup of tea in front of him, and he was reading Daily Prophet. When I entered, he looked up and was startled for a moment.

"Good morning. " He said first.

"Good morning. "I replied without knowing what to say or do next. Thanks to Merlin, he continued.

"You're running again. Are you feeling better? ”There was concern in his eyes. My heart fluttered. Still, I wasn't completely indifferent to him.

"Yes, I'll be back in shape with Molly's dishes, and another pound on top," I smiled at him.

He smiled at me too but didn't answer. He just stared at the newspaper again. To my relief, Bill came into the room and broke the awkward silence.

"Good morning, early risers." He yawned. "Is there anything for breakfast because I probably won't have time for another meal today? There's been a big mess in Gringotts around a vault, and I'll probably have to give extra hours. "

"I can do something for you," I suggested.

"It will be great, thank you." and he sat down next to Remus while I went to the stove to do something for breakfast. I stopped at freshly baked croissants with butter and jam. I placed a large bowl in front of them and said to Bill:

"French style. As you like it. " A moment later I realized how ambiguous my words could be accepted and I started to justify myself " I mean, you told me about the Frenchwoman you train at the bank and that's why I said that…"

Bill laughed. I didn't dare look at Remus's reaction. _Why did I have to_ _speak such nonsense right in front of him?_

After a moment's silence as each of us ate, Bill said:

"Mmm, I understand now, Remus, by saying that Ash cooks great. These croissants are amazing! "

I looked at Remus, who nodded to him, looked at me and smiled slightly, then leaned over his plate.

I couldn't stand being in the same room with him anymore, I apologized to them for having to leave, and I went up to my room. I leaned against the door and took a deep breath. I had to think of something to occupy my thoughts, which kept coming back to Remus, the memory of his kisses, and our conversations without that awkwardness. I thought of talking to him, at least apologizing for my behavior, but I lacked the courage. I clenched my fists and dug my fingernails into my palm. And he obviously didn't want to talk too, he avoided me.

The good thing was that there would be a meeting of the Order in the evening. This was the first official one in which I would participate and I would ask to be included in some tasks. Ron, Ginny, Fred, and George had been complaining all day that they weren't included in the meetings. The five of us tried to release the curtains in one of the rooms from dozens of Doxies.

"It's not fair to include you and Bill. We are now adults" said the twins in one voice.

"At least we can go to meetings and listen," Ginny added.

"Yes, today will be especially interesting. Snape will be attending for the first time since the Order was established. " Ron said as he stunned a rather fat Doxie.

"Will Dumbledore be tonight?" I inquired

"Sure, yes," George said amusedly. "Our mother roams the kitchen all day, making the Headmaster's favorite desserts."

"And she made us promise not to do anything stupid. But she doesn't specify when ... 'George grinned. "We've prepared a surprise for the good old Snape."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear anything." I shook my head, smiling and successfully sending Knockback Jinx to the Doxie’s Queen.

The night before the meeting was really busy. I had never seen the dining room so crowded. Everyone sat around the table. Snape, whom I had never seen, sitting at the other end and not talking to anyone. Remus and Dumbledore were still missing. I sat down next to Sirius. Kingsley and Bill were sitting across from me. There was a gap between me and Tonks. The Headmaster appeared just before the clock struck 7 pm.

"I'm just in time," he smiled at everyone. It was amazing how he always managed to illuminate every room with his presence. It brought calm and security. "Molly, it smells wonderful. I hope I will have time to try your delicacies. Do I smell Sticky Toffee Pudding?"

"Yes, Headmaster. " She smiled at him. "I know it's your favorite."

He glared at her under his glasses and sat down at the table.

"Let's get started," he said, but at that moment Remus appeared panting at the door.

"Forgive me, Dumbledore. I had a problem with my so-called brothers, ”he smiled awkwardly.

"No problem, Remus. A little later you will explain to us how your tasks are going. Welcome, sit down. I think there is a vacancy next to Miss Karkaroff. " He nodded at me.

 _Noooo_. I didn't want to look at Remus, I was embarrassed enough. I felt him pull the chair next to me and sit down. He was inches away from me. I could feel the warmth radiating from his body. My heart pounded. Was it possible for him to hear it?

The meeting was very dynamic. Snape spoke at the beginning. Everyone was obviously expecting his story the most because it was from the inner ranks of the Death Eaters and what Voldemort was currently harnessing to take the Prophecy.

"But if he wants this Prophecy so badly, why hasn't he sent someone to take it from the Ministry??" Tonks said.

"The prophecy can only be taken by those to whom it applies," Dumbledore explained. "For now, the only thing stopping him is that he wants to keep his appearance a secret until he has enough followers. This does not prevent us from appointing people to keep the Prophecy in the Ministry in case they try to take it. "

"We'll take duty.," Kingsley said. "But maybe it's best to be on duty in pairs.

"At least one must be a Ministry employee to have free access to the floors," Arthur Weasley added.

"It's me, Kingsley, and you for now," Tonks added.

"I can also participate, too," I called for the first time during the meeting, and everyone turned to me. "Technically, I'm still an employee of the Department of International Magical Cooperation. I can go back to work. As far as I can see, we need more connections in the Ministry anyway. "

"This is a responsible task, Miss Karkaroff," Snape said. I couldn't tell by his intonation whether he doubted my abilities or was just stating a fact.

"And you haven't recovered yet," Molly said. "You were discharged from the hospital week ago."

I saw several heads nod in agreement. Burning anger hissed through my body like deathly poison. It was like a volcano erupting; fury sweeping off me like ferocious waves.

"Listen, everyone," I said sharply, tapping my hand on the table. "Stop treating me like I'm sick or I'm going to break at any moment. I strongly doubt any of you here in the room have gone through what I have in recent months. I was imprisoned for 6 months by Voldemort and his servant. They gave me food every three days. I was tortured every day. Every damn day. The only thing, from which I knew it was the next day in the dark damp basement, was another dose of torture. Here… - "and I rolled up the sleeve of my blouse so that they could see the long scar on my arm. "they took blood from here every day to feed the damn snake. The wound on my leg, as you know, is barely closed. And yet I'm here now. Maybe not with my full sanity, but hardly anyone can boast of that, but I'm here. I'm not broken, I won't be. And none of you can't deny me the right to actively participate in the activities of the Order. "

My heart was pounding in my chest, and my face must have been on fire. My anger would come like an impossible build up steam, burning me on the way out, burning the one on the receiving end. But I couldn't stop it. It had accumulated over the last few days, and I had to say everything I wanted. As the initial anger began to disappear, I began to realize that I might have gone too far. I expected some resistance from the others. But everyone was silent. I leaned back slightly, my hands still on the table. I felt someone's fingers intertwine with mine and relax my clenched fist. I knew whose they were. I looked at him for a moment, there was something in his eyes that I couldn't figure out. At that moment, Dumbledore was the first to said:

"Excuse us, Miss Karkaroff. Sometimes in our attempts to protect our loved ones around us, we forget that they are not as defenseless as we think. I don't think anyone in the Order thinks you can't handle your tasks. " and he turned to all. Everyone nodded in agreement. "I think it's time to put our worries aside for a moment and eat."

Chairs rattled, each helping to set the table. Remus sat next to me without moving, still clutching my hand in his. I couldn't look at him again. I wanted to enjoy the feeling of his fingers intertwined with mine. After a long moment I turned to him:

"Thank you. "I told him quietly.

"No worries," he said, stroking my cheek with his other hand. I closed my eyes for a moment and pressed my head to his palm. But just as quickly, he backed away, got up from his chair, and without looking at me again, joined in the preparations for the dinner.


	20. The Order above all

"I envy you a little that you will take an active part in the tasks of the Order," Sirius told me with a slight bitterness in his voice. Still, he smiled friendly at me. We were alone for the first time since I came back. We sat on the couch in front of the fireplace. Although it was mid-July, the fire was crackling merrily. The house was old and it was getting cold in the evening. My uncle had stretched his long legs and warmed them by the fire.

"I'm sure you'll have something to do soon. Hardly anyone will tolerate your sullen face for a long time. " I put my head on his shoulder.

"How I missed your witty remarks." He laughed, patting me on the head, tousling my hair.

We sat in silence for a while, each with his own thoughts. It was nice and reassuring to be by his side again. After all, he was my only family now.

"Do you want to share something with me?" He broke the silence.

"What do you mean? "

"You suddenly packed your bags from here and disappeared, then you were a prisoner of Voldemort for months, then in a hospital, and you come here as if nothing had happened. I don't know, I still think you have a lot to tell and share. "

"Sirius, I appreciate that but I'm not ready to go back and remember the past months. I want to leave the past in the past. "

"No problem. I just wanted to make sure you didn't tell me because you didn't want to, not because I wasn't ready to listen to you. When you need it, you can always turn to me, you know? "

"Yeah, I know," I nodded.

"Did you talk to Remus?"

"What?" Why? I breathed and looked at Sirius in surprise.

"Why?! " – he looked me in disbelieve - "You left him with a broken heart, then I hadn't seen him in weeks. When I saw him again, he looked terribly distressed. I never seen him like that before. Then I got the letter from Crouch, Remus was with me, he came to you first and found you in that basement. For a moment we thought you were dead. I will not forget the horror on his face. " And Sirius sighed. "He took you to the hospital, he stood next to you every day. He wasn’t there only at full moon. He told me that he was scared when he found out that you had been discharged and the healers did not know where you had gone. Good thing Mad-Eye sent him a message that you were here and fine. And you're telling me now that you have nothing to talk to him about. Even if you don't feel any feelings for him, at least you owe him some gratitude and an apology. As far as I know, your last conversation with him before you disappeared was not very pleasant. You owe him at least a normal one. "

I was speechless for a moment, realizing Sirius's words. _So it was Remus._ I remember his voice in my dreams while I was in the hospital, the touch of his fingers. _How could I forget_ _it_? I knew it was him. But I did not dare to hope that it was true and not a dream.

"Do you think he has still feelings for me?" I said the question that bothered me, and I was startled that I had actually said it out loud.

"Do I think ..." Sirius began. "I'm sure of that. I know him, he doesn't fall in love and forgets just like that. To tell you the truth, if you weren't my niece, I would curse you for everything you do to him. On the other hand, he is also guilty of dealing with you, knowing that you are still young and do not know what you want from life. "

"Hey, I know very well what I want," I told him angrily. "My feelings have not changed for him. I love him ... " my voice trembled for a moment from the emotions that raged inside me. "I told him all those things so that he would not go looking for me and get hurt because of me. I didn't know I hurt him so much. I thought I was doing it for his own good. And I've obviously tortured both of us. Look " and I clung desperately to Sirius's jacket. "the only thing that kept me going during the months of torture was the thought that I wanted to see him at least one more time. And now that he's so close to me, I don't have the courage to tell him how I feel and apologize. "

"You mean you really love him?"

"A lot," I sighed and leaned back on the couch again.

"Well, the next time you see him, I want you to tell him everything you told me, I don’t want to look at the unhappy faces of both of you anymore."

"He's avoiding me, I don't know. I'm not sure in your words that he still cares about me. "

"Ash, girl, are you blind?" He rolled his eyes. "Don't you think he'll take the initiative when you told him in your last conversation that you weren't interested in him anymore? Of course he will avoid you. Knowing him, I'm sure he’s avoiding you so YOU don’t feel uncomfortable with his presence. "

"That doesn't make sense."

"Please, you, women, don't talk to me about sense and logic."

I didn't want to think that Sirius was right. If I allowed hope in my heart, then I would not be able to bear the disappointment if my uncle made a mistake in his judgment. But at least one thing I was sure of - I had to talk to Remus as soon as possible. As far as I knew from the meeting, he would not return to the house until the end of the week. So I at least had time to gather courage for this conversation.

The days passed boringly. On the one hand, I couldn't wait for Sunday to come, because then I would go with Bill on my first mission for the Order - to keep the Prophecy in case Voldemort wanted to take it. Bill was a nice and funny guy, like a brother I never had. On the other hand, Remus would come the same day and I had to talk to him. Then or never.

Sunday came with a bright sun shining through the drawn curtains of my room. I got up early, pulled on something quickly. At least I didn't have to tighten my belt so much anymore, and my clothes didn't fit like bags. The house was quieter than usual, perhaps because the Weasley twins were still asleep. I slipped quietly through the rooms, thinking of going to the library and reading at little peace. My room was next to Ron's, and honestly, his snoring could be heard all over the house. To my surprise, Bill was in the room, leaning over something and visibly struggling.

"Oh, hello!" He waved at me when he saw me enter. "You can help me. My mother warned me that there was a fairly large colony of Bundimun here and we had to remove it before it spread throughout the house. "

"Bindimun? " I asked "What is that”

"Don't you have something similar in Bulgaria? " He asked, standing up and wiping the sweat from his forehead. "Come to see. Bindimuh is a greenish, many-eyed pest that fed on dirt and could destroy a whole house. The secretions of the Bundimun were extremely acidic and rot building structures, and with a large enough infestation, the building could collapse. Fleur told me their secret - if they weren't many, a simple Scouring Charm would work. The problem is that there are a lot here and you must help me. "

"All right," I replied and took the wand out of my pocket. "Scouring Charm"

It may have taken us about 40 minutes to get rid of the entire Bundimun colony. It may have sounded easy, but in fact, when we were done, we both sat on the floor and leaned back against the wall.

"Remind me the next time you ask me to clean up with you, not to agree," I told Bill and smiled.

"There won't be another time, believe me. I'm a Curse - Breaker, not someone from Pest Sub-Division."

"They stink. They must have settled here recently. When we first came here, there were no such things here."

"Awful, and I had to meet Fleur before my mission tonight. Now I'm going to have to take a bath first. "

"How are things with her? Does she improve her English or do you improve your French? " I laughed and nudged him with my elbow.

"Oh, please, my brothers make fun of me enough on this subject. "grinned Bill. "I can only stop them with ... " and he turned to me with a mischievous look - ... tickle. "

He stuck his fingers in my stomach and started tickling me. This could not happen. My lungs would burst with laughter. The last time my grandmother tickled me like that when I was a child. Trying to reach him and tickle him back, I heard the opening of the library door. I turned and my heart stopped in my chest. Remus stood in the doorway, his face expressionless, but his eyes shifted from me to Bill, and vice versa. When I thought about it, no matter how innocent the tease between me and Bill was, it could be perceived differently from the others. _Awful, he's like a brother to me. And why right in front of Remus ..._

"Bill," he began flatly, "Molly sent me to help you with the Bundimun colony, but there's obviously nothing more I can do here. Excuse me." and he turned to leave.

Bill punched me in the ribs and gave me a silent nod with his head to me to follow Remus.

I jumped to my feet and follow him down the stairs.

"Remus, wait," I called to him, grabbing his sleeve and turning him to me. He was two steps down from me, and now our eyes were on one level. I had forgotten how tall he really was. His eyes stared blankly at me. It only seemed for a moment that they shot at my lips. "I want to talk to you , please."

"I don't think we have anything to say." He replied, and I felt the bitterness in his voice.

"On the contrary," I said, "I have."

After those words, my brain seemed to freeze. Why the words did not come to my mouth? I had been rehearsing this conversation all week, why now I didn't remember what I wanted to tell him.

"Don't bother. There is nothing you can tell me that I do not know. Just please warn Bill that in another month you'll dump him too, so he doesn't get too attached." His eyes burned, and a moment later he turned again and walked back down the stairs.

"Remus, wait, Bill and I are just friends," I said, but my voice didn't sound as confident as I wanted it to. The bitterness in his eyes had crushed me.

He didn't turn around, just raised his hand in a sign that I didn't have to continue and disappeared into the hallway. I was a fool. Otherwise, they can't shut my mouth, and now I couldn't say a word.

I had to follow him and try to fix the whole mess. I went into the kitchen after him, but unfortunately Arthur, Molly, the twins, Ginny, and Moody were already there. What so, let them hear what I have to say to him. I walked over to him, but Mad-Eye stopped me.

"Ashling, I need to talk to you and it's important." He growled at me in his typical throaty voice.

"All right," I agreed, swearing in my mind that I was missing my chance to talk to Remus again.

"Dumbledore wrote to me this morning that he would like to ask Bill to help him with some, particularly complicated curse. So he won't be able to come with you to the Ministry tonight. "

"All right," I said, "I'll handle it myself."

"No way, the Headmaster explicitly asked none of us to be on duty alone. Someone will have to replace Bill. "and he looked around. "Remus, Dumbledore suggested you. As far as I understand, only you will be free tonight. "

My heart pounded in my chest. I was sure he would refuse.

"All right. " He agreed, and I opened my eyes in surprise. "The Order above all. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, guys. I had to tease them a little more. This will make their reunion sweeter. I promise the next chapter to be spicier.


	21. Mysteries

The Department of Mysteries was a section of the Ministry of Magic that carried out confidential research. Most of its operations were carried out in total secrecy. Few wizards within the Ministry actually knew what was located within this department. It lay on the second-lowest level of the Ministry of Magic, Level Nine. It was accessible via the lifts from the Ministry Atrium. This level bore a striking difference to those above: the black-tiled walls were bare with no windows and no doors, apart from a plain black one at the end of the corridor that led into the Department proper. The light was provided only by torches, which glowed with a blue-white light. A small flight of steps to the left led to Level Ten.

It was not difficult to bring Lupin into the Ministry unnoticed. It was Sunday and there was almost no one. The few who could be seen in the corridors were mostly hurried employees who were forced to finish their work on the weekend. Remus and I hadn't said a word from our conversation on the stairs. He was silent the whole time on our way to the Mystery Department, and to be honest, I was a little angry at the memory of his last words about Bill and me. As much as I was excited about the Order's task, I despaired at the sight of his frown face.

When we reached the corridor on the Ninth Floor, there was no one there. Our footsteps echoed deafly. The ghost of this floor and the dim light made me shiver.

"We have to find a way and where to hide in case anyone passes by. There's no way we can justify wandering around the Department, even you, as an employee of the Ministry, ”Remus said for the first time.

"Kingsley gave me an idea. Come, " I replied, and led him to the bottom of the corridor near the Department's black door.

Between the large black columns protruding from the walls was a narrow alcove in which we could hide.

"It's a little bit narrow," Remus said.

"If you have a better idea, I'm ready to accept it. But here we will have visibility to the door of the Department and if someone comes from the elevator. Besides, no one can see us unless he explicitly passes by and looks right here. "

Apparently, he had come to that conclusion, too, because he didn't object and just nodded to me. In fact, it was really quite narrow. We had to sit facing each other so that each of us could see one part of the corridor. Remus, who was over 6.2 ft tall, sat down first, his head almost touching the ceiling of the alcove. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't avoid the touch between us. He didn't seem to mind at all. Leaning his hands on his bent knees, he held his wand in one and watched the exit to the lift.

It was terribly awkward for me to be inches away from him and at the same time to feel him so far away. I began to wonder if I would be able to tell him anything at all. Time passed slowly. The lack of communication between us made it even more difficult. _Great_. And I was so excited about the task. I wouldn’t stand another such duty.

"Does anyone know something more about the Mystery Department?" I asked him quietly, trying to at least talk about something.

He looked at me first, obviously hesitant to answer me, but in the end, _Professor_ Lupin prevailed. He loved to know the answer to something and to teach others. I managed to keep my smile.

"Various mysteries of the world were studied there, including love, space, thought, time, death, and others. Few wizards within the Ministry actually knew what was located within this department. Those who worked in the Department were known as Unspeakables because of the confidential nature of their work. The autonomous nature of the Department of Mysteries granted the Unspeakables a great deal of impunity, as they were the only division that did not need to answer to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and to the Minister of Magic himself. "

"I have met one of them several times - Broderick Bode. He is a sallow-skinned wizard with a very mournful face. Judging by this, I strongly doubt that he has discovered the secret of love and time. " - I joked.

Remus smiled too, but his next words were a little bitter.

"Or maybe that's why he looks like that."

I looked him in the eye, for the first time he did not look away. I had forgotten how wonderful their shades were. Even in the dim light, I could see the thousands of colors that shone in them. _Now or never_.

"Remus, I ..." I began, gaining courage. "I want to apologize for everything I did to you. All those things I told you before I left were awful. " I felt tears well up in the corner of my eyes. I shouldn't have cried right now, I had to tell him everything I wanted. "And there wasn't really a shred of truth in them. I haven't stopped loving you, I just wanted to protect you. Now I realize how stupid it sounds and I curse myself for hurting you. " My tears clouded my eyes and I couldn't see his reaction, but it didn't matter anymore. "The only thing that kept me sane during past months was the thought that I wanted to see you at least one more time. And now, when you are inches apart, I can't think adequately and I act even more stupid. I know I can't expect anything from you like before, but at least I beg you not to avoid me when you see me. And our conversations should not end in awkward silence. I miss the ease with which we communicated. I miss everything about you - your smile, which is only for me, your hugs, your lips ... " I could not go on, my chest would burst from the emotions I was feeling at that moment. I covered my face with my hands. I couldn't stand the pity or the hate in his eyes.

To my surprise, I felt his fingers gently pull my hands away from my face. I looked at him, his features relaxed, his eyes were tender and soft. He pulled me close and kissed me on the lips. Slowly, as if waiting for my permission. My heart was pounding in my chest and I couldn't believe it was really happening. Or I dreamed again. I pulled away from him for a moment and pinched myself.

"What?" He asked me in surprise.

"I want to see if I'm dreaming."

"I'll do it too to make sure you're real. Or I may have died and gone to heaven. " He smiled and pulled me to kiss me again.

I moved forward and despite the narrow space, I managed to straddle his lap. I leaned to his chest. “This is not heaven…” I kissed him deeply and I felt his hands press against my low back. “It’s a better place...” I unbuttoned his shirt and pants and his hands took off my blouse until our skin touched. I didn't care that anyone could see us. The important thing is that I was in his arms again.

He slid his hands under my skirt, lifting it slightly up. I felt his fingers pull the edges of my knickers. He was more than ready for me and I rose up only to lift sink down on him slowly making us both gasps. It was slow the way his hands guided my hips and he kissed me with a gentle passion as we moved together. Not a word was spoken only the sharp breathing as our mouths tasted each other. His eyes watched with a fascination and I couldn’t look away from him. It wasn’t rough or fast. It was just us together. _Merlin, how I missed that_.

Soft moans mixed with kisses as I moved on top of him and felt it building quickly. I was so lost in all that and I began to shake in his arms. Remus kissed me deeply and I could feel him follow me into that bliss. His head rested on the wall as eyes stared into my soul. I looked down at him and knew I would follow him anywhere. I couldn’t imagine feeling this way for another man.

For a while, we frantically tried to catch our breaths. I felt my heart begin to settle down when he rested his forehead on mine. Fingers gently moved the damp strands of my hair away. There was a mixture of adoration, love, guilt, and something else behind his eyes. Remus sighed deeply and dipped his head into the curve of my neck.

“Dear Merlin, woman… Why I can’t think clearly when you're around me? We are on duty in the middle of the Ministry of Magic ” then he leaned back against the wall, smiling at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one, but I didn't want to tease you, Ash, and Remus anymore ;) I hope you'll enjoy it.


	22. Deepening

The next day I felt like I was flying. Remus and I parted in the morning, I had to go to work in my department and he had to go back to headquarters. Although I had not slept, I felt very fresh and happy. The smile kept on my face all day, and I suspect that my new boss, Alonso Jones, thought I was going crazy. Even the extra difficult tasks he assigned me couldn't spoil my mood. I couldn't wait to finish and go home.

At the house on Grimmauld Place in the hallway, I ran into Remus. He pulled me close and kissed me gently on the lips.

"I missed you today. "

"You too. "

"You're just in time for dinner. Come on. "

"Mmm ... actually, are we going to say something to the others?"

"Do you want to? "

"Well, I have nothing to hide in the end. "

He just nodded and walked forward. We entered the dining room, where, as usual, since the Weasleys had moved to live here, it was full and noisy. Almost all the children were sitting at the table, Molly was spinning around the fire, Sirius was talking hotly about something with Kingsley and Hestia Jones.

I decided to help with the preparations for the table. Remus sat down next to Sirius. Apparently, before he met me in the hallway, he had been involved in their conversation, because now he joined in passionately.

"I don't think Hagrid will succeed," I heard him say to Kingsley. " Both giants and werewolves are against the Ministry, which in recent years has been particularly fiercely persecuting us. "

"That doesn't mean we shouldn't try," Kinsley added.

I approached them and would sit next to Remus. But instead, he casually pulled me to sit in him, facing the others without stopping to listen and engage in conversation. The moment he did, there was a moment of silence. Several heads turned to us. Maybe it was only then that Remus and I realized our action because I looked anxiously at the reaction of the others.

"Finally," Bill shouted with a laugh. " Sirius, man, you owe me 5 galleons. "

"What?" I wondered at his comment.

"Your uncle bet you would kill each other after your mission last night."

"Sirius," I said to him, "Really?"

"Well, don't be angry. Yesterday you both came out of here as if you were going to an apocalypse. In fact, these are my sweetest lost 5 galleons. "

"Bill, did you know about us?"

"We all knew," Fred said.

"But how? " I turned to Remus, who just shrugged, smiling.

"I was sitting at St. Mungo's for two months last summer," Kingsley said, leaning back in his chair and winking playfully at me. "Moony came to see me once. He stayed with you every day. "

"And Sirius is not one of the most secretive," Ron said.

I rolled my eyes.

"I even think Dumbledore himself knows," Bill said. "Last night, when I went to see what a curse he needed help with, he just thanked me and apologized. The curse he called me for was a simple hair loss curse, but he didn't understand it at first. Dumbledore himself to call me for something like that? I strongly doubt it. At the end of our conversation, he asked me several times if you two went on a mission together. "

"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, holder of the Order of Merlin, First Class, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, the greatest magician of this century and also a famous _matchmaker._ " The twins said in unison.

The whole room burst out laughing.

After dinner, to my surprise, Molly Weasley pulled me into an empty room to talk to me in private.

"Ash, darling, I don't know if your grandmother had a chance to talk to you about… hmm ... about birds and bees. Remus is ... hmm ... older than you, a man in his prime. " I looked at her in surprise, as if someone had slapped me with a wet rag. _Did we really have this conversation?_

"Please don't go on. We're both uncomfortable already. I am fully aware of the situation and I am aware of what is happening. "

"Really? " She looked at me, visibly relieved. "I don't know if you know that ... um ... women drink a special potion if they don't want to get pregnant. Not that I can help you with it, as you know, I'm not very good at making it. " and she smiled at me, considering her seven children.

"Yes, yes. "I confirmed to her, blushing more and more "I know it, thank you. "

"All right. I had to check. We are in the middle of a war, it will not be easy to raise a baby here. " She smiled at me and left me alone.

 _Baby?!_ I hadn't thought about it. I think I blushed even more. I used to imagine myself with a huge and close-knit family. When I was a teen, I dreamed of at least 3 or 4 children to whom I could give all my love. To provide them with motherly and paternal love, which I have lacked over the years. But everything was so imaginative, I never thought of anything like that with the boyfriends I had. And now with Remus, everything was so different. But Molly was right in the end - we're in the middle of a war. Although I smiled slightly at the thought of a little boy with Remus's shaggy hair and my black eyes.

For the next few days, Remus was constantly absent and I could barely see him. In fact, I was pretty busy, too. Early Thursday morning I received an owl letter from him with the following text:

_Ash,_

_I will have to leave in the coming weeks and I will not return to the_ _house, but I managed to free myself tonight. If you want, come home at 6 o'clock. And make sure you have strength and energy because I don't think I'm letting you sleep._

 _R_ _JL_

Pleasant shivers ran down my spine and I bit my lip. The thought itself was arousing. We had not been left alone from that duty at the Ministry. When I knocked on his door in the evening, I didn't expect him to really look forward to seeing me. He pulled me inside, without saying a word pushed me up against the door, and roughly kissed me.

"I hope you're not hungry, because I'm thinking of skipping dinner," he told me as his lips kissed my neck.

"I'm hungry for something else." A soft moan came out of my mouth.

"Do you want to play a game? Do you trust me? " He stepped back for a moment so he could look at my face.

"Of course yes," I said and saw the color of his eyes darken slightly. The corners of his mouth stretched into a slight smile. He waved his hand, and a pair of leather handcuffs appeared in his hands.

"Do you remember what I bought at Knockturnalley's store?"

I nodded. I was already wet just thinking about what’s going on next. Remus turned me and bound my hands together behind my back with the leather handcuffs. Then turned me back to face him.

“You’re mine now,” he said with a husky voice, his lips inches away from mine. “I’m going to make you beg if it takes me all night,”

“I doubt it“I tried to tease him.

Without a word anymore, I heard a fabric rip and felt the cool air hit my hips. My skirt was torn and my knickers were tugged down my legs. Remus didn’t unbuckle his trousers but knelt down and hooked my leg over his shoulder. I was already swollen and sensitive and he didn’t go gentle. He devoured me like a starved man. _Merlin, I loved this lustful side to him_. His tongue worked me hard and my eyes practically rolled into the back of my head. I had nothing to hold on to with my hands behinds my back. My standing leg was shaking as I unconsciously bucked against his mouth. I could feel it, I was almost there. His hands held me up as his mouth gave me such pleasure. _Dear Merlin, he was good. The exemplary, good and kind Remus Lupin was turning into an animal in sex._ I was so close when he abruptly stopped and watched me with amusement in his eyes.

“No. Don’t stop right now. “

Remus stood up and held my waist as my eyes glared at him. “I’ve missed that sweet taste for days on end,” he whispered against my lips. “Open your mouth to me. Taste how wanton you are right now. “He kissed me. I could feel my taste on his lips. “It’s a good thing I tied your hands, isn’t it? As much as I love you pulling my hair as I eat you, I really enjoy this side of you.”

Remus lifted me up with ease against the door and forced me to wrap my legs around his waist. He rocked into me but not hard enough to hurt my arms behind my back. The soft fabric of his trousers rubbed against my bare skin. I could feel his hardness press my nub and soon enough I was on fire again.

He carried me the distance to the bedroom and sat me down on the bed.

"I'll untie you now, but I want you to do whatever I tell you. Clear? " He told me in a firm tone.

I nodded.

"Answer me. "

I knew what he wanted. "Yes ... sir. " A thin smile played on his face. Then he stepped back and sat in the chair across from me with his legs spread wide. I could see his arousal.

"Touch yourself" he commanded me.

His voice was doing something to me. I was turned on. His timbre dropped in husky tones and hummed as if he was breathing right in my ear. Without a coherent thought, I did his bidding.

“Yes, that’s it. That’s my good girl,” I didn’t apart my gaze from his. “Remember how I started with your inner thigh. Tasting you all the up….”

I could almost feel his hand on my leg like when we were downstairs, a mouth on the sensitive skin of my inner thigh.

“Can you feel my mouth on you again?” his voice wandered back into my head. “Feel my face between your legs? You taste so good, feel my tongue on you.”

I was definitely going to come. My fingers worked harder, knowing that climax wasn’t far off. He was watching me with a dark gaze and that turned me more.

“That it’s, girl. Do it for me. Come for me. All over my face… that’s my girl. I’m going to fuck you so hard; you’ll never want anyone else. Do you hear me? No one else. Your body is all mine….” he spoke to me without getting up from the chair. I could feel his gaze burning inside me.

I closed my eyes, I was on the edge. The moment I thought I was going to finish, one hand pulled mine and wouldn't let me do it.

“Stop. “Remus had got up and come to me. He grabbed the handcuffs again and, with quick movements, tied my hands behind my back again. I was so close. He was definitely playing with me and that drove me crazy. _It was awfully good_. His eyes raked my body in hunger and began to unbutton his shirt. A minute later his trousers followed the shirt and his hard cock strained against his briefs.

“What does my girl want?” he breathed.

“You…sir”

“Good, girl” he pulled my hips to the edge of the bed.

I watched as he removed the last of his clothing and bent over me pushing me to lay back. My arms were once again pinned beneath my but he didn’t apply painful pressure. No, instead he pulled my hips up and opened my thighs to him. Remus bent over and kissed me roughly as his hips rocked against mines. He didn’t enter me and I was frustrated about why he waited. He teased and teased as he kissed me roughly but refused to give me what I wanted. He wanted it too but he was holding off to tease me.

He pulled back and flipped me over onto my stomach. He lifted my hips and pushed me further up the mattress until he was directly behind me on his knees. My head and chest rested on the soft, cool sheets, and felt his hands raise my hips up.

He caressed my spine. Remus ran his hand under my bound arms dragging his fingers down to my tailbone. Those same fingers dipped down and inside me slowly pumping. I could feel his hard cock resting above my bum as he fingered me and brought his other hand around to play with my nub. Before long I was rearing against him.

Once again, he had me on the brink and stopped all together making me whimper in agony. Dear Merlin, I needed it and needed it badly. I wanted him inside me.

I could feel him rubbing his cock along my slit, wetting him and I was rigid with anticipation. His hands returned to my hips as he pushed inside with a deep groan. He was thick and heavy as he stretched me until I felt my backside pressed firmly against his hips. He was slow and controlled and at this angle, he was deep inside me. I could feel my walls clenching him but his pace was too slow. I thrust back against him hard telling him what I wanted but he ignored my demands. I felt his hands grab my waist as he started to move deeper. My fingers grazed his as my bound hands arched back to touch him. Merlin, I could feel every inch of him but needed more. He pulled out and turned me again to face him.

“Fuck me, “ I demanded with force and his eyes lit up with wild lust.

Immediately Remus yanked my hips up as he plunged into me hard. His face was full of determination as he gave it to me. He knew I liked it rough. I could not imagine letting go like this with any other man. With sex, I trusted him completely. He didn’t judge or shy away from taking things to another level. Remus was a generous lover for he didn’t just take his pleasure from me. He gave. Seeing the pleasure, he offered to me only seemed to heighten his own.

He lowered himself and ravaged my mouth while his hips didn’t miss a beat. His hands tilted my hips pulling them up roughly as his mouth swallowed my moans. I wrapped my legs around him. His hips were thrusting up harder and faster as that wonderful pressure came barreling forward and there was no controlling it. The first wave hit hard and I leaned toward him, trying to grab something with my hands tied behind my back. I cried out as another wave crashed into me. I couldn’t take anymore as my body shook in overstimulation. Remus kissed me roughly as he quickened to a frantic pace that told me he was close too.

“Again… come for me again.” He breathed

“I can’t…” I whimpered but he was having none of it.

“You can and you will…” he demanded. “Look at me.”

I could not have looked away if I tried. Looking into his dark amber eyes was intense as he made my body quake and felt him follow me. His face contorted as he cried out my name and spent himself inside me.

His warm body draped over mine while we frantically tried to catch our breaths.

After a few minutes, I felt my heart begin to settle down when he raised himself up on one elbow and gazed at me with a playful expression.

“I think you are ready to deepen the experience. “

“What do you mean? “

"I mean, we could go very far in the sensations, as long as you trust me and let me. This now was just a little preparation. " and he made a circle with his long fingers around my navel.

"Could there be anything better than that?" I asked him in disbelief.

"Of course, when I return, I'll show you. It will only take some preparation on your part while I am gone. "

"Always." I rose in anticipation.

"Do you remember that book we found in Sirius's library…?"


	23. Experience and self-pity

It had been almost two weeks since I'd seen Remus, and it seemed like an eternity. Sirius was getting gloomier, both were constantly arguing about something. And it was getting harder to sit in the same room with either of them. In the morning, Arthur Weasley and I looked at each other with relief that we were both going to work and would not be sitting in this house during the day. Hermione's arrival brightened the situation a little, but only briefly. With so many people in the house, Kreature had become particularly unbearable, constantly muttering insults to everyone and sneaking into rooms in the middle of the night. Even to me… _A traitor_ _, mating with werewolves and a friend of_ _mudbloods_.

The beginning of August was approaching and despite the good weather outside, I felt very depressed and tired. However, I had not forgotten that Remus had instructed me to review the book from Black's library.

_666 kinky spells to satisfy your witch with the help of straps._

I had a vague idea of what it was all about, but honestly, the first pages were moving illustrations that shocked me slightly. My cheeks flushed at all I found. Book dedicated to women wanting to be sub, men to dominate. As I flipped through the pages, I found some things quite arousing, others made me blush. There is no romance in this book. It wasn’t fluffy declarations of love with soft lovemaking… it was raw. Pure sexuality mixed with power. The kind that intrigued me. Strong women, sensual, beautiful, smart….yet they wanted to be dominated by a sophisticated man. He didn’t abuse or hurt her. The control was oddly attractive. The man enjoyed pleasing the woman, making her writhe and beg. Handcuffs, whips, nipple chains, straps, full control of the man. There were a lot of different spells to deepen the experience. And there were stories where the woman turned the tables on the man. It was sexy, rough, being in control, then out of control… Remus mentioned that not everything was to his liking, but at least to have an idea of what it was all about. Honestly, I was a little worried about how experienced Remus really was. Behind his seemingly meek and calm face was a beast. He was an incredible lover. One I never imagined. My previous sexual relationships - not really that many were with boys at my age. They could not be compared in the least to my current one. How many previous relationships has Remus had? So far I wasn't interested in this, but to be so good, he must have a lot of previous experience. The question is how much? Should that have bothered me? Rather, I was worried that I would not reach his level and would disappoint him.

The only one who could answer my questions about Remus' past at the moment was my uncle. I had to ask him, no matter how uncomfortable it was for me to start such a conversation with him. I found a moment when Sirius was alone in a room and not so gloomy.

"What is my favorite uncle doing? " I began.

"If I have to compare myself with Igor Karkaroff, this is not a special compliment," he said and smiled at me. "If you're going to try to cheer me up, don't bother."

"Actually, I came to calm my worries."

"What worries? " He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"As far as you know, how many relationships did Remus have before me?" I said in one breath.

Sirius was startled for a moment, not expecting me to ask him anything like that. A moment later he recovered from the slight shock and asked me: "What worries you about asking me such a question?"

"Didn't he tell you?"

"He told me everything before he started dating you, then we have an unspoken agreement to pretend that your love between you two is platonic." and he smiled slightly, although there was extreme embarrassment on his face.

"He is a quite good lover and I asking myself…," I began.

"Please don't go on."

"All right, at least tell me how many relationships he's had before me."

"Look," he said, trying not to look me in the eye, "when he was young before I went to Azkaban, he was quite popular. Well, not as much as I did, ”he smiled at me,“ but there was something about his mystery, the scars on his face that attracted women. Once they found out about his condition, they left him. Then he stopped meeting witches, there were a few muggles after that. It was easier for him to gave them a reason why he was absent every month, but he didn't stay with them either for long. Then I entered Azkaban and I don't know any more details about his love life. But I don't think you have anything to worry about. He really loves you, I haven't seen him take care of anyone as much as of you. "

This calmed my anguish a little. After all, the past is over. I had to look ahead and enjoy my relationship with Remus.

As Sirius and I continued talking, Molly entered the room in a panic and screamed at us with a worried face.

"Harry performed the Patronus Charm in the presence of a Muggle. He was expelled from school. Arthur wrote to him as soon as he found out from the Ministry. Dumbledore went there to make things right. Oh, Merlin, what are we going to do now? Has anyone attacked him? I don't believe he was performed a spell for no reason. "

Both Sirius and I were shocked by the words, but my uncle recovered faster.

"We have to go to him right now" and he rushed up the stairs, but he also ran into Arthur at the door.

"Dumbledore has arranged a disciplinary hearing for Harry, he has only been suspended from school and his wand will not be confiscated," he said breathlessly, but he was panting and flushed with effort and speed. "The director has warned us not to do anything for now. Harry will not leave his aunt and uncle's house. Dumbledore will come here tonight to explain how we will proceed. "

"All right," Sirius said, but he was clearly not happy that they were making him inactive again. "At least I'll write him a letter."

In the evening Dumbledore held a meeting of the Order, calling everyone. Only Snape and Arthur were not there. Snape was incognito. And Arthur went on duty in front of the Mystery Department. Due to the many tasks, we already had to be on duty one by one. Remus also came at the last minute. I was a little worried when I saw him. He was visibly very tired and pale, his robe torn in several places, his hair did not seem to have been combed for days. The meeting had already begun when he entered the room. He nodded to everyone, sat down next to me, and just take my hand in his under the table with an apologetic expression on his face.

We will form two groups to go and bring Harry to headquarters. In the main one were me, Remus, Mad-Eye, Tonks, Kingsley, Dedalus Diggle, Emmeline Vance, Hestia Jones, and Sturgis Podmore. There was a second reserve group that would intervene if something happened to the first. The meeting ended relatively quickly. Dumbledore left almost immediately, most also got up to leave. I turned to Remus.

"Will you stay tonight?" I asked him hopefully.

"Unfortunately I will not be able to, I barely managed to get out in a few hours. I'll see you right away when we go get Harry. I'm sorry" and with a tormented and apologetic expression, he kissed me on the lips and left.

On the fourth night after the incident with Harry, the whole first group got together and Mad-Eye apparated us in the middle of the Muggle house. It was dark and nothing could be seen, someone pushed me, I staggered, it was good that Remus was behind me and caught me. I think I stepped on Kingsley's robe, too.

“Lower your wand, boy, before you take someone’s eye out,” said Mad-Eye to someone. I didn't see anything.

“Professor Moody?” I heard Harry said uncertainly from somewhere upstairs.

“I don’t know so much about ‘Professor,’” growled Mad-Eye again, “never got round to much teaching, did I? Get down here, we want to see you properly.”

“It’s all right, Harry. We’ve come to take you away.” Remus said behind me. The positive thing about the full moon, he obviously saw better than I did.

“P-Professor Lupin?” Harry said disbelievingly. “Is that you?”

“Why are we all standing in the dark?” I said, tired of seeing absolutely nothing. “Lumos.”

The light illuminated the room, and I was finally able to see Harry standing at the top of the stairs. He was pointing his wand at us, a look of wonder on his face.

“Oooh, he looks just like I thought he would,” said Tonks, who had never seen him before. “Wotcher, Harry!”

“Yeah, I see what you mean, Remus,” said Kingsley “He looks exactly like James.”

“Except the eyes,” said Elphias Doge “Lily’s eyes.”

“Are you quite sure it’s him, Lupin?” Mad-Eye growled. “It’d be a nice lookout if we bring back some Death Eater impersonating him. We ought to ask him something only the real Potter would know. Unless anyone brought any Veritaserum?”

“Harry, what form does your Patronus take?” said Remus.

“A stag,” said Harry nervously.

“That’s him, Mad-Eye,” said Remus.

Harry descended the stairs, stowing his wand into the back pocket of his jeans as he came.

“Don’t put your wand there, boy!” roared Moody. “What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!”

“Who d’you know who’s lost a buttock?” Tonks asked Mad-Eye interestedly.

“Never you mind, you just keep your wand out of your back pocket!” growled Mad-Eye. “Elementary wand safety, nobody bothers about it anymore. . . .” He stumped off toward the kitchen. “And I saw that,” he added irritably, as Tonks rolled her eyes at the ceiling.

Remus held out his hand and shook Harry’s.

“How are you?” he asked, looking at Harry closely.

“F-fine . . .”

“What are you doing, little brother? You haven't been obedient in the last month, I hear. “ I smiled broadly at him

Harry smiled back at me slightly still shocked by our appearance. “I’m — you’re really lucky the Dursleys are out . . .” he mumbled.

“Lucky, ha!” I said. “It was me that lured them out of the way. Sent a letter by Muggle post telling them they’d been short-listed for the All-England Best-Kept Suburban Lawn Competition. They’re heading off to the prize-giving right now. . . .Or they think they are.”

“We are leaving, aren’t we?” Harry asked. “Soon?”

“Almost at once,” said Remus, “we’re just waiting for the all-clear.”

“Where are we going? The Burrow?” Harry asked hopefully.

“Not the Burrow, no,” said Remus, motioning Harry toward the kitchen; we followed. “Too risky. We’ve set up headquarters somewhere undetectable.

“It’s taken a while. . . .” Mad-Eye Moody was now sitting at the kitchen table swigging from his hip flask, his magical eye spinning in all directions, taking in the Dursleys’ many labor-saving appliances.

“This is Alastor Moody, Harry,” I said, pointing toward Moody.

“Yeah, I know,” said Harry uncomfortably

“And this is Nymphadora —”

“Don’t call me Nymphadora, Ashling,” said she with a shudder. “It’s Tonks.”

“— Nymphadora Tonks, who prefers to be known by her surname only,” finished I with an apologetic look.

“So would you if your fool of a mother had called you ‘Nymphadora,’ ” muttered Tonks.

“And this is Kingsley Shacklebolt” — I indicated the rest of the group— “Elphias Doge, Dedalus Diggle —”

“We’ve met before,” squeaked the excitable Diggle, dropping his top hat.

“— Emmeline Vance, Sturgis Podmore, and Hestia Jones.”

“A surprising number of people volunteered to come and get you,” said Remus,

“Yeah, well, the more the better,” said Moody darkly. “We’re your guard, Potter.”

“We’re just waiting for the signal to tell us it’s safe to set off,” I said, glancing out of the kitchen window. “We’ve got about fifteen minutes.”

“Very clean, aren’t they, these Muggles?” said Tonks, who was looking around the kitchen with great interest. “My dad’s Muggle-born and he’s a right old slob. I suppose it varies, just like with wizards?”

“Er — yeah,” said Harry. “Look, what’s going on, I haven’t heard anything from anyone, what’s Vol — ?”

Dedalus Diggle dropped his hat again, and Moody growled, “Shut up!”

“What?” said Harry.

“We’re not discussing anything here, it’s too risky,” said Moody, turning his normal eye on Harry; his magical eye remained pointing up at the ceiling. “Damn it,” he added angrily, putting a hand up to the magical eye, “it keeps sticking — ever since that scum wore it —”

And with a nasty squelching sound much like a plunger being pulled from a sink, he popped out his eye.

“Mad-Eye, you do know that’s disgusting, don’t you?” I said conversationally.

“Get me a glass of water, would you, Harry?” asked Moody

Harry crossed to the dishwasher, took out a clean glass, and filled it with water at the sink.

“Cheers,” said Moody, when Harry handed him the glass. He dropped the magical eyeball into the water and prodded it up and down; the eye whizzed around, staring at them all in turn. “I want three-hundred-and-sixty degrees visibility on the return journey.”

“How’re we getting — wherever we’re going?” Harry asked.

“Brooms,” said Remus. “Only way. You’re too young to Apparate, they’ll be watching the Floo Network, and it’s more than our life’s worth to set up an unauthorized Portkey.”

“Remus says you’re a good flier,” said Kingsley in his deep voice.

“He’s excellent,” answered Remus, who was checking his watch. “Anyway, you’d better go and get packed, Harry, we want to be ready to go when the signal comes.”

Tonks went upstairs with Harry to help him with his luggage. The rest of us started looking around the Muggle house with curiosity. Kinsley and Sturgess looked at a machine on one of the countertops with a few buttons. I approached to look at a strange gray cabinet. When I opened it, I felt cold. It was full of food inside.

"Cool," I said and closed the strange cabinet, then I went to Remus, hugging him from behind. He was standing at the table and writing a letter " These Muggles do pretty well without magic. Can I borrow something to take to Arthur? He will be delighted. "

"I don't think it's right to steal anything from here." He replied playfully, but without stopping to write.

"It's not a theft, I'll leave a few sickles," I said, looking around the room for something that might interest Arthur.

"Ash, you really seem serious." Remus looked at me, laughing. I was glad I at least cheered him up because he looked terribly tired and serious. He was just sealing the letter when Harry and Tonks came in with the luggage.“Excellent, we’ve got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we’re ready. ”

We went out in front of the house, I felt a little guilty when I saw that we were ruining the smoothly mown green lawn with our shoes. Far, far above us, a shower of bright red sparks had flared among the stars. _The first signal._

“Second signal, let’s go!” said Remus loudly, as more sparks, green this time, exploded high above us.

I kicked off hard from the ground. The cool night air rushed through my hair as the neat square gardens of Privet Drive fell away, shrinking rapidly into a patchwork of dark greens and blacks. I loved flying, even though I wasn't as good as I wanted to be. The higher we went, the colder it got. For a moment, I wished I had done the warming spell. My fingers began to stiffen around the broom handle.

I had to be constantly alert. I looked in all directions and we constantly changed places around Harry with the others. Mad-Eye constantly changed directions in order to deceive us if someone was chasing us. I wouldn't last long, I could feel the numbing cold seeping into my bones. I think Tonks was of the same opinion because she shouted.

“ARE YOU MAD, MAD-EYE? We’re all frozen to our brooms! If we keep going off course we’re not going to get there until next week! We’re nearly there now!”

Thanks to Merlin, we're finally on our way to landing. I landed smoothly in the square in front of the house. Moody handed Harry a letter similar to the one he had given me after I left the hospital so he could enter the headquarters. After it appeared before us, Remus pulled out his wand and tapped the door once.

Molly greeted us, announcing that the meeting had already begun. Snape was here. She sent Harry to Ron and Hermione upstairs, and we went into the kitchen where the others were. Snape stood in front of everyone and explained something in his typical monotonous voice. He nodded for us to sit down.

"The Dark Lord's attention is still on Prophecy," he continued. "For now he still does not know what the consequences are if someone else tries to take it. So far, as far as I understand, he is researching things through his relations in the Ministry, I mostly look at Malfoy. So it wouldn't hurt for one of you to keep an eye on him ... He's also recruiting his old followers, and he's had a lot of success with giants and ... werewolves, " 'Snape said to Remus. "Lupin, do you think you will have any success in this regard? "

"I don't know yet," Remus said, his face stiff. "The group I'm in contact with right now is neutral for now. But honestly, judging by the latest decrees from the Ministry against werewolves, I strongly doubt that any of them will side with us. "

"So your mission is going to fail," Snape said, looking away from Remus. He didn't answer, just bowed his head in defeat.

I glared at Snape angrily, what was he thinking? Remus is doing everything possible to attract the werewolves to our cause. I reached for his hand under the table to support him. I intertwined my fingers with his and squeezed them lightly. He just looked at me and smiled sadly at me.

At the end of the meeting, I pulled him into a corner to talk in private.

"Rem, don't tie yourself to Snape. Your mission is not a failure" and I gently stroked his cheek.

"He's right. " He replied dejectedly. "I'm the only one trying to persuade them to side with us, and I'm not succeeding. They are desperate, poor. Voldemort offers them everything. There is no way I can prove to them that they could lead a normal life without being on the side of the Death Eaters. I can't give them an example. "

"Why not? You have loyal friends here. You can show them that they can live normally without following Voldemort. "

He looked at me dejectedly. "Ash, you're so innocent. You only saw me among friends and people who did not know about my condition. You also grew up in a place where there are not so many prejudices about werewolves. But ... " here he swallowed hard and said to me angrily. " you do not know how others treat me, you do not know how difficult it is to find a job, you do not know what things I accept to do that are far below my abilities. No werewolf can lead a normal life as much as he wants. We are not allowed to be ordinary. Marriage, children, work, friends - it's all a mirage. "

There was something in his word, a pain behind it. I watched. I watched Remus's eyes. Then I knew. The anger was nothing but a shield for pain, like a cornered wolf randomly bites in the emptiness, scared for his life, lonely, desperate.

"You can't be ordinary. Ordinary people are not so good and kind. That's why I love you. It doesn't matter if you are a werewolf or not, I love the man you are. As I told you before, this one night of the month can't change my opinion of you. You can show them that. "

"Love ..." he told me sadly, "How long do you think your love will last if you sink into misery for me, if you are rejected by society for me? I can't give you a normal relationship, I can't marry you ... here he looked away from me. "I can't have a child with you. "

"Why not? "I told him a little angrily "I have not heard lycanthropy interfere with reproduction. "

"You are not, because there are no such attempts. " He replied bitterly. "No one is mad enough to have children from a werewolf."

"I'm not mad," I told him, controlling my anger. " I thought you knew me better to know that I was not interested in material and social status. I don't want to have the same conversation every time you start to feel sorry for yourself. Look around, you have enough friends, you haven't died of starvation, you have a cause to fight for, you have me. Some wealthy people can't boast of the same. So stop feeling sorry for yourself. "

He sighed resignedly, walked over to me, and kissed me on the lips.

"As innocent as you are in your actions, they are stubborn," and he smiled at me. Still, I thought he wasn't telling me everything.

"Let me come with you to the other werewolves, let me try to talk to them too. "

"Absolutely not. It's too dangerous. "

"You said this group was ordinary werewolves. They are not as dangerous as Fenrir Greyback. "

"They're not, but that doesn't mean they can't hurt you."

"I doubt it very much as if I were afraid of you."

"You should. " then continued, "We have nothing to discuss, Ash. I will not allow you to come with me. I'm leaving again tonight in a final attempt to change something. "

 _You can't forbid me_ _anything, Remus Lupin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay but I'm busy around Christmas and etc. Thank you for waiting.


	24. New acquaintances

It wasn't hard to put a little enchanted sikle in Remus's pocket. I had applied a tracking spell to it so I could find out where he was and try to help him with the werewolf group. I just hoped Remus wouldn't use it before I got to the place. And I hoped he wouldn’t be very angry when he finds out what I did.

I had no plan. When I got there, I would decide what to do. I didn't tell anyone about my intentions. I put on a plain black robе. I also threw on my hood so my face wouldn't be visible.

" _Appare Vestigium_ ," I whispered, swinging my wand. A thin golden string came from the top and led me, pointing me in the right direction. It was not difficult to follow it, as the trail was recent. I had a feeling Remus had just passed through here. I could smell the familiar smell of books and chocolate. But it was probably because of the spell.

I had to apparate a few times, following the thread, until it finally led me to the door of an old inn. From the outside, it looked ugly, dark, and nasty. Clay and huge, stone pillars made up most of the building's outer structure. It was difficult to see through the dirty windows, but the lack of joy from within could be felt outside. As I entered the tavern through the dirty, wooden door, I was welcomed by the smell of alcohol and dirt and dust from all places.

I kept my wand ready under my robe in case of danger. The bartender was smoking something and made no effort to acknowledge my presence. It was as dull inside as it was on the outside. Rounded, wooden beams supported the upper floor and the huge, dusty lamps attached to them. The walls were covered in cobwebs and any decoration that did hang there was now unrecognizable.

The tavern itself was almost completely abandoned. The few people inside appeared to be quite ominous and suspicious in my eyes, but whoever they were, I'd like to stay as far away from them as possible. The good thing was that a lot of the customers were wearing hoods, so I wouldn't attract prying eyes if I didn't take mine off. I looked around cautiously as I headed for the bar, but I couldn't see Remus among the few people here. This was strange, as the tracking spell stopped here. I just wish he hadn't paid with the sikle at the bar and then left. I had to stand for a while and I would decide what to do next.

Standing at the bar, the bartender may have finally noticed me, as he nodded slightly. At first, I was wondered what I had to order in such a place. A butterbeer milkshake sounded too childish, and a firewhisky sounded too expensive for such a place. I took a brief look at what the other visitors at the tables were drinking. I turned to the bartender, trying my voice not to tremble, and ordered him a beer. He swung his wand sluggishly and filled a terribly dirty glass with yellowish liquid and slid it onto my counter. I paid him and headed for the most hidden and dark table in the inn.

From there, hidden under the hood, I could look at the other visitors. A witch with a very small nose was sitting across from me, her robe green and torn in places, but her hair was strangely long and neatly combed. He drank some blue liquid from which steam rose and read Daily Prophet. To the right of the table next to her was a group of three men drinking beer and laughing at something. On the other side of them sat a girl alone, perhaps a few years older than me. Her skin was pale, she had bright blue eyes and silver hair. She was not wearing a typical witch's robe, but a gray blouse and jeans. A pendant with a moonstone hung around her neck. She read a book, but from time to time she looked at the door as if expecting someone. She looked at me for a moment and seemed to smile at me. I was startled for a moment, she couldn't see me under the hood. Her face, though pale and tired, radiated a strange serenity and kindness. But that was only a first impression. What could a normal girl do in this place? _Same as you - a thin voice_ _said in my head._ I couldn't see the other three or four visitors because they were all hooded. But no one looked like Remus to me. They didn't have his physique, I would certainly recognize him if he was one of them.

Maybe I had mistaken the tracking spell, or Remus had used the sikle here and left. I had just decided to get up when the group of men who were laughing loudly a while ago stood up and surrounded the girl with the silver hair. She looked startled. This did not bode well. I couldn't hear what they were talking about, but the girl looked scared. One of the men grabbed her roughly by one arm and lifted her to her feet. None of the other customers seemed to notice that something was wrong. The girl tried hard to get out of the grip of the man who had caught her. They surrounded her and went to take her somewhere. With one quick leap, I jumped over the table, my hood swung back.

"Stupify Duo! " I shouted, pointing my wand at the group. Not expecting anyone to attack them, two of them bounced away, stunned by my spell. With another quick swipe, I knocked the other one down. Nobody did anything. The witch with the small nose just looked at me absently and went back to the newspaper. The bartender snorted, swung his wand, lifted the bodies of the stunned men, and led them out through a back door. A few minutes later he returned and sat down again, bored, smoking at the end of the bar.

I got off the table and went to the girl, who was still in shock. However, he recovered after a while and in a soft and quiet voice said to me:

"Thanks! These men wanted to take me somewhere. I was scared, I didn't even have time to pull out my wand. "

"Do not worry! I am glad I helped. What worries me more is that no one else was reacting. "

"Obviously you don't come to these areas often. Here everyone is a loner and does not interfere in the affairs of others. "

"But these people wanted to hurt you!" I said in surprise.

She just shrugged, sat down at her table again, and gestured for me to sit next to her. "I usually keep my back or have someone else with me when I come here. Thank you again. " and she smiled warmly at me. "My name is Chiara."

"I'm Ash." I hesitated for a moment to tell her my real name, but something made me believe in this girl's goodwill.

"What brings you here, you do not look like a typical visitor to this hole? "

"I was looking for a friend, but I think I came to a wrong place. "

"He or she must be a quite interesting friend if he or she comes here," she laughed, "without offending you."

"Don't worry," I replied with a smile."I can ask you the same - why you're here?"

"Hmm," she thought, "I'm doing something like researching here in a group of ... um ... people. I'm interested in astronomy and potions, and they help me in this ... endeavor. I often meet them here. Excuse me for asking you about my curiosity, where are you from? I sense an accent. "

"You have a good ear, and I was proud that it would be difficult for anyone to know that I am not a native speaker. I am a graduate of Drumstang. "

"Well, I'm interested in languages too and that's why I noticed. But you speak great, just in some words, the letter “R” sounds harder. "

"I've lived in a country where we emphasize that sound for too long," I laughed, wondering how easily and calmly my conversation with this girl I had known for only a few minutes went. "Potions, astronomy, languages - many interests. "

"Just because I’m interested in them doesn't mean I'm good at them," she smiled back. "Do you have a hobby? "

"My friends say that my hobby is to look for trouble. But otherwise books, transfiguration, and potions too. "

We spent the next half hour talking on various topics. It was extremely pleasant and easy to communicate with Chiara, although sometimes it seemed that she was hiding something. But in the end, I couldn't expect anything else - and I didn't say everything, and we had known each other for a very short time. As we spoke, I was able to examine her in more details. She had very beautiful blue and expressive eyes, her hair was neatly combed and unusually silver. Whether she dye it or was like that, I couldn't guess. Her clothes, though clean, looked old and worn. In some places, not very successful sewing magic was applied. He had a pleasant, quiet voice, he spoke calmly and captivatingly.

"Excuse me," I began after a while of talking, "is there a place here that is a toilet?"

"Yes, there - by the bar. " and she pointed to a wooden door at the bottom "But I highly recommend you take out your wand because once a Lobalug jumped out of the toilet. Don't ask how it got there. "

"Are you sure it's safe to leave you here alone? What if those men come back? "

"Don't worry, Heks - The bartender probably won't let them in here anymore. As uninterested as he may seem, he does not like quarrels and fights inside. Besides, I'm ready now, last time they surprised me. "

I nodded. Crossing the threshold of the room, I understood why Chiara had warned me. The place was even worse than the tavern inside. Although it was much more spacious than I had imagined, it was terribly dirty inside. There was a sink that used to be white, but now it was yellow. A mirror hung above her, so dirty it was absurd to look around. There were five booths. Two of them obviously did not work, because there was a large sign on each of them with the inscription: Under repair. But judging by the condition of the plates themselves, the repairs have obviously dragged on for years. I finished using the toilet, trying not to touch almost anything of the setting. I had hoped that at least the sink worked. I bent down to turn on the taps when a voice behind me startled me and made me turn sharply with a pointed wand.

"You're terribly stubborn, you know? Which of the words that I do not want you to come with me did you not understand? "


	25. Ideas

Remus looked at me with an impenetrable expression. I couldn't tell if he was mad at me or not.

"I didn't see you in the tavern," I said.

"Because I was out for an hour until a minute ago."

"How did you know I was here?"

"When I went inside, I immediately smelled you. I wouldn't mistake you for anything in the world. The positive aspects of lycanthropy. " He replied, continuing to be impartial about the whole situation. "How did you follow me?"

"I enchanted a sikel in your pocket."

"An old trick and I got caught up like a schoolboy. " He gasped.

"Are you mad at me? " I asked, hoping to finally at least get something out of him.

"I want to, but I can't." He sighed resignedly. "Your perseverance is one of the qualities I value in you. Not that I always like its manifestation. However, you are in great danger here. You can see for yourself what a hole this place is. "

"Actually, it's not that bad," I said, thinking of Chiara.

"You were lucky that there weren't many people here. Do you know what scums are hovering around?"

"I have an idea. I managed to stun three men a while ago."

"What?" He raised his voice and his eyes widened.

"They attacked one girl, I had to intervene. But don't worry, everything is fine. "

"So you helped Chiara." He concluded.

"Yes, do you know her?" I wondered.

"Yes, she's a werewolf, too."

“Really?” Then I smiled. “Apparently I'm addicted to werewolves. I like her. "

I saw the corner of his mouth twitch slightly. His hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward him. "Come, get out of here right now and go straight back to Grimmauld Place."

"I don't want to, I came here anyway. Let me help you. " I begged him.

"And what are you going to do, you can't just show up here and start telling them how great a werewolf's life would be. I highly doubt they will want to talk to you at all. Most, how can I tell you, are not very communicative. "

"|Chiara was friendly. "

"Chiara is one of the few, the main reason is that her parents help her and she can afford a monthly Wolfsbane potion. "He replied." Come on, let's go." and he pulled me back to the tavern and to the front door.

"Hey, what's going on here?" Someone gently pulled me by my free hand. "Lupin, what are you doing? This is the girl who helped me. "

My gaze darted between Remus and Chiara, I didn't know what to explain.

"I know," Remus told her. "Thank her and say goodbye because she's leaving."

"I don't think that's exactly what she wants. Ash, is Lupin the friend you were looking for? " I nodded and she continued. "I don't understand why this whole scene is? "

Remus sighed and let go of his hand holding me. He sighed resignedly. "Maybe I owe you an explanation, come and sit down and I'll explain."

Chiara looked at us confused, nodded, and sat down at her table again. Six or seven other people were sitting around her. They all looked at us curiously. I smiled slightly at the others. Only a few of them answered me. Most just nodded. I sat between Chiara and Remus. He began:

"This is Ash, she helped Chiara with those men a while ago. "This time several more of them smiled at me. Remus continued, "Actually, Ash is my girlfriend."

This time there was astonishment in the eyes of the others.

"Really? " Said a man with black hair and bright green eyes, he was one of the few who seemed friendly to me. "Does she know you're ...?"

"That he is a werewolf?"I finally joined. "Of course I know."

"And you didn't run away?" A woman with very large black eyes and a pink scar running down her cheek asked.

"As you can see, no," I answered. "Remus is usually the one who runs. " and I smiled, hoping to break the tension a little.

"Are you mad? " Chiara joined in, but a smile spread across her face. "When you came, I knew something was wrong with you. Lupin, you old dog, I've known you for so many years and you've always been secretive about your personal life. "

"How long have you known each other? " I wondered.

"I've known Chiara since she was a kid. " Remus began. " After Voldemort's downfall (I heard a few gasps at the mention of his name), I was forced to take jobs that were far below my level of ability, always knowing I would have to leave them before my workmates noticed the signs of my lycanthropy. " A few sighs around me seemed to confirm what he had said" A faint ray of hope came for me when I heard of the new invention of the Wolfsbane Potion, which can mitigate the worst effects of lycanthropy, though this was almost immediately dashed when I saw the potion's complexity and expensive ingredients. Potions were not my strongest suit and I had a very low-income rate. While unable to afford the potion nor its ingredients, I thought to search for the latter in the Forbidden Forest, where I ran into Hogwarts student Chiara, whom I was able to get the potion from on a few occasions. A little later, however, I realized that she had given me her own doses and flatly refused her further help. "

"He's very stubborn, I don't know if you noticed." Chiara smiled at me. " But my acquaintance with him then made me realize just how many innocent werewolves were suffering on a monthly basis, my ambition from then was to discover a less expensive and painful means than the Wolfsbane Potion for werewolves around the wizarding world. That's why I'm interested in potions and astronomy. I observe the lunar phases and their influence on us. "

"Is that why you're gathering here?" I asked, looking at the others.

"One of the reasons is this. The other is that this is the only place we are not being chased from. " - The boy with green eyes joined in. "A lot of wizards already know us as werewolves. I wonder how you haven't escaped yet."

"Why do I have to run? The full moon is far away, anyway. You are now as dangerous as any other wizard here. "

There was a moment of silence. Everyone was staring at me like I was something unreal and made me feel awkward. I slid my hand across the table and intertwined my fingers with Remus's. He squeezed them gently. This seemed to startle them even more.

"Have you seen him transform?" Chiara broke the silence.

"Yes, several times. I even spent several full moons with him." I had nothing to hide because I am an Animagus. My name was entered in all registers as such. And I wanted to be as honest as possible with these people in front of me. "I am Animagus and I transform into a full moon to be with him. "

The same awkward silence again. I thought this conversation would be easier.

"I’m Myles Condon, by the way," said the boy with the green eyes.

Then almost everyone else introduced themselves. There were several people who were silent and looked at me in disbelief. I couldn't even remember all the names. I hope I don't have to turn to someone for now. A little less the tension that had arisen with my appearance began to diminish. One by one, everyone recounted what had happened to him in recent days. I felt a great deal of anger and pain in everyone's stories. I couldn't imagine how most wizards treated them. I began to understand a little why Remus persuaded me that I had no idea what it was. I had always seen him surrounded by friends. It was so unfair. Most of these people looked good, desperately just looking for a normal job and attitude. If they were given free access to the potion and its ingredients, they would be no danger to anyone. However, there were a few of them that, to be honest, seemed pretty sinister to me. I sighed mentally that they were at the other end of the table because I was shivering just by looking at them.

It was the turn of one of them to speak. He had bloodshot eyes which twitched uncomfortably, under his un-brushed, jet black hair. Bloody red crossed stitches climbed his crooked neck, under his corruptive face. He started to speak with a brazen, yet intimidating voice; booming without a flinch. A baleful cackle suppressed from behind chipped teeth that bend in like broken piano keys. He crouched awkwardly, imitating a tarantula's scuttle.

"I met one of Greyback's pack yesterday." Several people growled at the name, including Chiara and Remus. "And he gave me that." The man pulled a small bottle of bluish liquid from his robe. Everyone recognized what it was and gasped - Wolfsbane potion. "He said there would be for everyone as long as we joined their group. "

Several people shook their heads, but some stared with real thirst at the potion bottle.

"You know he's lying to you," Remus said. "You can't expect anything voluntary from Greyback. He won't just give it to you without asking for anything in return. And we all know what he's capable of. Not a few of us are in this state precisely because of him. "

"If he would finally offer me peace of mind and a normal attitude on the part of ordinary wizards, I would do anything."

Kiara spat. "Nonsense, there's no way Greyback's group can offer you a normal attitude. The main reason others are afraid of us is precise because of people like him. "

"But he will give us a potion when we ask. " another magician with black eyes and pale skin joined in. A few more heads nodded in agreement.

"I doubt it, he just wants to lure you into their group. He will make you do terrible things. Not to mention he's probably already on Voldemort's side. "

"Shh, " the witch with the white scar on her face turned on. _Was her name Romilda_? "Don’t mention that name! Do you think his rumors about his return are true? "

"Absolutely. And soon he, with the help of allies, including Greyback, will begin to sow terror and death. " Remus replied hotly. It was as if a chill had entered the room and made me suddenly cold. "Some of you remember what it was like last time? It didn't matter if someone was on his side or not? There was no neutral position. Either you sow death under his orders or you fight against it. In the end, we are again faced with the choice between what is right and what is easy. "

"The Ministry does nothing for us, why should we stand by its side? "

"The Ministry is not one person, there are many people working inside who are good and have nothing against us," I said. "It's just that corrupt and incompetent people are in high positions. It's up to you to show others that they don't really need to be afraid of you. As I fell in love with the good man Remus, so each of you can show that you are no less valuable than any other wizard. This is exactly your superiority. You can show that you are actually better people than anyone who treats you badly. " I paused for a moment to see the others' reactions. A thin hope crept into me that we would still be able to convince some of them of what was really right.

"Ash is right. We must not remain neutral, nor be tied to Greyback's lies, even if it costs us everything. " Remus said hotly.

“You know nothing?” Said the tarantula-looking man. “With this handsome face and good abilities, you are quite ahead of most of us here. It's no coincidence that you won this girl over here. At least you have some advantage over the world. Even if I wasn't a werewolf, people would find it hard to accept me with that look. “

"In the end, no one cares about appearance, Ondugrus." Chiara tapped her hand on the table. "We are equal before death. When you come face to face with it, the only thing that will matter will be whether you are a valuable person or not. "

"Nonsense," Ondugrus said. "Nobody knows what happens after death. The only thing that interests me at the moment is to escape the pain of any transformation. If I'm going to have to serve Greyback, so be it. " and he spat on the table and got up. Several more people followed him and left the inn.

There was a moment of silence. The woman with the scar across her face said:

"Lupin, you know this is a lost cause. I know Ondugrus is wrong, but for now, I wouldn't take sides either. Hunger and pain speak for themselves" and with that she also got up and left, followed by several other people.

Remus, Kiara, Myles Condon, and two others remained at the table - their names seemed to be Duncan and Williams.

Remus leaned back in his chair in defeat.

"Romilda is right, Lupin," Chiara said. "While most of us are starving and can't find a normal job, we can't get them on the right side. Still, I think it was a good idea to bring Ash here.” She nodded at me and smiled. "She showed us that there are good people like her. "

"She's the reason I stayed," said one Williams man.

Remus looked at me and smiled at me. "It was her decision; she didn't listen to me. "

"That’s a good thing," Myles Condon concluded.

A little later in the evening, Remus and I had to part. I was on duty in front of the Mystery Department that night.

"How I would like to come with you tonight," he told me gently, we had just been left alone. "Our last duty together ended quite well." He winked playfully at me, despite the fatigue in his eyes.

"Maybe that's why we're on duty one by one," I smiled. "I'm still waiting for your apology. I want to admit that I was right and I helped out with something today."

"Well, sorry. " He sighed resignedly. "I still want to attract at least a few more. Romilda, for example, is a very capable witch. It will be a loss if she remains neutral or joins Voldemort's side. "

" She said that hunger and pain are leading in their decisions. Can't we think of something in this direction? "

"We can't afford potions for everyone."

" No, but food and work we can. "

"What do you mean? "

"I have some inheritance from my grandmother, and working in the Ministry does not give me the satisfaction I was looking for. We can buy this hole and transform it. It will not cost us much. There are some customers. Some of the werewolves can start work here and help me. They will have food and work, at least temporarily, if that works. I know the times are not right for something like this. But in the end, even in war, people need food and shelter. And this place has great potential. "

Remus was looking at me thoughtfully, frowning, and I couldn't figure out what he was really thinking. Finally, he said:

"Maybe that's not such a bad idea."


	26. Teasing again

My duty in the Ministry in front of the Mystery Department has just ended. There was still almost no one in the corridors, but even if someone saw me, it wouldn't be as unusual as if someone caught me hanging out at night. We seldom used the alcove in the Mystery Hall corridor where Remus and I had hidden the first time because although minimal, there was a chance someone would see us. So we took turns using Moody's invisible cloak. Arthur had to pass at any moment to take it from me. I sat down behind my desk in my own office and quickly transferred my to-do list for the day. The dose of aromatic coffee next to me helped me not to lie on the desk from exhaustion. The idea of fixing that inn where the other werewolves met was still running through my head. But I needed some time and sleep to crystallize the idea in my head. There was a lot of work on it, not to mention that I wasn't sure if the current owner wanted to get rid of the place.

A soft knock on the door brought me out of my trance and my thoughts. ”Come in, Arthur, ” I shouted, and stood up, reaching for the cloak pack to give him. To my surprise, Remus was standing in the doorway. He closed it carefully behind him and approached me with a wide smile. I was still shocked by his appearance. Although we had been together for some time, the butterflies in my stomach were still trembling when I saw him. My heart was pounding in my chest, and I sometimes found myself staring at his good, straight features, his delicate amber eyes, and his shaggy hair.

"What are you doing here? " I finally asked him as I melted into his warm embrace.

"Arthur couldn't think of a good reason not to be in the office today, and I had to replace him. I'm coming here for this. " and he pointed to the cloak next to me. "but also to steal a few kisses from one beautiful employee of the Ministry. " He leaned down to kiss me, but I put a finger to his lips.

"I think Dolores Umbridge is free. I know how much you like her. " I smiled at him, and my hand slid from his mouth to the back of his neck to pull him closer.

He just snorted and kissed me. His mouth was sweet and tasted like chocolate. His fingers sifted through my lengthy, black hair as he held the back of my neck, holding me to him. Remus’s tongue dipped and sensually teased me. He pressed his body, pinning me to the desk, feeling a hardness against my thigh.

For a moment I pulled away from him and said: " Someone could come! " But I wanted to catch my breath rather than really stop his intentions.

Remus smiled roguishly as his eyes darkened, gazing at my mouth. Before I could utter another word, his mouth devoured mine completely. Remus’s fingers sifted their way through my hair cupping the back of my neck and held my mouth to him. I tried to protest weakly falling to his kiss. There was no one but my conscious telling me this was wrong, but the way he made me feel was so good. The thought of someone catching us made the feeling even more exciting.

The hand that rested on my waist traveled up under my blouse. Remus pulled away slightly, staring at me intensely when his thumb circled my nipple causing it to harden quickly. I knew I needed to make him stop, yet the look in his eyes was me undoing.

His hips ground into mines and I felt his desire growing harder as he took off my panties and pushed one of my legs aside stepping between them. His cock pressed against me intimately, and the soft material of his pants caused rough friction into my bare spot between my legs.

My back arched which caused my apex to thrust against him, making Remus growl. His arm wrapped around my waist as he opened up my legs wider, but the material of his pants was obstructing his way. His tongue danced with mine, and suddenly I couldn’t stop the whimpers and moans echoing in the room.

This was all too real as his long fingers dipped low and brushed the edge of my sex, making my hips jolt and rub against him. Remus’s eyes were filled with lust and his hand was so close to where I was aching to be touched.

“No!” he said suddenly and murmured along my jaw. “I will be late. We should not leave the department unattended for long. “

I sighed, realizing he was right. It took us a few minutes to regain our steady breathing.

“I will not forget where we stopped. “Hе brushed his thumb along my bottom lip. “Try not to miss me too much.” Remus let his other hand trail along the hem of my skirt touching my bare thigh. “And I’ll try not to think about how much I want to bury my face between your legs. But I suppose I just have to keep this instead."

Remus had my lacy panties in his hand and gave me a wicked grin as he tucked it in his breast pocket. My lips were still tingling as he shut the door and left me alone.

I cursed Remus all day. At least my skirt wasn't so short to worry about someone noticing that I wasn't wearing underwear, but the lack of it made me feel vulnerable. Not to mention that Remus only teased me in the morning and left me longing for his kisses. If I wasn't overwhelmed with work, I would look for him wherever he was hiding on the ninth floor and return it to him in a hurry. My boss detained me after hours to help him with some work. When I got home to Grimmauld Place, I didn't even have time to go to my room because I ran into Mundungus, a dozen cauldrons, and the screaming Molly.

“WE ARE NOT RUNNING A HIDEOUT FOR STOLEN GOODS! COMPLETELY IRRESPONSIBLE, AS IF WE HAVEN’T GOT ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT WITHOUT YOU DRAGGING STOLEN CAULDRONS INTO THE HOUSE —”

They were standing on the stairs leading to the rooms, so my only option without having to intervene in their quarrel was to sneak into the kitchen. There were Arthur, Tonks, Hestia Jones, Kingsley, and Remus. Apparently Moody had replaced him on duty. For a moment, my eyes darted to his pocket, wondering if my panties were still there.

"I don't think Mandungus will have dinner here again," I told the others as I closed the door and Molly's shouts died away.

The others nodded in agreement and smiled slightly. I sat down next to Remus, ignoring his outstretched hand to me. I was still angry with him for leaving me like this in the morning.

The others joined in later, Mandungus didn't show up with Molly, she had apparently kicked him out, or he had shown himself the decency not to play with her patience. As we talked, I suddenly felt Remus's hand on my knee – his fingers traveling up my thigh. My whole body tightened in response. No, not here, not now. I flushed and shifted, trying to pull away from him. His hands clamped down on my thigh, stilling me. I turned to him in an attempt to stop him, but he pretended not to notice and spoke intently to Kingsley, who was sitting across from him.

_Well, this game can be played by both. Let's see how far it can go._

I moved closer to the table so that no one could see what was happening below. I spread my legs wide, felt his hand freeze for a moment as he stroked my thigh. Apparently, he didn't expect me to give in to his attempts. I sneaked my hand over to Remus’s lap and run it over his crotch. His cock was already half-hard in his pants. The only visible response that I could see was he tilted his head towards me. His hand gripped my thigh. The game was turning.

"Hestia, didn't your mother run an inn south of here?" Remus said.

He tensed under my hand, as I undid the button and unzipped his pants. "Ash is thinking of starting the same business, right?" He asked while my hand make its way to his boxers, He was trying to draw me back into the conversation, hoping it will cause me to stop what I was doing to him. He was wrong.

I slipped my hand into his boxers just as Hestia said to me. “This type of business requires a lot of work, but if you really want it, I can meet you with my mother to share some tips. “

“Thank you. It will really help me. “I smiled sweetly as Remus’s fingernails dug into my thigh. Arousal coursed through me, remembering Remus’s earlier promise. I wrapped my hand firmly around his cock, while Molly started to serve the dinner. He let out a small groan, which was quickly masked with a cough. The level of talking decreased while everyone enjoyed their salads. Thankfully, this was something I can eat with one hand. I watched Remus secretly and it was hard to stop my smile as I watched him how he tried to control his face and his moans inside while I jacked him off under the table.

I could tell that Remus was getting close, he was throbbing my hand. Everything was going well until Sirius opened his mouth: “Moony, you’ve been quiet tonight? Is there anything that worries you?

For a second, I was not sure Remus was going to answer, his fingers were gripping my leg so hard I was sure there was going to be a bruise. “Sorry Sirius,” he answered, shaking his head in an attempt to clear his mind, “I was just thinking about the tasks. “ I took this as an opportunity to drag my finger over the head of his precum covered cock. Things continued like this for the duration of the meal, him constantly being brought to the edge but never being allowed to topple over the edge.

When dinner was over, I finally pulled my hand away from him, leaving him unsatisfied. Let him feel what it was like for me in the morning. I smiled and wished everyone a good night. Most had gotten up and were getting ready to leave. In the corridor, Remus caught up to me and whispered in my ear.

“I cannot believe you did that. Did it turn you on knowing that at any minute someone could have caught us?”

Looking up into Remus’s eyes I saw nothing but arousal there, “I can say the same for you this morning. ” and I slid my hand into the front pocket of his jacket. I felt my panties there and I smiled.

He pulled my body close to his, grinding his stiff cock against me, “Do you feel that? That’s because of you and your actions. I’m going to return the favor. First, I’m going to put you on my knees and slap your nice ass so you know you don't tease me like that anymore. I’m going to tie you down and tease you back as you’ve never been teased before. How long should I tease you I wonder, half an hour? Maybe a full hour? Maybe longer, I won’t stop until you’re a sobbing wet, moaning mess under my hands.”

My legs went weak and it was a good thing Remus was there to support me. Lust coursed through my body and suddenly all the fatigue of the day and lack of sleep evaporated, “Mmm Rem.”

“You should say ”Mmmm, _sir_ ” He checked his watch, “ I'll be in your room in 10 minutes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone! :)


	27. Vanilla

I hurried into my room, my heart pounding in my chest. I only had time to take a quick shower before I heard Remus enter my room and close the door behind him. I managed to put on one of the corsets we had bought from the Knockturn alley store. It was made of beautiful black lace that wrapped nicely around my breasts and waist. It went in combination with the same color thongs, garters, and stockings.

When Remus saw me, he was startled for a moment, then approached me and looked at me all over, admiring my body. His eyes blazed dark with desire. No one feature makes him so handsome, though his eyes come close. People often speak of the color of eyes, as if that were of importance, yet his would be beautiful in any shade. Sometimes they were soft, amber, and from them comes an intensity, an honesty, a gentleness. At another moment, like now his eyes were getting a darker and more penetrating color, which made my legs weak and sent shivers all over my body. What he was, what was beautiful about him, came from deep within; it made me want to feel how his lips move in a kiss, how his hands follow the curves of my body.

Remus comes up to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. First, he kissed me gently and carefully, then his lips moved slowly down my neck and bit me slightly. He stepped back for a moment, his eyes sliding all over my body again, appreciating it. In general, I was not confident in my body, there was always something I did not like in myself. As if reading my mind, Remus pulled me close.

“Why do you blush every time when I admire you? You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he murmured in my ear. “Here, I want you to see what I see.” He took me over to the dressing mirror and stood behind me, holding my arms. “Look. You’re so lovely and sexy at the same time, Ash. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” he breathed in my ear. When I saw how Remus looked at me in the mirror, I forgot all my insecurities and felt like the most beautiful woman in the world.

His hands cupped my breasts as he nibbled on my neck, not once did his eyes leave mine in the mirror. That sinful heat began to pool, seeing and feeling his touch at the same time. I couldn’t take my eyes away when one of his hands drifted down, sliding my panties aside until finding a home between my legs. My chest heaved as I watched his hands with those long and tender fingers slid down to where I ached terribly.

“See how your body wants to be ravished?” he purred, sucking on my earlobe. “This what I love to behold – the way you respond to me, how your face changes with each sensation…” he pressed his fingers firmly starting a fire. I watched my face as my mouth panted and finally leaned back into his shoulder. “… hearing you call out my name.”

My body reacted to his every touch. His movements became faster and more insistent, and I was on the edge. A thin smile played on Remus’s face. Suddenly he sat down on the bed and he pulled me over his knees, bringing his hand down hard on my butt's left cheek, repeating the motion on the right. It wasn't so hard that it hurt. It was enough to send arousal signals to my brain and electrify my whole body.

"That is because you make me keep thinking about you all day," Remus said, sliding his hand over my ass and slapping it again. "And that's because you teased me at dinner." Then he rolled me off his knees and onto the bed, “Lay on your back” he commanded.” I saw that you read the book I offered you. Do you trust me? ” I nodded in response and closed my eyes for a moment, focusing on the throbbing spot between my legs. When I looked at him again, Remus had bitten his lip, watching me. "What will be your safe word?" He asked me.

Without thinking, I replied: "Vanilla." I don’t know why I chose that word, maybe because it was usually associated with non-kinky sex.

Remus smiled playfully at me, nodded without saying anything more. He waved his hand, and the leather handcuffs I already knew appeared in his hands. There was also a rope.

"Do you always carry them at hand?" I asked cheerfully

"Since you've been around me, yes. With your stubbornness and perseverance, I will often have to punish you. " He bit his lip again, smiling at me.

I watched silently as he tied my hands above my head, then tied my left ankle to the bed pole, followed by the right. I felt like I was on fire already. My sex was dripping wet and begging for attention while I squirmed around on the bed.

His fingers ran through my folders, coming away. He made a show of licking his fingers clean, leaning down to capture my lips with his own. He slid a finger inside of me, followed by another one. Curling them in a come-hither motion, trying to coax an orgasm from me. I tried to thrust my hips up, desperate to have some friction against my clit. He chuckled, “So horny for me aren’t you,” his fingers idly traced circles around my clit. The familiar fire coursed through my veins and then nothing. He removed his fingers and held them up to my lips, whimpering at the loss. “Not yet Ash, I promised to tease you like no one has teased you before.”

With a wicked gleam in his eye, Remus spread my legs a little more, as far as the ropes around my ankles would allow. I felt the matter absorb into my skin and electrify my body further. All my senses longed to be touched by him. His tongue trailed fire along the inside of the thigh before hovering just above my sex. I waited breathlessly, the look in his eyes was enough to boil my blood. When his mouth covered me, I bucked against him. It wasn’t gentle as he feasted on me. His tongue licked, flicked, and danced, making me cry out. I wanted to fist his hair, pulling his face harder into me, but the handcuffs did not allow me.

"Please, don’t stop," I said, shivering in his hands.

He pulled away from me for a moment, forcing me to curl up in an attempt to keep his lips where they were again. I felt the ropes sink even deeper into my skin, sharpening my senses even more.

"You must ask me properly," he told me.

"Please, please, don't stop, sir!"

Remus wrapped his arms around my hips, pulling me roughly to his fiendish mouth. He devoured me like a man starving. His groans vibrated, and it was all I could do not to thrust harder against his face. I cried out his name when his fingers joined his delicious tongue. My moans overcame his and I heard the sound of the bed hitting the wall in time with the thrusting of his hand.

“Oh Merlin,” I whimpered, feeling the beginning of that first shudder. I was so close when he pulled away from me and left me unsatisfied.

“Not yet, I have something more in mind, “ he said, running his fingers over the places where he had tied me with the ropes, making sure he hadn't really hurt me.

With another wave of his hand, a set of nipple clamps appeared. He placed them on the bed next to me and with slow movements, he took off my corset. Then he undressed. True, he was into his mid-thirties now, but standing at 6' 2'' naked, and with a well-toned and muscular body, his physique was admired by the opposite sex, and still fired the envy of many a younger man. Despite the many transformations, his body looked strong.

He dragged his hard dick up and down my slit before slid it into me. He claimed my lips in a passionate kiss, need coursing through my body. I tried to grab any part of his body possible, but I was unable to move due to my restraints. “So eager for me,” Remus pulled away from me his eyes detailed with lust while they rake over my body. He pinched and pulled on my right nipple, getting it nice and hard before placing the clamp on, repeating the process with the left.

Giving a yank on the chain my body jolted and arched off the bed, a guttural moan tore free from my body. “Remus, sir, mmm pl-please.” I didn’t know what I was begging for, just more of him, more of the sensations he was making me feel.

Bringing his face down, I felt his stubble brush against my inner thigh, tongue lapping at me. He feasted on my sex, licking and sucking on my clit. Again, drawing me just to the edge of the cliff, but pulling away just before I could explore. He pulled on the chain connecting the two clips, drawing a scream from my lips as he worked my overstimulated senses. He stroked his thick cock above me. I groaned in frustration, longing for him to give me what I wanted “Beg me,” he ordered, “Beg me to give you what you want.”

My mouth formed incoherent words, “Rem, Please,… I’m so close” I managed to moan out.

Without second beg, Remus hauled me to him and plunged in deeply making us both moan. The bedtable rocked as he fucked me hard and I couldn’t hold onto anything. He set an unforgiving pace, ramming in and out of me, “Cum for me.” He commanded, pressing his thumb on my nub. That was all it took. My breathing became labored as my orgasm tore through my body, clenching his dick, hips bucking my restraints. With a final thrust and moan, he came inside of me too. He pulled out his dick from me and held it to my lips. I opened my mouth and encircled it. I used my tongue to clean him up. He worked on removing the restraints from my wrist, pulling his dick out. Remus placed a soft kiss at the place where the handcuffs clung to my wrists. Then he gave me another kiss while his fingers removed the clamps from my swollen nipples. He gave me a wicked grin before sucking each one into his mouth, loving the way my back arched. Making his way down my body he sucked my still too sensitive nub into his mouth, then he undid the restraints around my ankles.

“How do you feel? “ He asked, lying down next to me, running his long fingers over my still-electrified body.

"Isn't it obvious?" I asked, looking at him with a smile. "I've never felt that way. It's like you're fucking all my senses. I can't even describe it. " He kissed me on the lips again, this time insistently. "Although I don't think I should say anything more, because you'll never take that smug smile off your face." I pulled away from him.

"Don't be bad," he smiled devilishly at me. "Leave me at least that, love and sex are all I can offer you."

"I can't ask for more. You give me the world. " I snuggled into him, feeling the warmth of his body contrast with the cool air of the room. Suddenly I thought of something, I was startled and I asked him: "Did you make the Mufliato charm in the room. "

His eyes widened and his smile disappeared at the same time, which eloquently answered my question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mufliato charm - a spell that conceals the sound.  
> Guys, sorry if this chapter is a little bit too much for someone. I tried to restrain them. 😉


	28. The Woes

For the next few days, I tried to avoid the eyes of the others in the house, hoping that the things between me and Remus had remained unheard that night. Although I caught Bill looking at me with a telltale smile a few times, Molly was more judgmental than usual, and Sirius avoided communicating with me at all. It was much easier for Remus, as he did not visit the quarter so often, and the male sexual exploits were viewed differently.

Harry's meeting was over, and almost everyone in the house was in a good mood, and I thought they had forgotten that night. I was just coming down the stairs from the library when Remus was waiting for me on the stairs with his hands in his pockets. He was wearing my favorite gray shirt and rolled up his sleeves over his elbows. A playful flame shone in his eyes.

“What's wrong?” I asked him, trying to decipher his expression. He didn't answer, just raised his eyebrows and nodded at the room across from him. I looked at it questioningly, it was the door of a closet that almost no one entered. ” I do not understand.”

"Come," and he took my hand and led me inside, closing the door behind him. I still didn't understand anything.

He came to me and grabbed my waist gently but firmly enough to keep me close to him. His mouth moved around my jaw, and I realized that he knew exactly where I liked to be kissed.

“Not here” I tried to fight him for a few moments.

“Why not? Nobody comes in here; we will be quiet. “he hummed along my neck. Remus pressed me up against an old desk. With a swipe of his arm, everything was off the table as he placed me on top of it. Remus gathered my skirt above my hips and slid aside my knickers. With a wicked gleam in his eye, he spread my legs and knelt between them. His tongue trailed fire along the inside of the thigh. I waited breathlessly when suddenly the door opened and Molly stood in the doorway with a shocked expression. She quickly gathered herself, closed the door, shouting:

_“If you can't silence your room, at least lock your doors! “_

I quickly pushed Remus away from me and punched him in the chest.

“Stop, stop, that’s the end. I will not have more sex in this house even if you beg me. “I told him angrily. “I just started to look them in the eyes without blushing and for what… “

"Don't worry, Molly and Arthur and their seven children shouldn't talk about decency," he smiled, though he was obviously embarrassed to be caught in this kind of situation.

"It's easy for you, I'm here more often. And it's easier for men. Sirius rolls his eyes every time I speak to him. Molly looks at me condemningly. " I groaned.

"Come and live with me," he told me in one breath, stopping me from pressing the doorknob. I turned to him in astonishment.

"Are you serious? "

"Absolutely. I have thought about it for a while. My house, as you know, is not very big, but at least we can be alone. "He smiled, scratching the back of his head.

"I don't know," I hesitated for a moment, "I really want to, but I can't leave Sirius here. You know lately that he's gotten more irritable than usual. Ever since Dumbledore forbade him to go out. He even seems a little disappointed that Harry is not expelled. I know it sounds awful, but I think he hoped he'd live here too.

"Dumbledore forbade him for his own safety. But yes, you're right, this is not the time for such a step " he sighed, but visibly disappointed.

"I really want to move in with you," I tried to persuade him. "But I need to talk to Sirius."

Over the next few days, I confirmed my doubt that Sirius did not seem wholly overjoyed that Harry would be returning to Hogwarts. He had put up a very good show of happiness on first hearing the news, wringing Harry’s hand and beaming just like the rest of them; soon, however, he was moodier and surlier than before, talking less to everybody, even Harry and me, and spending increasing amounts of time shut up in his mother’s room with Buckbeak.

I knocked on the door of the room, hoping to find him there and talk to him.

"I haven't gotten rid of that boggart, Molly." I heard my uncle's voice inside.

"It's me," I said, opening the door. He was lying on the bed, Buckbeak resting his head on one side so that Sirius could run his fingers over his feathers and caress him.

"If I interrupt, I can drop by later," I said, trying to make him smile.

"Come in," he replied, but without emotion.

"I want to talk to you. I miss the time when you and I were the only ones in this house, and all we had to do was talk to each other. I miss your condemnatory comments. "

"At least you're busy now, I'm not doing anything. I am locked in this house, to which I have sworn never to return. "

"But now the house is used for a completely different purpose. Imagine how your mother would feel if she found out what was going on here. " (I didn't call her my grandmother because I didn't feel it.)

"At least that. " He sighed.

"Are you happy that Harry wasn't expelled from school?"

He looked at me quizzically. "Of course yes. Why do you ask me such a question? "

"I think somewhere deep down you wanted him to be expelled so he could come and live with you and both be outcasts together."

"That's not true," he tried to defend himself but fell silent at the end of the sentence. "I'm a terrible person, aren't I?" He continued, defeated. "I feel terribly guilty that a part of me was hoping for that. And it was obviously obvious to others. "

"Hardly anyone else noticed," I said. "I just feel your mood better than the others. You're not a terrible person, Sirius. We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are. "

He looked at me sadly. "Sometimes I forget he's not James. And that we are not young and reckless teenagers again. James is gone. As much as Harry looks like him, he's a completely different person. And I say it with good thoughts - he took the good things from both his father and Lily. I want to get my lost years back, but I can't find the right way to be locked in this house. "

"Let Harry follow in his own footsteps. It's good that he's not as reckless as you and his father when you were young. Fate gives you a second chance, Sirius. Don't be his friend. He has. Be his mentor, be his father he never had. James would like that. "

"You're right. And I know it, it's just hard for me to make it closed between four walls. "

"Look, I have an idea in my head that you could help me with."

And I told him about my desire to buy and fix thе old inn.

"You could help me guard it. In general, there are a lot of scums. It would be nice if a huge black dog that could do magic hovered around. "

"Dumbledore won't approve of me hanging out there," Sirius told me, but a flame still came to life in his eyes.

"I've already talked to him."

"What?" Really? "

"Yes. However, I had to share my plan so that we could attract werewolves to our side. I told him I would have to rely on someone to keep my back. And he agreed to be you, if you're still careful and hiding. And you come out in human form only as a last resort. And ... "

"And what? " He asked me impatiently.

"And ... if you promise to behave more like a dog," I smiled.

At that moment, Sirius took on his Animagus form and began to run merrily around the room. I laughed out loud. It didn't look like an ordinary dog at all. Even Buckbeak brightened as he watched, and fluttered his wings.

A few days later, as I entered the kitchen, I saw Molly hanging a large banner that read _Congratulations Ron and Hermione — new prefects._

“I thought we’d have a little party, not a sit-down dinner,” she told me as I entered the room.

Almost everyone was here. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Ginny, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, and Kingsley t were already there and Mad-Eye stumped in shortly after I had got myself a glass of wine.

“Oh, Alastor, I am glad you’re here,” said Mrs. Weasley brightly, as Mad-Eye shrugged off his traveling cloak. “We’ve been wanting to ask you for ages — could you have a look in the writing desk in the drawing-room and tell us what’s inside it? We haven’t wanted to open it just in case it’s something really nasty.”

“No problem, Molly . . .”

Moody’s electric-blue eye swiveled upward and stared fixedly through the ceiling of the kitchen.

“Drawing room . . .” he growled, as the pupil contracted. “Desk in the corner? Yeah, I see it. . . . Yeah, it’s a boggart. . . . Want me to go up and get rid of it, Molly?”

“No, no, I’ll do it myself later,” beamed Mrs. Weasley.

“What does it mean to be a prefect?” I asked the others.

“A prefect at Hogwarts was a student who had been given extra authority and responsibilities by the Head of House and Headmaster. One male and one female student were chosen from each house in their fifth year to act as prefects. “ Tonks explained to me. “I was never a prefect myself, My Head of House said I lacked certain necessary qualities.”

“Like what?” said I, while choosing a baked potato from the table.

“Like the ability to behave myself,” said Tonks

I laughed. “There were no such things in my school, there were some students who enjoyed privileges, but it was not because of merit, but because they are favorites of some teachers. Each teacher could choose one student to patronize during the year. “

“What about you?” Remus asked me.

“Yes, especially last year. Three of the teachers wanted to be my patrons, and in the end, I had to choose. “ I said, trying not to sound boastful.

"And who did you choose?" He asked again, standing next to me and hugging me from behind.

"The most beautiful, of course," I joked, and the others laughed.

“What about you, Sirius? Have you been prefect? ” Ginny asked

Sirius, who was right beside Harry, let out his usual barklike laugh.

“No one would have made me a prefect, I spent too much time in detention with James. Remus was the good boy; he got the badge.”

“I think Dumbledore might have hoped that I would be able to exercise some control over my best friends,” said Remus. “I need scarcely say that I failed dismally.”

I imagined him for a moment - 20 years younger, with the same tousled hair, little fewer scars on his face, but with the same smile and shining eyes, adorned with a shiny badge. I smiled. Then a shadow of sadness passed through my eyes. Dumbledore is probably one of the few headmasters who would give a werewolf the badge, no matter how brilliant, smart, and good he is. Remus lived in a terrible society. Many people did not want to see below the surface. I looked at him and my heart sank. He was the best and smartest man I knew. He loved to teach, the students loved him. But society did not give him a chance to do what he loves and knows how to do.

“What's on your mind? “ He asked, taking me out of my thoughts, gently place his palm on my cheek.

“I imagined you as a teenager. “

“Do not. “ He laughed. "I wasn't very attractive."

“I doubt. “ I objected. "Excuse me, I promised Molly I'd help with that boggart upstairs. And she seems to have just climbed. " I wanted to leave him for a moment. I don’t want to reveal the thoughts that were tormenting me.

I tiptoed up the stairs in the hall past the stuffed elf heads, but as I approached the first landing I

heard noises. Someone was sobbing in the drawing-room.

“Molly?” I said.

There was no answer but the sobbing continued. I climbed the remaining stairs two at a time, walked across the landing, and opened the drawing-room door. Molly was cowering against the dark wall, her wand in her hand, her whole body shaking with sobs. Sprawled on the dusty old carpet in a patch of moonlight, clearly dead, was Ron.

“Molly?” I croaked.

“R-r-riddikulus!’’ she sobbed, pointing her shaking wand at Ron’s body. _Crack_. Ron’s body turned into Bill’s, spread-eagled on his back, his eyes wide open and empty. Molly sobbed harder than ever.

“R-riddikulus!” she sobbed again.

_Crack._

Arthur’s body replaced Bill’s, his glasses askew, a trickle of blood running down his face.

“No!” Molly moaned. “No . . . riddikulus! Riddikulus! RIDDIKULUS!”

Crack. Dead twins. Crack. Dead Percy. Crack. Dead Harry . . .

“Molly, This is not true. “ I intervened, it took me a few seconds to recover from the shock and figure out what was really going on.

I stood between her and the boggart. A forgotten memory appeared in front of me, pushed to the bottom of my mind.There stood a witch; her skin was like molten lava, wrinkled and as dry as a bone. Teeth, well what was left of them, were rotted out to the core of yellow and mottled. Her snake-like eyes glared at me and her misshapen, raven nose stuck out making her face even more world weary. She was in a trance-like state and uttering words I barely heard. I knew what she was saying.

“No! “ I shouted. “ Riddikulus “

But nothing has changed. The witch approached me, listing words I wanted to forget. I had to think of something funny. It is not real. Her words are not real.

“What’s going on?”

Remus had come running into the room, closely followed by Sirius, with Moody stumping along behind them. Remus looked from me to the old witch on the floor confused. Pulling out his own wand he said, very firmly and clearly,

“Riddikulus!”

The witch vanished. I saw myself in front of me - pale and tormented with blood all over my body.

Remus waved his wand once more and my twin body vanished in a puff of smoke.

“Oh — oh — oh!” gulped Molly, and she broke into a storm of crying, her face in her hands.

“Molly,” said I bleakly, walking over to her, “Molly, don’t . . . And I couldn't handle that boggart. He was so real. ”

“Molly, it was just a boggart,” Remus said soothingly .“Just a stupid boggart . . .”

“I see them d-d-dead all the time!” Mrs. Weasley moaned into his shoulder. “All the t-t-time! I d-d-dream about it . . .”

“I'm scared too, Molly. But it was just a boggart. “ he said

I was staring at the patch of carpet where the boggart, pretending to be my body, had lain. Moody was looking at me.

“D-d-don’t tell Arthur,” Mrs. Weasley was gulping now, mopping her eyes frantically with her cuffs. “I d-d-don’t want him to know... Being silly . . . “

After a while, we managed to calm her down. I felt sorry for her, I knew how devoted she was and she loved her family. I didn't have to judge her sometimes because she was too protective. Almost everyone went down to the kitchen with her again. I stayed a little longer in the room, pensive when I felt someone's delicate fingers caress my face.

“Are you okay? “Remus asked me.

"Yes," I nodded. “I saw your fear, Remus. It doesn't have to be that way. “and I hugged him tightly.

"I don't know when the shape of my boggart changed. Before, the moon kept appearing, constantly reminding me of my condition. But after I found you in that basement, on the verge of death, pale, tortured and covered in blood. I can't get it out of my mind. "

"Do not. I am here and I am alive. " I kissed him.

"What about you? What was this witch with a glazed look? "

"Something I thought I forgot," I said, shivering. "During a summer vacation a few years ago I met this woman in a village. She said she was a Seer. I do not believe in such things. But my friend took me to her. When we were alone, she started telling me some nonsense. But the moment I started to leave, she changed. It was as if she were in a trance and began to speak in a different voice. My grandmother told me that she had made a prophecy at that time. Something like Harry's. I wanted to forget the incident. But she always somehow reminds me of herself and scares me. It sounds silly to be afraid of words that I don't even know if they apply to me. "

"What did she tell you? "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!  
> Thank you everyone for the support! You make me happy with each comment, kudos and bookmarks :) Thanks again!


	29. Events

Words might just be sounds at the tip of the tongue, but they have power. They might be simple sounds carelessly uttered from a mouth, but they can crush confidence and provoke fear. The words might be small cold whispers on a warm summer night, but they have the power to bind my heart in unreasonable fear. The Witch’s voice was rough as two rubbing scraping stones. It was incomprehensible to me why her words were so ingrained in my mind, why I tried to forget them, why I was afraid of them. I closed my eyes. I heard her words again as clearly as if it were yesterday.

_One born without love,_

_One save three - the ruthless, the reckless,_ _and the mischievous._

_One will create two of love._

_One will die of love._

I opened my eyes. I was bristling. It was inexplicable to me why I shuddered at the thought of this prediction.

"Does it sound silly to be afraid of something like that?" I asked Remus timidly.

"Not at all. "and he hugged me. " I think you are afraid not so much of the words themselves, but rather the fear of predestination, perhaps. Fear of fate. Fear that no matter what you do, in the end, your choices don't matter. "

"It sounds wiser from your lips," I smiled. "What do you think of her words?"

"Just because you've witnessed this prophecy doesn't mean it applies to you. Even many of the true Seers spoke their prophecies to completely random people. Although prophecies often held great importance, they could also cause significant harm if interpreted incorrectly. For example, if a person believed that they were the subject of a prophecy, they could go to great lengths to ensure that it came true - if positive - or take great pains to avoid it - if negative. These efforts could have a ripple effect that could harm innocent bystanders simply for being close to the subject, or if the subject believed those bystanders were obstacles to be overcome in their pursuits. Yet in the end, it could turn out that such efforts were fruitless since that person was not the true subject of the prophecy in the first place."

"Thank you. " I whispered to him. "Your words bring me comfort and consolation. I want to believe that I am the master of my decisions. "

"Do you wait for things to happen, or do you make them happen yourself? I believe in writing your own story. "

***

After Harry, Hermione, and almost all of the Weasleys left for school, the house on Grimmauld Place was surprisingly quiet. True, meetings of the Order continued to be held here, but they were becoming less frequent. In general, everyone knew their tasks and pursued them.

I managed to buy the old tavern from its previous owner. He obviously thought I was mad to want to maintain such a place, but in the end, he got rid of it at a very reasonable price. We were both happy with the deal. I resigned from the Ministry of Magic with the greatest pleasure. The only problem now was that I couldn't go there undisturbed when I had to go on duty. But I thought it would really help with the werewolf situation. It took me more than a month to transform this place - with a lot of help from Chiara, Remus, and Myles Condon.

There were strong props under the old wallpaper and stains, a great foundation upon which to build up the new place. We painted the walls brown and then hung beautiful paintings with massive wooden frames. That with the polished wooden floors and neat trim, it looked great and every splotch reminded us that was not the same place as before. From the outside, it looked inviting, well maintained, and delightful. Timber and well-crafted wooden beams made up most of the building's outer structure. We replaced the old worn sign with a large wooden one that said _The Sleepy Wolf Inn._

"Isn't that too obvious?" Chiara asked me as she looked at the sign outside. "That inside will be a place for people like us. "

"That is the goal. " I said, looking outside the tavern and smiling. "I think we did well. When from the inside starts to smell to something tasty, we won't attract only hungry wolves. "

The first few weeks were difficult, the place still retains its old notoriety. Sirius had to quell several quarrels among the visitors. The huge black dog the size of a small bear at least commanded respect. In a quarrel between a half-troll and a wizard, even he resorted to transfiguring himself into his human form and stunning them. Thanks to Merlin, they were completely drunk and never realized that a famous criminal was standing in front of them. And at that very moment, there were no other visitors to the pub.

Gradually, things calmed down and the place began to attract traveling magicians and witches, who stopped for a sip of a burning drink and a bite of hot food.

"I come all the way from Brighton for the French onion soup and the stewed beef." said one of the visitors, a tall, large wizard. "I heard about them from my friend Phelps, who came by and was surprised that there was a decent tavern in the place of the previous hole."

Several other werewolves joined my assistants: Williams, Duncan. More and more of them began to appear. Warm free food was always waiting for them. Some of them asked if I was hiring more people. It wouldn't hurt to have a few more helpers.

"Your dishes are famous all over England," Remus once told me as I closed the inn and prepared to leave. It was a week before Christmas.

"Yes, the place is full. I laughed, immersing myself in his arms. "It's good I can count on Miles to replace me. He's doing pretty well. But I must also find people who are not absent on every full moon. "I laughed.

"There is real progress among them. You give them some security. I have to admit I was a little skeptical at first, but obviously, this is another proof that I need to listen to you more. "

"It takes you more than a year."

"Has that much time passed? I think I've known you for years. "

"First, I do not know if this is good or bad. Second, if you had known me for years, that between us it would have been illegal. "

He rolled his eyes, then smiled playfully. "What you did to me this morning is actually illegal in some countries."

"Thank Merlin for living in a free country then. Shall we go? "

"To Grimmauld?"

I nodded. Sirius must already be there.

To our surprise, the recently empty house was now full again. Sirius, Harry, Ron, Ginny, Fred, and George, with worried faces, assured me in the kitchen.

"What happened? I asked as I entered. "Shouldn't your vacation have started in a few days?"

"Arthur is badly injured…" Sirius said. 

"What?! Shouldn't he be on duty today? "

“Ask Harry,” said Fred.

“It was —” Harry began. “I had a — a kind of — vision. . . .”

And he told us all that he had seen - the snake Nagini attacked Arthur. I was speechless. I remembered the pain in my leg from the snake's bite, I couldn't imagine what it would be like if there were more wounds.

“Is Mum here?” said Fred, turning to Sirius.

“She probably doesn’t even know what’s happened yet,” said Sirius.

“The important thing was to get you away before Umbridge could interfere. I expect Dumbledore’s letting Molly know now.”

“We’ve got to go to St. Mungo’s,” said Ginny urgently. She looked around at her brothers; they were of course still in their pajamas. “Sirius, can you lend us cloaks or anything — ?”

“Hang on, you can’t go tearing off to St. Mungo’s!” said Remus.

“ ’Course we can go to St. Mungo’s if we want,” said Fred, with a mulish expression, “he’s our dad!”

“And how are you going to explain how you knew Arthur was attacked before the hospital even let his wife know?” I said.

“What does that matter?” said George hotly.

“It matters because we don’t want to draw attention to the fact that Harry is having visions of things that are happening hundreds of miles away!” said Sirius angrily. “Have you any idea what the Ministry would make of that information?”

Fred and George looked as though they could not care less what the Ministry made of anything.

Ginny said, “Somebody else could have told us. We could have heard it somewhere other than Harry.”

“Like who?” said Sirius impatiently. “Listen, your dad’s been hurt while on duty for the Order and the circumstances are fishy enough without his children knowing about it seconds after it happened, you could seriously damage the Order’s —”

“We don’t care about the dumb Order!” shouted Fred.

“It’s our dad dying we’re talking about!” yelled George.

“Your father knew what he was getting into, and he won’t thank you for messing things up for the Order!” said Sirius angrily in his turn. “This is how it is — this is why you’re not in the Order — you don’t understand — there are things worth dying for!”

“We don’t care about the dumb Order!” shouted Fred again.

“Enough!” said Remus with a calm but firm voice. “I know it’s hard, but we’ve all got to act as though we don’t know anything yet. We’ve got to stay put, at least until we hear from your mother, all right? “

"We'll go see him as soon as we can," I continued, trying to encourage them. "The healers already know how to heal such wounds, so you need to be calm. "

The minutes passed like hours. We are just sitting and waiting…waiting…

And then, at ten past five in the morning by Ron’s watch, the kitchen door swung open and Mrs. Weasley entered the kitchen. She was extremely pale, but when they all turned to look at her, Fred, Ron, and Harry half-rising from their chairs, she gave a wan smile.

“He’s going to be all right,” she said, her voice weak with tiredness. “He’s sleeping. We can all go and see him later. Bill’s sitting with him now, he’s going to take the morning off work.”

***

The Weasleys and Harry went to visit Arthur in the afternoon. Remus and I would go later. We sat in the living room with Sirius.

"Do you think Voldemort thought Nagini could come in and take it?" I asked.

“ I reckon he sent it as a lookout,” said Remus, “ ’cause he’s not had any luck so far, has he? You know about what happened to Broderick Bode. No, I reckon he’s trying to get a clearer picture of what he’s facing and if Arthur hadn’t been there the beast would’ve had much more time to look around. “

"I'm more worried about Harry right now," Sirius growled and looked at me worriedly. "Dumbledore seems almost to have been waiting for Harry to see something like this...if You-Know-Who’s possessing him..."

"I'm sure Dumbledore will figure out a way to prevent this from happening. He seems to have a solution for everything. " I said.

"The only thing I think can help is someone to teach Harry Occlumency," Remus said, whereupon Sirius growled and rose angrily from his chair. "Padfoot, you know he is really good, even in Legilemency."

"Who are you talking about? " I asked

"Excluding Dumbledore, there is no one better than Severus Snape. "Remus answered me, and Sirius growled in defeat.

***

We visited Arthur a little later in the afternoon. The others had just left. As we stepped into the hospital, I felt Remus's hand grip me tightly.

"I hate this place," he told me. "The last time I came here, I was wondering if I would ever be able to talk to you again."

"It is gone now. Now I am here. "

Arthur was occupying the bed at the far end of the ward beside the tiny window. I was pleased and

relieved to see that he was propped up on several pillows and reading the Daily Prophet by the solitary ray of sunlight falling onto his bed. He looked around as we walked toward him.

“How are you, Arthur?” asked Remus.

“I feel absolutely fine,” said he brightly. “They will be able to discharge me from the hospital in a few days. The healers said they already had experience with such wounds and it would not take long to heal me. “and he winked at me.

"I'm glad my bite is in history," I laughed, then asked. "Do you need anything to eat? I can get you something from the top floor?"

"If you can give me something sweet here," he said hopefully. "Molly didn't give it to me because I had to take care of my health now. It's as if the bite wound has something to do with my diet. "

"I'll get you something," I said, smiling at him. "But not very big. I don't want Molly to be mad at me either. "

”Thank you. And you, Remus, talk with that fellow over there,” he said, dropping his voice and nodding toward the bed opposite in which a man lay looking green and sickly and staring at the ceiling. “He is bitten by a werewolf, poor chap. I said to him — didn’t mention names, of course —I knew a werewolf personally, very nice man, who finds the condition quite easy to manage…”

As I was leaving the room, I came across one woman - one of the healers who was healing me while I was in the hospital.

”Oh, hello! ” She told me. "I saw you coming to visit one of our patients. And your handsome friend is with you. "

I narrowed my eyes. Now I remembered that she had asked me about Remus when I was discharged. But then I didn't know who we were talking about. Now I've tied things up. _Only through my_ _dead body, woman._

"You mean my husband?" I said, enjoying the shock on her face.

”Oh, husband? But then you told me you didn't have one. ” She told me.

”Then no, but now - yes. ” I said and walked up the stairs to the top floor. 

***

A little later, after I left Arthur a few bags of desserts and talked to him, Remus and I left.

"Are you talking to the werewolf-bitten man? Was it Greyback? " I asked him as we entered his house. We had decided to spend the evening away from Grimmauld Place's house, Sirius would not be alone now anyway.

"He did not know. His name is Brandon Wesley. I gave him the address of the tavern if he needed help. Although he has to give up some things, I think he could lead a fairly normal life. " Remus replied, hanging his coat on the hanger and taking mine. "You know, something strange happened to me there. One of the healers thought you were my wife. "

I froze, trying to hide the embarrassment on my face. "Did you tell her anything?"

"No. Do you have something to tell me? "

" Long story. Forget it. " I said, smiling and trying to escape his insistent gaze.

"And I was just explaining to Wesley that one of the things he had to give up was marriage. It turned out awkward. "

"And why did you tell him something like that?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because it's obvious."

"I don't see anything obvious," I asked, feeling a wave of resentment rise in my chest.

Remus looked at me in surprise. "Ash, don't you think I can marry you?"

"I don't see anything strange. Well, I'm not talking about now. But sometimes, in the future. "

"You must be kidding."

"Am I kidding?" I raised my voice in disbelief. "Why should I be joking, Remus Lupin? I'm going out with you. I love you. I think the normal continuation of our relationship would be something like that. "

"Our relationship is not normal, anyway. " He told me, his eyes flashing and I couldn't make out his expression. "I didn't think you are expecting anything like that from me."

"Expecting?" I took a few angry steps toward him. "And what to expect? Fuck me when and where you want until you get bored and then dump me. Is that what I expect? "

"You know very well that's not true." He growled. "I love you. I can't imagine being with anyone else. I just thought you knew I couldn't give you a normal relationship. "

"Why?" I hissed through my teeth.

"Because I'm a WEREWOLF!" He shouted angrily. "What do you think will happen if you marry someone like me? Can you imagine a big wedding with a white dress and many guests? No one will approve. You will no longer be Ashling Karkaroff, you will be the werewolf's wife. You will be an outcast like me. I can't do such a thing to you." 

I looked at him in disbelief. "I don't care what the others think!"

"Maybe not now, but in time. When you start not finding a job because of me. When they start closing the doors under your nose, when poverty and hunger prevail, you will hate me. "

"That is not going to happen! I thought you knew me at least a little! "

"Ash, you live in a damn pink balloon and you don't see anything outside of it." He growled.

I was shocked. "So our relationship has no future? "

"No, it hasn’t. " He said with much pain in his voice. His eyes seemed to water.

"Okay, good then. " I said angrily, ignoring his expression. "I'm thinking of saving you from that. That is THE END. "I grabbed my coat and left the house.

I didn't have the strength to apparate. I ran to the nearby forest, slid behind the nearest tree, and cried.


	30. One step at a time

"You're both being stupid." Sirius once told me as he helped me get two drunks out through the back door of the inn. They were the last ones left and there was no one to see him. "You both love each other, why do you have to go through all this drama? "

"Because he's a self-pitying stubborn fool. I can't have a relationship with someone who is in a constant struggle with himself and the opportunity to be happy.

"And the solution is to avoid and ignore each other…" He growled as he looked around for anyone.

"Unfortunately, along with the Order and this place I can not completely avoid him. And I don't want our separation to affect your friendship. "

"You understand that I can't talk normally to you and him and pretend that nothing happened."

"Maybe we need time and we'll both forget." I sighed, trying to lie to myself.

"It's been a few months, Merlin's beard! You both look more and more unhappy with each passing day. " Sirius told me angrily.

"What are you expecting of me? To be fascinated by the fact that he sees no future in our relationship? "

"Maybe you pressed him a little about the marriage thing."

"Don't take his side," I shouted angrily. " It was not a question of marriage at the moment. I just wanted to know that this relationship would develop. Not necessarily at the moment. What? Should I have jumped for joy that he had absolutely no plans? "

" He is so used to it, the lycanthropy forces him to live day by day. "

"I knew you would take his side! Male solidarity! Great! "I shouted, feeling my whole face burn. " He was the initiator of this relationship in the beginning! Obviously, even then he had no serious intentions towards me! Thanks, but I don't want to be someone’s fad. I better be alone! "

I lied. I tried to lie to myself. Several months had passed since our break-up with Remus, and with each passing day, I felt more and more overwhelmed. There was, in fact, only pain and despair behind my apparent confidence in my decision. Road without exit. I cried when no one was looking at me. My pain was grief that comes in waves, grueling, stealing appetite, and sleep alike. It was a sharp stone in my guts that never leaves, though perhaps in time the edges will dull. What was once whole was shattered; where once was peace was emptiness, echoes of love I put my everything into.

I tried to distract myself, spending all my time in the tavern, taking extra shifts in front of the Mystery Department. But the moment I was left alone, the memories enveloped me and broke my heart to pieces. I dreamed of being in his arms again, of kissing him again. But I knew I couldn't do it again. I owed it to myself. If he didn't see a future in our relationship, I shouldn't either.

***

"It won't work. Everything I try, in fact, turns out to have already been done by someone and was unsuccessful. " Chiara sighed and leaned back in her chair. I helped her with my knowledge of transfiguration on her research to find cheaper ways to alleviate lycanthropy. I looked at her. She looks pale and sick.

"Did you drink your potion?" I asked her. The full moon was a day apart. My heart sank at the thought that somewhere Remus was suffering just as much as she was.

"Yes."She said casually. "Explain to me the Gamp’s Law again."

"Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration is a magical law which dictates the rules of Transfiguration. There are five Principal Exceptions to Gamp's Law. In our case, I think we are interested in thе 3rd one, which states that you could not transfigure something that was cursed. ”

"I mean, we couldn't transfigure a werewolf into something safer," she said.

"No. Not when transformed. "

" And you, being Animagus, do you feel pain when transforming? " She asked me.

" None. " I admitted. " It's easier than closing your eyes."

"And you stay conscious?"

"Yes and no. I would still think like a human when I was in my animal form. However, my feelings were not as complex when I was in this form. "

"Then why every time when we transform, it's as if they break our bones one by one. And then they restore them again one by one. " She sighed, and I shuddered at the thought of what they were going through each month.

"I don't know, maybe because of the difference in the origin itself — one is half-transfiguration, half-charm, and the other is a kind of curse. But perhaps we should take conclusions from this. They also have common features. Change of physical shape, dependence on lunar states. To become an Animagus, you must drink a special potion that prepares your body for the transformations. The cycles for its preparation are from full moon to full moon. So it might help. Have you tried to look at the ingredients of the potion and apply them in making a new one? " came to me as an idea.

"Actually not. " She brightened. "And it sounds logical. And here you will have to help me. "

The rest of the evening we spent discussing the ingredients of the potion and how it can be used. We had piles of books on the table and floor, our notes flying in all directions. I had given her a small room in the backside of the inn, where she could work in peace. I enjoyed her company. She was nice and funny. Ever since I lost my grandmother, I have been communicating mostly with men and I have lacked communication with a woman my age.

"You look worse even than me, " she told me. I looked up from the book _365 Benefits of Mandrake Leaves_ at her questioningly. "You look like someone took all the happiness out of your body. Are you and Lupin still arguing?

"We're not arguing," I nodded, forcing myself to smile. "We're just not talking. I'm fine. I've had a lot of sleepless nights and I'm tired."

She rolled her eyes. " You act like children. But this is your decision. At least can I take you somewhere to distract yourself a little? We will drink, we will dance… you can look for someone else. "

I shook my head. "I don't care about that right now. I can't imagine myself with anyone else. "

"The idea is to make old Lupin a little jealous, ”she laughed.

"I don't think that will work. "

"Of course it will work. He is a wolf. He protects his territory. "

***

"That's the dumbest idea I've ever agreed to." I groaned, two hours later, sitting at one Muggle’s bar. The last time I visited such a place was with Remus and Sirius, and it seemed like an eternity ago. "Let's get out of here," I told Chiara, who was ordering something from the bartender at the time.

"Calm down," she told me, glancing at the dancing crowd. "We'll just have a drink and dance. I will not push you. We'll leave early, I promise. And I'm not in shape too, given the approaching full moon. "

I stood by the edge of the bar. I actually wanted a drink, maybe it would make me forget all my worries for a night. The bartender made me a whiskey sour. I sat my glass on the bar and observed people my age dancing and flirting, thinking this would have been a fun place to go if I didn't think constantly about Remus.

“Hello. You’re looking very lonely over here,” a smooth voice said.

Chiara had gone to the bathroom, I glanced to my side and a man with dark hair, nearly thirty was smiling at me while sipping his beer.

“Hello,” I offered politely hoping I didn’t have to talk to him.

“Just hello? No name or something else?”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m leaving. I’m waiting for my friend to return.” _Where, in Merlin's beard,_ _was_ _Chiara?_

“Well, it’s been a while now. Why don’t I keep you company until she comes back? A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be left alone in a place like this. Some men might take advantage of it.” His voice gave me the chills, and I was ready to jinx him secretly if necessary. I felt his drunken breath on my skin, his perverted eyes seemed to undress me. I was horrified when he came very close to me and slid his hand on my thigh.

"I think the lady told you she didn't want your company? " I heard a familiar stern voice behind me. I took a breath of relief. "Get out of here if you don't want to get in trouble."

The man in front of me stepped back in astonishment and looked at my savior. He glared with hate at him, but still stepped back and disappeared into the crowd.

“Are you alright?” Remus turned to me with a worried expression. He looked me over as if I had been molested.

I nodded, still speechless. I was still stunned from the unpleasant encounter with the stranger and from Remus’s surprising appearance. I looked at those warm amber eyes, now full of anxiety, and for a moment forgot why I had avoided them in recent months.

“What are you doing here? “I finally managed to recover slightly from the shock, but I looked away. I couldn't look him in the eye without my legs weak.

“I can ask you the same,” he replied. "Chiara sent me a message that a group of werewolves was gathering here, and I came to check. But I think she just lied to me. "

"Yeah," I said, cursing my friend in my mind. "He dragged me here, too, and disappeared."

We both looked at each other for a moment longer than necessary. Then he asked me, "Do you want to go for a walk outside? It's too crowded here for my taste. "

I just nodded again. I felt Remus’s hand on the small of my back as we left the bar. A cold breeze blew outside and made me shiver. It was one of the cold May nights. Remus took off his jacket and put it on my shoulders. As cliché as it seemed, I didn't need anything else at the time. I snuggled into the fabric of his garment, feeling the warmth of his skin and inhaling his scent — chocolate, books, home.

We walked silently side by side through the quiet streets for a while. The silence was broken only by the sound of an alarm or the running of a cat between the parked cars. We only met a few other people. I didn't know where we were going. My legs moved step by step, hoping that this moment would last forever. Don't have to leave. I wanted to be by his side even in silence. We reached a small park and the river. The street lamps reflections in the otherwise black river stretched out like flaming stilts, ruffled by the cool breeze. Although cold, it smelled of spring. I stood on the edge of the river and stared at its black bottom. In addition to the lamps, it reflected the almost full moon. I stared at its pale face, which seemed to be laughing at me. How I hated it. The Moon was the reason I stood next to this man I loved with all my heart and didn't know if I would be with him again. I grabbed a rock from the ground and threw it into the river with an angry shout, trying to erase the wicked smile on the moon. In just a few seconds, the water calmed down again. There was nothing that I could do.

Remus stepped to me and he pulled me into his arms, stealing my breath and the heat from my skin. Suddenly my defences were just paper, a paper that was being soaked by the rapidly falling briny drops. Before I could draw in the air my body needed I have melted into his form. I could feel his firm torso and the heart that beat within. His hands were folded around my back, drawing me in closer. I could feel my body shake, crying for the missed things we will never do together, crying to release the tension of these long months. He pulled his head back and wiped the tears with a tender finger, and brought more relief than my heart could hold. He was staring at me with adoration and love, running his hand through my hair, as if he couldn’t quite believe I'm not part of an almost forgotten dream. When he kissed me it was sweet, gentle, and it tasted of my tears.

"I'm a fool, Ash," he told me quietly. "Will you forgive me? "

I wantеd to speak but all I could do was a whisper, "No more self-pity." His mouth painted a soft smile and he noded once before folding me in his arms again.

We were standing in each other's arms for a while when Remus stepped back and looked at the moon in the sky for a moment and then at me. His eyes were full of tears.

"Ash, this is the fullest possible moon I can ever be in human form in front of you. I'm not young. Nor am I whole. I can't offer you security or a home. I will always be absent on certain days of the month, I will always return more empty and broken than before. The only thing I can give you is all my love. No matter the distance my love to you remains constant. You could be at the ends of the earth and still I would feel pulled toward you. There is something about you and me that matches, each half loving the other so fully that life alone would be meaningless. When times are dark you are the one that lifts me back into the light, when times are bright you are the one who rejoices with me. So though it is your eyes, your skin, your face that I look upon, know that the love runs deep to my core. I don't do superficial, I never did. Entire life I have never dreamed that someone would want to share her life with me, to want us to grow old together. You came into my life and turned everything upside down. You gave me hope that I could be happy. I want you to forgive me for the words I said that night. I want this relationship to have a future, Ash, just forgive me."

"Rem ..." I stroked his cheek and he closed his eyes from my touch. "I knew what I was doing from the beginning, and yet I want to be with you. I love you and that will not change. I don't want to constantly struggle with your self-pity, nor do I want to prove to you that you are one of the few people who deserve to be happy. I forgive you. And I went a little too far that night. I didn't want to press you. I'm sorry. "

"No no. You didn't press me. In fact, I had taken this out sometime before and was hesitant to give it to you. " he said, rummaging in his pockets. A moment later he pulled out a small velvet black box. " It was my mother's, she gave it to me in the hope that I would give it to someone, although we both deeply doubted it at the time "To my surprise, he bent down, knelt in front of me and opened the box. There was a light and delicate ring with jewels placed into the band itself. "Will you marry me, my love"

I continued staring at him, my eyes widen. "Yes," I said breathlessly. "I will marry you."

Remus smiled broadly, took the ring out of the box, and placed it carefully on my finger. Then he stood up and kissed me. In that kiss was the sweetness of passion, a million loving thoughts condensed into a moment. In his kiss, I was home.

_The moon watched the two lone figures standing on the bank of the river, intertwined. In one breath, in one hug, in one kiss, in one love. The mischievous smile was gone._


	31. Engaged

"The ring on my hand does not mean that you will receive everything from me onwards voluntarily. " I teased Remus with a wide smile.

"So I’m fucked up, " he smiled back at me, closing the door of his house behind him.

"You have to earn my favor. "

"How? " He asked me, pulling me closer. "Like this?" his mouth whispered just above my collarbone. "Or like this?" He breathed and tasted the skin under my ear. "Or maybe like this?" Remus grabbed my wrists gently but firmly enough to keep them at bay. His mouth moved around my jaw.

"You're on the right track. But there is still a lot to work on. "

Remus hummed along my neck. Then took my mouth, and I tried to fought him for a few moments. He never relented even when I bit his bottom lip. His tongue tasted the drop of blood as I pulled away, and the look in his eyes was filled with lust. He took my wrists in one hand and pulled them above my head against the wall. His free hand traced my lips and he didn’t flinch when I tried to bite him.

"I have a fiancé, sir. I can't do such things with another man. " I continued to tease him and I could barely contain myself from smiling.

“Your fiancé is a lucky man then” he murmured against my neck.

“Yes, indeed.” I moaned before he kissed me roughly again.

Then Remus pressed himself hard against me and assaulted a spot on my neck. He pushed my legs apart just far enough to step between them. His hand cupped my sex through my pants and massaged deep circles. Pulling his mouth away, he stared passionately into my eyes.

“Am I still not winning your favor? “He whispered inches from my mouth and I gasped hotly when his hand found that pleasure bundle of nerves. My hips moved with his hand and I could feel how wet my knickers had become. I have longed for this for too long. I moaned deeply into his mouth, and that’s all he needed. When his tongue touched mine, I was suddenly lost in him. I aggressively kissed him back and felt him growl with desire.

Remus let my hands go, then hе helped me take off my blouse quickly and took a nipple into his mouth. All I could do was hold his head there. He sucked and lavished attention and I ran my fingers through his hair.

“Take this off,” he moaned, nodding at my pants. Shrugging out of his coat and unbuttoning his shirt, Remus pressed me up against the wall, letting me feel him entirely. I was tempted to strangle him with his tie hanging from his neck. He devoured my mouth, backing me up towards the kitchen table.

With a swipe of his arm, everything was off the table as he placed me on top of it. He didn’t unbutton his pants, even though I could see his cock straining against the material. Instead, Remus slid aside my knickers. With a wicked gleam in his eye, he spread my legs and knelt between them. His tongue trailed fire along the inside of the thigh before hovering just above my clit.

I waited breathlessly, the look in his eyes was enough to boil my blood. When his mouth covered me, I bucked against him. It wasn’t gentle as he feasted on me. His tongue licked, flicked, and danced, making me cry out. I fisted his hair, pulling his face harder into me and Remus obliged the voiceless command. I had almost forgotten how good his mouth felt on me and I ground into him unabashedly.

Remus wrapped his arms around my hips, pulling me roughly to his fiendish mouth. His groans vibrated, and it was all I could do not to thrust harder against his face. I almost fell off the table when his fingers joined his delicious tongue. My moans overcame his and the sound of the table hitting the wall in time with the thrusting of his hand.

“Oh Remus, dear Merlin” I whimpered, feeling the beginning of that first shudder. My inner thighs were slick while Remus’s face and hand were glistening from my juices.

Quickly, he pulled away before I could finish to my frustration. Not wasting any time, he unbuttoned his pants and stroked himself a couple of times before hooking my knees in his arms. Remus hauled me to him and plunged in deeply making us both moan. The table rocked as he fucked me hard and I couldn’t find anything to hold onto until finally grabbing him by the shoulders. All my thoughts left my mind when he lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around him. For a slender man, Remus was stronger than he looked. He pushed me up against the wall holding me under my thighs for support.

I had to hold onto him or fall. His hips thrust up and ground against that little nub that was on fire. Remus grunted in the effort and pumped harder and faster. He sucked on my neck and I braced one hand on the wall to steady myself and the other around his neck. I could smell myself on him. Remus’s mouth found mine again as I tasted that musk. Savoring myself on his tongue, the feel of him inside me, and the thrill that he liked the tang of me. Remus loved giving me pleasure with his mouth, and for some reason, I liked tasting it on him.

“Harder,” my voice cracked, and Remus’s eyes furrowed with concentration and gave me what I begged for. He growled, turning and abruptly, tossing me down on my back on a large ottoman in the middle of the room. He spread my legs wide and plunged deep and hard forcing a cry from my lungs. My body tensed, my toes curled, and I held onto him as it hit me hard. My hips had a mind of their own and bucked erratically. Remus was louder than I had ever heard him before. He was going to come, and he was calling out my name over and over as he spilled into me.

It took us a few minutes to catch our breath and our heartbeats to return to normal. We both sat on the ground, huddled together, our backs to the ottoman. Remus ran his fingers carefully over the ring on my hand.

“It suits you. Now everyone will know that you are only mine. “He smiled and hugged me tightly.

"I thought it was written on my forehead anyway." I smiled and stood up. "Come here. You need to rest. "

"It's a full moon tonight," he sighed and stood up.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"Yes," he whispered with such hope and longing that I promised myself not to miss any of his transformations from now on. In the end, we were in it together.

***

"You must be kidding!" Sirius exclaimed a few days later when we told him the news. His gaze darted between me and Remus, then stopped at the ring on my hand. A wide smile spread across his face and with a few quick steps he came and hugged us both tightly. "Didn't you do some spell to convince him?" He joked, turning to me.

I just rolled my eyes, smiling.

"Moony, we'll be relatives at last," Sirius continued, grabbing his shoulder. "You deserve to be happy, my friend. I wish you both all the happiness and luck in the world. You both need it. "

His eyes seemed to water, hugging us both again.

"Uncle, we have a problem, though," I said, placing my hand on his cheek. "I want you to take me to the altar, while Remus wants you to be his best man. You will be torn between us two. "

He looked at us in surprise but then smiled broadly. "I'm very good at multitasking ..." His face suddenly faded. "You know I can't do that. After all, I'm a wanted criminal, I can't show up at church like that. "

"Not now. " I reassured him. "But one day you will be acquitted. With recent events and the escape of the Death-eaters from Azkaban, more and more people do not believe Fudge and the Ministry's thesis that Voldemort has not returned.

"But no one knows when that will happen. What if it's years from now ... "said my uncle dejectedly.

"Ash and I both want you to attend the wedding," said Remus. "No matter how long we must delay it."

"Yes, we are not in a hurry. " I confirmed his words.

Sirius nodded and smiled again. Still, there was a slight bitterness in his eyes.

"Well, will you accept his last name?" My uncle asked, breaking the silence.

"I have not thought about it. " I replied, looking at Remus with a smile. "Karkaroff-Black-Lupin sounds too long."

"How I would like to see the expression of old Walburga if she finds out that the Black family is going to be related to the Lupin family." Sirius brightened. "It will be impressive."

"I think Kreacher will be the most unhappy. " Remus interjected. Sirius and I looked at him questioningly, and he continued, "Didn't you notice? I think he likes Ash. And twice he seemed to try to curse me as I left her room. "

"It makes sense," my uncle replied. "He was especially attached to my brother and may have additional sympathy for Ash as his daughter. Oh, now I understand why he was trying to pull two of your robes into his lair. "

"That sounds awful and sad at the same time," I said, shivering. "Sometimes I feel sorry for him. Maybe I should talk to him. You're not very nice to Kreacher, Sirius."

"I haven't seen him lately. Who knows where he's hiding and crying over some of my mother's old culottes."

I looked at him reproachfully, but still the corners of my mouth twitched slightly. "I will try to look for him. Although I have a lot of tasks ahead of me these days - I'm on duty tonight, I have to go to the inn and I promised Chiara to help her with the research.

"Is there any development?" Remus asked.

"Slightly. At least we have an idea we're working on," I replied.

"Will you find time these days to visit my father, I want you to meet?" He asked me, obviously uncomfortable scratching the back of his neck.

I froze for a moment in surprise. I had completely ruled out his father. "Yes, of course," I replied, recovering from the initial shock. "But let it be in a few days, I have to gather courage," and I smiled. I looked at Sirius, hoping he would join in the conversation and save me from the embarrassment. But he obviously found a dead fly on the table very interesting.

“Why?” Remus asked me. "My father is not terrible."

"I know, it's just something new to me."

"It's new to me too. I've never introduced him to my love life. But I think it's right. He'll be happy. But maybe it's right to write to him first and warn him. It'll be shocking for him, too, if we both appear on his doorstep. "

"All right," I agreed, and turned to Sirius, smiling, "Is there a book in the library upstairs with guidelines on how to present myself well to my future father-in-law."

"Rather, you'll find a book with tips on how to best curse him," he told me, raising both thumbs up encouragingly.

Remus looked at me with a wide smile and shook his head.

***

A few days later, I looked nervously in the mirror. It took me about 40 minutes to choose what to wear to dinner with Remus' father. Finally, I settled on a simple dark green knee-length dress with small white flowers.

“How do I look like?” I asked Remus, who was just entering the room.

"Lovely, as always," he replied and smiled at me. "Why are you so worried? My father will be pleased enough that I'm taking a living creature into his house. He won't pay attention to what you're wearing if you want to have a dead Puffskein on your head."

"Very encouraging," I laughed. "I just want to make a good first impression."

"You will. I don't know anyone who doesn't like you." I sighed. I was not convinced by his words.

Remus' father lived in a house in South Wales, in a village called Bethlehem. The area was quiet, with few people living, mostly farmers. Remus claimed that there was only one other wizarding family in the area of nearly 100 kilometers. We apparated nearby.

I immediately recognized which house we were looking for. The house looked as well constructed as a toddler's brick tower, sections jutted to the left and right, it looked like a strong wind would be enough to blow it down. The rooms changed their order in the stack as if they got bored of being in the same position.

"The Muggles don't see that," Remus replied, leading me to the bizarre wooden door of the house and seemed to read my mind. "To them, the outside of the house looks plain and boring. My father is a little eccentric in some ways."

"I really like it a lot. "I answered, which was the truth." And the magic must be quite complicated. Your father must be a very capable wizard."

"He was. He's a little sick now and he doesn't come out much. But you'll see." Remus tapped 3 times with his wand on the door, then made a complicated movement with his hand and whispered to me, explaining "This is the password". Seconds later, the door opened and an elderly wizard stood in the doorway. He was tall and slender, but the years had clearly spoken, and he was slightly hunched over. His hair was winter-white and it was carelessly combed back, just as Remus wore it. The man was far not young. It was hard to determine his age as the life left a deep imprint on his face. I could notice a deep scar on the left cheek, closer to the ear. The scar looked and almost faded between the wrinkles. The man looked at us with bright blue eyes and opened his arms, a wide smile spread across his face. Remus took a step forward and hugged his father. In fact, the two were very similar, except for the age difference. If Remus grew old like that, he would remain as handsome as he is.

The father stepped away from his son's embrace and turned his attention to me. The smile never left his face.

"Come on, son, won't you introduce me to this charming girl?"

Remus looked at me encouragingly, and I stepped forward to his father. "Dad, this is my fiancée Ashling. Ash, this is my father - Lyall Lupin."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Lupin." I smiled at him and held out my hand.

"Oh, please. Call me Lyall. And come here. " He shook my hand and pulled me into a big, strong hug.

His mood was contagious, and now the three of us were smiling broadly. He invited us in. Entering the house was a bath of sweet music from a radio, the eyes greeted by many family photographs and the well-loved furniture of years. He introduced us to a living room full of books and bizarre objects. There was a big wall clock, but instead of numbers, there were runes.

"Sit down, sit down," he urged, pointing to a few soft armchairs and a sofa in the room. "You'll excuse me, but my legs won't hold me long anymore. "

"Mr. Lupin, ... Lyall, we've brought something for dinner," I said. "Where should I leave it?"

"Very kind of you to take care of it. I'm not very good at cooking spells. Hope was the one who cooked at home. And though in a Muggle way, her dishes were magnificent. "He replied. "The kitchen is behind the green door, today it seemed to be on the second floor. But still, check that, this room is the most wayward and more often likes to move than others. "

This was the strangest house I had ever entered. Inside ladders dangled from holes in the ceiling as the only way to get to the higher rooms. Clocks ticked, the radio was playing softly, all sorts of other strange sounds could be heard from the walls, windows kept popping up out of nowhere, changing shape a few times and disappearing with a sudden bang. Doors changed the walls they were on in a whimsical fashion. The house sang silly songs to itself. After some difficulty, I finally managed to find the green door and leave the food in a small kitchen. It was simply equipped - there was a stove, several cabinets, a small table with four chairs. There was a large, wide window with dark red curtains. Thousands of painted little bees on them were moving and buzzing.

I went back to Remus and his father in the living room, and this time I had to take a radically different path. Good thing I heard their voices, so I was able to find the right door.

"Your house is great." I turned to Lyall as I settled on the couch next to Remus.

"Thank you, I appreciate it," he replied. "Although the lack of a woman's hand is obvious, I made it to be cozy and interesting. I hardly leave it anyway, at least to feel in a different place every day."

"Have you used a spell for a random positioning?" I inquired. "Although I've never seen anyone apply it on such a large object. You've somehow managed to increase its scope."

"Right," he replied, clapping his hands. “Rem, the girl is not only pretty, but she's also smart.” Remus looked at me and winked contentedly. "The spell isn't that hard otherwise, one day I can teach you if you decide to add a little variety to your home."

"Oh, no, thank you," Remus was adamant. "I want to wake up at night and look for a toilet, to know exactly where to find it."

We all laughed. The little nervousness and tension that had remained in me evaporated very quickly.

"Let's stop talking about an old fool," Lyall said. "Tell me about you two. To be honest, I was a little shocked by my son's letter telling me about Ash and that he wanted to meet me with you. I never dreamed he would ever introduce me to his girlfriend considering ... "here he hesitated a little and stumbled. "…his condition. Where did you meet?"

"Actually, Ash is my friend's niece, and we're both in the Order," Remus said shortly.

“And when did you find out he was a werewolf?” His father asked me, trying to hide the trembling in his voice. Apparently, this question worried him a lot.

"Actually ..." I began. "I knew before we met. So, my uncle had told me about him and his condition. So it wasn't new when we first met."

"And you started a relationship with him with a clear consciousness of what he is?" he asked in surprise. _Why did they all care about this question? I didn't find anything so strange and_ _odd._

"Yes." I simply replied and took Remus’s arm, intertwining his fingers with his. Lyall followed the gesture, his eyes shining strangely.

"Forgive me," he said. "I'm an old fool … I'm really happy for you two. Ash, do you want to see Remus as a kid? "

“Oh, no, Dad.” Remus rolled his eyes. "Don't bore her with my baby pictures."

"It's actually going to be very interesting to me," I said excitedly.

Lyall swung his wand. "Accio pictures!" A pile of old photographs flew into his hand. He took them and handed them to me. From the top photo, I was watched by the young version of Lyall, hugging a skinny, very beautiful woman. In her arms, she held a small fluffy baby about a year old with large brown curls. I smiled and looked playfully at Remus. He just shook his head resignedly. The next photographs included the same child with each photo slightly older than the previous one. One where he gets on a small broom and falls. One where he caresses a little Niffler while it secretly steals the metal buttons on his jacket. One where he cooks with his mother, wearing a big white chef's hat that kept falling over his eyes. One where his father reads _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_ before sleep. Each of the photos beamed love and happiness. Somewhere, however, when the child was 5 years old, it was as if someone had removed the happiness from the following photos. His mother looked weaker and paler. Several scars had appeared on the little child's face. The photos again beamed family love, but the happiness was replaced by anxiety and worry.

“How old were you when Grayback bit you?” I asked.

"Almost five," he replied.

Lyall sighed. "I made a lot of mistakes then. If I could go back in time, I would change a lot of things."

"You don't have to blame yourself for anything." And I laid my hand on his. “You raised and brought up an incredibly good and smart man.” He looked at me gratefully, his eyes wet. Remus wrapped one arm around my shoulders and squeezed me gently.

"It's good that it was Dumbledore to open our eyes a little," Lyall said.” We feared our son would not be able to attend Hogwarts due to his condition. I tried to provide my son with a magical education at home as a result. However, shortly before Remus's eleventh birthday, Dumbledore showed up unannounced at our door. We tried frantically to prevent him from entering our home, but our magical defenses, although strong enough to keep Rem from getting out of control, were useless in front of the greatest wizard of the time and he easily entered our house. We realized it after five minutes when Dumbledore played Gobstones with Remus. He told us that he knew of how our son had been attacked by Fenrir Greyback. He assured us that Remus would be able to attend Hogwarts. We were very happy. Here, look here ... "and he pointed me to look at the next photographs." Here he is in his Hogwarts uniform." Remus, at the age of 11, was waving happily at me. "Then he brought us only pride - good grades, he came back happy from school for the holidays, he had made friends, he became Prefect, he passed with honors all the exams for O.W.L and N.E.W.T, Headboy... Unfortunately, then came hard times for all of us – You-Know-Who spread fear everywhere "

"Dad, that's enough," Remus interrupted. "Ash knows about my life after that."

"You're right, son. I've slipped into old memories. You'll forgive me."

"Did you know that Ash works with a friend of ours and they are researching more affordable methods to alleviate our condition?" Remus changed the subject.

“Really?” His father was visibly interested.

"Yes, we have an idea that we are working on at the moment. But we still don't know the results," I replied.

"Besides, Ash is Animagus and knows over 200 languages," Remus continued.

"Hey ..." I protested, poking him in the ribs. "I’m not on a job interview."

"I just want my father to know I didn't take you just for your pretty face," he smiled and kissed me on the forehead.

"I figured that out a long time ago," Lyall said, a look of affection in his eyes.

The rest of the evening went peacefully, we moved to the kitchen for dinner. We talked about his father's work in the Ministry - he was a world-renowned expert on Non-Human Spiritual Apparition, which included poltergeists and Boggarts. He asked me about the tavern, about my school. The conversations went smoothly.

Lyall turned to his son. "Will you look at my rune clock in the living room? I think it's broken because it only shows _Hagalaz._ "

“The rune that meaning hail?” He asked.

"Actually hail, cataclysm, radical change. I hope it's really broken because this rune usually doesn't bode well," Lyall explained, shivering.

"Dad, don't you believe such things? But anyway, I'm going to look at it." And he got up and left the room.

Shortly after Remus left the room, Lyall turned to me, "Thank you, Ash."

“For what?” I asked.

"I've never seen my son so happy and calm. You make him so."

"I make him happy and he makes me happy too. You have nothing to thank me for." I smiled.

"I wish my wife Hope could see him now. She suffered the most from his condition. She thought he would be left alone and without friends."

"I'm sure she knows he's happy." And I laid my hand on his on the table. He grabbed her and squeezed her gratefully. At that moment, Remus entered the room and raised an eyebrow in bewilderment when he saw us. But he said nothing. He sat down next to us, bringing the strange watch.

"It seems to me that it is working well," he said. "But if you want, I'll take it with me and take a closer look."

"It will be great. You will have an occasion to visit me soon."

"Of course," I replied and smiled at him. "You still have to show me how you do the spell of a random positioning. I want Remus to confuse the toilet with the closet."

***

"I think it went well," I told Remus on our way home.

"More than good," he said. "My father really liked you."

"He's a good man. And he loves you. You should visit him more often."

"I hope to have more occasions to make him happy in the future," he told me, drawing me to him.

"You will," I replied, snuggling in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your support! It is really nice to know that you like this story! :)


	32. The calm before the storm

"I want to stay in this moment forever," Remus whispered to me one sunny June afternoon. We had gotten out of all sorts of responsibilities during the day, hoping to forget at least for a while all the bad things that were happening around us. We were on the brink of war and decided to escape for a while while we still had the opportunity.

The weather was the kind that felt like a kiss of summer without the fiery heat of noontime in August. The grass was a soft green and the sky was cloudless blue. The concrete of the path was warm under my bare feet and I was glad to be free of the confines of my shoes. I stopped and closed my eyes so that I could focus on the sounds and the feeling of Remus next to me. There were birdsong and sounds of the wind in the wheat. I opened my eyes and let the daylight flood back in, bringing the late June day right back into focus. Then I sat cross-legged near the wheat fields and looked at Remus’s tall figure, illuminated by the sun's rays.

"Me too. I've always thought we should be able to freeze time. This way we could pause life at a really good point so that nothing changes. " I said and pulled him to sit next to me.

"A spell to think about," he replied with a sigh and hugged me. " And in the most horrible times, I will just close my eyes and imagine us right now. You, with your perfect dark hair and those black eyes that could swallow galaxies. With your perfect skin that looks so fragile yet so strong. With cheeks, the color of pink roses and eyelashes longer than anyone's I've ever seen. And with your out-of-this-world body - a small waist and curvy hips highlighted by this floral dress. "

"And you, with your shaggy brown hair, illuminated by the sun. With your eyes - so mesmerizing amber, flecks of silvery light performed a dance throughout. With your strong features, which can emit also tenderness. With your perfect lips ripe for the kissing. With your strong hands, slightly rough from daily life, held mine as you stared deep into my eyes. "

His lips brushed my ear as he spoke, "I really do love you."

"I love you too." I turned to kiss him.

***

I used all my strength and flipped us over until I was straddling him. Having him beneath me and under my control was quite arousing. I smiled and reached behind me lightly stroking him and heard him groan softly.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk… that won’t do,” I smirked and a feeling of boldness came over me. “If daddy wants his bad girl so desperately, he’s going to have to … beg for it.” I grasped him firmly making him hiss. His hands clenched my thighs and I was beginning to like having this power over him. Remus wanted me and the thought of teasing him, as he had done so many times with me, set me on fire.

Whatever happens tomorrow, I wanted to stay on that day, at this moment. Today, the world was just for us. I grabbed the silk tie from my nightgown.

“I hear men are visual creatures…Let's check this out. “ I grinned wickedly. Surprisingly, he didn’t object or try to stop me as I tied the silk around his head covering his eyes.

“You think this will make me beg, do you?” he chuckled deeply.

“Believe me, I’d love to bind your hands but I’d much rather feel them touching me instead. “ I said and seeing him blindfolded was electrifying. “Now, where was I?” I leaned over him until my mouth was so close to his and waited patiently. His hands massaged my thighs and I didn’t move a muscle. Our breath mingled as I hovered curiously watching him. Remus raised his head up searching for my mouth and I pulled back a few inches. “Did I say you could kiss me?” That seductive mouth of his smiled but didn’t utter a word.

I reached my apex and coated my fingers. Oh, Merlin, I was turned on right now but needed to keep control for just a little while longer. My finger traced his bottom lip and I could tell that he caught my scent. “Open your mouth,” I breathed.

Remus’s tongue swirled and suckled my index finger as soft lips closed around it. My middle finger joined in as I slowly pumped the digits in his mouth. I felt his hips mirror the movement but didn’t allow him to touch me yet. I kissed along his jaw and found a pulse point under his ear. His hands returned and I swatted them away a second time. I grabbed his wrists and pinned them to the mattress as he had done with me many times before.

“You don’t mind very well, do you?” I asked as I attacked his neck with vigor before returning to his lips. Merlin, I didn’t know how much longer _I_ could wait as he kissed me back feeling his hardness brushing against my inner thigh.

I kissed down his chest allowing my sex to rub him. He was trying desperately to gain some friction but I denied him hearing him curse under his breath. I rose back to sitting on his abdomen and reached behind me once again to stroke him tightly. He was pulsing in my hand and suddenly his fingers were attacking my core. “What do you want?” I asked sweetly.

“You…” the tortured voice moaned out.

“Not good enough.” I raised my hips to let the tip of him just barely touch my entrance. His hips tilted up and I let just the crown sink in. Remus’s head fell back and he cursed again in frustration. I placed my hands on his chest and lowered myself down little by little. “How badly do you want me?” I purred.

“Merlin, woman… you’re killing me,” his voice strangled out as his hands tried to force my hips down unsuccessfully. I wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easily.

“Is this what you want?” and no sooner had the words left my mouth, I slammed down hard on him making him cry out in ecstasy.

“Fuck yes…” he growled as he was buried to the hilt inside me. I didn’t waste any time, my need was just as hungry as his. I fucked him hard and fast and listened in a trance as he called out to me. His hand returned to where we were joined as the other tore the silk from his face.

I loved watching the way his face changed from fascination to arousal and then wild lust. His eyes were dark amber brown and filled with concentration watching me above him. His hips were thrusting up harder and faster as that wonderful pressure came barreling forward and there was no controlling it. The first wave hit hard and I fell onto him searching for anything to hold. I cried out as another wave crashed into me. Looking into his dark eyes was intense as he made my body quake and felt him follow me. His face contorted as he cried out my name and spent himself inside me.

I draped my body over him while we frantically tried to catch our breaths. I thought I could die right now. His hair was damp as I ran my fingers through it feeling his harsh breathing. We were both exhausted to the point of passing out. I felt my heart begin to settle down and I pulled away from him.

“I'm going to take a bath because I have to replace Mundungus on duty tonight. “

A little later, both bathed and dressed, we went downstairs to the kitchen. I wanted to make myself a cup of coffee, as a sleepless night awaited me. Remus would stop by Sirius. I enjoyed the momentary silence between us, grabbing the glass of fragrant drink and snuggling in his arms. However, I had a sad feeling in my chest, as if I heard my grandmother's voice in my head that a lot of happiness didn’t bode happiness. And I tried to drive it out of my thoughts. Remus sighed next to me as if feeling the same. I had just opened my mouth to ask him when a silver puff of smoke rose in the middle of the room and shaped the silhouette of a dove. Snape's voice echoed in the kitchen and seemed to penetrate every corner of the walls.

 _"Potter went to the Ministry of Magic. The_ _Dark_ _Lord lured him there. "_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is a little short one, but I wanted a few more moments of happiness between the two before the next events.


	33. Reckless

I don't remember clearly how quickly Remus and I got in front of the Ministry of Magic and went inside. We hadn't said a word to each other so far. But there was no need. We both knew what could happen if Harry took the prophecy and it fell into Voldemort's hands. We both knew that the Mystery Department must be full of Death-Eaters and Harry's life was in danger.

There was no one in the atrium. We were about to cross the room when we heard hurried footsteps behind us. We both turned with raised wands at the same time, but to our relief, they were actually Tonks, Mad-Eye, Kingsley, and Sirius.

"What happened, Alastor?" Remus asked quickly as we all got into the elevator.

"I have almost no further details. I received the same message from Severus as all of you. A minute later, Dumbledore contacted me. According to him, Harry thinks that the Dark Lord has captured Sirius and is torturing him down there ... Can't this damn thing move faster?" Mad-Eye growled, slapping one of the elevator walls with his hand.

"But how...? " I began, looking at my uncle, who was surprisingly silent until then. Then I came to my senses and turned to him: “Sirius, you should not be here. If anyone sees you? “

"You don't think I'll stay in the house while Harry is in danger and you're all here. " He answered through gritted teeth. Just then the elevator doors opened and we all rushed to the Mystery Department.

“Sirius, please ...! “I shouted at him, grabbing his hand. He turned and looked at me. There was something between rage and excitement in his eyes. I was shocked. That look did not bode well. “ _Please don't be reckless!_ " He did not answer me and rushed with the others.

Mad-Eye reached the big black door first, pressed the handle, and went inside. We followed him.

We were standing in a large, circular room. Everything in here was black including the floor and ceiling — identical, unmarked, handle-less black doors were set at intervals all around the black walls, interspersed with branches of candles whose flames burned blue, their cool, shimmering light reflected in the shining marble floor so that it looked as though there was dark water underfoot. Three of the doors were marked with large red X. Judging by thе others' looks, no one knew what the X’s meant. Tonks closed the door behind her. Just as I was gazing ahead at the doors opposite me, trying to decide which was the right one, there was a great rumbling noise and the candles began to move sideways. The circular wall was rotating. For a few seconds, the blue flames around us were blurred to resemble neon lines as the wall sped around, and then, quite as suddenly as it had started, the rumbling stopped and everything became stationary once again.

"Now we know why are those X’s. But let's still try one of them." Remus suggested, pressing the door handle with the X closest to him. Nothing happened. "It's locked," he continued. Something strange was written on his face, illuminated by the light of our wands - astonishment, and awe.

"We are losing valuable time. " Moody growled. "Let's split up into pairs. Me and Tonks, Remus and Ash, Sirius and Kingsley. In case any of us find something or someone, you know what the signal is. If no one finds anything, in 15 minutes we will all meet here again. “

No one said anything, I looked at their faces. There was determination in all eyes.

" _V_ _estigia filo_ _!_ " I whispered before entering one of the rooms with Remus. A thin thread, like a rope, came out of my wand, began to lengthen, and follow me. ”In case we get lost. To find the way back."

Entering the next room, it was as if someone had snatched almost all of my energy from me. I felt terribly exhausted and helpless. It was as if I felt dizzy and had to lean against one wall. In front of me, Remus was rubbing his forehead.

“What is this room?” I asked, looking around me. There was nothing around except two doors at the opposite end.

"I do not know." he shrugged, still rubbing his head. "But I feel like something is missing from me? Ash, where's the thread?”

I looked behind me and saw that the thread I had enchanted was gone. I swung the wand to do it again. Nothing happened. I swung a third time. Nothing. "It doesn't work."

"Lumos!" Said Remus, but nothing came out of his wand. He thought for a moment, then a look of surprise appeared on his face and continued: “Magic does not work here. “

"What do you mean? Has a spell been cast to neutralize our wands?" I asked.

"There is no such strong spell. There is simply no magic here - it does not exist. A world without magic, locked in this room. " he replied quietly.

There was a look of surprise on my face. "Probably that's why I feel so helpless... Terrible place, let's move on. I'm sick."

He nodded and we headed for the two doors at the end of the room. They looked exactly the same, but the moment we headed to one of them the unpleasant feeling intensified. But it was locked. I nodded to Remus to try the other. The feeling of nausea seemed to decrease, on the contrary, I began to feel more energetic and strong. But it didn't open either.

"What are we going to do? " I asked. "Magic doesn't work. And I'm not good at muggle ways to open doors. “

"We are going back. Harry had hardly passed through here and managed to open one of the doors. We are looking for the hall of prophecies. “

We went back to the first room and tried another door. A beautiful, dancing, diamond-sparkling light shone on me as we entered the next room. I saw clocks gleaming from every surface, large and small, grandfather and carriage, hanging in spaces between the bookcases or standing on desks ranging the length of the room, so that a busy, relentless ticking filled the place like thousands of minuscule, marching footsteps. The source of the dancing, diamond-bright light was a towering crystal bell jar that stood at the far end of the room.

Remus led the way forward down the narrow space between the lines of the desks, heading for the source of the light, the crystal bell jar quite as tall as I was that stood on a desk and appeared to be full of a billowing, glittering wind. Drifting along in the sparkling current inside was a tiny, jewel-bright egg. As it rose in the jar it cracked open and a hummingbird emerged, which was carried to the very top of the jar, but as it fell on the draft, its feathers became bedraggled and damp again, and by the time it had been borne back to the bottom of the jar it had been enclosed once more in its egg.

"Don't touch anything, Ash." He scolded me as I reached out to touch the jar, which for some strange reason attracted me. I withdrew my hand. Remus didn't seem interested in the objects in the room. "Don't let the Time attracts you. "

We stood in front of the door behind the jar. "I hear voices from the other side." I said, pressing the handle. We entered a place: high as a church and full of nothing but towering shelves covered in small, dusty, glass orbs. They glimmered dully in the light issuing from more candle brackets set at intervals along the shelves. Like those in the circular room behind them, their flames were burning blue. The room was very cold.

"This way," Remus whispered to me, heading us to the voices. We edged forward and peered down one of the shadowy aisles between two rows of shelves. The voices became clearer. When we could tell what they were talking about, Remus pressed a finger to his lips to warn me to keep quiet.

"...And he’s made me come and get it for him? Why couldn’t he come and get it himself?” I heard Harry’s voice.

Between several rows, Remus and I finally managed to see where the conversation was coming from. My heart pounded in my chest. I could see Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and two other kids surrounded by a group of Death-Eaters. They were too many.

"Wand at the ready" Remus told me almost without sound, as if I needed to be reminded.

We couldn't call the others without noticing us. We could not directly attack the Death-Eaters because they could attack the children. We had no particular choice.

“So he’s got you doing his dirty work for him, has he?” said Harry. “Like he tried to get Sturgis to steal it — and Bode?”

“Very good, Potter, very good . . .” said Malfoy slowly. “But the Dark Lord knows you are not unintell —”

“NOW!” Harry yelled. I heard five different voices bellowed “REDUCTO!” Five curses flew in five different directions and the shelves opposite them exploded as they hit. The towering structure swayed as a hundred glass spheres burst apart, pearly-white figures unfurled into the air and floated there, their voices echoing from who knew what long-dead past amid the torrent of crashing glass and splintered wood now raining down upon the floor.

Remus was able to instantly cast a shield over our heads to protect us from falling shelves of prophecy around us. I managed to stun one of the Death-Eaters, who did not expect anyone to attack him in the back. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw in which direction Harry and the others were running. The Death-Eaters were all yelling, there were cries of pain, thunderous crashes as the shelves collapsed upon themselves, weirdly echoing fragments of the Seers unleashed from their spheres. Remus and I ran in the direction of Harry and the others, but the falling shelves separated us from the others and prevented us from approaching them. With a few spells, we managed to neutralize two more Death-Eaters. In the chaos, they had not yet sensed that the spells were coming from our direction. But for a short time.

One of them, as far as I could tell, was Rabastan Lestrange, who turned sharply and cursed us, but only managed to hit a few shelves of prophecies that shattered. However, the fallen shelves tore Remus away from me, and I found myself alone against the Death Eater.

“Follow Harry! He is more important now! “ I shouted, hearing Remus fight the fallen shelves to reach me. But we both knew it would take him a long time. And we didn't have that. "I will be fine. “

I didn't have time to know if he listened to me, because all my attention was focused on the black figure approaching me. Our first spells ricocheted into each other and smashed more shelves. Our faces gleamed in the cool light of the room. I knew that only one would walk away from this. My opponent's features were distorted into a cruel grimace. I shuffled to the side to avoid his next curse. He charged with a mighty cry. I dodged to the side in one fluid motion. My enemy swiveled in my direction and managed to avoid the spell I sent to him. His menacing eyes were blazing red and his dark hood made the rest of his features indistinguishable. He swung his wand, and again his curse struck one of the shelves, where I had stood a second ago. The man was a master duelist. I needed some other strategy. He easily repelled my curses, and I was a hair's breadth away from his. And I couldn't count on my luck for long. I had to use more than my dueling skills.

With a quick jump, I became a big black wolf. The shock on my opponent's face and the moment of surprise were enough for me to pounce on him and soak into his hand which was holding the wand. The pain of the bite made him drop it and fall back. That was enough for me to become human again and stun him. I took a breath before tying him with a few ropes. I had to make sure he wouldn't be released if he accidentally regained consciousness from the stunning. I found the other Death Eaters that Remus and I had stunned before and tied them up.

Then I made my way to the door leading out of the hall. I went through the one we had come to. The whole room was ruined. Glass was rolling everywhere. But the most startling thing was what happened to one of the fallen Death Eater. I was all gazing, open-mouthed, appalled, at what was happening to the man’s head. It was shrinking very fast, growing balder and balder, the black hair and stubble retracting into his skull, his cheeks smooth, his skull round and covered with a peachlike fuzz. . . .A baby’s head now sat grotesquely on top of the thick, muscled neck of the Death Eater as he struggled to get up again. But even as I watched, my mouth open, the head began to swell to its previous proportions again, thick black hair was sprouting from the pate and chin.

"Don't let the Time attracts you. " I repeated Remus's words.

I crept out of the office and back toward the door into the black hallway, which now seemed completely deserted. I walked a few steps forward. The door of the Time Room swung shut behind me, and the walls began to rotate once more. With a sinking heart, I saw that the fiery crosses had faded from the doors. "Where are the others? " I whispered to myself, and it was as if one door seemed brighter than the others. I rushed to her.

I found myself in a huge room with benches everywhere and a single large arch in the middle. I didn't have time to look at what was exactly happening, because everyone was already inside – Harry, the other children and the Order were fighting the Death Eaters. I saw Sirius dueling with a one of them. Kingsley was fighting two at once; Tonks was firing spells down at Bellatrix — nobody seemed to realize that I had entered. This gave me a slight advantage, managing to help Kingsley, who was closest to me. Then I turned to Remus, who was dueling with Lucius Malfoy.

“Impedimenta!” Remus yelled. Malfoy was blasted off his back and smash into the dais on which Sirius and Bellatrix were now dueling. Malfoy aimed his wand this time at Harry and Neville, but before he could draw breath to strike, I had jumped between them.

“Harry, round up the others and GO!”

Harry seized Neville by the shoulder of his robes and lifted him bodily onto the first tier of stone steps. I couldn't keep track of what they were going to do, because a spell was aimed right at me. Remus and I hid behind a stone bench. For a moment there was relief in his eyes that I was fine. But we didn't have time for more. He stood up and headed to help the dueling Kingsley nearby. Sirius was still dueling with Bellatrix in the middle of the room, near the arch. I had to help him and get to him quickly.

Jumping over the stone benches, avoiding the passing spells, I had almost reached the two when there was some commotion around. I looked to see what it was all about. Directly above me, framed in the doorway from the Brain Room, stood Albus Dumbledore, his wand aloft, his face white and furious. I felt a kind of electric charge surge through every particle of my body — _we were saved._ _Dumbledore_ sped down the steps past Neville and Harry, who had no more thought of leaving. Dumbledore was already at the foot of the steps when the Death Eaters nearest realized he was there. There were yells; one of the Death Eaters ran for it, scrabbling like a monkey up the stone steps opposite. Dumbledore’s spell pulled him back as easily and effortlessly as though he had hooked him with an invisible line.

Only one couple were still battling, apparently unaware of the new arrival. I saw Sirius duck Bellatrix’s jet of red light: He was laughing at her.

“Come on, you can do better than that!” he yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room.

He seemed to be having fun in the duel. He casually repulsed her attacks, provoking her with each spell. I had to stop his recklessness. I had to help him.

A sudden gush of pain jolted throughout my body. My stomach ached, my arms lost tension and my legs began to weaken. " Someone had hit me in the back." I thought as I dropped to the ground. I had the feeling that thousands of knives were cutting me. My tongue was soaked in the taste of blood. I wasn't sure, but I think I cried out in pain. Or someone called my name. I heard a voice ricocheting around. The pain that first burned like fire had faded away to an icy numbness. Black filled the edges of my vision and the only thing I could hear now was my own heartbeat. My breath came in ragged, shallow gasps. A second before I lost consciousness, I saw Sirius' face above me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanfiction is the place when we can write whatever we want. They are as we write them. No canons. :)


	34. Goodbye

Music was playing in the darkness. It was relaxing, and I felt awake. Softness and the pleasing scent of sandalwood surrounded me. I tried to move, and swiftly, pain jolted me to consciousness. I wasn’t dead. No, I was very much alive and in pain.

The sound of a door closing had my eyes begin to open. Slowly I started to focus. Was I in a hospital? _Again_? I caressed the cream material of the bed’s linen with one of my hands. The other one was strangely numb. I scanned my surroundings and movement drew my eye to one side of my bed. There, a man with tousled brown hair slept leaning on my arm. _Remus._ A wave of relief swept over my body and my pain seemed to subside. He was alive and well. I tried to gently pull my hand out without waking him because it was numb from his weight. But it did not work. Remus was startled and turned to me. His eyes were terribly bloodred as if he hadn't slept in days. However, as he focused on me, a wide smile spread across his face.

"Hi," he told me softly.

"Hi," I replied. My voice was hoarse, and my mouth felt like cotton. “What day is it?”

"You’ve been asleep for almost four days. It was probably for the best to let you begin to heal. There’s a glass of water on the nightstand next to you. Do you want me to give you? If you’re hungry, I’ll go to get you something to eat. "

"Don’t worry. I'm not hungry, I'm still a little dizzy and nauseous. Am I in St. Mungo again? "

"Yes, the healers said they were naming a ward after you and would give you a special room. You are here so often. " he joked.

I smiled. My mind began to clear and bring back memories of recent events that had taken place. Suddenly I was startled and stood up scared, ignoring the pain in my body.

"Harry, how is he? So what happened to the prophecy?"

"Don't worry," he replied, pushing me back slightly. "He's fine. As for the prophecy, it broke in the chaos. And no one heard it."

I rested for a moment before remembering the last thing before I fainted.

"What about Sirius? What happened to Sirius?" I asked scared.

Remus didn't answer me right away, just looked for a moment at the door and back at me.

"He ... he ... was actually here a while ago. He said he was going for a walk. Then I fell asleep."

A wave of relief again before I startled again. "But how was he here? What if someone saw him?"

"Don't worry. This is no longer a problem. The Ministry now believes Voldemort returned after Fudge himself saw him there seconds before he fled. In a conversation afterward, Dumbledore explained to the Minister the circumstances around Sirius and WormTail. Sirius was publicly acquitted the next day, and he was even awarded the Order of Merlin, Third Class in an attempt to apologize for his years in Azkaban, but he most demonstratively threw it in the trash, but at least now he can walk freely. People still panic when they see him. In the morning, one of the healers lost her mind just because he started scratching his arm, and she thought he was going to pull out his wand and enchant her. But in general, they're getting used to him."

It took me a few seconds to assimilate all the information. I lay back down and let the happiness soak right into my bones. _Sirius was free_. As the sun creeps over the horizon, I feel more optimistic than ever before. Yes, the enemy was rising and growing stronger, but there was a glimmer of hope in all this. _Small victories_.

Opening the door detached me from my trance and thoughts. My uncle was standing in the doorway of my room. His hands were occupied by piles of treats – Chocolate frogs, Cauldron Cakes, Sugar Quills, Pixie Puffs and etc. He stared at me for a moment, surprised that I was awake. Then he quickly tossed the treats on the nearby empty bed and turned to me. He sat down next to me.

"Oh, Ash. I'm so sorry," he began, hiding his face in his hands.

“For what?” I asked in surprise.

“For what?” He looked at me with disbelief. "I was so reckless. If I hadn't had fun over my battle with Bellatrix if I would have just neutralized her in the beginning. And believe me, I had such an opportunity, you wouldn't have rushed to help me and you wouldn't have been in danger. Oh, I'm so sorry. "

"Don't. It's all right. I'm fine. So are you. At least it'll be a lesson for both of us. "He leaned over and hugged me. I continued with a smile. "I don't know if I'm worthy to hug someone with the Order of Merlin. "

He waved his hand sluggishly, but a cheerful flame flickered in his eyes. "Now that I'm free, you can have the wedding. So, when will it be?"

I looked frightened at Remus, who just shrugged.

"Actually, we didn't think it would be so soon," I began, but I didn't know what else to say.

"And you think to live in sin?" Sirius asked me with mock horror.

I rolled my eyes. "Give me some chocolate frog! I'm starving."

***

I heard a knock on the door, and it surprised me when Remus was waiting on the other side with a couple of paper grocery bags in his arms.

"Why are you knocking? This is your house." I asked.

"Our house," he corrected me. "I didn't mean to startle you if I came through the door."

It had been over a week since I was discharged from the hospital. I didn't have to move much; I had left all my duties by the tavern and the Order. It wasn’t so bad the first few days, my body longed for rest. I was still in pain and rest was probably the best thing for me. I kept my left arm immobile (it was the most seriously injured) hoping the wound would heal faster. Remus had said the healer thought I wouldn’t have any lasting problems and I could fully recover in a few months. Although, in a couple of weeks, with proper care, I could return to normal duties. Whatever that meant.

Days blended together for all I had were the books in the house and food to keep me company. Remus had come home a few times to make sure I was okay and to bring me some food, and then he went on tasks again. On a few occasions, I was tempted to send him a message. I didn’t need anything but I was bored and lonely and wondered what he was doing. I desperately wanted someone to talk to. The last few days I kept a simple routine. A little exercise, made the bed, washed my clothes, cooked, read until I fell asleep. Now, I was just stir crazy from confinement and wanted another warm body to talk to or just take a walk, anything to get out of this house. But given that Voldemort and his followers were no longer in hiding, terrible things had begun to happen throughout the country, and everyone was busy. I was already longing to return to my dynamic daily life. If only my wound would heal and this nausea would stop.

I was genuinely happy to see Remus not only for supplies but finally for some companionship. I watched him unpack the fresh fruit and vegetables. He didn’t speak to me as he quietly put things away. I had been trying to exercise and gently work my arm and shoulder a little before his surprise arrival. My hair was pulled up into a messy bun and I was a bit sweaty. I walked to the bathroom to freshen up and could feel his eyes on me, I smiled to myself. I splashed cool water on my face and neck and let it drizzle down my chest. I very lightly patted my eyes with a towel but left the rest of my skin beaded with water and my shirt lightly damp. I smiled in the mirror and left the bathroom. Not that I was hoping anything would happen. My wounds and nausea were enough of a brake for anything.

I sat on the barstool and watched Remus. He looked tired, but there was still a cheerful flame in his eyes as he looked me up and down. The sun coming from the kitchen window played with the colors of his hair, which was carelessly smoothed back. He was wearing one of his gray shirts. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, and he had unbuttoned the top three buttons. I swallowed. Despite the time I knew him, he was still holding my breath and making the butterflies in my stomach fly.

"You’re very handsome," I said to him.

"Staying at home has clouded your brain." He laughed. He walked to come face to face with me. His long fingers gently pulled back the bandage of my arm inspecting the wound.

“It looks to be healing. How do you feel?”

“Better. It still hurts but I’m trying to move my arm more each day. It must have been a serious curse if the potions could not cure the wound immediately.“

I watched those soft fingers touch around my arm. Remus was so close that I could smell my familiar favorite scent. Without him, the house was just a house, but now it was home. Merlin, he really smelled good. He pulled back and I saw his face was rough with a few days of growth giving him a bit of a rugged appeal.

“I’m starving, how about you?” He said while kissing me slightly on the lips.

“I'm very hungry, even though I ate an hour ago. “

"I didn't mean food. But yes. I'm thinking of cooking something for both of us. In a Muggle way. I know a recipe from my mother. "

"I hope you wouldn’t set the kitchen into fire." I smiled and watched him set to work. I inspected the tray and found steak filets, asparagus, mushrooms, baguette, some kind of pasta, fresh herbs and cheeses, and strawberries. I thought it would be fun to watch him try to cook in a Muggle way, but he did surprisingly well. I didn’t expect that.

"Stop staring at me for a minute and help me.” He handed me the knife and a handful of mushrooms. "Slice those for me. " he told me as he seasoned the fillets, then added, seeing me take out my wand "In a Muggle way. You will ruin the idea. "

I rolled my eyes and took the knife. I tried to hide my smile. A few minutes later I finished the mushrooms and he flashed me a smile that made my stomach flutter again. Remus was on the stove turning the filets and I could see he was browning a bit of butter in the skillet. He threw in the strange-looking pasta and herbs and tossed it a few times coating the mixture. It was surprisingly sexy. Everything smelled fantastic. My stomach growled loudly and we both laughed.

“Do me a favor? Hand me those two plates, please.” He said.

I picked up two and walked over to the stove. Remus plated the pasta with asparagus and the filet while spooning the mushrooms and a sauce over the steak. Damn, my mouth actually watered.

“I think you've lied to me so far that you can't cook. “

“This is the only recipe I know. “ he laughed.

I took both plates and setting them at the table, Remus followed me. Before I moved to sit, Remus had pulled my chair out for me. I forked a bit of the pasta. The filet was cooked perfectly, and I was dying over how good the dinner was. I was so hungry I didn't talk at all.

After a while, our dinner plates had been empty. Remus stood and picked up the plates taking them to the sink. He brought a bowl of strawberries and in a small saucepan on the stove was melted dark chocolate that I didn’t notice from earlier.

“Come, sit on the stool here.” He commanded me in a tone he usually used in the bedroom. This automatically sent signals under my abdomen. I did what he told me, eager to find out what he was up to. He continued “I think you deserve a strawberry, don’t you?”

Remus dipped a strawberry in chocolate and handed it to me. Tentatively, I took it and while his piercing amber eyes gazed at me, I took a bite. I couldn’t look away as a bit of juice ran down my bottom lip. The flavors that melded in my mouth were sensuous indeed with his penetrating stare as I savored it. Remus took a bite of his strawberry and his eyes never left mines. He slowly walked back to me and leaned so close that his lips were only inches from mines. ||He leaned in and kissed me. His mouth was sweet and tasted like the chocolate. His fingers sifted through my hair as he held me to the back of my neck, holding me to him. I sighed into his mouth and I pulled away with a sigh.

“I can’t, “I said disappointed. “The wounds still hurt. And I'm dizzy almost all the time. "

"I know. I just wanted to tease you," he told me, smiling. He kissed me on the lips again and pulled away. Suddenly the joy seemed to disappear from his face. "I wanted to spend some time together because I probably won't be here for a while."

“What do you mean?” I asked anxiously.

"I have to go underground for a while. I won't be able to come or write you letters." I was still looking at him, not understanding, and he continued, "I'm going to have to live among the werewolves, meaning those who went to Voldemort's side. Dumbledore wants a spy between them, and as you know, there's no other better." He sounded a little bitter, and perhaps realized it, for he smiled more warmly as he went on, “I am not complaining; it is a necessary work and who can do it better than I? However, it has been difficult gaining their trust. I bear the unmistakable signs of having tried to live among wizards, you see, whereas they have shunned normal society and live on the margins, stealing — and sometimes killing — to eat.”

"But that sounds terribly dangerous. Why do you have to do it? Didn't we attract some of them to our side?" I said anxiously.

"Not everyone. The bloodiest are in Greyback's group. Ash, I don't want to leave you, especially now that you're injured. I should have left right after the events at the Ministry, but Dumbledore and I agreed to wait a little longer until you recovered. I even talked to Molly to go to the Burrow so you wouldn't be alone. Sirius will come to visit you there too."

I sighed. "I'm going to die of anxiety. Please, whenever possible, let me know you're fine." He nodded and kissed me. "The Order above all," I repeated his words with bitterness from a few months ago, though I knew they were true.

***

The next day I packed up and, with Remus's help, went to Molly and Arthur's. The children were on vacation. Even Bill's girlfriend, Fleur, would live there. I was worried there would be no room and the house would be overcrowded, but I calmed down a bit when I realized that Fred and George had moved to live above their new store. Apparently, their business was going well. I promised myself to visit them soon.

"Oh, Ash, darling," Molly said, running to meet us. "You look terribly pale and thin." I smiled and hugged her, trying not to object, even though I had actually gained a few pounds. "Remus, she'll be fine here. Don't worry."

"I know, Molly. Thank you," he replied with gratitude in his eyes as Molly entered the house. Then he turned to me, hugging me, "I love you."

"Me too. Please be careful."

I just hugged him. I hugged him and sobbed into his chest. I didn't want to let him go. "I don't know how I'm supposed to stay here without you" I whispered.

"I'll be with you even if you won't be able to see me. I'll always be there" he says back to me and just like that, I get the slightest glimmer of hope. I pull away from him and I grip his hand tightly. "I love you," I say and with one last tear shedding down my face, I let him go.

This was it. This was goodbye for some time. I amble my way to the door and before I grab onto the handle, I look back one last time wishing this would just all be a dream. But it wasn't. It was reality and reality hurts more than dreams. I didn't want to think that this might be the last time I saw him. He will be fine. He will not be in danger. I tried to calm myself down, but a thin, horrible thought remained in my mind.


	35. Announcement

The life in the Burrow was like that of Grimmauld Place, except that you didn't have to lurk in the rooms to see if something would kill or curse you. Meetings of the Order were still held at Sirius' house, as it was safer in terms of detection and protection against the Death Eaters. But almost no one lived there. Buckbeak was left in Hagrid's care, and Kreacher was sent to work in Hogwarts' kitchens. Sirius, on the other hand, helped Kingsley and Tonks to find Death Eaters, even though he didn't work for the Ministry. He had been offered a job there as a small compensation, but he had flatly refused. He had enough money and dignity, that was what he said. He had now gone somewhere in the north in search of my uncle, Igor Karkaroff, who had been hiding for the past year. Arthur was heading the Office for the Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects.

During the day I stayed in the company of Molly, Ron, Ginny, and Fleur, which was a bit annoying. Until a few days ago, I longed to talk to someone, and now I was trying to escape her constant chatter and desire to braid my hair.

"I am glad that _therrrre_ is someone to say a few w _orrrds_ to in this house. You can't say anything here except about watching chickens and cutting cabbage. "Fleur complained to me one day. "And I don't think they like me. Even this Hermione avoids me. And she just _arrrr_ ived. It's so hard when Bill is at work. But you probably understand me, since your lover is gone too. “

I just nodded, ignoring the fact that Bill came home to her every night after work at the bank, and I knew nothing about Remus, who was miles away and his life was probably in danger.

I got up every morning with anxiety frozen in my throat. My heart twisted and sunk with nerves while I waited for the new newspaper or the morning mail. I had no notice from him. He had warned me that he probably wouldn't be able to write to me, but I still had hope with every owl that flew into the house. I longed to have a watch, like Molly's, that showed where each member of the family was. True, hers was already showing only "mortal peril", but at least she knew if they're alive. My heart sank at the thought.

Towards the end of the month, Harry came to the Burrow. In honor of his arrival and his birthday in the evening, the twins, Sirius, Kingsley, and Tonks would come. Molly made me spend all day helping her in the kitchen with the preparations. I didn't complain, although my hand still hurt a little. The nausea had subsided, but on the other hand, I was sleepy most of the day. I attributed it to the fact that I hadn't moved much in recent weeks. And in general, I led an active lifestyle. A few more days and I was thinking of returning to my duties at my inn and helping the Order.

Freedom worked well for Sirius. When I met him at the door in the evening, life and the playful flame had returned to his eyes, and he looked stronger. Despite the fatigue of the long journey, he hugged me happily and smiled broadly at me. This smile is the most beautiful thing I have seen in a while, as it extends to my eyes and deep into my soul.

“There have been another couple of dementor attacks,” he announced, as I passed him a large slice of birthday cake. “And we found Igor Karkaroff’s body in a shack up north. The Dark Mark had been set over it — well, frankly, I’m surprised he stayed alive for even a year after deserting the Death-Eaters; My brother, Regulus, only managed a few days as far as I can remember.” Then he turned to me, expecting my reaction to the news. After all, Igor Karkaroff was my uncle from my mother's side.

"Do not worry. I have never been close to him, even though he is a relative of mine. And I did not hide bad feelings. He was a coward, a traitor, and in the end, he clearly got what he deserved. “

“Yes, well,” said Mrs. Weasley, frowning, “perhaps we should talk about something diff —”

“Did you hear about Florean Fortescue, Sirius?” asked Bill, who was being plied with wine by Fleur. “The man who ran —”

“— the ice-cream place in Diagon Alley?” Harry interrupted. “He used to give me free ice creams. What’s happened to him?”

“Dragged off, by the look of his place.”

“Why?” asked Ron, while Mrs. Weasley pointedly glared at Bill.

“Who knows? He must’ve upset them somehow. He was a good man, Florean.”

“Talking of Diagon Alley,” said Mr. Weasley, “looks like Ollivander’s gone too.”

“The wandmaker?” said Ginny, looking startled.

“That’s the one. Shop’s empty. No sign of a struggle. No one knows whether he left voluntarily or was kidnapped.”

“But wands — what’ll people do for wands?”

“They’ll make do with other makers,” said Kingsley. “But Ollivander was the best, and if the other side has got him it’s not so good for us.”

All this terrible news only increased my sense of anxiety. "Has anyone heard something about werewolves?" I asked the others. There was an awkward silence after my words.

"I'm sure Moony is fine. " Sirius tried to calm me down. "Dumbledore or one of us would know if something happened to him. “

***

This did not calm me down and I had nightmares all night. In the morning I woke up in a terrible mood, and the nausea had returned.

"Ash, we're going to Diagon-Alley. Do you want to come with us?" Molly asked me.

"No, thank you, Molly. I'm not feeling well," I told her. She looked at me worriedly and put a hand on my forehead.

"The wound has healed, why aren't you feeling well yet? Are you ..." she asked, pulling me aside as if the others weren't hearing. "Ash, are you pregnant?"

"What? No! No way." I was shocked by her question. My brain began to work feverishly, remembering when my cycle had last occurred to me. _No, it couldn't be._ My voice was full of shock and disbelief, “I – I can’t be. I…”

"Do you drink the potion we talked about regularly?"

"Yes ..." I replied, but then I was startled and looked at her scared. "I actually missed a few days because of the events at the Ministry and my hospital stay after that." _No. I can’t be_. I missed the potion just for few days. I never paid any attention to my cycle. I tried the sums in my head, thinking of the date that I and Remus did it before the battle in the Ministry… Oh, Merlin. My heart sunk. My cycle was overdue. There was no denying it now.

She looked at me sympathetically: "Ash, darling, right now? In those times ... ?"

"I'm sure I'm not pregnant, Molly." I tried to convince myself.

"Morning sickness, your constant desire to sleep ... These things describe the very beginning of all my pregnancies."

“Is there a way to know if I'm pregnant?” Saying the last words was difficult for me. I had said it a little louder, too, as Fleur, who was passing by, was startled. Apparently, she had heard us because she had joined the conversation.

"Who's pregnant? Ash, _darrrling_ , congratulations!" She said, hugging me. Molly glared at her future daughter-in-law.

"I don't really know," I replied. "I was just asking Molly if there's a way to know for sure."

"Of course there is. The Muggles are quite advanced in this matter from us. You can buy some things from their stores that say yes _or_ _rr_ no," Fleur replied, then added, looking at our astonished faces. "I bought for my friend Amélie back in France."

“Where can I buy something like this?” I asked

"I think I saw a shop like that in the village. What was it called here?" She looked up thoughtfully, brushing her hair back. " _Phar_ _rrrmacy_ ... Yes, they sell herbs and other things. But you're going to need Muggle money. I think Bill had it. He works at the bank. Let me ask him and I can come with you."

"Wait," I stopped her for a moment. "Please don't tell him why we need the money. I'm not sure if I’m pregnant or not. I don't want someone to know before I know for sure."

She nodded, leaving me with a worried expression. Molly came to me and just hugged me. "We're going to Diagon-alley. Then you'll tell me what the result is. Whatever it is, we'll be there for you, don't worry. "

I just nodded. Despite Molly's encouraging words in the end, I couldn't get her previous ones out of my head. “ _Right now? In th_ _ose times ...?_ "In those times. Remus was gone. I didn't know if he was alive or not.

Fleur came to me a few minutes later.

"We’re ready. I took the money and we can go to the village. Don't worry, I didn't say anything to Bill. Men are so stupid sometimes that you can easily lie to them. " She smiled at me and we went out together. As annoying and talkative as she was at times, I now appreciated the fact that she was by my side and would help me.

On this fine summer morning, Ottery St Catchpole lies slumbering in the sun. From a distance, the village against a backdrop of rolling hills and lush green forests was a pretty sight to behold. The peace and quiet of the village were broken only by the twittering of birds and the voices of some early risers. Then, from inside the houses came the clatter of pots and pans and the aroma of freshly brewed coffee, tea, and breakfast.

We entered the store, above which was written in large letters "Pharmacy". It was so white inside that it blinded my eyes. It was filled with shelves with a variety of bottles and boxes. I guessed there were some Muggle potions. All sorts of strange smells reached my nose - herbs and other things unknown to me. Fleur entered confidently and headed straight for the salesman.

"Hello," she told him in a pleasant voice and brushed her hair. Apparently, she was in the habit of doing it in front of other people. The salesman blinks a little silly, captivated by her beauty like almost any man who sees her for the first time. "My friend is looking for something to check if she's pregnant? Do you have something like that here in the store?"

"You mean a pregnancy test? I'll give it to you now," he told her, then buried himself in a locker next to him, keeping his eyes on her and looking at her in amazement.

"Yes, is that what you call it? Sorry, I come from France and I don't speak English very well. You'll have to help me with English money too, I can't tell it apart." He would probably have given her the test for free if no other client had come in at that moment. We waved goodbye and left the store. Fleur handed me a small elongated box.

A little later I was standing alone in the bathroom in the Burrow. I had followed the instructions on the test. I looked down at the little blue and white stick clutched in my sweaty palm and felt like my heart went up to my throat. The three minutes it took for the pregnancy test to have my answer was possibly some of the longest three minutes of my life. I closed my eyes and held the test in my hand before looking down.

There, in the tiny gray window, were two seemingly harmless black lines.

_Two._

I blinked rapidly, trying to clear whatever fog had obscured my vision and made me think I held a positive pregnancy test. I ran my hands over my stomach. It was flat but soon I would be round and full. It’s not that I didn’t want a kid, it’s mostly that I didn’t want a kid this soon. _In th_ _ose times ...?_ I heard Molly’s voice in my head. After all, I and Remus hadn’t even been married yet and I certainly didn’t expect a kid this soon. We hadn't even talked about children. As I know how difficult it was for him to overcame the idea of marriage in general.

A knock on the door took me out of my thoughts. Fleur couldn't wait to see what the result was, and when I opened the door she looked at me expectantly.

"It's positive," I answered her unspoken question.

"That's great," she exclaimed happily and hugged me.

Her enthusiasm seemed to turn something inside me. The idea of the child that had scared me so far now seemed wonderful to me. I was carrying a child conceived by the love between Remus and me. What's better than that? I was carrying his child. Our child. Boy or girl. I had accepted Remus as my family and that, oddly, seemed enough for me. The idea of bearing his children was a happy one. I could see a future with him – a family. There was an explosion in my brain... the good sort... the type that carries more possibilities than I could be conscious of... but there were hundreds of ideas there in that buzz of electricity... I could feel it. It was the calling card of something new, of paths awaiting my feet. Whatever was ahead could be a great challenge, and there could be tears, but it was my path to take and so I smiled. I was going to be a mother...

By evening, everyone had heard the news. Somehow, even Sirius already knew. He burst into the house panting, seemed to be running all the way to the house, not just apparated near the front door.

“Are you really pregnant?” He asked me, his eyes darting between my face and my stomach. I nodded to him and smiled. He looked like he was being jangled by invisible strings from above, only his puppeteer was drunk. The only thing I could make out beneath his moving hair was a smile that could light up any day, no matter how dark. He hugged me a little bearishly with his familiar barking laughter.

“Do you understand that you will actually be this child's grandfather?” I told him as I slipped out of his arms.

Surprise appeared on his face, a thin wrinkle appeared between his eyebrows when he told me:

"There's no way. Uncle Sirius. Nothing else. There's no way to be my best friend's child grandfather."

"You're actually the grandfather of your brother's daughter's child." Ginny joined in our conversation and winked at me.

"Got confused," my uncle said, and smiled again. "I will be a grandfather in those years only through my dead body."

***

To complete my happiness and dispel my worries, I received a letter from Remus a few days later. It was short, and he seemed to have written it quickly, but at least I knew he was alive and well.

“Why don't you write to him that you are pregnant?” Fleur asked me when she saw me sending the owl empty. "This bird would be able to find him."

"I can't tell him something like that in a letter," I replied. "Besides, I don't know how safe it is to answer him, that could ruin his cover. I don't want to take any risks."

"But it may be months before you see each other again and he finds out. What if you gave birth by then ..."

And indeed the summer passed without seeing Remus. I received occasional notes from him that he was fine and hoped to see me soon, but time flew by and that still didn't happen. We sent the children to school, I returned to my work in the inn. The gloomy times that had come had affected attendance, despite the efforts of Miles, who was doing quite well. After all, we had a clientele - all sorts of fellows, from which we managed to extract valuable information. Thanks to a wandering goblin, we learned that the Death Eaters were plotting to assassinate several ministerial officials. So we were able to offer them protection, at least temporarily, and hide them.

I had so many tasks and worries that sometimes I forgot I was pregnant. At least the morning sickness was over. My stomach was starting to get a little rounder, but I don't know if it was because of the pregnancy and the growing baby inside or because I kept eating. I had my weight under control my whole life until pregnancy. I craved food the entire time, nothing unhealthy, just many more meals than usual. Where I wouldn't normally have eaten after dinner, I was back for a bowl of fruits by 7:30 pm and snacking on cheese before bed. Molly claimed that I still didn't look pregnant, but I wasn't sure I could trust her judgment. I was always weak and skinny for her.

Lately, I have liked to sleep in the room above the inn, as it has saved me time and I have avoided constant inquiries from Fleur about when I intend to tell Remus about the child.

One late evening, when I had already sent all the clients and I was just about to have dinner. _Again_. There was a knock on the front door. If it was a late customer, he had to read the sign on the front that after 11 p.m. we do not accept visitors. There was another knock on the door. It demanded that I left my dinner and went to the door. I prepared my wand just in case. I glanced over at my fire, no longer a timid nascent flame, but roaring as it ate at the logs I poached from the forest in the dead of night. Then another knock. Someone wanted my attention pretty bad. I opened the door, ready to scream when I saw a familiar face in front of me. My eyes widened in surprise. He rushed at me, slamming the door behind him. Before I took a breath, Remus whipped me around, his mouth on mine devouring me whole. He pressed me up against the door. I tried to speak but opening my mouth only allowed him to kiss me deeper. The tip of his tongue touched mine, feeling myself letting go. Remus’s beard lightly burned the delicate skin around my lips, but I didn’t care. I whimpered into his mouth as the slow ache between my legs came as the memory of the last time we had sex. When my free hand touched his back, he pulled away breathless. My chest was heaving, and all I could think about was how much I wanted Remus to kiss me again. I gazed at his lips that had a trace of my lipstick on them. Slowly, his gaze dropped from my face to my chest and then back to my lips. He closed his eyes and inhaled. He leaned his forehead against mine.

"How I missed you," he said.

"You too, but why didn't you warn me you were coming. I could have cursed you with my wand by showing up at this late hour."

"My appearance was unforeseen. "

"And how did you know I was here?"

"I met Miles and he told me." Then he sat down in a nearby chair and pulled me into him. "I have a few days off at your disposal. I only have to meet Dumbledore tomorrow and report to him."

"Is that so? Only at my disposal?" I asked, biting his ear, then slowly descending and kissing his neck, continuing with the kisses along the line of his jaw.

"Only yours," he replied, smiling. "But first I want to take a bath, I must smell like a wet dog."

Half an hour later, bathed and fresh, he attacked me like a starving man. His kisses were passionate and insistent. His kisses upon my neck started a fire within me no one else could ever ignite. For a moment he pulled away from me and stared at my chest.

"It's been so long since I've last seen you that I feel like your breasts have gotten bigger."

"They really are," I answered him and pulled away from him a little, smiling at his astonished look. “Actually, I have something to tell you.” He looked at me puzzled, but a thin smile crept across his lips. "I'm pregnant," I said in one breath.

Remus's eyes widened, his hands let go, and his smile faded. A thin wrinkle appeared between his eyebrows and then he said. "Congratulations. From whom?"

For a moment I thought he was joking, but judging by his expression, he seemed to be really thinking the last words. "How from whom? From you, fool."

"I've been gone for three months," he growled in a tone I had never heard him speak to me before.

"Yes, I'm pregnant before that." My voice was sharper than I wanted. But I could not restrain myself at the sight of his face. I didn't believe we were having this conversation. Then I added a little softer. "After the events in the Ministry, I forgot to drink my potion. "

"How convenient? How can I be sure? "

I looked at him hoping it was all a joke. "Remus, are you kidding? The child is from you. There can be no other."

"I don't even know if I can have children in mind ... my condition. And you're giving me the news that you're pregnant," he shouted at me, running his fingers nervously through his hair.

"I haven't heard you can't. It's obviously not a problem."

"Well ... what if ..." he hesitated in his next words. His angry expression changed to a horrified one. "What if the child inherits lycanthropy from me and is ... a werewolf."

"I will love it as I would love it if it wasn’t. Nothing will change!" I shouted at him, convinced in my words, even though I hadn't thought about it before.

“No!” He shook his head feverishly. "I shouldn't pass on my condition to an innocent child. It shouldn't have happened."

My eyes were watering. I put my hand on my stomach, hoping to get strength and comfort from the baby growing inside me. Remus followed the gesture with a focused expression. Then his face softened.


	36. Different vow

His features softened. Through my tear-stained gaze, I saw him sink to his knees slowly and unexpectedly. His hands slid down my waist, resting at my hips, burying his head in my belly. I slid my fingers through his hair.

"Forgive me, Ash. I'm a fool and a coward!" His hands gripped me feverishly, his eyes rising to find mine. His were also full of tears. "Everything I just told you was awful! I want this child. I really want it. All this is so new to me. I'm just terrified that it might inherit my condition or be ashamed of me one day! Forgive me. I didn't have to say all these words. I didn't really mean them." With those words, such pain and despair appeared on his face that I couldn't be mad at him anymore.

The sadness in his eyes was breaking me down slowly. His inner-screams cried for love. His body was shaking with emotion, and I felt like I could feel his pain and insecurity. I actually forgave him immediately. At that moment we both crying for help from one another. We hugged. He hugged me. He held me tight as if his embrace could keep me safe forever. His softness was dragging me into an awake sleep. Remus wrapped his arms around me tightly, pressing his cheek to my belly. For the longest time, it was silent. He held me, and I was reeling with emotions. My anger melted away to nothing, his words and thoughts blowing as ashes in the wind. The tears streamed down my face, but I willed myself not to make a sound. His face turned and planted a kiss on my tummy, his arms never leaving mine.

“I love you,” he murmured against me and I wasn’t sure if it was for me or for our unborn baby beginning to grow inside me.

“At least you didn't run away. You are making progress. “I said, trying to lighten the mood a bit. He stood up, hugged me again, placing his chin on my head. I snuggled into him. He smelt like chocolate mixed with tea, making my nose tickle a little bit. He pulled away from me slightly enough to place his hand on my belly. He traced little circles on it.

“When?” he asked reverently, feeling my stomach as if searching for the little thing that would be his son or daughter.

“March, I think,” I breathed slowly.

"So I have until spring to make you forgive me. "

"I have already forgiven you. I know your pain and insecurity. Rem, there is no evidence that lycanthropy is hereditary. But even so. We will love him just as much. And I don't know why you are afraid he will be ashamed of you. You are good, kind, smart and capable and I am sure you will give him all possible love. "

He sighed and smiled slightly. "Does anyone else know?"

"Everyone. "

"Everyone? And I'm the last who heard the news."

"You weren't here that long. Will you tell me what exactly you’re doing in the last months?"

"Not tonight, please," he told me, then looked me up and down, his lustful look had returned. "I have other plans now."

“What exactly are the plans?” I asked, smiling.

"It's just between me and these two here." And with these words, he buried his head in my breasts, which made me laugh out loud.

***

It was just before dawn judging by the pale blue glow on the horizon. I could feel myself slowly wake. I was bleary and my limbs were heavy with sleep. My head was resting upon Remus’s bare chest and our limbs entwined. His heartbeat was slow and rhythmic and his breathing measured. Remus was fast asleep. When I moved slightly, his arm unconsciously tightened around me. I smiled to myself. I exhausted him last night.

I didn’t want to move. Moving meant that the day’s events would also be set in motion. I wondered if I just pulled the covers over us, would the world disappear.

I raised my head and took a moment to examine him unawares. Remus was so peaceful like this. No worries, no barriers… He was just a man and a comely one at that. In sleep, he seemed much younger. It was as if the scars of the hundreds of transformations were fading at night. His skin was soft, a shapely mouth, chiseled jaw, and an aristocratic nose. It was eyes though they were his best feature. Eyes that could see right through you. Eyes that could contain both love and lust.

“It would bloat my ego to think I am so exceptional a man to warrant such a gaze of adoration.”

I was so lost in thought; I didn’t notice Remus was awake and staring at me with hazy intensity.

"It’s a fact," I said, getting up from the bed. "What will we do today? “

"I have a meeting with Dumbledore before noon, then I'm free. At least for a few days. “

"Sounds good. I'll go to the inn then, at least to warn Miles that I probably won't be showing up for the next few days. Although since I got pregnant, I think he wrote me off. He is doing surprisingly well. I had a meeting with Chiara, Sirius is also in London ... I guess I won't be able to fit everyone in my schedule. " I laughed.

"In fact, why don't we invite everyone?" Remus asked me. Then he continued, seeing my confused expression. "Let's invite them to our wedding, let's get married tomorrow. “

It took me about a minute to realize what he was actually offering me. “Are you mad? Tomorrow?”

"I'm not mad. " He stood up and came to me. "I want to marry you. A small simple wedding. We will invite Sirius, Chiara, my dad, Molly, Arthur, and the rest of the Order"

His gaze was so insistent that I couldn't help but agree with this nonsense.

"Sirius will kill me," I said, smiling. "He was planning to order a dragon as a wedding attraction."

***

When I was little, I often dreamed of my wedding day. I dreamed of a beautiful white dress with lace trim and silken fabric tied up with bows and dotted with pearls. I dreamed of hundreds of roses, lilies, and lilacs lining the isles as I elegantly marched down to meet my prince charming, smiling at me all the way. I dreamed of many guests, a lavish celebration, and attractions. And now I realized that nothing of this matters.

Only the prince charming. This part of my dreams had come true. Even more than in my dreams. Because Remus was more than a prince charming. He was Everything.

As normal as the day had been, I was still struggling to get my mind wrapped around the idea that today I would no longer be Ashling Amanda Karkaroff, but instead would be Ashling Amanda Lupin.

“You look beautiful, future Mrs. Lupin” Chiara said as she met my eyes through the mirror after finishing braiding my hair.

”Mrs. Lupin,” I whispered as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Chiara took my wedding dress, from the bed. My heart was racing, hammering faster than I could count, and the slick satin of the dress insides felt cool against my hot skin as Chiara lifted it up and over my head. The dress fitted snugly to my chest, but was looser around my waist and covered my small belly. I slipped my arms into the lacy sleeves and felt relief as Chiara zipped the back all the way up to my neck. It was a modest vintage dress, and it’s cream-colored lace brought color to my face.

"It's normal to be nervous. " She told me as if reading my mind. Then she gave me one of her wide smiles. "But you still have time to give up. Turn into the big black wolf and run. “

"As tempting as the idea is, I can't. "I laughed and that distracted my nervousness. "Pregnancy hinders my transformation. I will have to find another way to escape."

"Really? It never crossed my mind. " She wondered and thought for a moment. But then she looked at the clock on the wall and was startled. "Are you ready? Otherwise, you'll be late for your own wedding."

"There will be no wedding if the bride is not there." I smiled at her.

"Don't think so. Lupin can find another in the crowd." Those words cost her a strong jerk in her ribs.

I looked myself up and down in the mirror one last time before heading out the door. I smiled. Chiara had done an amazing job with my hair braiding different small white flowers in it. My makeup was simple and my bouquet was just a bunch of wildflowers, which Remus picked up for me in the morning.

It was a beautiful autumn afternoon, the weather was sunny, dry, and cool. We apparated near the place. The ceremony would take place on the outskirts of a pine forest, near Remus' father's house. We chose it, not only because Lyall would not have to travel very far, but also because there was a fabulous view of the plain, which was strewn with sunflowers and wheat. The day was getting old, the sun had begun to sink under the tops of the pines. The light penetrated the branches in shining rays. At this time of year, they were made of white gold, illuminating the evergreen branches. The first touches of autumn have already been marked on every twig and stalk of grass, but this does not ruin the charm of the forest. And now it was not silent, though it was quieter than any city street for sure. There were the birds upstairs, crying, pecking at larvae. There was a movement of mammals, mostly small, sometimes not. There was water that flows quietly until it met the sharp rocky slopes of screes and formed small waterfalls. That was where I wanted to get married. Without the many flowers and decorations from my childhood dreams, only the natural beauty of the forest.

The love of a marriage is simple and pure, it is as the air and water needed daily rather than the firework. That was what we wanted to show in our simple wedding, that by being so steady with one another we could remain together all of our days.

“I feel like I might pass out,” I said and Chiara took my hand supportively. I still couldn't see the guests hidden in the woods, but I could hear soft music and a low rumble of voices. Nodding me soothingly, Chiara went ahead to warn the guests.

I closed my eyes, trying to clear my head. It was one day. In the end, I would be with Remus, which was what I always, always had wanted. Even if I couldn’t control the day, I could control my head. After a few calming breaths, I opened my eyes and I looked ahead to see Sirius standing there, a smile on his face. When I was little and imagining my wedding, I always missed the part with my father's figure. I had no idea that I would have someone close enough to take the missing father's place next to me. And here he is. My uncle. My father at heart.

“You look like a forest fairy,” he said with a rough voice. “I am so happy for both of you. “ Feeling his eyes fill with tears, he quickly added, “But I will never forgive you for giving me so little time to prepare. Do you know how difficult it was for me to arrange "Weird Sisters" to play here for one day?”

I rolled my eyes and smiled as he stepped towards me, taking my arm over his.

“Let’s go,” I said. We came out of the trees on a wide meadow. The music swelled at my appearance as if summoned by my arrival, and I felt the nerves, the fear, the guilt wash out of me as I saw Remus in his dark brown suit, his eyes gleaming with unshed tears. Sirius walked me slowly down the aisle, and I stopped in front of the man I’d love, stepping up onto a shallow raised platform to stand facing him; I handed my bouquet to Chiara. Sirius squeezed Remus's shoulder lightly and stood beside him as his Bestman. He, in turn, kept his eyes on me with a strange gleam in his eyes.

A small, tufty-haired wizard in a long green robe cleared his throat.

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us on this joyous occasion,” he said. I stared into Remus’s amber eyes and felt a sense of peace fill me from toe to tip. Our fingers stayed entwined as we looked between each other and the officiator; I could hear Molly’s sniffles from the audience. I would like my grandmother to be here among the guests. To see how happy I was. “We’ve gathered here today to join these two in marriage, the strongest bond that man can hope to accomplish. I believe the couple has vows they wish to exchange.” My heart sank. I had forgotten the part with the exchange of vows. Remus cleared his throat.

“Ash, some call me bewitched by your beauty and kindness; I call it love. For there is an emptiness in the freedom of being alone and liberty in being caught in that divine spell. And so, when I see in your eyes the feelings of my heart, we become one... and if that isn't real magic then I cannot say what is. Thank you for showing me what it's like to be loved and I hope I have enough time to deserve you.”

I stared at him, feeling unprepared and filled with love. I dipped my head and tried to think of something - anything - that would sound as good as what he said. After a short moment of silence, in which I fought back tears, I said:

“Through our love, we are the angels or our better nature, capable of banishing thoughts based on fanaticism and prejudice. With our love we can walk with open hearts, hearts immune to gossip and slander. My love for you knows no bounds or boundaries, and the more we give it away, the more it comes back. In your arms my storms quell, In your arms I have peace, In your arms I am home. “

The man beside us cleared his throat and sniffed hard. “Do you, Remus John Lupin, take Ashling Amanda Karkaroff to be your wife in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?”

Remus nodded. “I do,” he said, though his voice was a whisper, so low that I could barely hear him. His own tears fell in earnest, and I swallowed, trying to prepare myself for my next two words.

“And do you,” the wizard started again, “Ashling Amanda, take Remus John as your husband in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?”

I squeezed Remus’s fingers. “I do.” A storm of emotion swept over me and I could no longer stop my tears. We each accepted rings from Chiara and Sirius respectively and slipped them onto the ring finger of the other’s hand. “You may kiss the bride,” the man said to Remus, who eagerly took advantage of the instruction and pulled me towards him. He caught my lips in his, a sweet, soft, and tender kiss that made my legs weak. How was it possible his kisses to make me feel this way every time? All our friends were here and smiling broadly. I felt Remus's arms around me and looked at him. His features were soft and gentle, he looked younger as if the simple two words "I do" had erased the visible and invisible scars of his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this chapter is a little shorter, as I decided to separate it from the next one, in which some interesting things will happen.


	37. Something new

Sleeping in our bed, alone, after so many months of sharing it with him was tough. I couldn’t sleep well. Every night, I snuggled into his side, or he held me to him from behind. The beating of his heart was a sedative. I felt safe in his arms. If he moved or left the bed, I knew. Nightmares plagued me when he was gone. I didn't remember many of them, in most cases when I woke up the nightmare disappeared from my consciousness and only a painful feeling remained in me. Molly reassured me it was normal during pregnancy. It was normal for my imagination to be more developed during this period. This reassured me a little, considering she was six times pregnant.

A few days after the wedding, Remus had to go among the werewolves again. He came for a short time and left for a long. I could see that he was tormented at each of our separations, but I knew how important was to all of us what he was doing, so I tried to hide my pain each time he left and enjoy the few moments we spent together.

That night, I didn’t hear the turn of the lock of the door as he entered the room. The mattress dipped when I was hazily aware of the form that slid under the bedclothes. A cool hand caressed my grown belly just inside my nightshirt. It was a lovely dream, I told myself. It wasn't until I felt his warm breath on my skin and the kiss on my back that I realized I wasn't really dreaming, and Remus had come home. His hand slid to my chest and began to play with one of my nipples. I turned to him and I slowly unbuttoned his pants until finding him soft. Gripping him firmly, I moved gently until he stirred and began to harden. A tortured moan escaped his lips. I stopped. I pulled back the linen, and I straddled his hips, Remus’s eyes opened with a start. I sat atop of him in my silken nightdress, my round belly prominent under the sheer material. I touched his bare chest as if making sure he wasn’t some phantom in the night.

I moved against his aching hardness, forcing a deep groan from his lungs. His hands unconsciously gripped my bare thighs to keep himself from finishing quickly. I lifted and then returned, sinking down on him. It felt so good. We were silent in our movements. When he tried to pull my nightdress up, I pushed his hands away and finally spoke.

“No. I don’t want you to see me.”

“Why?” he wondered aloud.

I didn’t stop my movements, bracing one hand on his chest. I felt my belly touch him each time I pushed myself down on where we were joined.

“I’m ugly,” I sighed and swatted his hand away for the second time. My heart froze at the thought that he might not like me anymore.

A deep chuckle reverberated from his chest as his hands returned to my thighs.

“Ash,” he smiled in the darkness, trying to lean up but I pushed him down again. “Ugly is something you could never be.”

“And you still want me?” I asked uncertainly.

“Want you? I desire you,” he said incredulously as his head hit the pillow. “You’re straddling me while I’m dying with lust for you. Or can’t you feel me inside you? Have you gone mad?” he blinked and yelped when I smacked his chest hard.

“Don’t you ever call me mad. Do you hear me?” I cried, thrusting down on his cock so hard, it made him grunt.

Remus bent his knees and reared up as he felt my tiring from the exertion. He gripped my bottom and forced my hips to the new pace he set now.

“Is this what happens to women’s minds when they’re pregnant? Clouding your reason?” he growled as he pumped into me.

I opened my mouth to retort before Remus pushed himself up and kissed me roughly into silence.

He took his free hand and touched me where we were joined. I moaned and held onto him. Remus buried his face between my full breasts and I could feel the beginning of the end. I was sure he wasn’t going to last much longer, for it had been too long since we had sex. I leaned back on my hands and let him take my hips, thrusting faster and faster. My voice echoed in the darkness of the room as I tight around him. Just as quickly as it started, it was over as he spilled into me.

Drawing his head from my chest, Remus kissed me softly. I pulled away from him and moved around until finding a comfortable position on my side away from him. I felt how he closed the distance, molding himself into my backside. When his hand came to rest on my belly, I tried to protest weakly.

“Enough,” he groaned into my ear, his nose buried into the curve of my neck, kissing the skin there. “You’re beautiful, and I’ll always love you. Stop this nonsense.”

"I feel enormous. Molly said she had never seen such a big belly, and I was still in the sixth month. I will probably roll by the end and I won't be able to get out of bed. " I sighed.

"I think you're exaggerating," he said, hugging me even tighter. "You're beautiful, as always."

Remus’s hand caressed my swelling abdomen. It was a pleasant feeling. And the fact that he liked me, despite the weight gained, had a relaxing effect on me. As he ran his fingers along my abdomen, I felt the baby move as if it felt a touch.

Remus looked at me wide-eyed and questioningly. I nodded at his unasked question.

"I felt a movement under my palm, and it almost made my heart stop," he said. " It was faint, a flutter, but I felt it. " Remus grinned like a fool against my skin. My hand covered his gently and moved it a bit lower.

“Can you feel him?” I asked him

“Him?” he smiled and kissed the back of my neck again. “It could be a girl.”

“No, it’s a boy,” I murmured. “Only a boy would give me such trouble.”

Remus chuckled deeply and continued massaging my belly. “What can I do?”

I sighed and leaned back into him.

“Keep doing that. He likes it.”

We layed on the bed, feet intertwined, and I only could hear the beat of Remus’s heart. He caressed my skin lightly. Though I was awake, I opened my eyes as if from a deep sleep and smiled at him. Although tired from the trip, he answered me with eyes gleaming with happiness. His face was lit by the moonlight coming from the window, and once again I wondered how I could love someone so much.

A loud knock on the front door brought us out of our blissful ecstasy, and Remus immediately jumped out of bed, pointing his wand down the stairs. I got out of bed and sat on the edge of it. My wand was also ready. I don't know who would have come here at such a late hour. Remus pressed a finger to his lips to signal me to remain silent and waved me to stay here while he checked on what was happening. The knocking was repeated.

He slipped out of the room and slid quietly down the stairs. I stood up, put on a cardigan quickly, and, despite his warning, followed him carefully. Remus had just approached the window to see who was outside when I heard a familiar voice.

"Ash, are you inside? I'm Chiara. You saved me from two men when we first met using a double stunning spell. Please open! “

Remus looked at me, I nodded, confirming her words and that it really was her. He opened the door, lowering his wand slightly. My excited friend stood in the doorway. Snowflakes melted on her hair.

"What happened, Chiara?" I asked anxiously, walking towards her. Remus closed the door as she entered.

“I did it, Ash! I succeeded! ” her speech was broken, something seemed to excite her. But I still didn't understand her words and looked at her puzzled. Her gaze darted between me and Remus, who looked as confused as I was. A smile spread across her face as she continued, “I found a cure for lycanthropy. Cheaper, easier, and completely stops the transformation. "

“What? What do you mean? I asked in disbelief and looked at Remus, who was wide-eyed in surprise.

"I found a cure," her voice was calmer now. "And you helped me with that. But come sit down and I'll explain. "And she invited us to our own table and chairs. No one said a word to her as we settled in as if we were afraid we would ruin something of the upcoming story. When she sat down, she intertwined her fingers and continued where she had left off. “Do you remember, Ash, when you told me before the wedding that your pregnancy was hindering your transformation?” I nodded. "And we talked so much that the transformations of an Animagus and a werewolf have similar characteristics, although they differ in their origins. And I dug through various old stories about werewolves. There was one in which a woman suffering from lycanthropy told how has been pregnant 17 times because she did not transform during her pregnancy. "

“But how come no one has figured it out so far?” Remus asked quietly, but I felt in his voice a tremble of excitement.

"Well, as you know, werewolf women aren't that many, and they're rare ... so to speak, it’s rare to find someone to help them get pregnant, you know. That's why I couldn't find much confirmation of the stories of this woman, but anyway, it gave me some hope that I was on the right track, and I rummaged through various Muggle books about the changes that occur in a woman during pregnancy and found that hormones have a huge impact. I managed to mix a potion in the base of the poppy, a few hairs from a female Magicrabbit - you know that they are constantly pregnant, and finally, a little essence of dittany to eliminate the side effects. At first, I had some unsuccessful attempts, and I'm not sure yet how it works on men, but I think I should put more essence in the potion for them ... "

Still following her story, I could not fully assimilate and understand her words and what she did. "What do you mean by success?"

"I did it, I haven't changed for two consecutive full moons after drinking the potion. Nothing happened! Nothing!" She shouted the last word in ecstasy and got up from her chair. "I sat and watched the moon in my human form until the morning." Then she added: “There is still work to be done on the potion, I guess I will try it on someone else, if it is successful, it will have to go through the Ministry for approval, and maybe it will take about a year to apply it en masse, but it is still progress. "

It took a second or two for the new information to sink it, even though it was right before my eyes, larger than life. Then I felt my lips stretch wider into a gaping grin and my eyebrows arched for the sky. She was made it. And in the seconds that followed, I could feel squeezing her fingers in mine. I stared at her in awe, wondering how one so fragile and young could achieve something like that. I also looked at Remus, whose face showed thousands of emotions - joy, maybe a little insecurity.

“Will I be able to try it?” He asked in a hard voice, as if unwilling to reveal his emotions, which were actually written on his face.

"Of course!" She exclaimed and went to him. "That's why I came. The full moon is in three days. Miles will come too. We'll try, just in case, far from here if anything goes wrong."

"I want to come too!" I exclaimed, not imagining that I could miss such a moment.

"No!" They both replied at the same time, then Remus continued, "If it doesn't work, you'll face three werewolves who won't have a clear idea of who you are. You can't transform now. It's out of the question for me to let you come." "

"But I want to. I can't transform, but I can apparate the moment I sense danger. I'll put a few protective spells between you and me that will at least give me time to get out of there if something goes wrong. "My hastily devised plan was obviously not so bad, because his face relaxed a little, so I took advantage and continued, my voice trembling with excitement:" Well, if it really works ... I want to be there, next to you. "

Even though the dawn was still some time away, there was a light in our hearts that was missing just yesterday. Right now, it was a spark of hope, a ray of sunshine yet to be born, but it was there and we could feel it. Perhaps that was optimism, the anticipation of good things to come. It was a feeling I haven't had in so long that it felt as foreign as it was welcome.

***

The next few days flew by, and a charge was in the air. Waiting was easier for Remus than me. And I didn’t understand why. He was the one who had suffered from his condition all his life. And now I was the one who looked at the clock often, hoping that there was less time left until the full moon. To me, an hour was a long time, a day even more.

“How can you be so calm?” I asked him, watching him casually rest his head on my lap, pressing one ear to my belly, and read.

"I don't want to give in to vain hopes. If something doesn't work out, which is very likely, I don't want to be disappointed," he replied simply, leaving the book aside. "And right now, I'm enjoying a few days of peace with you and our daughter." He smiled and kissed my belly.

"Daughter? I told you I thought it was a boy."

"I'm not convinced. Whatever it is, though, it will be the most beautiful child in the world." He closed his eyes and pressed his ear tightly to my stomach as if trying to hear the baby growing inside me. I ran my fingers through his hair. There was a warmth his brown hair brought to his features, a simple frame for that smile and eyes that held more love than I would ever imagine. The hue altered as the strands curled and moved, as free as autumn leaves playing in the day shine. The silver lines running through it only accentuated the hue of the base color.

"You look at me again as if I'm someone really special."

"Which is the truth," I replied and tried to bend down to kiss him, but my belly stopped my attempts and I just leaned back resignedly. Remus laughed, stood up, and press his lips into mines tenderly.

***

The afternoon before the full moon came I finally noticed some extra emotion about the whole situation, written on Remus's face. We both walked nervously in the kitchen, waiting for the time to come for our meeting with Miles and Chiara. It was 10 minutes before 6 pm when we both went out on a cold December day and made our way to an oak forest to the north. The naked winter trees lined a small path in it. Our breath rose in visible puffs to join the darkened clouded sky. There was a freezing chill in the air that brought crispness to the leaves, bejeweled with frost, that crunch underfoot. Rosy-cheeked, we stamped to keep warm, pulling woolen hats over our reddened ears and tightening scarves over our blue-tinged lips. Suddenly the illuminated sign from a wand appeared and we raised our arms to wave to it.

“Are you ready?” Chiara asked, shifting eyes between Remus and Miles and handing them two small bottles of grey liquid. "Here, drink it. I hope I haven't overdosed on any of the ingredients."

"I'm not going to be a woman, am I?" Miles joked, though I could feel some hesitation in his tone.

"No way. " Chiara replied, drinking her bottle of the potion as an example.

I squeezed Remus's hand encouragingly as he lifted his bottle and hesitated for a moment. Then I backed away from them. I did a few defensive spells just in case and sat down on a fallen log. All we had to do was wait for the night.

It was as if I could hear the hands of the small wall clock in our house counting down the minutes. No one spoke, each immersed in his own thoughts, fears, and desires. I stared at Remus, who was also sitting on a log, covering his face with his hands.

 _T_ _ick-Tock._ What if the potion didn't work? _T_ _ick-Tock._ What if it worked? _T_ _ick-Tock._ What would change? _T_ _ick-Tock._ _T_ _ick-Tock._ My head was going to explode, I narrowed my eyes to relieve the tension. I ran my fingers through my belly, taking courage and calm from the baby growing inside. At the corner of my eyelids, I felt a faint light, and when I opened them, I saw the branches of the trees turn into dancing silhouettes, illuminated by the first moonbeams that had just appeared.

I looked at Remus, who had also looked up but was now staring at his hands, waiting for the transformation to begin. How many times had I seen these delicate fingers elongate under the moonlight and lose their shape, becoming the long ones of the werewolf inside him. How many times had I heard the sound of breaking bones moving like snakes under his skin when Remus's transformation began. How many times had I seen his warm amber eyes melt into a heavier, rougher color. Man to become a monster.

But now it was different. The light of the full moon illuminated him, and he remained the same. He turned his arms slowly, expecting something to happen to them, but they were still long, tender, and … human. I didn't know how the others reacted because I couldn't take my eyes off Remus. Was it true or a dream?

The moon was a deep silver, as if it were a rock alone in space, turning pirouettes for no applause. Now when I looked at it, I saw an orb, reflecting light, not silver, but with a buttermilk glow. This orb, which I hated so much, now stood still in the sky, smiling. But not maliciously, as it seemed to me every time I looked at it, but as if with love and kindness. Illuminated by its reflective light, Remus approached me slowly, as if expecting something to change. But no change took place. On his face, which was now inches from mine and separated from mine only by the thin barrier of a protective spell, was a strange mixture of amazement, reverence, and happiness. His eyes, full of love, did not separate from mine. I swung my wand to remove the barrier between us. He started to tell me to stop, but I had already removed it. I clung to the edges of his coat and pulled him to me in a kiss. My tears ran down our faces to where our lips met, each of us tasting their salt taste. There was something so heavenly about this kiss, a tender moment that just won't wait. It was that burst of love and happiness that were expressed, not caring about the world around us. It was a mutual need to show the happiness that happened to us. It was a rebellion against the nature. The world could bring difficulties and obstacles but at that moment, nothing mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys. The story is spinning in my head and I know how I will end it. It may have no more than 10 Chapters left, but every time I distracted myself from the main storyline and steal for Remus and Chiara a little more happiness. So excuse me if I procrastinate the story a little.


	38. Full bliss

"I'll kill you!" I shouted at Remus, out of breath and exhausted after the contraction. "You did this to me!"

He looked at me with a look torn by terror, panic, and pain. He started to grab my hand, and I just growled at him. I didn't care at the moment, I just wanted it to end and this pain never comes back. Between contractions, I had a few minutes of rest, during which my mind cleared for a moment before being clouded again by another dose of agony. When Voldemort tortured me, I had hoped that the pain would stop soon, and here time dragged on and I didn't know when it would all end. With each contraction came a pain that dominated my entire being. In those moments, for those seconds that stretched into infinity, there was nothing else. When the pain passed it was only for a minute or so and I breathed with closed eyes, unwilling to re-engage with life outside of my own body. My stomach tightened; I heard my own scream without being aware of making it.

"What can I do for you? Please tell me," he begged, running his fingers through my hair. This time I did not stop his attempt at tenderness.

"Stay by my side, even if I call you to leave or curse you," I replied softly, trying to smile. It was a moment of rest between contractions and I had taken a breath.

"Always," he told me and kissed me on the forehead. "Molly will come any minute. It will be over soon,” he smiled, trying to give me encouragement. “You’ll see. And will have a beautiful baby.”

I couldn't answer him because the pain came back. I gripped his hand ferociously. I lay my head in his lap, and Remus continued his ministrations – rubbing my back, taking wet cloths to my skin. All the while, whispering in my ear. I didn’t know how many times he told me he loved me. I was beside myself with emotion and distress. Molly came and reached between my legs to check on progress.

"Soon, darling, soon,” she said, then turned to Remus and practically pushed him off the bed. "You need to move.”

"I will stay," he said emphatically.

She looked at him quizzically but then nodded. "Okay, but stand by her side so you don't get in the way. And you don't want to watch what's going on below."

I looked at him gratefully, that he would stay with me until the end. I did not know what to expect, and his presence brought me little relief and comfort. I had closed my eyes, despite the strain and pain, I felt one hand of Remus clinging to mine and the other caressing my hair.

After a few other contractions, Molly told me that was time, time to push. With a guttural grunt, I did so. I felt the baby crowning, the hot stretching of flesh, and held my breath. Without any further effort, the baby slid into Molly’s hands. For a moment there seemed to be silence and my heart stopped, but then I heard a baby crying and took a deep breath of relief. Between the sound of my own breathing and the baby's cry, I heard Molly say,

“Congratulations! It's a boy! "

 _Boy_. I felt Remus's hand sink into mine, but I couldn't look at him. My eyes were clouded with tears of happiness. The next moment, however, my stomach tightened again, my legs trembled, and I felt a new contraction, as intense as the previous one. Was this normal?

“Something’s wrong… why does it still hurt so much?” I questioned breathlessly.

I only heard Molly say, "Oh!"

"What's up, Molly?" "I heard Remus's worried voice as if he sensed something was wrong.

"Come on, help me with your son here, Remus," she said, then turn to me "You need to push again, Ash” she instructed with urgency. " I think you'll have twins."

I didn't have time to think and realize exactly what she was telling me, because another contraction came and I put all my strength into pushing. I grabbed my knees. I was sure my face was contorted with agony as I gritted my teeth and pushed. A few tense minutes passed and with a sharp welp, I fell back once again completely exhausted. Suddenly another soft cry was heard and I breathed a sigh of relief.

 _Twins_. I had borne twins.

“A girl, a beautiful girl,” Molly announced with a bright smile on her face. I finally opened my eyes and searched for Remus’s. He shifted his gaze from me to the little bundle in his hands and to Molly, not believing what's going on. Joy, surprise, relief, and something else I couldn't tell were written on his face.

“They’re alive… they’re both all right?” I voiced meekly.

Newborns' cries filled the room and I saw tears of relief and joy on Remus's face. He turned his glossy eyes to me and in a voice, that's almost broken he told me: “Thank you.” Through my exhaustion, I smiled, and I let my eyes left his face to take in the babies that were being brought to like on my bare skin. At that moment I began to cry the sweetest tears I was ever known, all the pain of moments before melting away.

I wanted to drink this moment in, this moment with my little babies in my hands. Their eyes were more brilliant than I could have dreamed they would be, their hands more delicate. They felt so light, looked so perfect, and smelled so divine. Captivated by the two beautiful things in my arms, I barely felt Remus sitting next to me. He wrapped one arm around me and gently stroked the babies' heads. I never understood until now, how one could lay down their life for their children. Holding our two newborns, I knew I wouldn’t hesitate for a moment to die for them.

Remus brushed the hair from my forehead. We were alone, apparently, Molly had left the room at some point. He kissed my cheek.

“They are beautiful, Ash,” he murmured.

"I told you it would be a boy. I was right." I smiled.

"I told you it would be a girl, I was right," he replied and kissed me again.

“Remus, will you stay?”

He nodded his head. "I am not going anywhere. "

I moved slowly to one side of the bed. I was still in pain and Remus helped me lie down. It was cold now in the room and he pulled up the blankets to cover me before lying on his side next to me with the two children between us. For a long time, all that could be heard was the soft noises from the two that lay between us swaddled and warm. I stared at Remus who was looking directly at me on his side. No words were needed. We both knew that this was right. Together was where we belonged.

After a long time, I said:

“I can’t believe Molly did this six times,” I chuckled dryly. “She uses to say that women suffered from a terrible malady. Forgetfulness. Otherwise, we would never do sex again. However, I’m cursed for my husband is an addicting lover.”

Remus laughed and must have scared the children for they started crying loudly.

“Sssshhh. There, there,” I grinned. “Your father will have to learn to be quieter.”

“It’s a good thing you’re their mother,” he sighed “I don’t know the first thing about being a father.”

I cupped his cheek, turning him to face me.

“You love us,” I smiled with tears in my eyes. “That’s all I need to know. Just be there for them. That’s all the children really want, isn’t it? To be loved. I never knew the love of my mother and father. My grandmother was all I had. But no matter how much she loved me, I always missed something. Then I met Sirius and he filled a part from the gaps I felt. Then I met you. But this love is different. After all, no one can replace parental love. Always be by their side, that's all you need to know."

"I love you. All three." His voice trembled slightly. "Even in my wildest dreams, I never imagined that such a thing could happen to me. To have you and these two wonderful babies between us. Thank you."

“What do you want to call them? We never really talked about it,” I yawned and winced in pain again.

He tucked strands of hair behind my ear. “I don’t know. We should name them, don’t you think? We can't call them Baby One and Baby Two” Remus smiled. I grinned and caressed my daughter’s tuft of black hair.

“Hope. She will be named after your mother… and I rather like the name.” I glanced at him with a smile.

He grinned and kissed his daughter, “Hope, it is.” He looked at our son, “And what name will you give him?”

“Ethan. To be firm and strong. In the times to come, this is exactly what we need. Ethan and Hope. “

***

"I don't know why you're trying to do it in a Muggle way. " I said, watching Remus try to assemble two wooden cribs. It had been more than a month since the twins had been born, and they slept mostly between us in bed. They woke up 100 times a night to breastfeed them, so it was much more comfortable for me to sleep with them. But in the end, we had to make them their own room, which Remus enthusiastically took care of. “

"I want to show them that I can do something with my hands. Some physical work," he replied, staring at the wooden slats that were supposed to be the bars of the cribs.

"You also use your hands physically with the magic wand," and I swung mine. Some of the wooden parts swirled in the air and assembled into a small cot. “Here, do you see?” I smiled at him.

He sighed and leaned back against the wall without saying anything.

"And I have another idea in which to use your hands. Something more useful and for which the wand will not help me," I told him and looked at him playfully.

“Are the twins sleeping?” he grinned mischievously, understanding what I'm implying.

“Yes. We have around two hours. “ I smiled back.

Remus stretched out his hand from where he was standing.

“Come with me.”

Following him into the kitchen, I figured he wanted to make sex on the kitchen table. I wasn’t complaining. We used to do it on it since the children were born and they occupied our bed. When he pulled me into the bathroom, I wasn’t sure what he had in store for me tonight. I gave him a confused look.

The bathroom was slender and warm, with a large shower at one end, a high wooden bench with soft pillows at the other. I thought I knew what he was offering me and just smiled. Remus lifted my dress over my head and set it aside on the floor, leaving me only in my lace panties. My belly hadn't fully recovered after the birth, but that didn't interest me anymore. I knew that he wanted me so badly.

He removed his shirt and pants. Taking my hand, he sat on the bench. Leaning against the stone, Remus pulled me to him. I straddled his waist, placing my hands on his shoulders. Remus yanked me to him and kissed me deeply. I opened my legs a bit wider and rocked against him, forcing a groan from his lungs. The kiss wasn’t gentle nor chaste as his lips claimed mines with a passion. I was never tired of the way he could touch me so briefly to enflame that lust. Oh, Merlin, I was lost in the sensation. He expertly devoured me causing me to whimper into his mouth. Remus pressed me harder into him, one hand grazing my jaw and the other trailing fire along my ribcage. Heat began to pool below my navel, a sweet ache that wanted more.

That sinful hand's journey ended at the curve of my lower spine and thrust my hips down to meet his cock hard. His hand on my backside pressing our most intimate sexes together. Remus broke the kiss and his eyes were dark and filled with lust. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t look away. The force of his hand kept our hips close but I couldn’t imagine moving away if that’s what he was preventing. Heat in me created wetness between my legs that I was sure would soak through my panties.

My eyes trailed from his face down to his chest. Delicate fingers explored the light hair running down the center. His breath hitched slightly when I touched the scar just below his collarbone. I lowered my head until my lips met the raised and glossy flesh.

“No more scars,” he said in a whisper.

Then Remus claimed my mouth with such ferocity. His skilled hands grasped my hips to roughly meet his own and successfully sliding my panties in one swift movement. I moaned loudly sinking down on him. I thrust down hard, my legs taking all of my weight. I couldn’t count how many different and delicious ways we had each other. I shyly thought that a mother shouldn’t enjoy such acts. I was a mother, my kids’ rooms nearby, and yet I was enjoying being fucked senseless into the wee hours of the night.

Our hot breaths lapped around us as I thrust hard and fast. My full breasts bobbed and pressed against him. Remus’ hands were insistent on my bum, begging for release. I could feel my own pressure building and it wasn’t stopping. My body began to quake. His change in breathing, the tensing of his shoulders, and the slight furrow of his forehead told me he was so very close too. His body danced with mine and sent me over the edge. Remus silenced my screams, kissing them away as he bucked up a few times and finished with a deep moan just after me. I felt him smile against my chest.

"I promised you to work with my hands, but I don't think you'll mind my tongue getting involved," and with that, he turned me to sit on the bench, knelt in front of me. Remus opened my legs and my eyes rolled back. It was the perfect height and angle as his face was right where I craved it. His breath was cool against my hot skin as I waited with anticipation. He curled his arms around my thighs and yanked me to his mouth. I loved watching him give me pleasure like this because he enjoyed it. The way our eyes would meet, or his would close in concentration. His tongue laved, and lips sucked.

“Come for me again” he mumbled into me.

I loved it when he talked this way. His words could be just as arousing as anything else he was doing to me. I was so close that when I felt his fingers, that’s all it took. I braced my foot on his shoulder and shook uncontrollably. My moans echoed back to me. Spent, I lay on the cool stone behind my back. Raising my head, I caught Remus’s smug smile before he cupped water from the sink and rinsed his face. I could barely move. He was going to have to carry me back upstairs, I giggled to myself.

“What do you find so amusing, love?” I could hear the smile in his voice.

“I was just thinking; I’ll have to sleep down here tonight. I don’t think I can move, quite honestly,” I yawned.

“Is that your way of asking me to carry you up two flights of stairs?” he mused

“I know you can’t unless you enchant me to fly.” I laughed, yet it wasn’t meant to be mean.

“Really?” he smirked. “Oh Ash, I’m not that old. Not yet.”

Grabbing our clothes, he draped them over his shoulder while putting on his boxers. I thought he was mad. He wasn’t going to do it. I went to take my dress when he pulled me to him, threatening to throw me over his shoulder.

“Have you lost your mind?” I laughed.

“Are you calling me senile? I have at least another good twenty or thirty years before that sets in,” Remus smiled and in one fast move he lifted me and threw me over his shoulder.

“You stupid arse,” I giggled. “We will wake the children.”

Sleep came quickly as Remus held me from behind. I liked him curled around me. I closed my eyes in bliss, carried away by the monotonous rhythm of the inhales and exhales of my three favorite beings around me.

_And then the same nightmare reappeared._


	39. Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daddy Remus... What more could I say?

As I drifted into the arms of sleep, my brain drew monsters as a sort of montage, changing as the moment's pass.

_One born without love_

The boughs of the cemetery twisted like contorted bones, writhing in a silent scream. Beneath them lied the cold stones, each marking a dwelling place in which no-one was home. I was never bothered by the howl of the wind until I must traverse this place, then it was all I could hear. My grandmother’s voice whispered to me. _Amanda. Amanda._

_One save three - the ruthless, the reckless, and the mischievous._

I was in the basement. The smell of moisture and dirt permeated my nostrils. I could hear my own blood dripping on the floor and forming a small scarlet puddle around me.

Glancing at the man near me, I was suddenly back at the huge room with the large arch in the middle. A strange fire glowed from behind it while the shadow of a man stood holding his hand out to me desperately.

Falling stones. Cold air told me that the side of this stone wall had been blown away, and hot stickiness on my cheek told me that I was bleeding copiously. A ghost of his laugh still etched upon his face. The whole picture disappeared. My wand was gone.

_One will create two of love._

Their bright amber eyes found mine and they laughed, as only a baby can laugh a sweet sound unblemished by the hurts of life. Their little faces glowed from a light within, and their miniature fingers grasped mine and held tight. I held them to my chest tightly; no matter what came I would protect them. Even to the point of death.

 _One will die of love_.

Then I'm in the middle of a meadow. Silhouette of a dark castle above me. I was twirling. I was twirling around a sea of people, falling stones and flashing red, white and green lights. An invisible hand clasped over my mouth; an equally ghostly hypodermic of adrenaline pierced my heart, unloading in an instant. I felt my ribs heaving as if bound by ropes, straining to inflate my lungs. My head was a carousel of fears spinning out of control, each one pushing my mind into blackness. I wanted to run; I wanted to find the thing I was searching. Sounds that were near felt far away, like I was no longer in my body.

I had to find what I was looking for. Where? Where? The lights around me did not stop, passing me as if I had been immunized for them. And I didn't care. The only thing left on the edge of my mind was that I had to find ... _Him._

The cold ruffled my hair as the moon rose above the forest trees. I heard the rough splashing of the water on the shore of the lake, the shouts around me, and again the multicoloured lights. Someone stood at the entrance of the forest. A large black wolf softly padded to me, holding something in its mouth that sparkled in the moonlight. Reaching out my hand, the wolf dropped a bracelet with two runes on it.

Panicked, I backed away until my arm touched a metal gate. I turned and saw all the beautifully carved headstones.

One after another and another bore the same name.

_Lupin_

I began running through the maze of headstones when a door opened to a bright and burning light. The earth opened beneath my feet, and I felt myself falling into a bottomless pit. The silhouette of a man looked down at me, his face in a shadow. And I was falling down and down…

I sat up in a cold sweat, gasping for each breath. I was in our room. Remus and the twins slept near me. Calm in their sleep. It was a dream, I told myself. Just a stupid nightmare. The nightmares were not over with the pregnancy. On the contrary, I now remembered them long after I woke up and they became more realistic and detailed. I sighed and plopped back down into my soft bed, pulling up the duvet. It had to be near dawn, I pondered. It was still dark outside the windows, and I fell asleep again without dreams.

It was a melody I knew, one my grandmother used to sing when I was frightened or ill. The sweet tune echoed in the darkness, but it was a deeper voice I heard in the distance. My head was pounding, and my mouth felt dry as if I hadn’t drunk in ages. Wearily, my eyes peered open. The soft light from the windows of the room was too bright, making me wince. The song just ended and I saw Remus sitting in a rocking chair next to the bed, snuggling the twins.

"You seemed calm in your sleep and I decided not to wake you," he told me gently, smiling.

"Did you sing?" I asked him, rising from the bed.

"Yes," he admitted. "Not very successful when I woke up. "

"No, I liked it. It was like a tune my grandmother sang when I was little."

Remus got up and carefully placed the sleeping twins one by one in their beds. Glancing in their direction, it was hard to believe how fast they were growing. It boggled my mother’s mind. It seemed only yesterday Remus held them in his arms for the first time in the wee hours of early morning.

Molly called it tender tummies. The twins cried endlessly for hours with me unable to calm them. Sometimes they would refuse to feed on my breast, and there were many days and nights where I grew depressed and exhausted from the ordeal.

Molly taught me how to craft ointments to rub on their skin, made of calming herbs, and it helped greatly. However, it was Remus that was the surprising factor. I didn’t know what it was. A connection between father and kids, a manner that my husband possessed, but something calmed the twins immediately. It was if his embrace was the remedy.

Ethan and Hope would scream and cry, and those times when Remus would take them, the kids quieted within minutes. Many times, I would lay in bed and watch Remus work his magic on the children. He would sit and rock the kids, humming a simple tune. He had changed dramatically as a husband and father. There were times when I wondered if this part of him was just dying to come out. Being a father and a husband was something he was born for. The love and tenderness with which he cared for us seemed to flow from him and played on every string of his body.

Lost in thought I didn’t know when Remus came in bed to me. Soft fingers caressed my cheek tenderly, pushing back my hair. Closing the distance, I wrapped my arms around him, snuggling into his chest. Nothing had ever felt so right.

"I won't be here for the next few days." He told me, resting his chin on his head.

"Is it necessary?" I sighed. I was used to Remus being around us all the time, and every time he went out, it was like an eternity.

"Yes, I still have to be among the werewolves and study their moods and actions."

"Didn't you tell them about Chiara's potion?"

"There's no point. You see, most of them know no life other than that of a werewolf. Many of them are similar in their human form to the monster inside. They want blood and revenge. And Chiara's potion has yet to be approved by the Ministry in order to be widely distributed."

"I know. She complained that in addition to the riots and the fear of Voldemort, all sorts of potions had appeared, and the Ministry had a lot of work to do. Hers is 256 on the approval list."

"Yes, now the Ministry has more important things than to seek treatment for several hundred werewolves." He joked with sadness in his voice.

"Your father will come today." I turned to him, trying to distract him because I knew his thoughts would go in the wrong direction.

Remus raised an eyebrow questioningly: "And before the twins were born, he was said to be ill and did not want to travel."

"Don't be harsh. He loves them very much, he helps me when you are gone. And he is a great interlocutor. I learned quite unusual things. It's like a walking encyclopedia of magic." 

Remus laughed. "I still hope I don't find the house blown up one day."

" Several times I even leave him alone with the twins, I needed to get out of the house for a while." 

"Dumbledore wrote to me about this, if we could be on duty at school next week for one night. He wanted us to be as many people as possible. I don't know why, but he seemed quite insistent. Do you think my father will be able to take care of the twins for so long?"

"I think so," I replied. "When exactly is it about?"

"June 30"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay and for the shorter chapter, but I worked and rewrote the first six of the story. Since I wrote them a long time ago, I needed to correct them. I have added some things, trying to complement the feelings and experiences of Remus and Ash. If anyone wants, you can go back and reread them. I have ideas to correct the chapters after the sixth a little less before I publish the next chapter.


	40. Battle of the Astronomy Tower

I wondered about Hogwarts. I had only been to the castle twice, and for a short time without having the opportunity to examine it in more detail. Dumbledore's request to patrol the corridors was the perfect chance to look at it from the inside.

Remus and Sirius told wondrous stories about the grand castle that was far more impressive than Durmstrang in size. My uncle described Hogwarts's long corridors, large halls, endless, ever-moving staircases, hidden passages, and hundreds of unravelled and unsolved secrets when they were young boys. It was quite the old castle I envisioned in fairytales with a drawbridge, massive stone towers, and turrets.

We apparated at Hogsmeade, where we met Bill and Tonks, who were also there to patrolling the castle tonight. 

"Our pack is together again," said Tonks, whose hair was her favourite bright pink as we walked to the castle gate. "Did Dumbledore tell you why he wanted us at Hogwarts tonight?"

"No," Remus replied calmly. "He was going to leave the castle in a few hours and wanted to have more people around."

"He didn't call us another time." Bill joined in. "And as far as I know, he's been gone a lot lately."

"Dumbledore has always known more than we do. If he wants us today, then there is a good reason. Let's trust him." Remus said, looking at the castle. Minerva McGonagall was waiting for us at the main entrance. 

She was a tall, rather severe-looking, and "sprightly" seventy-year-old woman. She had black hair which was combed back into a tight bun. I had seen her at some of the Order's meetings. But as harsh as she seemed, she gave me a sense of dignity, serenity, and support. She looked a bit like my grandmother, which made me like her more without having any communications with her.

"Ah, here you are," she told us and hurried us to enter the castle. "I suggest we split up. Mr Weasley, take over the North Tower. Miss Tonks, take over the dungeons past your former home."

Tonks nodded amusedly, assuming it was from McGonagall's formal address to her and turned right toward the dungeons. Bill, on the other hand, walked down the hall to the left.

"Remus, you two can patrol here around the Great hall and the castle ground, given that your wife doesn't know Hogwarts." And she turned to me, smiling slightly. Her face changed radically as she did so.

"Don't worry, Minerva," he said. "We will be fine."

She nodded and hurried in the direction Bill had headed.

"Let's go for a walk." offered by Remus. "Do you want to see the Great Hall?"

I couldn't wait to see it. However, all its descriptions were incomparable to seeing it with my own eyes. Entering, even though the hall was empty at the moment, I was blown away. The silent noise of thousands of destinies passing through this place. It was lit by thousands and thousands of candles that were floating in midair over four long tables. These tables were laid with glittering golden plates and goblets. At the top of the hall was another long table where the teachers must have sat. I looked upward and saw a velvety black ceiling dotted with stars. It was hard to believe there was a ceiling there at all, and that the Great Hall didn't simply open on to heaven.

“It’s impressive, isn’t it?” Remus asked me, tearing me away from the fascination of the hall. "It was like yesterday when I left this room after my OWL exam in Defense Against the Dark Arts with James, Sirius and Peter. I had a question about how to recognize a werewolf when I saw it. We laughed a lot." His features softened, going back to the memories of his past. "I also enjoyed being a teacher here. To be an igniter, a fire-starter, always ready to provide fuel for the blazes I set in motion. To see the curious faces of the students, to know that they like my classes. To see me as their favourite teacher. I will always be grateful to Dumbledore for that. Although for a short time here were some of my happiest years before I met you.“

"I am glad you said before you met me. I would be a little offended. ”I laughed. "To me, this hall seems perfect for balls and dances. I could hear the music and see the twirling of couples on the floor. Dances changed from waltz to a modern one." I spun to the beat of my own music in my head. Seeing Remus's smiling face, I decided to tease him. " I imagined a handsome young gentleman whirled me across the floor in his arms. "

He chuckled softly, “I’m not young, neither gentleman. But I can dance. I strongly doubt that this young man you imagine can dance with you like that. ”

I felt his hand holding mine lightly as the other held my waist and guided me around the floor. 

“There isn’t any music,” I said laughing.

“It didn’t stop you a moment ago,” he smiled again, leading me gently. “It’s all counting, though, isn’t it? One, two, three…”

Remus had finesse as he glided me around. He seemed to be tuned to a piece of music only he could hear. Dancing came freely to him, I noted. From the moment I first danced with him in the Muggle bar, I realized that he had an innate talent for dancing. Dancing with him though, any woman would believe he never spent a day outside the dancefloor. Without a shred of music, he was a better dancer than any man I had ever partnered. I let myself get lost in the movements, I never wanted this to end. The looks on our faces, the sound of the music in our head, the atmosphere in the hall, the scent of chocolate…

Suddenly, he stopped, and I could feel his breath on my cheek. Fine lines marked his skin along his forehead and eyes showing a hint of his age. His eyes appeared a darker amber as he regarded me in such a way that made my tummy flutter every time despite the years we spent together. The hand that held mine drew it closer to his chest. His half lidden eyes flittered down to my lips, and I held my breath. Those lips were soft tasting the chocolate on his breath. I felt myself melt into him as he deepened the kiss leaving me breathless. I was getting lost in it, in him. Each of his kisses softened my legs. It was as if I was kissing him for the first time. Each time he surprised me with something new, provoked my senses in a different way. There was even a hint of the unknown in the known.

"We should patrolling around," I told him, bringing us back to reality, even though every part of me resisted to this.

"You're right." He pulled away from me and ran his fingers over his lips in an attempt to wipe off my lipstick. "It would be interesting - I didn't have sex in the Great Hall."

My eyes narrowed with a hint of jealousy in them. "And where else did you have sex in the castle?"

He chuckled. "I've forgotten. It's not something I have to remember. " 

Remus held out his hand and we left the hall at that dark hour and we went out into the yard. Stars still splashed across the sky like silver splattered blood. The night was pitch black save for the tremendous heavens above.

As we walked around the yard, listening and looking for something wrong, it seemed to me that I had been here many times. The lake, the darkness of the forest, the descending shadow of the castle - it all made me feel like something was happening to me again. An unpleasant sensation stood in my chest. The pleasant feelings in the hall had long disappeared. My gaze slid to the walls of Hogwarts, hoping something would tell me why I had that feeling. The faint light coming from the windows, the jagged walls, I was tracking the towers one by one, when suddenly my heart skipped a beat.

For a few seconds, the fear at that moment shackled me, the fear was like a knife in the gut slowly twisted, the fear hit me like a hammer on the head. Yet I knew the fear was an illusion and I had to ignore it, send it to the bottom of my mind, and react.

There it was, hanging in the sky above the school: the blazing green skull with a serpent tongue, the mark Death Eaters left behind whenever they had entered a building . . . wherever they had murdered...

"Remus!" I shouted, pointing above us. "The Dark Mark!"

His gaze slid up to the tower. His face lit up with the faint green light coming from the sign. Within seconds, he pulled out his wand, and we both ran inside the castle. He held my hand as we ran and led me down the long corridors leading to the tower. We collided with three familiar faces around one corner. Ron, Ginny, and Neville with flushed faces and barely breathing.

" What happened?" Remus asked anxiously.

"Malfoy. Draco Malfoy led a group of Death-Eaters into the castle through the Room of Requirement. We knew he was there and we went to keep watch on it . . . but Malfoy got past us." said Ron bleakly.

“He came out of the room about an hour after we started keeping watch,” said Ginny. “He was on his own, clutching that awful shrivelled arm. He must have been checking whether the coast was clear to let the Death Eaters out because the moment he saw us he threw something into the air and it all went pitch-black. We tried everything, Lumos, Incendio. Nothing would penetrate the darkness; all we could do was grope our way out of the corridor again, and meanwhile, we could hear people rushing past us. Obviously, Malfoy could see because of that hand thing and was guiding them, but we didn’t dare use any curses or anything in case we hit each other. We just came out of the darkness and came across you. They headed for the Astronomical Tower.

"We saw. They cast the Dark Mark." I said and continued. "Let's go there. Bill and Tonks must be somewhere in the castle, too."

"We don't have time to look for them and call. I hope they understand that something is happening and come to the rescue," said Remus, and we all rushed upstairs.

We found the Death Eaters minutes later, heading in the direction of the Astronomy Tower. Malfoy obviously hadn’t expected more people to be on the watch; he seemed to have exhausted his supply of Darkness Powder, at any rate. A fight broke out.

When it came to the fight there was no honour, no code. All that matters was the win and we took nothing for granted. We had the exits covered, there was nowhere to run. Then the first blow came, a single green light shot passed inches away from Remus, who had bent down just in time to avoid it.

There were a strange silence and serenity in this noisy battle on both sides. Everyone focused on eliminating their opponent, directing all their senses to it, ignoring everything else around them. If hatred was visible the air would have been scarlet. 

So much force in every blow. I rained blows onto Greyback as if I meant to smash him into the very earth and he did the same. I hated him for all he had done to Remus as a kid and other innocent children. Each of us didn't just want the other dead, we wanted the other one smashed, obliterated, nothing left to bury.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Tonks and Bill had also joined the battle. Nevertheless, the Death-Eaters outnumbered us. The Malfoy boy had vanished, he must have slipped past, up the stairs . . . then more of them ran after him, but one of them blocked the stair behind them with some kind of curse. . . . Neville ran at it and got thrown up into the air. None of us could break through it and one massive Death Eater was firing off jinxes all over the place, they were bouncing off the walls and barely missing us.

Greyback hurled a deadly curse at me, which I had to avoid by throwing myself aside. I rolled over a pile of falling stones and injured my hand. I felt tired despite the adrenaline rushing through my chest. Pregnancy and lack of training in recent months had affected my reflexes.

I saw Snape running toward us and a spark of hope appeared in me. Anyone who joined our side would help us. But that huge Death Eater’s jinx just missed me right afterwards and I ducked and lost track of Snape. 

Then I saw Remus run straight through the cursed barrier but was thrown back just like Neville. My heart froze for a moment, but I calmed down when I saw that he was standing up and looking unharmed.

I didn't see Bill anywhere. Tonks was fighting with one of the Death Eaters, I couldn't see how the others were doing because the huge Death Eater threw a hex at the ceiling, knocking it down. I had to step aside so as not to be overwhelmed by the falling rocks. His spell broke the curse blocking the stairs. We all ran forward — those of us who were still standing anyway — and then Snape and Malfoy emerged out of the dust. I thought they were being chased by the Death Eaters and I let them pass me. 

Screams broke out. The Death Eaters rushed forward, shouting orders. Spells clashed. More shouting. More screaming. More running. The attack was fierce, efficient and ... deadly.

I saw a body lying near me and recognized the blood-stained face.

_No.No._

When I managed to get close enough to see his face, I froze. His eyes were closed. There was nothing beautiful about him. Blood trickled down his neck and into his sweater. Around the wounds on his face, the blood was dry and hard, but still, the red liquid drizzled down the man’s face like rain on a window.

I ran my fingers over his neck, hoping to feel his pulse. The blood flowed thickly over my fingers, hot. My trembling hand felt a faint pulsation, like the flutter of a butterfly struggling to free itself from the trap in which it was caught.

_Oh, Bill. Fight for life, please._

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and Remus kneeling beside me. His gaze darted from me to Bill, and I answered his silent question.

"He's alive."

"We need to take him to the hospital wing. I saw that he was fighting Greyback."

"How are the others?"

"Alive."

***

I watched the unrecognizable face lying on Bill’s pillow, so badly slashed and ripped that he looked grotesque. Madam Pomfrey, the healer, was dabbing at his wounds with some harsh-smelling green ointment. 

At the sound of the doors opening, we all looked up. Harry burst to us. Hermione ran to him and hugged him; Remus moved forward too, looking anxious. 

“Are you all right, Harry?” 

“I’m fine. . . . How’s Bill?” 

Nobody answered.

“Can’t you fix them with a charm or something?” Harry asked the matron. 

“No charm will work on these,” said Madam Pomfrey. “I’ve tried everything I know, but there is no cure for werewolf bites.” 

“But he wasn’t bitten at the full moon,” said Ron, who was gazing down into his brother’s face as though he could somehow force him to mend just by staring. “Greyback hadn’t transformed, so surely Bill won’t be a — a real — ?” He looked uncertainly at us with Remus. 

“No, I don’t think that Bill will be a true werewolf,” said my husband, “but that does not mean that there won’t be some contamination. Those are cursed wounds. They are unlikely ever to heal fully, and Bill might have some wolfish characteristics from now on.” 

“Dumbledore might know something that’d work, though,” Ron said. “Where is he? Bill fought those maniacs on Dumbledore’s orders, Dumbledore owes him, he can’t leave him in this state... ”

“Ron, Dumbledore’s dead,” said Ginny.

“No!” Remus looked wildly from Ginny to Harry, as though hoping the latter might contradict her, but when Harry did not, he collapsed into a chair beside Bill’s bed, his hands over his face. 

I walked over to him and hugged him gently as if my hug could take some of his pain. I knew how much he respected Dumbledore and how much his life had been affected by the headmaster's help and goodwill. Remus was deeply grateful for Dumbledore's repeated attempts to help him, for his fight against all anti-werewolf legislations. I had seldom seen my husband so vulnerable. The loss of the man who had been like his father all these years was just ruining him.

Madam Pomfrey burst into tears. Nobody paid her any attention except Ginny, who whispered, “Shh! Listen!”

Somewhere out in the darkness, a phoenix was singing in a way I had never heard before: a stricken lament of terrible beauty. And I felt as that the music was inside me, not without: It was my own grief turned magically to a song that echoed across the grounds and through the castle windows. 

Mourning came as a sad song, soft and low, a lullaby that spoke of the time of healing to come, of a road that must be travelled one step at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reworked chapters 7 and 8 a bit if anyone is interested.


	41. Promise

It was cold. Colder than I remembered. I didn’t know if it was the winter or fear that chilled my blood more and the heavy furs upon my bed didn’t keep me warm.

I was exhausted by another escape from the Snatchers, but there was no hope of sleep tonight. It wasn’t our chamber that we slept in. Our new home was an old tent, expanded with magic inside. We were now in the middle of a frozen forest to the north, surrounded by all the possible protective spells we had. This constant escape and chase were difficult, especially with the twins, who had already begun to crawl and explore the world curiously. 

After Dumbledore's death, everything around us seemed to fall apart piece by piece. They killed Moody shortly after that. On 1 August 1997, the Death Eaters seized control of the Ministry. Scrimgeour was murdered and Pius Thickness, whom Corban Yaxley had under the Imperius Curse, was installed as Voldemort's puppet Minister of Magic. Kingsley managed to warn us of the coup by sending his Patronus to the Burrow, where Bill and Fleur's reception was being held. Death Eaters stormed the wedding looking for Harry. Various of us were interrogated, but none were killed. In the meantime, Harry had vanished along with Hermione and Ron. Since then we had almost no news of him, what he was doing and where he was. We knew he was doing something that Dumbledore had given him before he died, but we had no idea what it was. He had flatly refused the help of Sirius and Remus. The fewer people knew, the better - that what he said.

While Voldemort controlled the Ministry, the Order members were fugitives. The Weasleys were kept under heavy surveillance, as they were known to associate with Harry. The Taboo curse was placed upon Voldemort's name since only enemies of the Dark Lord were willing to speak it aloud. This caused Kingsley and Sirius to nearly be captured after saying the name but they managed to fight off the Death Eaters that attacked them and went on the run.

Voldemort and the Death Eaters were not afraid of anything. They were pursued Muggles, Muggle-borns, and all with the suspicion that they had no magic blood. An informal organization of so-called Snatchers was set up, whose task was to arrest such people, but also all those who considered for traitors. Remus and I were just that - traitors, members of the Order of the Phoenix, prominent followers of Dumbledore's ideas, and defenders of Harry Potter.

The Order led the underground resistance, participating in the radio programme _Potterwatch_ , which broadcast the truth while the Daily Prophet and other news outlets were controlled by the corrupted Ministry. The Order encouraged people to do as they were doing — protect innocent Muggles from being harmed for the amusement of Death Eaters, and Muggle-borns who were being persecuted by the Ministry's new Muggle-born Registration Commission. They also encouraged the wizarding community to stay strong and united, especially in such dark times. Fred, Remus, Sirius and Kingsley appeared in Potterwatch as correspondents.

A muffled sound pulled me back into the present and I gripped my wand. The twins slept quietly in their cribs, Remus had to be on watch somewhere outside. I couldn’t stay in this tent. 

I stepped lightly to the entrance and listened. All I heard was the pounding of my own heart. I gripped the wand tight when I went out in the freezing February cold. I peered into the dark not sure where was Remus. He had to be nearby. I surveyed my surroundings. The night was black as pitch save for the embers dying in the firepit and a sliver of moonlight sneaking through the bare branches. I could barely make out the figure leaning against a nearby tree. 

"Rem?" I finally whispered. I didn't recognise my own voice. It was hoarse and dry. Fear, cold and sudden warmth seemed to pinch my vocal cords.

The figure didn't move. I silently stepped closer. In the murky light, I could see the man with his back to me. Remus was asleep. My heart sank. I was supposed to be on duty tonight, but he insisted. He was on duty almost every night, he was very tired the last few days, but he still wanted me and the children to rest. I had to wake him up to go to bed, not to suffer on this cold ground. I couldn't sleep anyway, I could at least let him rest this night.

I reached a bit to touch him, jostle him to wake. Just as I leaned over him, I stepped on a wig. Before I knew what had happened, Remus had me pinned down on the ground with the full weight of his body, eyes as lethal as the wand he held at my throat.

Remus's eyes softened as clarity came over him. The wand carefully moved away from my flesh as he loosened his grip. 

"For Merlin sake, Ash" he breathed.

I finally released the breath I didn't know I was holding. 

Remus lifted his head and met my eyes once again this time full of concern, "Did I hurt you?"

All I could do was numbly shake my head as words escaped me. Gentle fingers, not believing my answer, glided across my neck searching for any kind of physical wound he might have inflicted. Remus turned his attention to my body and sighed with relief, realizing he hadn't hurt me. He brought my wrist to his lips and pressed a feather-light kiss on my pulse point. It's was an apology.

"I'm sorry, I fell asleep. And I thought of you as an enemy."

"There is no need to apologize. You have to leave me on the watch. You can't protect us all the time, you can't physically endure."

Remus's expression was pained while his eyes were closed as if he were trying to command himself for something. He had not moved off me the entire time even though his weight had lessened. What amounted to only a few passing moments, felt like a lifetime to me. I was slightly aroused, despite the cold creeping up my back from the cold ground. Because of this constant escape in recent months, we had almost no time and energy for sex. We did not lack love and intimacy, but the thought of rough sex to the brink of exhaustion crept slightly into my thoughts.

I pushed myself up with my arm to sit as he was with his haunches resting on his calves. I almost smiled at the dishevelled man before me. His hair a mess and the robe wrinkled from sleep. I liked him this way, I decided. He had a certain vulnerability and boyishness at this moment.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and held myself against him. 

He was solid. Not an ounce of extra padding on him. I could feel the heat of his body despite the cold night. I knew every taught muscle and a light tickle of hair on his chest but still, I wanted him again and again as if I saw him for the first time. I buried my nose into the crook of his neck and breathed in. Remus had a scent that was all his own. I liked that too.

After a time, I realised he hadn't moved and didn't touch me except where I was embracing him. His hands ghosted up my arms and placed them on my shoulders gently pushing me away from him. Still so close that I could feel his breath on my face, I opened my eyes to look at him. The air between us was charged and my heart raced. His dark eyes bore into mines in such a way that I couldn't look away. His hands were still holding my shoulders as he pulled me forward and I held my breath.

But as my eyes closed and felt a tingle of anticipation, the sensation of his lips pressing against my forehead was peculiar. When he pulled away, I opened my eyes and felt a huge disappointment. 

The moment was gone. I sat confused at what didn't happen. Why did he withdraw from me every time I tried to deepen my kisses and caresses? I could see that he wanted me. Then why? 

"What's going on, Rem? I know you're tired and exhausted. But we haven't had sex in months, and I feel like you're avoiding me. Every time I want to go deeper in our touches, you back off. What's wrong? Do you still want me?"

His face softened and he approached me. "Look at me, Ash." I met his gaze. "Never think that I do not want you. In fact, right now I imagine leaning you against this tree and fuck you hard to the brink of exhaustion." I swallowed slowly, imagining his words. "But I can't do it. I'm afraid that if I divert my attention from protecting you, something terrible will happen. Someone will attack or find us. I will never forgive myself if something happens to you while I am satisfying my own desires. At the moment, I curse myself for the time I was asleep."

That sounded damn stupid and real at the same time.

"Ethan and Hope have me too. I can take care of them and myself. Don't take the whole burden alone. We're in this together." Then I smiled slightly, trying to lift his spirits. "And I don't know how long you'll survive if you keep me without sex."

The corners of his lips twitched and his smile reached his eyes. Then he pulled me close.

"Maybe we should go to my father for a while. He'll help with the children, we'll make on the house Fidelius charm, so we won't have to have someone on watch all the time. At least temporarily take a break from all this chase. Then I promise to drag you somewhere..." He brushed slightly my ear with his lips. " ...and fuck you tirelessly for hours."

I smiled, snuggling in his chest.

***

Lyall's house had a lot of defences, although most were against the Muggles. We were able to further secure it by applying the Fidelius charm as Remus became the Secret keeper. 

The Fidelius Charm was an extremely difficult, multifaceted and potent charm that can be used to conceal a secret inside an individual's soul. A dwelling whose location has been protected by this spell was then invisible, intangible, and soundproof. This was an extremely old spell, one of the most ancient of all.

Lyell was extremely happy to stay with him for a while. Despite Remus' worries that we were putting his father's life at risk while we were there, we all needed some time to catch our breath. And the twins adored their grandfather, who invented all sorts of merry and crazy spells to entertain them. They were almost a year old and making their first swaying steps.

Sometimes I stared into their clear eyes and wondered how I could keep their childhood innocence in a world that was falling apart around us.

They were growing so fast. I tried to memorize every moment with them, hoping never to forget the smallest details. The way how Hope moved like her knees were just hinges, wobbling to and fro before falling on her padded bottom. The way she clapped like it was all part of the plan and rolling to her stomach to get up again. The way she giggled, waving her arms to pick her up. Her scent of innocent, the colour of her black hair, the way she looked dressed in the primrose pinafore dress.

Ethan with his deep amber eyes he had inherited from his father. The way he looked at me with a childish charm made my heart beat faster. His favourite game - trying to see how many of his fingers he could wedge into my mouth. The way he giggled or held his little hands wide for a hug, his mittened hands looking so sweet and comical. He had these chubby cheeks, I'll never forget them, how they dimpled when he smiled.

I thank Remus every day. Because of him and because of the children. They were my family, they were my home.

The home was wherever they were. Bed down in a barn and that was our home. Sleep under the stars and our abode had no walls. Home, my lovely ones, was a state of mind and we were at home wherever we were together.

***

Remus had already lit a fire and the room was warm and comforting. He was sitting behind a desk near the fireplace, flipping through a book for defensive spells. We had been in his father's house for several days, and Remus stayed up late every night, searching for new and new ways to protect me and the twins.

I saw a fresh decanter of wine near him and was desperate for a drink. I rolled my eyes - probably that's how people become alcoholics - from lack of sex.

I got up and poured myself a glass and Remus looked up, his eyes sliding from the glass to my wine-moistened lips. _Merlin, I missed his touch._ I came around the desk and boldly sat on his thigh and began looking through the books.

“What are you searching so intently on? I don't think there is a more secure house all over England.” I could feel his curious gaze as I pretended to be interested in his studies. When he didn’t answer, I turned to look at him innocently.

“What’s gotten into you?” He sounded roughly amused.

I smiled seductively, “ _You_ … and the promise you made me a few days ago” Remus huffed with a hint of laughter and I eyed him as I took a drink of wine, challenging him. _You will not escape me tonight, Remus Lupin._

Remus flinched his eyes to my lips, then took the glass from my hand, and after taking a much-needed gulp, placed it as far from my reach as possible. “It’s probably time you went to bed.”

“Oh? Am I distracting you… _Sir_?” I inched closer up to his lap; I could smell wine on his breath.

“Yes,” he drawled but his eyes were slowly darkening. I could feel the change ever so slightly in his breathing. I gazed at his lips with hunger.

“Hmm, then I probably shouldn’t do this, should I?” I kissed him very softly trying to coax him to kiss me back. I opened my mouth a bit and teased the seam of his lips with my tongue and he couldn’t resist anymore. When he opened his mouth in response, my tongue touched the tip of his and I was lost. I moaned into his mouth and he kissed me back. He tasted of mulled wine and a hint of chocolate. Dark, dark chocolate. I loved the way he kissed as his hand found the back of my head and tilted it to give him better access. _How I missed all this._

I needed to get closer but my dress was a hindrance. I stood up, my mouth never leaving him, hitched up my skirts to straddle his lap before he could protest. Oh, I could feel he was hard through his pants and desire coursed through my veins. _  
_

I smiled against his lips. “Do you want to go back to your books?“

I felt more than heard a deep chuckle as I kissed down his throat. Remus pushed me back and his eyes were almost black. He smiled and lightly touched around my mouth with his index finger. “Unfortunately, I will have to leave them for a while to fulfil a promise.“

I kissed his finger and boldly took the digit into my mouth not breaking his gaze. The look in his eyes was pure fascination as I lightly sucked and swirled my tongue around his finger all the way to the hilt. I held his hand in place and stared at him. His hardness was growing and I brazenly added pressure from my hips while sucking his finger.

Oh, I wanted him so badly right now and would not leave this room discontented. Not tonight.

I kissed him without abandon and forcefully rocked my hips against his cock causing him to moan into my open mouth. _Oh_ , I missed hearing that sound from him. His hands came to my hips and stilled them. I found a pulse point under his jaw and suckled it, “You promised me to do me all night. But I'm not sure if you'll last that long? “ I ground down hard on his cock that forced out a harsh breath from him making him clutch my hips so hard it almost hurt. My hand snaked under my skirts and found him.

He hissed and his eyes were wild with desire. I was breathing so hard; my mouth was dry as his head dipped to my chest. One of his hand unbuttoned my shirt and he leaned to taste my breast. My eyes rolled back at the lapping of his tongue around my perk nipple and moaned into his ear. As his mouth lavished attention, he pulled me upwards to give his hand more room to manoeuvre. I felt one of his fingers push inside me and I couldn’t help but moan. It had been well over a month since I had him last and I knew I would come very quickly. I clenched his finger involuntarily and the sensation to him must have been that of pure pleasure for his voice cracked.

“ _Oh, Ash... I missed that._ ”

I rose up on my knees, not realizing how much they were aching in this cramped position and kissed him while my feet found the floor again. I trailed kisses down his neck as my body lowered. I gently pushed his thighs apart and rested between them. He was breathing heavy and I could only stare at him slouched in front of me. The bulge in his pants was evident and only inches from my head. I ran my hands along his thighs slowly when the tips of my fingers skirted his cock, he flinched with a sharp intake of breath. I didn’t touch him there, not yet. I leaned forward and lightly kissed down his abdomen reaching his navel. His muscles contracted and breathing increased. I glanced up and his eyes were black with lust watching my every move. Never breaking eye contact, I gently unbuttoned his pants releasing him.

I lightly stroked him with my hand. I heard him curse under his breath, and I wanted to hear him again. I found a slow rhythm thinking of how he felt inside me. Slow and controlled as my hand came to the tip and I kissed it. I looked up again and Remus’s eyes were glazed and waiting. I was teasing him and I could tell he was getting frustrated. He needed friction. Finally, I took him into my mouth and this time he moaned my name. It was the sweetest sound. I set a slow rhythm again. I swirled my tongue around him all while keeping a firm grip with my hand. His breathing became harder as his fingers wound through my hair. His hips moved with the timing of my hand and I felt a slight pressure on my head. I moaned and the vibration lit him on fire. His hips were becoming more insistent, he needed something more. I lowered my mouth as far as I could and Remus groaned deeply. I worked on him a little harder and began sucking.

He hissed harshly, “ _Yes_ … that’s it.”

He gripped my hair a bit rougher and his breathing became shorter gasps. He was breaking underneath me and it was the most erotic thing to make someone come undone.

Right when I thought he would come, he quickly stopped me. Remus pulled my face to him and his roughly kissed me silencing my protest to finish what I started.

“You may have started this, but I’m going to finish it.”

With that, he hauled me up and sat me on the desk. Remus hiked up my skirts and dipped his hand under my panties. I gasped knowing he would find me ready for him. He smiled wickedly and tore the fabric away and spreading my legs further apart. My eyes were wide at how quickly the tables were turned. He meant to take me right here on the desk. Remus grabbed my hips and roughly yanked my ass to the edge of the desk where I was fully pressed against him. He grinned roguishly as he rocked his hardness against my sex. 

“Are you giving up?“ He kissed me again and breathed into my waiting mouth.

Remus took my arms and brought them around his neck bringing me against his body. I moaned as his tongue danced with mines and I felt him hook his arms under my knees aggressively opening me up to him. 

“I hope not. Because I'm just getting started.”

Before the words left his mouth, he thrust all the way to the hilt. He kept me quiet with his mouth devouring mines. He was roughly pounding into me as if he could not get enough of me. The sweat on the back of his neck from the exertion and hearing him grunt with lust as he kissed me. I felt myself clenching him, and I knew I was close. I moaned his name and when his cock hit a certain angle I cried out.

“Shhh… we will wake up the whole house.” he grinned without losing a beat.

I held on tighter and willed myself to be silent, but oh he was so good. I was going to come hard and I couldn’t keep still. I buried my face into his neck and practically screamed biting into his skin. My walls clamped down hard on him and he hissed in my ear, “Oh gods yes, that’s it… _come for me_.” Hearing him say it made another wave crash into me and I could feel myself pulse around him again. “ _Oh fuck…_ “ He drove into me again and again and then his whole body tensed and I felt him spill inside me.

I held him close as I came down. I tasted the saltiness of his skin and something else, something metallic. I pulled my mouth away and looked in dull horror. I bit him. I bit him hard enough to draw his blood. I felt him ease my shaking legs down to the desk and suddenly I was embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

Remus tilted my chin up and kissed me. His tongue touched the bottom of my lip tasting his own blood. He looked near his collarbone to survey the damage and chuckled to himself, “I daresay that’s a scar I’m proud to have.” 

For the longest time, we rested naked on the sofa enjoying the warmth of the fireplace and each other. I opened my eyes when I felt him shift a bit. One of his hands were caressing my torso and one hand slowly drifted down as fingers find my clit. I gasped as his digits explored and my hips jerked back against him. I turned back to him questioningly.

"I promised you all night, do you remember?" he grinned mischievously and leaned to kiss me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters till the end. I'm a little bit sad and happy at the same time that I brought this story almost to the end. I love those two. Thank you for the support ❤️


	42. The difference is from earth to heaven - I

I woke up before the nightmare's end. But I could still feel the feeling of falling down. I could hear my heavy breathing and the sweat from my forehead was enough to fill an entire bottle. It was just a nightmare, I was trying to convince myself. But why did I keep dreaming the same thing?

The wolf, the graveyard, the feeling that I lost something.

And the witch. Her prophecy. Her words. They were engraved with embers on my skin, and when I closed my eyes I could see burning letters written on the backside of my eyelids, and her hoarse voice echoed in my head.

I was a fool. To worry about some dreams and one memory when the world around me was actually falling apart. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the nightmare. I licked my lips, they were dry as straw, I needed a glass of water. I got out of bed carefully, trying not to wake Remus. I left the room quietly and looked around for the large green kitchen door. I was used to the constant change of the rooms' locations in this house, and as much as Remus complained about confusing the toilet with the closet, I liked it.

Entering the small but cosy kitchen, I was surprised that I was not the only one awake at this time of night. Lyall was sitting at the table with a cup of tea and an open book in front of him. He looked up at me and smiled warmly.

"You can't sleep?" he asked me.

"Something like that," I replied.

"Remus told me you had nightmares."

"Nothing special," I said, worried that my husband had shared this with his father. But Lyall always gave me the feeling that I could tell him everything and find solace and advice. Perhaps it was this that provoked me to continue the conversation: "It just repeats the same thing every time and it looks so real. At first, I attributed it to pregnancy, but that time has passed and the nightmare remains."

"Come on, let me pour you some tea and you'll tell me," he told me, pointing to the silver teapot beside him. Dainty cups and saucers of egg-shell china were grouped about it; a miniature silver tray held a sugar-dish and a cream-pot and a half-dozen gold-lined spoons. Everything was arranged as if he was waiting for someone to join him.

I sat at the table and watched how carefully he poured me a cup of hot tea. Memories were often invoked by a fragrance, for me, it was this smell. The scent of herbs blew me away and brought me back to my childhood with my grandmother.

"I say let the world go to hell, but I should always have my tea. That's what my grandmother used to say. " I said, and gratefully took the glass from Lyall's hands.

"I would like your grandmother if I had the opportunity to know her."

I smiled and stared at this old calm face, in which I found so many familiar features with the man I loved so much. And the strangest thing was that I hadn't told Remus in detail about my dreams, perhaps for fear that if I said them out loud, they would come true. But now, with a cup of tea in my hand, I was able to tell my father-in-law everything. The nightmare. The fear of the witch and her prophecy. The Boggart.

He was silent for a few minutes after I finished my story, frowning slightly and looking thoughtfully at a point in front of him. Finally, he spoke:

"I can't say anything about the nightmare, it looks torn to me. The strange thing is that it seems to follow the words of the witch, but I do not see how it could be related. As for your fear and the boggart, my son was right. Your fear is provoked by the idea of prophecy rather than its contentу. The fear of predestination, perhaps. Fear of fate. Fear that no matter what you do, in the end, your choices don't matter. "

"Do you believe in fate?"

"And yes, and no. I believe in free will and the power of choices. All of our choices are formed by our past and the experiences that have led us to where we are today. The prophecies contain information about things that could happen, but not because they are foretold, but because we have chosen to do so. I don't know if you understand the subtle difference." I frowned, trying to understand his words. He continued: "Look, let me give you an example. You walk around the city, eat a hot dog or something and see a hungry stray dog on the verge of death. There are two options - to give him your food or to pass him by and let him die of starvation. The dog's life will not depend on whether he has a destiny or not, it will depend on what kind of person you are and what choice you will make. We are free to be who we are, but some choices are just so far from our character that they seem almost impossible. In this case, you will not think about predestination, but will simply help the dog."

I finally understood what he meant. Some things happen in our lives, not because they were so predestined, but because we ourselves - with our feelings and character - would not choose otherwise. We choose not because of destiny, but because of ourselves. And the difference is from earth to heaven.

***

"For Merlin's sake, Ash! Is there a year in which you don't have an accident?" Remus told me as he carried me across the threshold of the house. "Let me take a look at that wound." He laid me carefully on the sofa, his fingers sliding lightly over the torn fabric of my pants, I clenched my teeth to keep from screaming in pain as his hand touched the open wound. "Father, fetch me the Essence of Dittany," he asked his father impatiently, who was just entering the room, obviously attracted by the noise. "Could have been worse," he muttered to himself and lifted my leg at an odd angle, making me hiss. Before I could protest, I felt a sharp click, and the pain lessened dramatically.

"What happened?" Lyall asked, handing Remus the bottle of potion.

"Graphorn. Ash came too close, it's good that I was nearby and I managed to get her out. "

"Graphorn - the mountain beasts? I thought they were gone."

"Me too," I finally replied, after the essence of Dittany had begun to work. "I could not believe my eyes. He looked old and wounded. I thought I could help him."

"Old and wounded, but he was about to pierce you with his horns. For Merlin's sake, Ash, this kindness of yours will get you nowhere." Remus told me angrily, but I could clearly see in his eyes how worried he was.

"I'm sorry," I told him and held out my hand to him. His features softened. Sighing, he took my hand and kissed it tenderly.

"You probably won't be able to get out of bed and move for a few days, but I think we were very lucky that nothing worse happened. Here, chocolate. You'll feel better. "

***

"Ash" Remus shouted from downstairs. "Guess who came to visit us."

I had a hard time getting out of bed. The wound had not yet healed after 2 days of the accident and it was difficult for me to stand upright for a long time, but at least I no longer relied on anyone to move around the house.

It was funny for Remus to ask such a thing, given that the only possible person who could visit us was Sirius. I had barely stood when my uncle strode into the chamber. I beamed at him and he opened his arms wide for a hug.

I snuggled in, "You're the only person I know that gives indefinite hugs."

Sirius snickered, "Well, love, where else would I rather be?" At that moment the arms squeezed a fraction tighter and I breathed more slowly, my body melting into my uncle's as every muscle lost its tension to the spring air. I was worried about him. I missed him. I missed our uncle-niece conversations and jokes. "I learned you're in trouble again." He pulled away from me as if examining the damage. His gaze stopped on my bandaged leg and just shook his head.

“You’ll stay for dinner, right?” I diverted his attention from the subject and smiled. "Ethan just learned to stick to the baby broom you gave him."

There was something so intoxicating about excited children. They bounced, they pounced, they squealed and they ran. As their grins got wider everyone about them started to smile. That was how the twins were today as if they were bursting with liquid sunshine from within. Ethan was sitting on my uncle’s leg who’s tapping with both his hands on the lid of a container with quick rhythms, which was like playing a drum. Ethan was watching my uncle’s tapping actions with such interest that it was ridiculous. The adoration written on the child's face, caused by Sirius' activity, could not help but evoke warmth and smiles in us. He looked like he was being jangled by invisible strings from above, only his puppeteer was drunk. The only thing I could make out beneath his moving hair was a smile that could light up any day, no matter how dark. Wasn't that the gift that children bring? To showed us a spark of pureness with the hope that ours was still able to shine back at them. Hope, on the other hand, played peek-a-boo with Remus. Her surprise and astonishment when her father hid behind his arms were so unadulterated that when Remus reappeared, her baby's laughter spread through the house. Her giggle rolled about the room - vibrant and heartwarming. It was as if there was an invisible feather at the little girl's nape brushing softly; she squirmed and raised her shoulders to hide the little neck she had. "Only a child can laugh so," I thought, "but why shouldn't we all laugh so freely?"

Remus's gaze shifted to me and I saw the radiance in his eyes, which further filled my heart with warmth. He hugged our daughter and approached me. He kissed me and whispered, "I love you." Just when I wanted to answer my husband, two small children's hands hugged me. " ‘ove u, mama’"

Was she really said that? As if hearing his sister's words, and they were constantly copying each other, Ethan repeated: " ‘ove u, mama’" Having all my love ones here close to me just put the whole world into perspective. Everything else just disappeared.

***

"Won't you stay here to sleep?" "I asked Sirius shortly after we put the twins to sleep and saw that he was getting ready to leave.

"No, they will be waiting for me." He replied and smiled, seeing my surprised expression in his words.

“Who will be waiting for you? I think Kingsley will survive one night without your witty remarks. “

"I don't live with Kingsley. " He replied, running his fingers through his hair. A smile flickered on his lips.

"Sirius, aren't you telling me you're dating someone? “I raised my eyebrows in surprise and stand up from my chair to look at my uncle.

“Will you believe me if I say yes?” he chided playfully, but a tone a seriousness underscored his meaning.

I must have had a look of complete surprise and confusion on my face. I didn’t have the slightest clue what to say. Sirius walked to me and gave me a little kiss on the cheek. When he pulled back, his eyes were shining. At last, my surprise was replaced by real joy. My heart was beating wildly from excitement.

“But, uncle, that's great! Why didn't you tell us earlier?“

“Angie wanted to talk to you first before you met each other, I told her so much about you, I couldn't just show up on the doorstep with her without warning.“

“Angie?“ I grinned wickedly with smiling. “ You don't think I'm going to let you go just by giving me a little bit of information. Now you sit on this sofa and tell me all the details about this mysterious lady who managed to catch you.“

“You're not going anywhere, mate! Ash will keep you here all night until she understands everything. ” Remus laughed and sat down in one of the armchairs.

Looking at me, Sirius sighed in resignation. But I knew him well. All this mystery was just a game he played to keep us in suspense. In fact, he couldn't wait to tell us everything.

“Angelica Cole" he began sitting on the sofa,“ Kingsley introduced us even before the Ministry fell. She worked there in one of the departments and helped him with the paperwork. In the beginning, it was the typical flirt. She keeps her distance for a while, I get more insistent, she pulls a little, I pull a little. You know how it is. But in the end, she gave in to my attempts to impress her. In the end, I thought she was the most astonishing girl I ever met... easy to talk to and fun to be around. There is beauty in being a good listener, someone who seeks to make connections and joy and see things from new perspectives. She is beautiful, she was something robust and real."

I felt myself melt because of his words. “Uncle, that's so sweet. I'm really happy about you two!“

“I can introduce you to her next time. In the current situation, it is a little difficult, you know well. She is also hiding as she is muggle-born... and she is also pregnant...“

Realizing his last words, I hugged him fiercely. I land a sweet kiss on his cheek before bursting into happy tears.

“I didn't think it would be so emotional.“ Sirius told me, hugging me tightly.

“I think that's what you meant, mate.“ Remus told him with a wide smile and came to us to hug his friend.

“Honestly, I would be a little disappointed if there weren't at least a few tears. But you, Ash, fulfilled all my expectations.“ he laughed.

I still couldn't say anything out of excitement. 

“Do you know what is also fun in the whole situation?“ Remus began, and Sirius and I looked at him expectantly. “ Ash and Sirius 'future child will be cousins, and the baby will actually be the twins' uncle or aunt, and it will actually be younger than them.“

We all burst out laughing.

***

“Send her greetings from us.“ I told my uncle when he really had to leave one hour later.

“I hope this war will end soon and we will live as one big happy family.“ Sirius hugged me goodbye. But he continued, picking up a topic that interested us all. Harry. An unspoken rule had arisen between us not to mention him unless we knew something new about him. He stubbornly refused any help from us, and we had no idea what he was doing. “ As you know, Bill sheltered him for a while. According to him, they are planning something with the goblin. I have a hunch, I hope I'm wrong.“

“He is our last hope.“ said Remus. "We have to trust him."

The gloomy thoughts I had falsely tried to ignore in recent weeks flooded me like cold autumn rain. I would happily bury myself in this false, safe house, living like a happy ordinary family. But I knew that the world outside was falling apart, and this peaceful tribal reality would soon crack. Always in the back of my mind, I was anticipating the hidden dagger, the cracking of this illusion. Something was just waiting for us to let our guard down. I felt the hidden tension in everyone, each of us expecting something to happen soon.

As if in response to my thoughts and worries, a silver sphere appeared in the middle of the living room, which quickly turned into a familiar tabby cat. The Patronus of McGonagall.

"Harry is here. Snape ran away. Hogwarts needs the Order of the Phoenix. Voldemort is coming, he is coming..."

The last words faded immediately after the silver cat's disappearance. But the few seconds of silence that followed was deafening. My brain stuttered for a moment and my eyes took in more light than I expected, every part of me went on pause while my thoughts catch up.

"We're leaving now." Remus broke the painful silence. "We'll be apparated to Aberforth. There is a hidden passage to Hogwarts." 

"Okay, I just want to send a message to Angelica quickly," Sirius said. "Can I invite her to come here and stay with Ash?"

Before Remus answered, I intervened in a firm voice, " What do you mean to stay here with me? I am also from the Order of the Phoenix and I come with you."

I saw Sirius glance at Remus as if expecting some support. He began to speak a little hesitantly. "Because of the kids..."

"For Merlin's sake, Ash. I don't think we have anything to comment on." Remus turned to me in a hard voice, his eyes steadfast. "You can barely move with that leg wound. How do you plan to defend yourself?"

My eyes filled with tears of anger. I had completely forgotten about my legs at that moment. I tried to move it in an attempt to prove that the wound would not stop me. The pain shot at me sharply and disarmingly. My leg gave in and I grabbed Remus's arm in an attempt to keep from falling. I gritted my teeth, my powerless flooded me. I couldn't stop my angry tears. How could I be so weak at such a moment?

"Ash, that's better." Remus hugged me, his voice now not as hard as it had been before, but gentle and quiet. " Apparently the wound is a sign of fate that you should stay here. The children will need you. Sirius and I will be fine. Do not worry. "

"How not to worry?" I cried, pressed to his chest. My tears were a mixture of anger, helplessness and anxiety. "I'll stay here doing nothing while you risk your life there. I hate that stupid wound." I pulled away from my husband and began to stroke my injured leg with all my might in an attempt to express all the helplessness that was flooding me at that moment. There was a scream from deep within that forced its way from my mouth, it was as if my terrified soul had unleashed a demon. All I felt was anger, all I felt was that I didn't want to sit here blankly. My fists clenched and my teeth locked up once the sound was out. I slumped helplessly to the floor, ignoring the pain in my leg.

"Shhhh," Remus hugged me again for a moment, then took gently my chin and made me look at him. "Okay, I won't promise you that everything will be fine. But that could be the end of this nightmare, you know what we're fighting for. Maybe better times are coming. " his voice soothed as he wiped the tears from my face. "Sirius and I will take care of each other."

"Yes, kiddo." Sirius joined in, squatting beside me as well. " If nothing else, I've learned a lot of protective spells lately. I will take care of your husband and myself." He smiled soothingly.

I tried to respond to his smile and their reassurance, but I couldn't. I hugged them tightly, hoping to hold them close to me for another moment. Long after they left the house, I sat on the ground, trying to keep the warmth of our last hug. Closing my eyes, their faces were in front of me, but gradually they began to fade.

***

There was no sound in the house, yet I and Lyall were moving, moving and not talking. The twins were sleeping. Lyall was doing the jobs he has been meaning to do for months, somehow they were now pressing, urgent even. I sat, unable to do anything, foot-tapping up and down like some dumb wind-up toy. In this tension, I could barely formulate a thought. My nerves were on edge. After a while, the artificial calm I had written on my face cracked again. Fat tears started to drop down my cheeks. I shouted. There was something in that shout, a pain behind it. The anger was nothing but a shield for pain, a shield against my powerless. I breathed in real slow. 

I felt a soothing hug. I opened my eyes and looked at Lyall's blue eyes. I stared at the pale old man's features, which bore the same anxiety as mine.

"Do you believe in fate?" he asked me the same thing I had asked him a few days ago.

I shook my head.

He smiled and said, "There's a way to dull the pain in your leg. It was an old forgotten spell. But the effect isn't long-lasting and you can have bad consequences."

I opened my eyes. "How long can it last?"

"A day, maybe more. But I really warn you, then there may be bad damage to your legs. The spell heals you with your own magical powers. The more magic you use, the more its effect will weaken."

"Does not matter. Remus and Sirius may have less than a day. I have to be there."

He nodded understandingly. "Do you want me to try?"

"Yes"

He pulled out his wand and swung it over the wound on my leg in a few waves. He whispered some words I didn't understand, but warmth spilt over my legs. After a few moments, Lyall looked up questioningly. I moved my leg. The pain was gone, though the wound was still visible under the bandage. I stood up and smiled in disbelief. As if I wasn't hurt.

I ran to the twins' room, knowing I didn't have much time. They slept quietly and peacefully, uninterested in the world around them. Their innocence in their sleep made my heart tremble. 

"You are so loved. Mama loves you. Dada loves you. Hope, be safe. Ethan, be strong. "

I kissed their foreheads and stroked their heads lightly. I closed my eyes, memorizing their faces and their scent. I took a deep breath and left their room.

I went to Lyall and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you. Take care of them."

"Take care," he said and shook my hand with a pledge of promise.

"The power of our choices," I smiled at him. "And the difference is from earth to heaven."

I saw his sad smile before I left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I told you there were two more chapters left. But this one turned out to be quite long and I decided that I should divide it into two parts. There wasn't much left until the end.


	43. The difference is from earth to heaven - II

I had to make my way through the students in the narrow corridor. As far as I know from Aberforth, all the younger ones and those who did not want to take part in the battle were evacuated. I passed frightened children, and the determination that this war should end once and for all was imprinted on my face.

I turned a corner and there ahead of me was the end of the passage. Another short flight of steps led to a door just like the one hidden behind Ariana's portrait. I pushed it open and climbed through. The room was enormous and looked rather like the interior of a particularly sumptuous treehouse, or perhaps a gigantic ship's cabin. Multicoloured hammocks were strung from the ceiling and from the balcony that ran around the dark wood-panelled and windowless walls, which were covered in bright tapestry hangings. I saw the gold Gryffindor lion, emblazoned on scarlet; the black badger of Hufflepuff, set against yellow; and the bronze eagle of Ravenclaw, on blue. There were bulging bookcases, a few broomsticks propped against the walls, and in the corner, large wood-cased wireless. It was empty except for two women: Ginny and an elderly witch wearing a moth-eaten hat.

They both ran to me, but before they could tell me anything, I turned to the door I had come from and swung the wand to seal it. A slight pain went through my wound and I remembered Lyall's words that the more magic I used, the more the effect would weaken.

"I think we need to seal this entrance. Aberforth has left the pub." I said, ignoring my last thoughts.

At that moment, Harry, Ron, and Hermione burst through the other door, their faces flushed. The old sorceress was the first to address them.

"Ah, Potter," she said crisply as if she had been waiting for him. "You can tell us what's going on."

"Is everyone okay?" said Ginny and me together. 

"As far as we know," said Harry. "Are there still people in the passage to the Hog's Head?" 

"I was the last to come through," I said. "I sealed it"

"Have you seen my grandson?" said the old witch.

"He's fighting," said Harry. 

"Naturally," said the old lady proudly. "Excuse me, I must go and assist him." With surprising speed, she trotted off toward the stone steps. 

Harry looked at me."I thought you were supposed to be with the twins at Lupin's father?" 

"I couldn't stand not knowing –" I said anguished. "He'll look after them – have you seen Remus and Sirius?" 

"They were planning to lead a group of fighters into the grounds –" 

"Do you need help?"I asked him.

"I need time to find something. Help me by slowing down Voldemort to get in here as long as possible."

I nodded, clutching his arm lightly, and left the room, hoping to find Remus and Sirius soon.

I learned to control panic as a child. That came at a cost to my health but gave me a survival advantage in this kind of situation. I left my feelings in the background - anxiety, worry, fear and let the goal guide me. Step by step. I had to find Remus and Sirius. The whole school was preparing for battle. I met acquaintances and strangers, but no one had any idea where they were. I wandered in vain for a while, and I felt despair begin to overwhelm me. I shook my head in an attempt to dispel these feelings and gather my thoughts.

Suddenly yells and shouts and the unmistakable noises of duelling filled the corridor. I looked around and my heart seemed to fail: Death Eaters had penetrated Hogwarts. Fred and Percy had just backed into view, both of them duelling masked and hooded men. Harry, Ron, and Hermione appeared beside me. The four of us rushed into battle. Jets of light flew in every direction.

With each attacking or defensive spell I did, I felt slight stabs in my leg, as if someone were sticking thin needles into the open wound. They were not something I could not stand, and I decided to ignore them, at least for now. Lyall promised me the magic should last at least a day. A thin voice whispered to me that it all depends on how much magic I use. But the situation did not allow anything else.

The man duelling Percy backed off, fast: Then his hood slipped and I saw a high forehead and streaked hair – “Hello, Minister!” bellowed Percy, sending a neat jinx straight at Thicknesse, who dropped his wand and clawed at the front of his robes, apparently in awful discomfort. “Did I mention I’m resigning?” 

“You’re joking, Perce!” shouted Fred as the Death Eater he was battling collapsed under the weight of three separate Stunning Spells. Thicknesse had fallen to the ground with tiny spikes erupting all over him; he seemed to be turning into some form of sea urchin. Fred looked at Percy with glee. “You actually are joking, Perce. . . . I don’t think I’ve heard you joke since you were –“

The air exploded. We had been grouped together, me, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred, and Percy, the two Death Eaters at their feet, one Stunned, the other Transfigured; and in that fragment of a moment, when danger seemed temporarily at bay, the world in my eyes seemed to stop. I saw the falling stones and I felt the cold air. Just like in my dream. A part of my mind that was still working at full speed knew what I had to do. I cast a spell on the falling rocks, hoping to catch them before they landed on Fred. I knew it would cost a lot of my energy, but I didn't hesitate for a moment. This fact was just simply registered in my mind. It was just a fact. 

_The choices we make._

I was half-buried in the wreckage of a corridor that had been subjected to a terrible attack. Cold air told me that the side of the castle had been blown away, and hot stickiness on my cheek told me that I was bleeding copiously.

Fred came down to me first. “Thank you, Ash! If it weren't for you, this wall would have collapsed on me. Are you okay? You're bleeding!“ 

Realizing his words, I looked down at my body. Indeed, the bandage of my wound was soaked with blood as if it had just opened. I held my hand to the slash, but no matter the pressure I applied the blood had still gushed between my fingers and oozed under my hand. It had spread into my pants, the bright red quickly darkening, taking on a brownish hue. The pain had appeared. Still dull and bearable.

"Don't worry. I'll be fine..." Before I could finish a body fell past the hole blown into the side of the school and curses flew in at us from the darkness, hitting the wall behind our heads. 

"Get down!" Harry shouted, as more curses flew through the night.

Hermione screamed, and I, turning, did not need to ask why. A monstrous spider the size of a small car was trying to climb through the huge hole in the wall. Acromantula had joined the fight. I and Harry shouted together; our spells collided and the monster was blown backwards, its legs jerking horribly, and vanished into the darkness. 

"It brought friends!" Harry called to us, glancing over the edge of the castle through the hole in the wall the curses had blasted. More giant spiders were climbing the side of the building, liberated from the Forbidden Forest, into which the Death Eaters must have penetrated. Harry fired Stunning Spells down upon them, knocking the lead monster into its fellows, so that they rolled back down the building and out of sight. We all joined in his attempts to repel the monsters, but they kept coming. We would not be able to repel them for long. They were numerous.

A desperate thought crossed my mind that once the spiders had reached the castle, the protection from the forest had probably fallen. And everyone claimed that Sirius and Remus were fighting there. Despite the ringing in my ears, I could hear Harry shouting, "Let's move, NOW!"

They fled to the inside of the castle. I saw Fred turn to me and wave to me to follow them. He's calling me something. But I can't hear it. Or I want this. I have a choice - I can follow him, seek protection and salvation in the corridors of Hogwarts. I shake my head. That wasn't the reason why I came here. I had not come to run and hide. Within seconds, the memories brought me back to the words my uncle had said to me.

"Fear is part of being human, Ash, it's the precursor to bravery. We need it, it wakes us up to what needs to be done. So feel it, own it, let it ignite your thoughts."

Being brave meant being afraid, or at least it did for me. The two went hand in hand. First was the fear, then the determination not to be ruled by it. I will always choose to face fear, to conquer it. And I turned my back on the others and ran to the castle ground - despite the spells flying past my heads, despite the coming spiders. I had to find Sirius and Remus. Wherever they were.

_The choices we make._

I was in the middle of a meadow. Silhouette of the dark castle above me. I was twirling. I was twirling around a sea of people, falling stones and flashing red, white and green lights. Sounds that were near felt far away, like I was no longer in my body. The cold ruffled my hair as the moon rose above the forest trees. I heard the rough splashing of the water on the shore of the lake, the shouts around me, and again the multicoloured lights.

I had reached near the forest when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a large dark figure running toward me. I turned almost instantly, the dark figure paused in anticipation of my movement. I sighed and lowered my wand. The large black dog softly padded to me, holding something in its mouth that sparkled in the moonlight. Reaching out my hand, the dog dropped a bracelet with two runes on it. It was Remus's that I gave him for our first Christmas. My heart pounded in my chest and I looked expectantly at the man the dog had just transformed into.

"I don't know, Ash." Sirius answered my unasked question." I found the bracelet a while ago on the shore of the lake. A group of Death Eaters separated me and Remus about half an hour ago, and I haven't seen him since," He was breathless.

I nodded and hugged him, glad that at least he was ok. "Let's find him. "I said, trying to ignore the trembling in my voice. Unconsciously, my hand dropped and rubbed my leg in an attempt to soothe the pulsing pain in my wound. I saw my uncle's eyes follow the movement, but he said nothing. He just frowned and placed his hand encouragingly on my shoulder, squeezing it.

Remus wasn’t dead. I knew it in my heart he wasn’t, but my mind painted a picture of what could lay near the lake. My mind returned to the row of headstones in my nightmares engraved with the same name. I shook my head as I ran across the ground with Sirius beside me. I had the feeling that some internal clock was counting down. And there were fewer and fewer minutes left for something. For something, but for what? 

I was already on the verge of despair when I saw him. He had leaned over someone and then stood up. At first, his eyes were cast to somewhere behind me and then he seemed to suddenly realize he was at his destination. He lifted his head. His gaze passed through me blankly for a moment, but then he looked at me again, but this time with surprise. There was a bloody scar on his face that ran all over his cheek. My eyes slowly filled with tears, the fear - forgotten. Before I knew it, I was hugging him tightly, my tears dripping from my cheeks on to his blood-stained shirt. His arms were encircled around me, making me forget where I was except for that face in front of me.

"You shouldn't have!" Remus said breathlessly. " Hope and Ethan need you."

"They'll sleep till dawn and snore like their father. It's you who needs me tonight."

Remus said nothing. But there was no need. His gaze said everything. He linked his fingers into my hand and shot me a look that was all love, just the right hint of softness, a crease at the corners of his eyes. Finally, he turned with that serious look that still had his trademark warm eyes, "So long as you're by my side, Ash, the rest of the world can go fuck themselves." And that was just what I needed to hear, that he was mine for now and into the future... that there will be a future... one we can survive.

But as much as I wanted to stay forever in that moment, the echo of the battle nearby echoed in my ears. The three of us looked around and saw where the sound was coming from. We had to go back to the castle. The main battle took place there. There were duelers all over the entrance. Death Eaters everywhere I looked: Yaxley, close to the front doors, in combat with Flitwick, a masked Death Eater duelling Kingsley right beside them. Students ran in every direction; some carrying or dragging injured friends. 

Remus directed a Stunning Spell toward one masked Death Eater. His mask fell off. It was Dolohov, but I didn't have time to help my husband, because a few curses were running around me and I had to throw myself aside to avoid them. 

Have you witnessed a battle? It was like a dance. Well choreographed dance. But destructive. Every step brought pain, every movement brought death. But instead of bringing us together, it divided us.

With each move in this deadly dance, however, the pain in my leg intensified. The magic faded with each curse I cast. I felt the blood soak into my pants and recklessly looked away from the battle to my leg. It cost me a lot. Someone hit me in the arm and my wand flew off into the distance. I jumped behind a pile of fallen stones in an attempt to hide for a moment and look for it. But instead of my wand, my gaze settled on the duelling Remus. He was fighting against two Death-Eaters. I could see his face straining to protect himself from the curses that were attacking him. He was meters away from me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a running figure. And time seemed to stop. Dolohov had aimed his wand at Remus's back. He was approaching, apparently with the intention of making sure he hit.

Going back to that point, I wonder what was the right thing to do? I didn't have a wand. But I had myself. I had a choice. I felt the fear. I took a step forwards. I felt the fear. I took a step forwards. And then, as if by magic, I found confidence, I found my strength. The difference between taking the step forwards or not was everything. And over a lifetime it defined who I was. Being brave became a way of being, one to embrace.

I sprinted, half-believing I could outdistance death itself, ignoring the jets of light flying in the darkness all around me, and the sound of the lake crashing like the sea, and the creaking of the Forbidden Forest though the night was windless; through grounds that seemed themselves to have risen in rebellion, I ran faster than I had ever moved in my life. Despite the pain. Despite everything.

_The choices we make._

The moment I stood behind my husband, the curse directed at him hit me. My eyesight blurred, but not because tears were welling up. My consciousness was floating through an empty space filled with a thick static. Throughout the inky space, my heartbeats pounded loudly, echoing in my ears, alongside a familiar voice calling my name. My gaze brightened for a moment as if giving me the chance to see the beloved face. I felt Remus's hands cling to me. At that moment I knew I was saying goodbye. I locked my eyes onto his. Seeing the despair written on his face, I had to give him courage.

"This was my choice." My voice was a whisper, I felt a stream of liquid run down my lips. Its metallic taste told me it was my own blood. Even as brought my best self to the fore, to meet his eyes and be fully there in that moment, I felt myself sinking into the darkness. With last strength, on the edge of the abyss, with a mouth full of my own blood, I whispered: 

"Rem... Live... For them... Promise me... Promise me..."


	44. Epilogue

As the minutes of the lesson passed, the ceaseless buzzing of the classroom and the unlimited amount of energy the students contained increased, which would be a rare sight if this was another class. But this one was different. This class was a comfortable one, a warm one, and everything slotting into place. There wasn't a vicious teacher who would glare at the students with red flames dancing in his eyes. This one was different. The professor was everyone's favorite. He spoke so enthusiastically about his work, his eyes danced brightly whenever someone asked a question or a joke was said and everyone laughed. He knew that every real teacher was a teacher of the heart, regardless of the subject matter. The professor was supportive, smart, talented, caring, and most of all intriguing. Intriguing even in the theory of such subject as Defense against the Dark Arts. Because the professor was the Dark Arts itself. 

Their professor was a werewolf. Something that 15 years ago might have shocked students and parents. But not today. And not because a cure for lycanthropy had been found, but because people had changed. Today the teacher was just a teacher, a man. A man you judged by his deeds, not by his appearance. A good teacher, a hero in the eyes of others, owner of the Order of Merlin, first class. His scars did not mean danger, they meant courage. His face expressed love - for the subject, for teaching, for the students. And that was all that mattered to everyone.

Love.

***

"Mr. and Miss Lupin, would you stay after class for a moment?" The professor turned to two of the students. Several of the others smiled jovially at this request. The lesson had just ended, and the students gathered their belongings and discussed the past hour enthusiastically. Two of the children were the last to leave, nodding to their friends not to wait for them. The girl wore the distinctive emblem of the Ravenclaw House, and the boy wore the red-gold lion of Gryffindor. They both wore badges of prefects. The professor smiled. So different and so the same.

Once upon a time, there were two children, a girl, and a boy. The girl had hair the color of the darkest midnight and a heart as big as a sunflower. The boy's eyes were liquid pools of amber. His father loved them with the power of a thousand suns and they flourished, intelligent and kind. The father danced with them in the kitchen to crazy music, the sillier the better. He chased them with fingers that would turn them into monsters with one wiggle. He surrounded them with love and was more fierce in their defense than any lion.

"Dad, why are these formalities?" the girl began, hugging her parent. "Everyone knows you're our father." 

Remus smiled, resting his chin on his daughter's head. "In class, I'm your professor, after that - I'm your father."

"If you catch me in the corridors of the castle at night, who will you be?" his son grinned, catching his eye.

"The professor will punish you after class, and your father will beat you up. It doesn't matter that you're almost as tall as me." Remus laughed and ruffled Ethan's hair.

He stared at his two children and once again wondered when they had grown so much. Although twins, they didn't really look alike at all. Hope was quiet and calm most of the time. She rarely got angry or furious, but when that happened, there was a fire. She had no real interest in music or art. She was fascinated with everything in Remus's office, or she wished to be inside and read books. She was an intelligent girl from the start, that was clear enough. Hope was a quick study and enjoyed building blocks and spent so much time with the artifacts in his study, Remus wasn't surprised when she learned most of the basic spells by the age of seven. There was a steadiness to her as if all the storms in the world were a whispering breeze if she was there. It was as if she knew she was born to be a queen of the earth, one who helped others, using her brain to fix whatever needed fixing. 

Ethan, on the other hand, was more energetic and boisterous. He was an independent child. His head was a mess of brown curls that refused to behave. Ethan had always been a hurricane; from the time of his birth until now he was the eye of his own storm. Mostly he was happy but he needed to engage everyone in jokes, in banter, in games, or rough play. He was lit up with that grin boys wear when they have something mischievous planned. Ethan kept his hair short, but when it grew too long, those curls were defiant. His sixteenth birthday was over, but the boy was older than his years. He was well-spoken, courteous, and fiercely intelligent at such age. He was wilder and wayward than his sister, expressing and defending his opinion hotly and heatedly.

"Dad, are you dreaming?" Hope said with a smile, taking him out of his thoughts. She put an unruly black lock of hair behind her ear. Remus smiled slightly. Hope looked a lot like her mother.

"Sorry, I just wanted to stay with you for a while. Leave now so you're not late for your next classes." Remus answered and sighed, leaning back on his desk.

"We have no more classes," Ethan replied hesitantly. "Dad, haven't you forgotten what date it is today?"

"I have not forgotten. It's May 2. " Remus almost whispered.

"We were there in the morning," Hope said, squeezing his father's hand. Her voice sounded worried. "Do you want us to come with you?"

"No. Don't worry." Even when Remus smiled half-heartedly at the end, it never reached his eyes. There was sorrow, no matter how he tried to hide it.

Ethan and Hope nodded at the same time. As they left the room, the two looked at each other anxiously at the sight of their father. Remus was leaning against his desk, looking out of his office window. In principle, their father was a smiling man - kind, polite, and caring. They loved him with all their hearts because of that. Of course, that didn't mean he couldn't be strict and furious when needed. Looking at his features, despite the scars, the children saw a face expressing a happy life. But sometimes they wondered if that was really the case. The wrinkles around his lips suggested that he was giving out smiles as wishes. And yet sometimes it seemed to them that they had never seen a sadder face. Especially on this day. A film of water made his amber eyes glossy and his salt-and-pepper hair normally neatly combed now it was more neglected than usual. It was like the face of a man who had lost what he knew he must lose, but the knowledge did not soften the desolation.

***

There was one corridor at Hogwarts that everyone knew. A corridor that marks a change. Honor. Memory. Remembrance. But Remus avoided it all year. But not today.

Climbing the stairs to it, his gait betrayed an atypical impatience. He jumped several steps at a time with his hands in his pockets.

"Hello, Professor Lupin." greeted by a petite young man with mousy brown hair.

"Hello, Dennis. It's nice to meet you. How is your father - Mr. Creevey?"

"Thanks, fine. He's actually over there." Dennis said, nodding inside the corridor. "You know, he wanted to stay for a while ... Mr. and Mrs. Brown are here, too."

Remus smiled slightly. He looked at his watch and walked down the corridor impatiently. He walked at a moderate pace, knowing he had to get to the end. He didn't pay attention to anything around him anymore. His gaze and heart led him forward. Just before the end, he stopped. His heart pounded in his chest like a bird struggling to free itself from its cage.

It was mesmerizing to behold. It didn’t matter how many times Remus was here, he stopped and stared at her for a moment without her seeing him. Those dark curls falling wildly on her back, as if engulfing the sun. A beautiful contrast to her white dress. Many portraits were painted to flatter a person’s physical inadequacies, but Ash’s fire and ice were captured brilliantly.

The artist did not need to accentuate her beauty. Her flawless caramel skin, the elegant curve to her neck that held the black necklace he had given to her. Ash was a jewel with a deep fire, free, wild, and untouchable. Attention was made to the tiniest detail from her full lips to the flat tummy. For all its perfection, it was her eyes that Remus could not stop gazing into.

There was no cause to see the beauty of the night for she carried it in her eyes. She hadn't seen him yet. She was talking to someone on the other side. Remus closed his eyes with a smile. He knew the exact moment when the artist had painted her eyes - in time, forever for him to remember.

Ash sat patiently as the artist sketched and painted, waving the brushes and the wand. The scent of oils and paint wafted throughout the house. The painting was a gift from Sirius to Ash with the idea that they could put it on Grimmauld Place 12 as part of the Black Family. She wasn't fascinated by the idea, but with her typical delicacy she didn't want to hurt her uncle's feelings, so she agreed to be painted. 

It was just before their first Christmas together, before Voldemort returned. Remus's love for her grew stronger and stronger, and he remembered the fear he felt that she would not respond to his feelings. Ash was already in the living room with the artist, making use of the good lighting. Sirius was nowhere to be found because he was still a wanted criminal at the time.

When Remus walked in, Ash’s gaze turned from indifference to a sheer glow. Her black eyes found him just off to the side – _and smiled_. That was the moment. The artist saw it and captured it with brilliance. Remus stood now looking at the masterpiece, and every time, even into old age, he would remember when he saw for the first time her love to him.

Remus wondered if, long after he was dead and gone, would people ponder what this beautiful girl was looking at when the artist caught it? It was a mysterious glance that seemed to find someone in the distance. It was him, and no one else would ever know. A little secret between the two lovers.

Lost in his memories, he didn't notice that she was looking at him now. Her eyes lit up and a soft smile appeared on her face. Remus approached carefully, keeping his eyes on the woman in front of him.

"Hi, Rem." She said softly and tilted her head slightly, as she did when she was sentimental.

"Hi, Ash" Remus replied almost in a whisper and took a few more small steps toward the moving portrait.

"You came," she said, her lips twitching.

"I come every year," he replied, not feeling a tear roll down his face.

"Rem, you promised me. You promised me to live."

Remus wiped away the tear mechanically, but another slid after it. "Yes, I promised you." His voice became louder with a hint of anger. He shuddered at every word. "And I do. I live 364 days a year. I teach, I take care of the children ... But not today. I can stop today. Today I can rest on that promise. Today I can imagine what it would be like if I had died that day 15 years ago."

As much as Remus tried to mask it, a pang of sadness filled his amber eyes that he did not wish her to see. He was trying so hard to be strong all these years, but he could stop today. He could pour out the sadness, the pain, and the hidden anger. Yes, he was happy with his work, he loved his children and the time he spent with them. But there was a part of him that would stay forever down there by the castle, 15 years ago, clinging to his dying lover.

Forever he will be in that moment, his hands scarlet and sticky. There was the exquisite pain of loss that educates in a way nothing else could. It was as if your heart had been pulled from your body yet still beat all the same. Yet it was the proof of love, was it not? And so it lived in him, the love that they shared, and with every passing day, he recalled the laughter and joy more than the moment her soul moved on.

Remus turned his head away from the portrait of his love. He was angry because, no matter how brilliant the artist was, he couldn't recreate how beautiful Ashling really was. The softness of her skin, the strength of her mind, the goodness of her heart. This portrait was only a pale shadow of the true person, and yet he clung to it with all his being.

"Do you remember that June day by the wheat when we ran away for a while from what was happening around us?" she asked in a gentle voice.

"Yes, I wanted to stay at that moment," Remus replied, looking into the familiar black eyes again.

"Me too, but we can't. We can't stop time, pause it, or bring it back. All we have to do is accept it as it is. And live with it. "

"It's hard to live without you," he said, and there was that sadness again in his eyes, he always tried to hide.

"I am always by your side. Mourn not the passing of a life well-lived, yet celebrate. I lived happily with you. Count the times our souls smiled together, reached out so invisibly yet tangibly, and touched. Death is only the end of a chapter, my love. And so as this body returned to the soil, my spirit will watch over you and live in your heart. We will be together again one day."

Remus took a step forward and rested his forehead on the cold canvas. "Do you promise?"

"I promise."

***

The last thing he remembered was reading to his granddaughter, kissing her goodnight, and going to bed.

After his eyes had adjusted to the blinding light that had enveloped him, Remus looked around. He didn't know where he was, though his place seemed strangely familiar. The weather was the kind that felt like a kiss of summer without the fiery heat of noontime in August. The grass was a soft green and the sky was cloudless blue. The concrete of the path was warm under his bare feet. 

Attracted by the glare of the sun in the nearby pond, Remus went and crouched over the clear water. He caught his reflection in the pond and stood in silence for a few moments. He hardly recognized himself. It had been so long since he had looked like that, thirty years old, without the scars of old age and wrinkles. Young Remus from the time he was happiest was looking at him in the reflection. Was this a dream? He looked at his hands, which were young, strong, and healthy. He had forgotten what they were.

He stood up and closed his eyes, focussing on the sounds. There were birdsongs and sounds of the wind in the wheat. He opened his eyes and let the daylight flood back in, bringing the late June day right back into focus. 

A dark figure was walking opposite him. Remus narrowed his eyes, trying to make out the silhouette, but the sun shone in his eyes and he saw only a vague outline. It wasn't until the figure approached a few feet away that he realized who she was.

Ashling stepped from the shadows, stealing his breath and the heat from his skin. Seconds passed, his brain taking her in, struggling to comprehend that she wasn't one of the painting, that she was real. Remus's brain couldn't formulate a thought, at least not one based on any language, and if he didn't touch her soon he had a feeling he was going to fall apart. How the ground between them was erased he'll never recall, but one moment they were apart and the next they were morphed into a single being. The warmth of her body met his cold skin, giving him sweet thrills. One of his hands clasped around her lower back, the other stroked her hair. With each soft touch, more tears felt, tears neither of them wiped away. After so many years they had the chance to make new memories and wasting time wasn't on the agenda.

Remus was eating her with his eyes, running his hand through her hair as if he couldn't quite believe she wasn't part of an almost forgotten dream. When he kissed her it was sweet, gentle, and it tasted of their tears. He wanted to speak but all he could do was a croak, "Don't go, not again." Her mouth painted a soft smile and she nodded once before snuggling in his arms again. 

"Never" she whispered against his chest. " I promised you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over. I ended this story to which I was so attached. I am glad that I was able to convey most of my ideas about their relationship, although I was often hindered by the language barrier. I'm sorry if I disappointed anyone during the story, but that's how I felt, that's how I wrote it. Thanks to everyone who followed this story. I will be happy if you write a comment on whether you liked the story. :))))


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